Missing Alice
by Impossible-Twins
Summary: BREAKING NEWS: Ten year old Alice Cullen has gone missing. If you know information on her whereabouts, we urge you to come forwards. We pray that she is found… We pray that she is safe… We pray that she is alive…
1. Missing

_**A/N:**__ OK, so this is our second story. Were both writing this together like we did with UnForgiven. I hope you all enjoy this, its completely different from UnForgiven and its going to be a real challenge to write. It does have disturbing storylines in basically every chapter, just warning you now! So if you dont mind a sad and disturbing story then this is the one for you._

_Were still in the planning process, this chapter is just to see if you all like it. So if you do, please review. It might be a while before we start to post more chapters... but we are nearly there with the whole plot of the story. _

_Enjoy this! _

_**Missing Alice**: BREAKING NEWS: Ten year old Alice Cullen has gone missing. It's a mysterious case and one the police cannot solve. If you know information on her whereabouts, we urge you to come forwards. We pray that she is found… We pray that she is safe… We pray that she is alive…_

_Sound good? Then read on..._

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Esme, Carlisle and Alice  
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August 3rd 2001. Friday.

**Missing**_  
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**12:00pm - Forks****, ****Washington. WA News**

**BREAKING NEWS**

We are reporting today, the devastating news that one of our local residents, ten year old Alice Cullen has disappeared, less than 24 hours ago. Chief Swan and his team from the local police force are interviewing everyone close to the Cullen family and anyone who could be under suspicion.

So far no clues have lead to anyone who is suspicious of kidnapping Alice Cullen and there are no reports of a struggle or break-in to the house. This is a most peculiar case that has puzzled the police of Forks. They have checked all windows for breakages; the doors are still in a perfect condition with no signs of forced entry.

We had a chance to speak with Chief Swan who had this to report. "We received a phone call at 6:00am this morning from Dr. Carlisle Cullen, after he got up for work and found his daughter missing from her bed. This news has devastated his wife Esme and their two other children, ten year old Edward and eleven year old Emmett." Doctor Carlisle Cullen and the well known interior designer, Esme Cullen will be releasing a statement later today pleading their child's case for anyone who knows information on the whereabouts on where Alice could be, or if someone knows anything at all.

"There are no signs that a kidnapper actually entered the house, we can only assume for now that she let herself out. Which is why it is important that we interview everyone who is close to the Cullen family and the other local town members for any information on the early hours of this morning." Chief Swan further reported. "We do ask if anyone has any information to please come forwards, this news is a struggle to her entire family who are missing her dearly, so please come forwards." Chief Swan walks away with his head low and tears in his eyes. It is truly horrifying news for everyone in the small town of Forks, as other parents worries increase over their own children's safety.

"This is just horrible… I don't know what I'd do if my little Jessica was to go missing. My wishes go out the Cullen's, they are the most genuine, nicest family I have ever met, and they do not deserve this to happen to them." Mrs. Stanely shares in tears as she hugs her daughter close to her chest. "I know Alice is adopted along with Edward and Emmett, but they have loved those children like their own flesh and blood, never once treated them differently… its just heartbreaking to know what they are going through. I can't even begin to understand what this is like for little Edward and Emmett… poor things." Sympathy is written all over her face, as is all over everyone else's faces. The Cullen's are a much loved family by a lot of residents in Forks.

"Were doing everything we can to comfort the Cullen's through this time, they are close family friends to ours and my son Jasper is heartbroken over this news." Mrs. Hale struggles to hold in her tears as she continues. "Alice and Jasper have been inseparable since they were babies. Esme was fortunate to have taken Alice into her home as her own; this is just so… difficult, for him not seeing her. He will be interviewed later to see if he knows anything about Alice from yesterday, I just pray that they find her… she means everything to us… she's practically family." Mrs. Hale hugs her daughter Rosalie close to her chest as she walks off towards the Cullen's house.

For now that's all we have to report. We will keep everyone updated as more news on Alice comes to our attentions. We pray that she is found… We pray that she is safe… We pray that she is alive…

_--_

**2:00pm - Fox News**

We are reporting today with the news of a missing child. Chief of Police, Charlie Swan from Forks, Washington has put together an investigation team who are currently combing the backyard of Dr. and Mrs. Cullen's home to find any clue from the mysterious disappearance of their missing ten year old daughter, Alice Cullen.

Specially trained German Shepherds were at the scene, scanning the backyard for any signs of a struggle, so far nothing has been found, this case continues to puzzle the police. Earlier today as reported by Forks, Washington, WA news, no one broke into the house, so the only conclusion is that Alice let herself out, but the question that looms over the town, is why?

At 6:00am Alice Cullen was reported missing by her father, the local doctor at Forks, Carlisle Cullen. No one has yet seen Mr. Cullen or his well known wife Esme Cullen, or their other children Edward and Emmett. We assume they are still in questioning or preparing for their statement which will later be released at around 6:00pm on all news and radio stations.

This news is reaching all areas of America; as this case continues to intensify as the hours tick by. Esme Cullen, a well known interior designer will be pleading her daughter's case later today. Everyone who is a fan of Mrs. Cullen will know that she is devoted to her adopted children more than life itself and should know how much of a struggle and heartbreak this is for her and her husband and children. It came as a huge shock when she quit her work to move to a small town away from the media eye to settle down with her children and finally be a family. But now her family is missing a large peace and we plead that anyone with any information, to please come forward and give in that evidence.

We had a chance to speak with some of the local residents as the day grows darker and the news slowly comes to a stand still, as the puzzle grows harder. "We heard nothing… nothing at all. I live next door to the Cullen's and there were no loud noises to signal of a break-in or anything. Nothing at all interrupted my family; it's a complete mystery to us all, as to how this happened." Mrs. Newton confirms, her face white as snow, as she is clearly shaken by this news.

"It must be them… if no one broke in, then they must have done it, there's no other conclusion." An anonymous town resident shares her views on the situation. And surprisingly she is not the only one who is to come to this conclusion. It has been whispered around the town that if no one broke in, then someone let her out… again the question that is on everyone's mind, is why?

Alice Cullen was described as a caring girl who would do anything for her friends and family. The Cullen's are all described as very close, but yet a quiet and close family who keep themselves to themselves, but do often participate in town activities and town events. Alice's appearance is revealed, she is a short, black haired girl, spiky short hair and always wears fashionable clothing. She is commonly described as a pixie among her town friends.

We were able to receive a few words from Chief Swan himself as he clears off some local attention as people gather around, eager to know more information on this case. "Were doing everything we can, as you can see-" He points to the locals who are staring intensely onto the Cullen property "-were getting a lot of unneeded attention right now which makes it difficult to do our job. We understand this is devastating news and it's difficult for me to work under the circumstances as it is." When asked more about that, he continued. "My daughter Bella Swan is the same age as Alice and she's very fond of her brother Edward; she is very close to the family and spends nearly all her time with them. She is being questioned on information and we hope she knows something about what's happened. It is very difficult for all youngsters involved to give us information; it's not as easy for them to remember things as clearly as an adult can." He ended the statement and continued to clear off the local residents.

That's all we have to report on this case for now, please stay tuned and we will share more as the day moves on, for now, please contact the police if you have any information on this missing child. Our thoughts and prays go out to the Cullen family, this must be a terrible struggle for her entire family and her friends.

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**4:00pm - CNN**

Its headline news as America reports about the devastating news that struck a town in Washington, Forks. Ten year old, Alice Cullen has disappeared with no clues as to how it happened. It's been reported by nearly every news station that there was no forced entry and have finally come to a solid conclusion that she was let out of the house, either by herself or by someone else in the house that night.

The small town of Forks grows crowded as more news stations crowd in to report this news, we just pray that all this media helps to find Mr. and Mrs. Cullen's daughter. Its not only the media that is pouring in, but more policemen and women have drove into the small town to help with the search, we can say now that this is the biggest case that has hit the news in years.

Chief Swan and the other Forks police have moved on from the garden and are scouring through the house once again for any clues that lead to Alice's whereabouts. They are working hard; none stop and will continue to do so, until they find even the smallest of evidence that helps them solve this case. While Chief Swan works in the house, the newly arrived police from Seattle and Port Angeles and other towns closer have moved onto wider locations and are searching the forest nearby, for any signs of Alice or a struggle or evidence leading to her been taken. And as we report this, more police have just pulled up now; the manhunt grows larger as they all disappear into the nearby forest.

Locals are devastated. Friends are heartbroken. Parents are panicked. The Cullen's are distraught…This is the news that we are reporting today. Alice Cullen who is described to have short, black, spiky hair. She is small for her age, yet caring and loving with her family and friends. She is popular among her group of friends at the low populated school in Forks; her friends are known to call her a pixie. Well, we hope this pixie flies home soon; she is dearly missed during this sad time.

Earlier we had a chance to speak with some of the attention crowding the Cullen mansion. "I can't believe this has happened. As you can see, its just scared the whole town and parents are keeping a close eye on their own children, its not a nice time for anyone and our main thoughts and prays are that she is found soon and brought home safely…The Cullen's do not deserve this." Mr. Gregory contributes, echoing a lot of the town's words.

Parents have shared a few words on their thoughts and we were fortunate enough to speak with a few of Alice's friends who were holding tightly onto their parents. "Alice was one of my best friends, I miss her so much." Lauren Mallory cries, clearly heartbroken over her missing friend. "She was just like Tinkerbell from Peter Pan." She added when asked what Alice was like. "She would always dress in the best clothes, she was really kind too. She always stood up for kids who got bullied. I want her back." Lauren choked out her final words and gripped tightly onto her mother.

"Alice was the best… she… would never… run away… she loves everyone… too much." Jessica Stanely stammers as the tears continue to pour. He mother shared a few words early today on the matter, its clear they were close to the Cullen's.

_-_

_A few moments later…_

Chief Swan appeared from the house causing locals to gather around and fire questions at him. He held up his hand signally he has nothing to share right now, disappointing the whole town. We were lucky enough to speak with him. "Were doing everything we can." He shook his head, clearly stressed with all this attention. "We can confirm that she took her blanket with her… Alice never goes anywhere without that blanket, so were now thinking that she left on her own, no one else let her out. But were still puzzled as to why she wanted to leave in the early hours of last night, it's just a mystery to us all." More media attention gathers around as he shares this new information. "We just hope that when Carlisle and Esme make their statement in a few hours, we gain some news on what's happened. We are very thankful for all this media attention and bringing it to everyone's knowledge, all we can do for now is pray it works or pray that more evidence is found around here." He nodded his head once and turned on his heal, showing he had no further comments. Once again tears spring in his eyes, being a close family friend of the Cullen's; this must be the most difficult case he has ever worked on.

That's all we have right now, the manhunt continues, the attention grows, the seconds grow to minutes, the minutes grow to hours and soon the hours will grow to days… lets hope she is found safe and alive.

_--_

**6:00pm – The Statement. **

**Esme's POV -**"She's my baby… my darling baby girl." I struggled to hold in the tears, the cameras facing me, the lights flashing in front of my eyes as cameras clicked, but the only presence I could feel was my husband who gripped onto my hand tightly. "I never, ever thought this would happen to us, and to have to tell my other children who are around the same age as her, that their sister has gone missing, was the must difficult thing I have ever had to do." The tears began, my eyes already puffy and sore from crying since Carlisle found her bed empty this morning. "Looking into their eyes and saying the words I most dreaded to say…" I couldn't continue that sentence, my voice cracking at every word. I had to get through this statement for my Alice.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "We plead with whoever knows where she is. We plead with who ever has seen our darling Alice, to come forwards. Please… please help us find her… please help us bring her home. She's just a baby out on her own." I sobbed hard, my throat threatening to close up and stop my speech at a short. "I love her with all my heart… she is my child… my only girl. She's one of the only reasons I go on living in this world. Without my children, I am a broken woman, an empty shell… without her, my heart is open and is missing a large part, help us find her." I brought the tissue which was clenched in my hand up to my face and wiped the tears away.

"We miss her… my sweetheart Edward and my caring Emmett miss her terribly. They want their sister back, please, if you have taken my baby, give her back to us, please…" I couldn't talk anymore, my voice breaking on the very last word, suffocating me as my sobs took over my every sense and emotion.

**-**

**Carlisle's POV - **"As you can see by my wife's reaction, this news has broken us as a family… were missing a large potion and that can never be filled by someone else other than Alice. She was a caring child." I spoke for the first time, my voice full of tears but I managed to hold them back for now. I held tightly onto my wife's hand, wanting this to be over with so I could hold her close to me, along with my sons Edward and Emmett and wait for our Alice to come home. "She was a lovable daughter, sister and friend. She was our daughter, the piece of our family that held us together, without her we will never be truly hole again." I could feel the sob, fighting its way up my chest and my throat, I gritted my teeth together, determined not to let it beat me.

"We thank all of the media who has been reporting this case today and for bringing it to everyone's attention. Without you, we will never find her… we hope that who ever is watching this and knows information on my daughters disappearance, will come forwards." I turned my gaze away from the flashing lights and the cameras, looking deeply at my wife's broken posture as she bent over herself, weak and torn, whose gaze was fixed onto a photo of our Alice and away from everyone else. "I want my wife to feel complete." The tears started as I stared at her. "I want my wife to have her daughter back… My wife and family are the people I care most about in this world… please give her back to us." I turned my gaze down to the photo too, which started the tears flowing… I only had a matter of minutes before I was shunned to silence by a choking sob, just like Esme.

"She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Watching her grow up into the young lady she is today was an experience I will treasure forever. Please let us share more days with her, who ever knows information on her whereabouts, we want her back home and safe with her family… share your information. I want to see my darling Alice grows up to be a wonderful young lady, one I hope she will be one day." It was coming faster than I thought it would, my throat growing tighter at every word.

"Sense our despair. See our hearts on the table, broken and in mercy. Give her… give her back… to us… please…" That was all I could say, as my words stopped short. I turned once again to my loving wife and grabbed her tightly against my chest… We can only hope now, we can only pray, that one day we will see our baby, Alice Cullen again.

**--**

**About 24 hours ago.**

**APOV**

_I held onto Jaspers hand tightly as we ran fast… faster than the wind, which was whipping me across the face causing me to squint as we shot forwards. My laugher catching in my throat, a stitch began to form in my stomach but we ran and kept on going._

"_Alice." My mummy called behind me. "No too far!" I was going to carry on but Jasper pulled me to a stop and I spun around him as my legs wasn't prepared for it and I slammed into him hard, pushing him back against the ground. I fell on top of him, our laughter never stopping._

"_What do you want to play?" His voice held a hint of excitement. My body was still lying on top of him as he placed his hands lightly on my back, trapping me against him._

_I sighed and scrunched my face up in thought, making him giggle underneath me, my body vibrating with his. "HIDE AND SEEK!" I squealed out in happiness, my favourite game. _

"_OK." He smiled at me warmly, making me blush slightly. I rolled off of him and he got to his feet, holding a hand out. I grabbed it and he pulled me up to my feet. I looked around at the green and the trees, I wasn't going to hide in the playground because it's so open and there isn't a hiding place there where he can't find me. I decided to hide in the trees… I bit my lips, hiding my plan and my wicked smile. _

"_You first, I'm going to count to-" I interrupted him._

"_100!" I squealed out again my eyes dancing in excitement._

"_100 it is." He winked at me and ran off to our mummy's, probably telling them that were playing hide and seek so they wont worry when they can't see me._

_I ran a little into the forest, not far because I didn't like it in there, but I had to run in there before he could see were I'd gone. I held a hand over my mouth as I walked a little into the trees, they towered over me, I couldn't see the tops of them they were so high. I stopped when I found a really big tree to hide behind. _

"_Hello." Someone spoke to me, walking through the trees with his dog._

"_Hi." I spoke back timidly._

"_What are you doing in here? It's very dangerous." I relaxed as he lectured me, sensing no danger with this man._

"_Oh, I'm ok. I'm playing hide and seek with my boyfriend, Jasper." I smiled as I spoke._

"_You're a little young to have a boyfriend aren't you?" I blushed as he stopped in front of me, his dog licking my face playfully._

"_No." I said straight away. "We love each other." I spoke proudly._

"_That's nice." He smiled back friendly. "This is Sam by the way; he seems to really like you." He bent down and patted his dog's head, his body only a few feet away from me as he bent down in a crouch, but I still sensed no danger in his close proximity. _

"_I really like him too." I giggled as he licked my face again, he panted happily as I scratched him behind the ear._

"_Is that your mummy back there? Does she know you're in here?" He asked strictly again, I sensed from him that he didn't like me being in here… it was almost like he cared about me._

"_She knows." I nodded turning my gaze to him. "Jasper will have told her." I smiled back as his face grew understanding. "It's my mummy's birthday in a few days." I added conversationally. _

"_Oh really?" He asked kindly. "And what are you getting her?" His voice showed great interested, I was beginning to like this guy._

"_Hmmm." I hummed, deep in thought. "I don't know yet." I laughed and he joined in, shaking his blonde hair. "What's your name?" I asked shyly, not knowing if it was ok to ask._

"_My name is James." He held out his hand for me to take and I grabbed it softly. _

"_Hello, I'm Alice." I introduced myself polity. _

"_It's nice to meet you." He dropped my hand after a few seconds then he scrunched his face up as if he were deep in thought, it intrigued me. _

"_What are you thinking?" I whispered._

"_Well… it's really about your mummy and that present." His face softened as he whispered back, sharing his secret with me. "I can help you get a present for her if you want? I can see you love her very much." He smiled friendly again and I paused for a second, looking him deep in the eyes to see if he can be trusted. I decided then and there that he can._

"_I would really like that." I smiled hugely, thankful for the kind gesture._

"_OK, well…" He looked deep in thought again. "We best do it when your mummy isn't around, we don't want her to know that you're getting her something, do we?" He spoke in a whisper again._

"_No…" I trailed off. "I know!" I squealed out and giggled as he shushed me playfully. "How about on a night?! Shops are still open aren't they? She will never know!" I was almost jumping up and down at the thought._

"_That's perfect!" His face brightened. "I know just the store that will still be open too." He studied my face again, his facial features showed he was a kind gentleman; his eyes were alight with happiness. "Ok, how about… we meet back here at 1:00am tonight. We can go buy your mummy that present and I can have you back in a few hours and your mummy will never ever know you left and when it comes to her birthday she will really love you and your present to her." He smiled again, excitement lacing his voice. I nodded my head eagerly and he looked past me. "I think your boyfriend is coming, I better go. Remember, 1:00am tonight. Meet here at the park. And don't spend long in here, it's not safe." He warned me once and just before disappearing off into the trees with Sam he turned to me once more. "And don't tell anyone!" He smiled kindly and walked off; I followed his form until he disappeared._

_This was going to be so great. Mummy is going to love me forever… I have money saved up in my piggybank too… I trailed off in thought, completely forgetting where I was._

"_FOUND YOU!" Jasper shouted around the tree, causing me to jump and scream a little. I laughed when I saw his face, he helped me to my feet and we ran off to our mummies, once again. I couldn't get James out of my head; I was so excited to buy my mummy a present. It was going to be perfect._

--

**12:39:am**

**APOV**

_I'd heard my mummy and daddy going to bed around 11:00pm. I was just waiting for the right time to leave… I knew I couldn't wait any longer; I had to get to the park and meet him. James was in every thought I had had since the park, I couldn't stop thinking about how kind he was for doing this for me. I would make sure to buy him a little present to say thank you while we are at the shops. _

_I climbed out of my bed, tiptoeing across the floor, avoiding the spots I knew that creaked when you put pressure on certain floorboards. I worked my way over to my wardrobe and pulled out a pair of jeans and a thick top, I knew it was going to be cold out there. I pulled them over my PJ's, it would save me time taking them off when I got in; I could just slip these clothes off and get some sleep. _

_A yawn attacked me, catching me off guard, instantly sending a shock of panic through me as I worried about staying awake. I finished putting my clothes on, dragging my sleepy body across the room, again avoiding all the creaking spots in the floor once again. I picked up Mr. Piggy, my piggybank and unscrewed the bottom, emptying its contents onto the bed. I froze on the spot as each coin crashed into one another, landing in a pile on my mattress. I stayed still and kept an ear out to see if I'd woken someone… I was safe. I scooped up my loose change, putting it into my little bag, I didn't know how much I had but I'm sure it would be enough to buy a lovely present. _

_I turned on my heel about to leave but forgot one thing… my blanket. I couldn't go anywhere on a night without it. I picked it up and breathed in my own scent, it smelled of Chanel. I draped it over my bag and flunk it around my shoulder. I headed for the door, light as a feather with my steps and turned to look at my bedroom. I'd arranged my pillows under my quilt to make it look like someone was in my bed. I smiled at my handy work and shut my door, leaving a small gap. _

_I tiptoed to my mummy and daddy's bedroom and looked inside, checking they were asleep. "Night daddy." I whispered as quietly as I could, then I turned my gaze to my mummy's sleeping form. She was just a few feet away from the door, I was tempted to give her a small kiss on the head but I didn't want to chance it and wake her up. "Night mummy." I whispered quietly, which was barley audible to my own ears. "I love you both." _

_I turned around and made my way to Edward and Emmett's bedroom. "Night Eddie." I whispered once more. "Night Em. I love you both too." I smiled as I watched Em shift in his sleep, his big arms holding his bed sheets close to his chest. He looked just like a baby when he slept. "Too many big birds…" He moaned and trailed off into a deep sleep. I muffled a giggle with my hand and walked out of their room, heading down the steps and into the hallway. What was he dreaming about?_

_I smiled as I pulled my coat off the coat rack. I took my bag off and pulled on my coat, zipping it up tight. I once again flung my bag over my shoulder. I found the hidden spare key, one I think my mummy and daddy have completely forgotten about, it had gone kind of rusty under the plant pot it was hidden under. I cringed as I held in my palm. I silently as I could, unlocked the door and opened it, clenching my jaw together, praying they wouldn't hear. Once I was outside, the night air attacked my cheeks, freezing my face instantly. I locked the door silently and placed the key in my bag. I made sure I had everything before I set off._

Money. _Check._

Blanket. _Check._

_I fingered my coat and smiled. I was ready to go. _

_I walked through the streets quietly, not making a sound. I was scared… very scared. I didn't like how dark it was. The trees blew in the wind, casting dark shadows in front of my path. Gates creaked as the wind pushed them open and pulled them closed. Bushes whipped widely, thrashing against wooden fences. "Relax Alice… The park is just at the end of the street. Remember… your doing this for mummy." I calmed myself down and picked up my pace, walking faster, practically sprinting until I saw the familiar blonde hair and friendly face waiting for me._

"_Alice. You came!" He whispered as I approached him. He was pleased by my appearance. "I'm glad you brought a coat, it's so cold tonight. We best make this trip quick." He smiled and opened the passenger door. I hesitated and he noticed. "What's wrong?" He frowned._

"_My mummy never lets me sit in the front." I whispered timidly, blushing as I revealed this to him. _

"_Well, what mummy doesn't know can't hurt her." He chuckled. "Plus, I don't see no baby here, I see a big girl who's going to shop for her mummy a birthday present." He smiled and held out his hand, the street lamp casting down onto his car and the sidewalk so I could see him clearly as if it were day._

"_OK." I smiled and touched his hand, he didn't hold it tightly… in fact, if I hadn't have looked, I wouldn't have known he was holding me at all. He led me into the passenger seat and closed the door behind me. He really was a gentleman. _

"_You ready to go?" He smiled as he climbed into the driver's side. He turned on the heating full blast, warming up the car quickly. "I wish you would have brought gloves." He frowned disappointed._

_I giggled. "Its ok James. I'm not a baby." I challenged him with a raised eyebrow._

"_That's right. You're not." He smiled and turned on the engine. He noticed me yawn and gave me a flask. "Coffee. To keep you awake." He smiled and I took it from him, thankful once again that James came into my life._

"_Thank you." I blushed as I unscrewed the flask lid. The aroma of coffee filming the car, I hummed as I drank it greedily, making sure not to spill any in his car. I screwed the lid back on and placed it in the cup holder. My mummy always put her coffees in her cup holder, so I knew it was ok._

_5 minutes past by and the coffee wasn't working at all, in fact, it made me more sleepy than before. I was starting to feel really light headed and drowsy, my head drooping as I fort to keep my eyes open. _

"_Don't worry, if you fall asleep, I'll be sure to wake you up when we get to the shops." His voice called out from a distance. My eyes shutting… my head becoming more faint… my body relaxing into the chair… my… _

* * *

_Sad isnt? I don't like story's like this, its not easy to write but together we wanted to challenge ourselves and see how far we can go and i think this story is truly going to push our limits._

_This IS going to be an Alice and Jasper story. No one else will have POV's from this chapter onwards from their point of views but Alice and Jasper.  
_

_All we ask from you now, is to please review and let us know if this is a story you would like to read and for us to continue... Thank you._


	2. Eight years later

**_A/N: _**_Well here's the second chapter!__ We haven't totally planned out the entire story still, so far its roughly about 30 chapters... but that could all change as we go along. So for now, were just going to write what we have planned and plan along as we do so. Carrie-Ann is away on holiday for two weeks so chapter 4 could be a few weeks till you get that. I have nearly finished chapter 3, just got to go over a few details, neaten it up and so on... So ill update sometime next week with that. Were taking it in turns to write each chapter, so this one is Carrie-Anns!  
_

_Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed our first chapter, it was amazing to see how many people are behind this story already! Please continue to read and review, they make us happy! Thanks to everyone who added this story to your story alerts and favourites... _

_Enough from me... read on and enjoy!  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Jasper_

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August 2nd 2009, Sunday

**Eight years later**

**JPOV**

"I'm going to miss you, you know? I know it's going to be hard, but it's going to be an experience you really need Jazz." I've lost count on how many times Rose has tried to have this conversation with me. I know she's only doing it because she cares and worries about me, but to be honest… I think it's pretty pointless. Ever since that day she's all I think about… every minute, of every hour, of everyday. I don't know how anybody couldn't. She saw the light in everyone around her… _She was one of a kind._

I was brought out of my thoughts realising Rose was still talking to me. I nodded my head in agreement to whatever it was she was saying; to show I was listening but I don't think it worked. She was my big sister and she knew when something was wrong. She was overprotective and was always there when I needed her. She was like a second mother to me and I don't know how I would have survived these past eight years if it wasn't for her.

She sighed and glanced at me from the corner of her eye. "You haven't heard a word of what I've just said to you, have you?" I shook my head and she sighed again. "I worry about you so much Jazz. I hate seeing my baby brother like this. I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away." A single tear slid down her face and fell into her lap. I ran my fingers through my hair and removed her left hand from the steering wheel, giving it a tight squeeze.

"Please don't cry Rose." I whispered. "I hate seeing you cry. You know I hate upsetting you and I'm sorry for making you feel that way. You're the glue that's been holding me together Rose. If it wasn't for you, I'm pretty sure I'd have gone crazy with everything that I feel from day to day. You're like a second mother to me and the best big sister a guy could ever ask for. You've done a lot more for me then you think you have, so can we please stop the tears, _you're making me nervous_." She gave a small chuckle and I smiled at the fact I made the atmosphere in the car a little lighter. She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand when she wriggled it free from my light grip and gave me a small smile.

"I still can't believe my baby brother is going to the University of Houston, in Texas… to study History!" She gushed out, pride seeping in every word. "I'm so proud of you!" She squealed. I laughed a little and turned my gaze to the trees we were passing by outside. It was an easy choice to make. I've always known what I wanted to study at college, ever since I was little. I remember those sunny days when me and Alice would just lay on the grass in either of our back gardens and point out different shapes in the clouds. We would always talk about how we were going to be together forever, with our whole lives ahead of us. How we were going to go to college together and share the experience with each other… How we were going to grow old together with hundreds of little grandkids, who we would spoil rotten. She would always go on and on about how they would be the most stylish grandkids anyone has ever seen. Mostly she would do the talking and I would just lay there and listen. I could listen to her talk forever and never get bored of the sound… It was like music to my ears.

What I would give just to hear her voice one last time. Moving away from this small town is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I feel like there's a piece of her I'm leaving behind… like I'm moving on without her. I felt a sharp, piercing, stab of pain in the centre of my heart and I had to fight to keep the tears away. I couldn't break down. Not here and not now. I needed to remain calm, not just for me, but for Rose and everyone else.

--

**6.00pm**

"Jasper." She hesitated. I turned my attention away from the passing scenery outside and turned to her, wondering what it was that she was so reluctant to say. "I know its 8 years tomorrow since that day…" She hesitated again, but I nodded for her to continue. "It's going to be hard for me too… she was like a little sister to me… but you and Alice were in love just like me and Emmett, and Edward and Bella. I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you, because I know it's going to be extra hard on you…" She spoke in a small voice, which was just audible. I noticed that she was hesitating again or holding more tears back. I took this time to evaluate her emotions, not really taking in her words or I would break past the barrier I had managed to keep up this entire day and I would go into a state of depression once more, crying helplessly for my lost love. "Never think that I won't help you. I'm always… forever here for you, Jazz." She finished her struggled words, her last words making a good attempt at breaking that barrier but I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

I knew that day was hard for everyone. But I was always too wrapped up in my own pain to notice anyone else's. That might sound selfish to people who didn't understand, but I couldn't care less. It was the day _my_ _everything_ was taken away from me. How could anyone expect me to be all fine and dandy when I had lost her forever? I knew Rose understood and that's why if I ever snapped at her or said something that I didn't mean to her, she always forgave me. I knew if there was anyone in this world I could count on to be there for me when I was at my all time low… _it was Rosalie Hale_. She may come off as a hard ass at school, bitchy towards girls who continued to tease her by flirting with Emmett… but behind closed doors, she was my lovable sister, whom _I_ would do anything for. So I gave her a small smile and responded with. "Aren't you always?" She gave me a smile back, and I showed in my gaze that I was eternally thankful to her.

--

I only realised the car had stopped when Rose gave me a small nudge to my waist. She was scrutinizing my face making sure I was alright. I think she expected me to burst out crying and break down right in front of her. But she should know by now that I have better control over my emotions, more than any other person she has ever known.

"It's going to be ok. I know everybody is going to be in there and it's going to be hard for you to be around them, especially Carlisle and Esme." She took my hands into hers and gave them a reassuring squeeze before continuing. "But they worked really hard to do all of this for you, so please make an effort… just for tonight, please?" She stared directly into my eyes with a pleading look and I knew I would give in. I didn't really want to do this but she was right. _As always…_

"You know… you being right all the time, is getting kind of annoying." She laughed a little and shrugged. I sighed and looked into her eyes. "I promise Rose, I will make an effort. Your right and I think it would be good for me to see Carlisle and Esme. I've been so distant from then since-" I paused and took a deep breath to calm myself. "Well, since you know when." I finished in a whisper. She gave me a comforting hug and we stayed like that for a few more minutes before we decided it was time to get out of the car and get inside before people started wondering where we were.

When I reached the front door I took in a deep breath before opening it. I was met by loud noises that attacked my ears, one guilty source I assumed to be Edwards surround system and music, the other was an unnecessary cheer from my guests. I received a hug from everyone there as I walked further into the house. It was weird everyone being in the same place all at once… my parents, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rose, Edward and Bella. It hadn't been like this for me in quite a while. I usually avoid being with everyone at once. It hurts to see them all loved up with there other half when I lost mine such a long time ago.

Someone pulled me gently into another hug and I realise it was Esme. She gives a hug that feels unique to each individual… It's like they mould to whatever it is your feeling and the hug is like a cure. After having a hug like this you feel ten times as light. I hadn't realised how much I missed these hugs till now… After she disappeared, coming here and seeing everyone's faces, especially Esme's, was just too hard. So I kept my distance, much to her dismay. But she understood why I did it and never held a grudge. _None of them did. It was more than I deserved…_

"It's so good to see you again Jasper. I've missed you _so_ much." She gave me a small smile and placed her hands on either side of my face. She softly ran her fingers over the small bags under my eyes and she frowned a little. I knew I looked tired and I'd tried my best not to show it. However, people tend to be more perceptive when there around me, so I didn't do a very good job of hiding it. I'd been having nightmares over the past few weeks about me going to college and leaving Alice behind. Some nights it wasn't as bad and I would get a few hours sleep before I had to get up. But others… they could be so vivid and I would just lay in bed all night thinking about them and I wouldn't realise it was morning until I was blinded by the sun. But the good thing about my dreams starving me from sleep for days on end, I always had a good 8 hours after exhaustion got too much for my body… I was extremely exhausted right now, so I knew when I finally arrive to college tomorrow, I won't have time to worry about where I am, or who my new roommate is and what's he's like… I knew I'd be out cold as soon as my head hit that pillow.

I realised that I hadn't said anything in response so I smiled back to give her reassurance that I was okay. "I've been having a few problems with sleeping that's all." Her eyes met mine and I knew she understood what I was saying.

"Just _try_ and get more sleep, okay?" I nodded and she continued. "And when you go to college, just be careful and take care of yourself." I gave her tight hug back and she kissed my cheek and walked off to talk to Rose.

"Jazz…" That familiar voice made me feel extremely guilty. It was my mum. I turned around to see her sad eyes as they scanned my sleepy form. "Were glad you came, it's good for you to get out of the house every now and then." She lightly elbowed my dads arm, forcing him to look at me.

"Erm, yeah. We are." He stiffened and his tone was not appreciative of my appearance at all. Mine and my father's relationship has been pretty much no existent since Alice's disappearance. Since she went my whole spirit had rocket downwards and I was just an empty shell. Ashamed was not a strong enough word that my dad felt for me. To me, I was invisible in his eyes, a disappointment… he didn't understand. He thought I was too young to love Alice, too young to really truly miss her. He was ashamed when I went into my depression and zombie mode, shutting myself off from the world. I never let him, not like he ever showed any signs of wanting to reach inside of me and help me through it. That's how I became dependant on Rose… our relationship grew stronger and stronger over the years as she filled in for my parents.

My mum looked at my dad, throwing him a disgusted look as he quietly excused himself. He was probably going outside to have a cig… _or leave_. "Your father-" I interrupted her. I wasn't in the mood to hear her excuses for him once again. Mine and my mother's relationship hadn't been that strong. She stood by me, understanding my feelings more than my dad, but the more she stuck up for his rude behaviour towards me, the more I drifted from her and grew more attached to Rose.

"Please. Don't make excuses for him." Her eyes turned down, tears sprang to them and I couldn't look at her any longer. The guilt was too much for me. "I have to go see my friends." She nodded and I turned on my heel. That's why I came with Rose today… being trapped in a car with my parents was just too much for me to bear.

I walked into the living room, the music louder now. I didn't recognize the tune playing; I wasn't much of a fan of music, or anything else that teenagers should be in to. I mainly sat in my bedroom as soon as I got home from school and thought… Something I really shouldn't do but it helped in some ways. _I just couldn't forget her… no matter how much it hurt to remember._

I sighed and looked around to find something that made my stomach churn… Edward was sat on the sofa with Bella in his lap. He had his arms wrapped around her protectively and he was planting soft kisses on her cheek now and again. He would whisper something in her ear and she would giggle a little and kiss him back. I wanted to look away, the moment was so private and it felt like I was intruding… _but I couldn't._ Envy filled me as I observed their love. They were in there own little world… everything that I wanted with my Alice.

The only other girlfriend I had ever had was one of the biggest mistakes I had ever made. She wasn't as pretty as she thought she was; she was also too demanding, self absorbed, two faced and a complete bitch. If she didn't get her own way she wasn't happy. I remember the day I lost my virginity to her… not something I want to remember, but no matter how many times I have tried to forget it, it was no use… it was a memory that had stained brain, burned forever for me to remember… and when my eyes found my jealous ex from across the room, staring daggers at Bella and Edward, the memory attacked me once again…

_I didn't love her… I knew I didn't. I wouldn't love anybody else after my Alice was taken. But Emmett said I should move on… he said it would be better for me if I did. But how could he even begin to understand the pain you go through when you lose the love of your life, when his is still here? Walking, living… loving him with every breath she takes. He couldn't even begin to understand, but I took his advice anyway. And I started dating Jessica Stanley. I know she wants to go all the way… but I just can't. I always imagined it would be with the one person I'll always love. But she was gone and the possibilities of me ever seeing her again were a million to one. I always held onto that one thought… hoping I would see my love again._

_But now I was stuck in this car with her driving because she was insistent on it. As always to stop her from wining I gave in and let her win. I couldn't stand her voice… it wasn't music to my ears like my Alice's was. Hers was more like nails down a chalkboard and sometimes I had to cover my ears to stop from cringing in front of her._

_I suddenly realised that the car was slowing down and I look outside to see that we were nowhere near home… but outside a forest. I had a bad feeling in my stomach and I felt like I was going to throw up. This couldn't be good… I knew I shouldn't have let her drive. I should have followed my instincts and told her _no,_ for once._

_STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! How could I not realise this? We weren't even in Forks anymore. I should really pay more attention to my surroundings in future. Even though it's pretty hard sometimes when you feel like you've lost the will to live._

_I heard a click and I turned to find Jessica unbuckling her seatbelt and trying but failing to give me a seductive look. She raised her eyebrow in the air, her mouth turned up slightly into what she thought was a sexy smirk, but it came out like she wanted to pass wind or something. She brought her hand up and began to rub her hand up and down my chest. I backed off as far as the door would allow me to go, desperate to get out of the car… _Fear attacked me.

_"Come on Jazzykins… you know you want to… for me… pleeease." Her tone was light and extremely seductive, not enough to win me over though; she dragged out the last word and dug her nails a little into my chest. She pulled her hand back and started to unbutton her top, I turned to face the front of the car, wishing more than anything that I wasn't here. I was tempted to just flee; just one quick movement and I'd be out of here… _CLICK. _"Jazzy… come on! I love you…" That bitch had locked me in. There was no escaping now._

_I thought about it for a second before I decided to just give in and let her win… _again_. As much as I wanted my first time to be special and with Alice, I knew it wasn't going to happen. She was lost from me forever and I wasn't ever going to get her back. So I leaned towards her, kissed her roughly like she liked and she kissed me back eagerly… a little more eagerly then I would have liked…_

From that moment on it was all a blur… a blur as I intended to forget. I shuddered at the memory. That was probably one of the worst nights of my life but she didn't notice. Not that I cared or was even surprised, she was always caught up with her own feelings and everything was always about her. And if it wasn't about her, it wasn't worth talking about. We split up a few weeks later because I wouldn't give in again, one night was enough to scar me for life, another night with her on top of me and I probably would have killed myself.

I felt a light tap on my back, which startled me and I spun myself around only to face Carlisle. "Sorry to startle you Jasper, I was just wondering if it would be okay if we shared a few friendly words in my office." He asked politely and I nodded, following him upstairs after we weaved our way through the crowd of people. I was relieved when I realised we wouldn't be walking past Alice's room. I don't think I would have been able to handle that…

We finally reached his study and I sat down in the familiar leather chair. Carlisle sat facing me across the desk and places his entwined fingers down on the table. "So Jasper… do you have an idea about what I want to talk to you about?" I thought for a moment and nodded my head. Everybody had been saying the same thing since I got my acceptance letter from the University of Houston. Everyone's hoping it would help me get better… _like I was sick. _I took in another deep breath and prepared myself for his words, biting my tongue so I wouldn't say anything I would regret later. "I had a feeling you would." It was silent for a while and I knew Carlisle was sorting through his thoughts, probably figuring out the best tactic to get me to talk about how I really felt about all of this. And knowing Carlisle, I would probably spill my guts to him and feel better afterwards… even if I didn't want to.

"I'm going to start off with saying what everyone else has said. It will be good for you to go to Houston Jasper. I know you have your own reasons for not wanting to go and you don't have to tell me what those reasons are… even though I have a pretty good idea of what they could be." Silence again, which was joined by a lengthy pause and a scrutinizing stare. "You need to get away from this place Jasper. It's not healthy what you're doing… holding onto her like this. I know it hurts… I know the pain you're going through… she was my baby girl after all." He said in such a soft, caring voice. I was certain it was taking everything he had in him to hold himself together. "But she wouldn't have wanted you to live your life like this. You know Alice better then anyone… she was always happy and bringing joy to the people around her. She would want you to live your life… to smile a real smile again… to be truthfully happy once more." I looked him in the eyes and I knew his words were right, but hearing them and taking his advice in by turning my life around was a completely different thing. I couldn't just stop longing for her, it's been too long that I've been suffering like this; I don't think I could ever stop feeling this way. If it had been me that had been taken and Alice was the one sat here in this very chair mourning over my disappearance, I knew I would want her to continue living her life in happiness and live everyday to the fullest… but it was too difficult for me. I'm far weaker than her…

I sighed and ran my hands over my face. "I know Carlisle," I said with my hands still over my face… not daring to look at him knowing I would probably start crying. "I know your right. It's just too hard you know…" I heard him sigh as he understood me; I dropped my hands to my lap and stared at them as they knotted together. "Some day's it's hard to breathe knowing she's not at my side. She was my everything and we had our whole lives planned together… and now she's gone and I feel so lost without her." I couldn't hold it together in front of him any longer, so I let the silent tears fall and land on my lap. I heard him get up from his chair and then I felt a hand on my shoulder and a small squeeze to show he was here for me and just to let it all out. "If I go Carlisle… I would be leaving her behind. I know it might sound stupid, but it's true. That's just how I feel." I whispered. He bent down so his face was level with mine. I kept my face down as I watched more tears fall onto my lap, not wanting him to see the tears, even though he probably already knew they were there.

"Jasper, listen to me. It's not stupid that you feel like your leaving her behind. Anybody else would feel the same way. I know I would and everybody else in this house would if they were in your situation. But she would want you to go. It might not seem like it now… but once you get settled in and meet new people, you will soon feel like you belong there." I realised the tears had stopped and I nodded at his words. I wiped my face dry and took in a few healthy breaths to calm myself, then I stood up and he pulled me into a hug and patted my back. "Everything will turn out okay son… trust me." My heart pulled tight at his words. Guilt also filled me as I realised this was the first time in months since we had shared words… I avoid this house as much as possible.

"Sorry for not coming here as often…" I apologized as we let each other go.

"I understand… sometimes it's hard for me to be here, especially going into her room… it never gets _easier._" His eyes turned down and his voice broke on the last word, I patted his arm and knew this was my queue to leave. Just like me, he would shed a few silent tears for the much loved and missed Alice Cullen.

--

After mine and Carlisle's talk I had gone down stairs and joined everyone else. I met my mum's eyes noticing that my dad was nowhere to be seen and then my gaze moved onto Esme's. I had a feeling they knew what me and Carlisle had been talking about but they didn't say anything about it as I passed them… and for that I was thankful. I felt like I had been on one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride and I was one more breakdown away from going insane.

I checked my watch and I thought now was probably a good time to leave. My flight was at midnight and I wanted to make sure I had enough time at the airport to check in. I found Rose and told her I needed to leave. She nodded her head and kissed Emmett softly goodbye, before we both said our goodbye's to the rest of the guests and another round of hugs ensued as they congratulated me one more time before me and Rose left the house.

"You know Rose, if you wanted to stay you can. I'll be fine." She gave me a sceptic look. "Really, I will be." I smiled just prove my point and she looked me over once more before sighing a familiar sigh, that signalled she was giving in.

"Well if you're sure-" I stopped her before she could continue.

"Yes I'm sure. So go back inside and enjoy the rest of your night. I'm just going to walk home and enjoy the fresh air you know. Just think about some stuff." She gave me a worried look but I continued. "I'll grab a taxi to the airport and call you before I take off." She finally gave in and gave me another hug for what felt like the millionth time tonight.

"Be safe, Jazz." And with that she gave me a peck on the cheek and went back inside.

--

I walked down the street not really knowing my destination but just letting my feet take me where ever it was they desired. I sucked in a deep breath of cold air and a flood of memories of us together came back to me as I passed a familiar street and I could almost see seven year old Alice running along.

_It was a one of those rare hot days in Forks and me and Alice had decided to play on the street outside her house on our bikes. We were racing up and down the street, seeing who was the fastest. I would always let Alice win and I think she knew it but she never said anything. Usually she would but I think she was having so much fun in the sun with me; she couldn't be bothered to argue with me over it._

_"Jazz! Jazz! Come here quick… look what I've found!" Her sweet voice found its way to my ears and I looked up to see her pointing at a kitten she could see from across the street. She took a step onto the road before running across, forgetting to look both ways and that's when I saw it. A boy on a bike was peddling as fast as he could and Alice would get in his way. Before I even realised it I had gotten up and ran towards her at a speed I didn't even know I could reach._

_"Alice! Watch out" She stopped in her tracks and looked around before she noticed the bike coming towards her and the boy who wasn't even attempting to slow down._

_The bike was closing in on her now but I knew I could get there before the bike did. Alice was stood there frozen in fear like a deer caught in headlights. I stretched my arms out and grabbed her around the waste before jumping out of the way, twisting in the air so I landed on my back and Alice landed on my front. The boy just zoomed past, laughing hard at the fact he almost knocked over a seven year old girl. I was so mad I would have gone after him if it wasn't for the fact I felt Alice shaking a little on top of me. I sat up and placed her on my lap._

_"Alice… Alice, are you okay?" I asked frantically. She looked up at me and I noticed she was crying a little. I gave her a tight hug and wiped the tears away from her delicate face. "Ssh… Alice. It's okay. Please don't cry." I hushed and tried to calm her down._

_"I'm okay, Jazz… really. Just a little shocked that's all." She gave me a tight squeeze and I could breathe again knowing she was okay._

_"You really scared me Alice. Please don't do that again. I don't know what I would do without you." I whispered._

_"I'm sorry, Jazz… I didn't mean to run out into the road like that. I was just so excited to see the kitten… it was so small and cute. I promise I won't scare you like that again." I smiled and kissed her cheek. She giggled a little and rested her head on my shoulder. "And Jazz…" She whispered softly, her voice sending chills down my spine._

_"Yeah Alice…" I whispered back, rubbing her back softly with my hand._

_"Thanks for saving my life." I hugged her closer to me_, if that was possible_ and whispered in her ear._

_"You should know by now Alice… I'll always be there to catch you when you fall." She looked into my eyes and pressed her little lips against my cheek for a few seconds before pulling away and smiled at me in her happiness… a smile I would say anything for… just to catch a glimpse of it._

My face felt cold in the slight breeze and I placed a hand on my cheek realising it was wet. Thinking of old memories with Alice… especially days like that always got me crying. It was too hard not to. I noticed where I was and knew there was a park just around the corner. I saw the moonlight reflecting on a familiar tree and despite the sadness I felt at the last memory… this one made me jump for joy inside just thinking about that moment all over again.

_"Jazz… do you think we'll be together forever?" She asked in a small voice, her eagerness to know my answer, couldn't not be detected in her tone. I sat up from the grass we were lay on and stared down at her._

_"Of course Alice, why would you say something like that?" She shrugged, blushing slightly and continued looking up at the sky._

_"I think that one looks like a fluffy bunny." She changed the subject quickly and pointed to a cloud in the sky. I lay back down besides her and held her hand._

_"Alice… please tell me why you asked me that. Why wouldn't we be together? Don't you like me anymore?" I said so quiet, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have heard me say the last part. But Alice continues to surprise me, so of course she had heard._

_"No Jazz, of course I still like you. How could I not? Your my knight in shining armour remember." She paused. "It's just that… people always grow apart when they get older… I guess I was just scared it would happen to us." I could hear the sadness in her voice and I wanted to get rid of that tone as soon as possible._

_"Of course it won't be like that with us Alice. We complete each other, just like Esme and my mum said. Nothing will keep you away from me." I looked up to the sky and pointed to where I was looking. "That one looks like a dragon." A huge grin formed on my face as I felt her eyes stare at the side of my head._

_She gave my hand a tight squeeze. "Thanks Jazz… for everything." I stood up and pulled her up with me._

_"Anytime." I replied, liking how I changed the atmosphere. She smiled at me and we were locked in a gaze so intense my heart started to pound ferociously against my chest. We were slowly moving closer to each other and our faces were almost touching. And then in a blink of an eye her lips were on mine and I was very aware that we were having our first kiss. She pulled back and her cheeks, as well as mine, were tinted a shade of red. "I love you Alice. You're the greatest, best friend I could ever ask for." I blurted out before I could stop myself, but never regretted one word._

_"Thanks Jazz. I love you too. And as much as I love being your best friend… can I be your girlfriend too? I know some people might say were too young but who cares what they say? Nobody else knows how we feel about each other. And to me… us being together feels right. What do you say?" I almost laughed at her having to ask me, as if she even needed too._

_"I say your right and agree with every word you just said." We were giddy with excitement now and my face felt it was going to crack from the huge smile I had plastered on my face. And from the looks of things, so did Alice's. We had finally confessed our feelings to each other, even though we already knew how we felt. If the future was going to be anything like today… I hoped it came sooner rather then later._

Me and Alice were both eight going nine when our first kissed happened. I wish I could freeze that moment and stay in it forever. Being like that with her was pure bliss. I wiped the tears away from my eyes with the back of my sleeve and walked through the gate of the park and sat down on the very bench our parents were sat on the last day I was here with Alice. We were playing hide and seek… it was just like any other day at the park. None of us knew the next day our lives would just come crashing down around us.

_"Kids, keep to where we can see you okay. Don't wonder too far away from us." Esme told us._

_"Don't worry we will." Alice said. She grabbed my hand and we ran forwards, shooting towards the forest edge. _

"_Alice… Not too far." Esme called out again, I pulled her to a stop and she landed on top of me, my heart beating fast at our closeness. Our laugher was infectious as we couldn't stop._

"_What do you want to play?" I finally was able to ask, ignoring my beating heart._

_  
Her face scrunched up into the most adorable expression, I giggled underneath her. "HIDE AND SEEK." She squealed out in excitement._

"_OK." She giggled and rolled off of me, I almost frowned when she did. I got to my feet and did the gentleman thing, by holding out a hand and helping her up. __"You first, I'm going to count to-" I started but she interrupted me._

"_100!" She squealed out again, her body bouncing on the spot._

"_100 it is." I winked at her and ran off towards our mums to tell them what we were playing.__ After I told them, I ran to the back of them and placed my head in my hands and began counting in my head. 1… 2… 3…_

_I stopped counting when I was pretty sure she had found a good enough hiding place. I looked around and she was nowhere in sight. I began to panic a little but I knew she would be alright… Alice was just really good at this game. I searched the playground first to see if I could get a glimpse of her, but I didn't so I slowly made my way through the sea of people and kids that were scattered all over the park._

_After doing a quick sweep of the playground I was pretty sure Alice wasn't hiding here and my eyes fell back to the forest we were just facing a few moments ago. It wasn't that far from our parents so I wouldn't get too mad at her for hiding in there._

_As I got deeper and deeper I could here noises and I was pretty sure the voice belonged to Alice… I would notice that voice anywhere. I made sure I was as quiet as a mouse and followed the direction the noise was coming from. I could see Alice sitting against a tree so I crept up behind her and shouted "FOUND YOU!" She screamed and fell to the floor in fright. I laughed at her reaction and she laughed along with me. I gave her my hand to help her up and we ran off into the direction of the playground to play the game all over again._

I let the tears fall freely now. I couldn't be bothered to stop them from falling anymore. It made me feel a little better just letting it all out. I was scared but feeling kind of hopeful about going to Texas. I was scared because of how I felt… I didn't want to leave Alice behind because I was supposed to be sharing all these moments with her. She was here… in Forks… that ten year old girl, just how I remembered her the last time I saw her. And I was that ten year old boy who would do anything to see her smile everyday. But I was hopeful that over time… I wouldn't forget about Alice but remember all those good times we had with each other and not feel like I had been stabbed in the heart a million times over with a very sharp knife.

I took in a mouthful of fresh air, letting it wash over my face. Tomorrow was the day my life changes. No more Forks… No more familiar memories as I turned each corner to be reminded of her… No more Alice unless I dragged up memories from my brain, which I had a feeling I would do everyday and night…

_I was pained to remember, but terrified to forget…_

* * *

_You really feel Jasper's pain throughout all this chapter... he really misses her. Its heartbreaking to just read it, we cant possibly put ourselves in his position, not having gone through anything like this in our lives... but we can only imagine this is how he feels and more.  
_

_Its sad how hes not got a relationship with his parents, his dad has given up on him and his mum sticks up for her husband so his and Rosalie's bond is stronger than ever. Something i havent really seen in storys... we like we change things up a little. Also, i hope you liked the little memorys at the end with Alice, i thought they were adorable!!_

_So, hes going off to Houston, Texas... and when he says his life changes, it really does change forever! ahhhhh cant wait for you guys to start reading next chapter, its when the storyline really kicks off.  
_

_We have to give a special thanks to _Yami416_ whos story, _Tough Skin_ inspired me and Carrie-Ann to write this! If you have time, check it out, its truly a masterpiece in progress! Shes an amazing writer._

_All we ask now is that you review if you like this story, or if you dont like it! Just leave a tiny one! Thanks for reading.  
_


	3. 12:00am

**A/N:**_ The chapter you have probably been waiting for since we posted the first chapter. This story is not that complicated, but as more chapters are posted you will get the drift of where this story is leading and how its going to happen... confusing, i know. But i don't want to spoil anything for you!! Trust us, this story is gunna be good... we hope!_

_As i told you in our last A/N, Carrie-Ann is on holiday so her chapter 4 will be a while before its posted, she gets back next Monday and she will probably start it Tuesday so bear with her, she will work on it as fast as she can and make sure its her best!_

_This chapter is mine (Charlotte) I really hope you like it. I'm kinda nervous about your reactions... so please be nice if you review hehe Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter and thanks to everyone who added this story to your alerts and favourites._

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice**  
**_

* * *

_My name is Mary Witherdale and I'm 18 years old. I don't remember anything of my life before James, or how I got here… all I can tell you, is that in my 8 years I've experienced a life of hell. _

_Will I ever escape? That's not the question… Could I ever escape? That's the question I ask myself everyday… and the answer… Is no._

_My name is Mary and I'm lost. _

_I hate my husband. _

_I hate my drug addiction… _

_I hate my life._

_* * * * * * * * * *  
_

August 3rd 2009

**12:00am**

**APOV**

Do you ever feel like your trapped? Trapped in a life that is made for you, ruled for you. A life you feel you have no input in whatsoever. A life that is planned for you down to the first and last thing you do every waking minute of everyday, of every month, of every year… A life that is ruled by the monster who lies next to you every single night. And that same monster who makes you do unimaginable things… he turns and looks deep into your eyes, his mouth opens and he speaks the words, "I love you." Those three words… those three words that are meant to send a shiver down your spine, send your heart fluttering like butterflies; make your skin form goose bumps…

I removed my head from his chest, my eyes watching his sleeping form, his blonde hair knotted around his head. I scanned him with my eyes; they drifted from his hollow skinned face and dark eyes, to his skinny body, ribs and every other bone lightly showing in every possible area. The sheets holding tightly onto his bottom half, hugging his twisted posture… _This is the man who says, "I love you." _

I don't get my goose bumps from him; my heart doesn't flutter from his words. I don't feel light as a feather whenever he touches me… The answers you are looking for right now, will make your skin crawl, will make you sick to your stomach. Because my story is not one that will be taken lightly, it's a truly disturbing story… One I relive everyday, in my every thought. My life is like a constant flashback as every nook and cranny of this house holds a memory that is enough to make anyone cry… that would be if you had the energy unlike me, the right emotions to shed a tear for my disturbing upbringing. The truth is; I'm all cried out. I never thought it possible, buts its true, even my twisted tail couldn't make me produce a tear anymore…

_Heroin, _the drug that helps me to forget. That wonderful powered substance, the one drug that sends me higher than the clouds, away from James, away from this dump I am supposed to call my home. Heroin is my best friend, my lover, my life, the only thing that I can honestly say "I love you" to. How truly sad and pathetic is that? That a drug, a drug that can kill me if it wishes, a drug that holds my every need, my every desire… _Heroin_. The substance that warms my every cell, sends gloriously, satisfying goose bumps around my body, intensifies my every emotion…

My stomach started to turn over as my thoughts got carried away. I could feel vomit crawling up my skinny body. My legs wrapped around his lower half, the sheets binding me to it him like a prisoner… I only had a matter of seconds. I quickly as I could, not caring at this moment that I was waking up the living nightmare I call my partner. I quickly untangled my right leg from in between both of his, he stirred in his sleep but thankfully let me go from his trap. I ripped the sheets from my naked body, I flung my legs around the bed and as they touched the ground, the cold hard wood sent an awful shiver of displeasure through my body.

I sprinted as fast as I could, making sure not to trip on our messily shredded clothes that lay upon the floor carelessly. That's James for you, always rushing to get laid, it was never love making with him; it was fucking, I was his sex toy, his human fucking machine… these thoughts didn't help my stomach at all. I wrenched the door open to our bedroom and found the bathroom in a matter of seconds, kicking the door open and shoving my head down the toilet, emptying the contents of my stomach.

I don't know how my stomach managed to produce anything at all… I couldn't remember the last time I ate. That was a thought that should worry anyone in this situation, but to me it was common. I never ate at regular times of the day or the right foods you're meant to consume to keep up your energy. I never slept regular, my schedule was completely fucked up, I just slept whenever my body would allow it, and that normally happens after a high from drugs… lately, I got two hours every time I took a line of Heroin. And that was normally about 3 times a day.

I didn't hear him approach me; I just felt his greasy fingers trailing a line up my spinal bone which was prominent to see and to touch, he trailed his fingers down to the bottom of my back and then back up again. He shushed me in what he thought was soothing tone and then broke the peaceful silence. "Are you ok?" He whispered into my left ear, kissing my hair and brushing it behind my ear. My stomach protested at his touch and produced more of what I can only describe as my stomach; I was still puzzled as to what I was vomiting.

"Do I _look_ ok?" I croaked back, my voice echoing in the filthy toilet. The smell made me feel even worse. He stopped his movements on my back and I froze my whole body, realizing my tone was quite snappy and rude… He could turn on anyone at any moment in time, he was like a bomb just ticking away and waiting to explode; one that could blow up at the smallest of things, like a pin being dropped on top of it.

He took his hand off my back and moved it like a snake over the top of me, working his way to the handle, to flush the toilet. He pushed my body away from the toilet, softly, with his other hand and pressed the handle down. I watched as my vomit made its escape, swirling around and around, disappearing in a spiral movement and away from him and this house. _Lucky bastard._ I grabbed my forehead to feel my temperature; I was burning up slightly but nothing to worry about.

I made an attempt to get up but he pushed me back down, pulling me in an iron tight grip, holding, pressing me to his body. I moved my face away from his chest as I couldn't breathe and he shushed me more forcefully now, showing me that I was _his_ and I do what _he_ wants. I tried not to show I was struggling in his arms, but my squirming couldn't be contained. My legs were at an awkward angle, he'd managed to twist my body so my back was straining as he pressed my chest against his. "Are you better now?" He whispered once again directly into my right ear. The nice tone from his early question was completely untraceable. His tone was now hard; it sent a shiver down my spine.

"Yes." I whimpered back, trying my best not to show my fear.

"Good." He simply said, releasing me. He got up from the floor and I tried my best to keep my breathing under control, to show him he hadn't affected me in any way. "I hope to see you in the kitchen soon." And with that he closed the door. I nearly laughed at his last statement, translated: _I _better_ see you in the kitchen soon._ I placed a hand over my chest and rubbed it softly, my breathing slightly heavy. _What a prick. _It was the odd moments when he did things like that to me, where I had visions of ending his pathetic excuse of a life. But it goes against my nature; I'm too kind for my own good as I've told myself countless times. I would never have the guts to hit him, I never had… That vile monster will continue to torture me mentally and physically until he loses control or pushes me too far… only the future knows what lies for me.

I gathered myself together, pushing myself up into a standing position. My lower back was aching now so I made my stride more careful than before, as each step sent shooting pains up my spine. I took in a few deep breaths before exiting my safe zone… _away from him_. I moved into the bedroom, wincing as I bent down to pick up my dressing down. It was silky white and it clung to my bony figure. I tightened the band around my stomach, holding my gown together, hiding my nonexistent boobs. I removed my hair that was trapped in between my back and the dressing gown, disgusted when my fingers weaved into drying sick. I pulled my hair back and tied it into a knot, I couldn't be bothered hunting through all this shit for a bobble.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds. Everything seemed to stop during the time I shut my mind down, something I have learnt to do over the years, even if it is for a short amount of time. _Dread_ filled me. _Panic_ filled me. _The need for Heroin took over._ Just the thought of the word sent goose bumps up my arms, a chill down my spine and my body to start shaking on its own accord. The need for that wonderful drug was the worst feeling in the world… and the best. I knew depending on that drug was not healthy in any way. I knew that looking forwards to it flowing through my blood stream, hitting my system and sending my higher than ever, shutting me off from the world and sending me into pleasure land. I opened my eyes, snapping myself back to reality.

I couldn't delay any longer and I had to forget about that drug… _an_ _impossible task._ I massaged by aching back tenderly while I walked through the door and worked on steadying my stride as I walked down the short hallway. I didn't want it to look like I was in pain, so I worked on my facial expression before turning the corner and heading into the open kitchen.

I sat down as soon as I reached the kitchen table, holding my body still as I watched him work, fixing himself something to eat no doubt. His naked body moved around in front of the kitchen surface, I looked away as he bent down to get into one of the cupboards. I closed my eyes and concentrated on forgetting my need for that wonderful… white… power… my mouth filled with phlegm as Heroin was all I could think about.

"Eat." He commanded of me, slamming a bowl on the table in front of me. I jumped at his approached, my eyes snapping open to see him sitting across the table from me. His eyes looking past me like he was studying my soul. Probably seeing what else he could destroy… seeing what was _left_ to destroy more like it. He moved the bowl across the table, the sound sending a cruel shiver of discomfort down my spine. I didn't remove my eyes away from his gaze.

"I'm not hungry." I finally spoke out loud, his eyes instantly narrowing into fine slits. The truth was that I was hungry… just not for food. _Snap out of it!_

He didn't move, he just stared and he pushed the bowl closer towards me. His chest started to heave slightly, his face started to glow a threatening shade of red. "Eat." He spoke once again, the way he ended that word sounded like he wouldn't say it again. _Commanding me_… because that's how he works. I do what he says and he's pleased. I don't do what he says and he beats me until he's pleased.

I finally turned my gaze away from his and stared down at the food he had prepared for me. I didn't know what it was that he'd made me, but when I brought the spoon up to my mouth, my stomach started protest once again at just the smell of it… but I forced my movements on. Shoving the spoon into my mouth, pulling it out slowly to show its contents were being eaten. He moved his gaze down to my throat, and I swallowed the vile yellowy-green stuff.

I moved my left hand on the table, tapping it with my middle finger to distract me from the task of eating. I heard his fingers swiftly moved across the surface of the table, and then his fingers weaved in between mine. I stared down at the gesture, such a simple, kind, loving thing… one that didn't suit us. The way my thin, slender fingers looked against his big ones, it looked so out of place. The shade of our skin was the exact same. The way our bones showed behind the skin of each finger, prominent like every other bone in our bodies, they matched perfectly. Yet it was all wrong… he wasn't the person I wanted to do this with, it wasn't meant to be him who provided these simple gestures, spoke the words every girl longs to hear from their partner. My true soul mate was out there, I knew that, James knew that. I also knew I'd never find him because no matter how much I hated James and this life, I depended on him, just like he did me.

"We're going to Jim's house later." My eyes sprung to his and I frowned at him as he continued. "About 1ish, so you can have your next fix then." He challenged me to contradict him with a raised eyebrow, so I nodded my head slowly, turning my attention back to the task of forcing myself to eat. I knew he loved me, I had never had a doubt in my mind that he didn't, even though he beats me sometimes, talks to me like dirt most of the times… it was these simple gestures, like a stroke of his thumb brushing against the back of my hand. The "I love you's," and "you look lovely today," those simple words showed he cared, they were never forced when they escaped his lips, they came straight from his almost black heart. Sometimes I do wish I could return certain things, provide him caring gestures and sweet words… but it wouldn't be the same, if I did those it would be one big lie and he would see right through them.

I don't want to paint James as a nice guy, he was mainly evil and his heart was as black as they come with the smallest of red that allows him to show he loved me, allows me to believe he truly loves me… because if I didn't believe he loved me in some way, it would be hate both ways and I would give up on everything, I'd surrender myself to him now and just let him take me. I suppose _hope_ sums everything up.

"OK." I whispered, more to myself than to him. I scooped up another spoonful and shoved another vile mouthful of this unknown food into my mouth, swallowing it down and feeling it hit my empty stomach. _Jim_… a person who I least wanted to see today, but in order to feed my Heroin needs, it had to be done. James knew I wouldn't be able to last that long, I needed it more often than that but he loved to torture me slowly. My body started to shake once again as my mind drifted, away from reality and away from forcing myself to do things for James's pleasure…

--

_A few weeks ago._

_It was like looking at swirling, puffy clouds as the smoke formed patterns in the air that amazed me to watch. I was mesmerized by its patterns, the way my smoke entwined with someone else, dancing with each other before melting into one big puffy cloud. Each time more drifted from the end of my joint, I would watch it as it grew from something small to something huge, to finding someone else's smoke and then becoming one with them… it was like watching a persons life, but this started and ended in a matter of seconds. _

_If I was smoke, I'd have drifted out of the end of my joint and immediately joined with James, I wouldn't have had time to grow and be independent… we would be at one from birth._

"_Wow. That's pretty deep shit." Someone said besides me. I turned my gaze away from the smoke to see a handsome guy with dark curly hair, it was very messy and I had a sudden urge to run my fingers through it… but I resisted._

"_Yeah. Totally…" Someone else called out from a distance, but the air was too thick for me to see them._

"_What's deep?" I asked, confused over this sudden random conversation._

"_What you just said then." Handsome guy next to me stated as he let out more smoke, that filled the foggy air, from his luscious lips. The way they made an 'o' shape as he blew out the white smoke… I wanted him to talk more… I wanted to stare at those lips as they moved with every word… I wanted to lick them as they moved open and shut… I wanted to _be_ his lips…_

"_I didn't say anything." I whispered; my eyes transfixed on his lips._

"_About you and James… and the smoke…" His mouth stopped moving to my disappointment and I looked into his blue eyes, his expression confused… and then it hit me. _I said that that out loud?_ "Yes you did." He replied to my obviously now spoken thoughts._

Shit._ I looked around the room; James' friends had come around for a 'stoner session' as someone liked to call in his group. We were all in our living room, the coffee table had been pushed against a wall and everyone was relaxing either on the couch, in front of the couch or around the couch forming a semi-circle._

"_I think you and James are so sweet." A girl I'd never seen before spoke up, her red lips startled me and her piercing blue eyes grew wide as she spoke. Her hand trailed up James' leg and stopped a little too high… not like I cared. He draped his arm around her and hugged her to his side; he smiled at her lips, a familiar greedy expression plastered on his face. That same expression has been aimed my way far too many times for my liking. He wanted to fuck her._

_I didn't know anyone here, besides Jim, James' drug dealer and one other guy Harry who always called me a pixie when ever he got drunk or stoned. He burst out laughing and pointed his joint towards me… _here we go._ "You know what you are?" He didn't give me time to reply sarcastically. "Tinker bell!" He burst out laughing and brought on a round of "Oh yeah" and "I totally agree" from his audience._

"_I've never heard anyone call me _that_ before." I replied back in a bored tone, the weed effect starting to ware off slightly._

_I was sat on the couch, trapped in between handsome guy and Jim. Some other girl was sat next to Jim who looked like she had suffered from a bad case of acne when she was younger; leaving terrible skin that looked rough to touch. James was sat facing me, canoodling up to the red head who keeps whispering things in his ear while practically giving him a hand job. The air was getting thicker as minutes ticked by so I couldn't really make out anyone else… again, something I didn't really care to pay attention to._

"_Hey." Jim whispered in my ear, my stomaching dropping as realisation hit me… _not tonight… please, not tonight.

_I didn't reply back, I just smiled and stared straight at James, trying to pass on the message I wasn't up for it tonight. But his eyes were only for her… I sighed loudly as Jim started to trail a hand up my left thigh, gripping and squeezing it lightly as he did so. I closed my eyes, willing myself to just blank out everything from now on… _yet another impossible task._ My eyes flashed open at Jim's close proximity, he started to inhale the smell of my hair, trailing his nose up my neck and humming in pleasure. He grabbed my left hand, placing it on his right thigh and moving it up his leg until I reached his bulging crotch. _Oh no_…_

_James suddenly got up, pulling miss red head with him and leading her to _our_ bedroom. I aimed a disgusted look his way before he disappeared with her, hand in hand walking down the hallway…leaving me with _his_ friends. _Fucking jerk! _I closed my eyes once again as he started to trail light kisses up my neck, which soon turned into a trail as his tongue moved its way across my skin. Handsome guy moved next to me and I opened my eyes to see his disappointed face, I tried to convey the message in my eyes that I was sorry and I'd much rather him be doing this to me, than him… but he moved, leaving a warm patch next me and more room for Jim to push me into as his body wormed its away on top of me. Why weren't any of James' friends asking questions about this? Why weren't they telling him to get off me? Were they all fucking sick in the head, just fucking each other without a care in the world? _

_I heard a whistle near the hallway and my eyes sprang to James as he nodded his head, his eyes full of lust and glazed over, his top was also missing along with his pants. I knew what that nod meant, I knew what I had to do now… I swallowed hard and watched as James disappeared once more. _Just do it Mary, get it over and done with._ I turned my head towards Jim who was moving his crotch against my left thigh, dry humping me softly as his moans grew to a level where I was embarrassed that he was doing this, even in front of these sick perverts. _

"_Wanna take this to the bedroom?" I whispered in his ear, trying to sound as seductive as possible. He nodded his head against my neck, sucking on the same spot softly. I pushed him off me softly, trapping his brown eyes into a forced lustful gaze. He moved off of me and helped me off the couch. I inhaled one last long drag on my joint before dropping it in an ashtray and leading him to the second bedroom. _

_I opened the door and he pressed his body against my back, pushing me forwards but keeping his bulge firmly pressed against my back… I was very short for my age, as so many people love to point out. He kicked the door shut once we were inside, the sound forming another memory in my head as the sound rung in my ears, waking my senses up, telling me that I didn't really want to do this… but I had to. I turned slowly on the spot._

"_Oh baby, you're so sexy." He whispered, his hands immediately groping my breasts. "Fucking sexy…" He kissed my neck. "So sexy…" He continued to whisper through kisses. "You make me so damn hot." My stomach turned over at his crude comments, each one taking a blow to my stomach as my body protested, hating, despising every touch and word he did and spoke. _

_I hummed in his ear, spurring him on, feeding his ego and dick. "I like that." I whispered, the words were forced but he was too far gone to notice the way I delivered my rehearsed lines. "Lay down on the bed." I kissed him below the ear and he brushed past the side of me, practically sprinting to the bed in his eagerness. _

_Well… the sooner this is over, the better. I turned around slowly, staring at his greedy expression and keeping a forced smile on my face. "Take them off." He asked me, his eyes staring intently on my body, his eyes roaming from my breasts and down my whole body. I moved my eyes up to his face seductively, capturing his attention as I slowly moved my hands over my stomach, removing my top… shredding my dignity. It dropped to the floor and so did his mouth as his eyes scanned my braless chest. I moved my hands to my trousers, slowly and painfully for him, pulling them down, revealing my skimpy underwear._

"_You now." I commanded and walked towards the bed… because this is what I do. This is my job. James orders drugs from Jim and instead of James cashing out and paying for the drugs like any ordinary person, he gets me to fuck his drug dealer, puts me through countless nightmares, countless bad memories that every time destroys a piece of me. I was just a puppet for James to command, a toy that he can just use whenever he wants and he knows I wouldn't do anything about it. _

_I walked over to him, closing down my mind, shutting down from reality because this was another time where I tried my best not to remember…as always, it was no use, as each memory is imprinted into my brain so that one day I will drag it up when I least want to…_

--

The memory didn't faze me in any way; I'd done that so many times now it was becoming a routine. This showed the darker side of James the way he used me to do things, commanding me, showing me who is boss in this relationship. I really was like his human puppet, he just moved me where ever he wanted, then cut the strings where he landed me and then I do what he asks of me.

With Jim, I can't complain that much. Heroin is more the blame, that addictive drug that craves my every need. I sleep with Jim in order to feed that crave, and without Heroin I would be nothing… I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't escape for the two hours that Heroin provides me, pleasure land is what I crave and a place I most look forwards to visiting. What would I be without that? I'd be someone who walks around, an empty shell. I'd be nothing. It's sad, pathetic, idiotic, crazy and insane to look forwards to taking Heroin everyday, I know that, I tell myself that everyday. But it still doesn't stop me wanting it, and I wouldn't take that need away, because it's the only thing that tells me I'm still alive, that I still have feelings and needs in this world. Without that, I'm nothing.

I got up from the table having finished the vile food and I was pleased that I'd managed to keep it down, and surprisingly I felt full. I moved to the sink, my back not really aching anymore now that I'd rested it. I turned on the tap; filling the washing bowl with cold water… we didn't have hot water, yet another bill James refused to cash out for. He walked up behind me and placed a tender kiss on the top of me head, his arms worming around my waste and lightly pressing my back to his naked body. "I'm sorry I made you eat before. I just don't like that you never eat… I feel I have to make you. I want you to be strong, you know?" He whispered into my hair, kissing it once more and I closed my eyes, a single tear running down my face.

"I know." I softly spoke back, my voice hiding my silent tears. How did I end up with this life? In this confused relationship were he makes me do the most unforgivable things, yet I depend on him to live, depend on him to feed my addiction. He says he loves me, I feel that he loves me on the inside but shows me the opposite, what kind of a life is this?

_It's a life I can never get out of… It's the only life I've ever truly known._

* * *

_So... there it was. I cant tell you how heartbreaking it is to write Alice in this way. Shes such a lovely character in the Twilight books, i adore her! And making her a druggy and a prositute was a hard decision to make. But we cant be nice, she is in a terrible situation and the flashbacks WILL get worse! Shes had a horrible eight years with James, so prepare!_

_Each chapter will have a flashback... like she explained in this chapter, everything in that house holds a memory for her. And plus, you all want to know whats happened to her over the eight years dont you? And why she believes shes Mary Witherdale... All will be explained!_

_OK, next chapter will __kind of__explain the layout of this story, _hint_ its the title. And obviously the chapter itself will make sense... _

_Please leave a review and __thank you for reading!_


	4. 1:00am

**A/N:**_ Finally! Sorry guys for the looong wait. To make up for it, were giving you two chapters! So I'll be posting the next one after this. We want more reviews! We hardly got any last chapter, so please, if your reading...** review**. It really does help when we get feedback. We are doing this you you guys to enjoy, so let us know if were doing something you are liking._

_Enough from me... enjoy this chapter.  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

_

* * *

_

August 3rd 2009

**1:00am**

**APOV**

My arms were aching so much and the pain in my wrist wasn't any better. The dishes needed washing since they haven't been touched in God knows how long and of course I was the one who got to do the honours by washing the cheap looking pieces of crap. I didn't even have gloves to wear, so I had last months dinner crammed underneath what I had left of my finger nails.

I grabbed the last plate and scrubbed at it as long as I could. I couldn't exactly see my face in it, but seriously… like any one like _me_ would give a shit how clean a plate is. I hardly ever eat off of these things anyway. I placed it with the rest to dry and turned around, my eyes focusing on the clock. _Great_. 1:14am… I sighed heavily. Why can't I just be normal and sleep like a normal person? My sleep schedule was none existent… The one thing that I loved most in this world, needed in this world and craved, was the one thing that determined when I got to some sleep. _Heroin_. I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about it now.

I heard the sound of feet shuffling against the floor and realised James had walked into the room. He was looking at me expectantly so I walked over to stand in front of him. I stretched upwards, with a lot of effort onto my tip toes, so I was able to kiss him softly on the lips. He grabbed my face with both his hands and I could feel his rough skin against my face. He held my face to his in a firmer grip and I was thankful he didn't try and deepen the kiss because I was pretty sure that if I hadn't thrown up about an hour ago he wouldn't have been pleased with my reaction.

He finally let me go, pleased that he had gotten what he wanted as he always does. I hated how much control he had over me… I wouldn't get a moment in piece if I didn't do what he wanted. I looked up at him and he smiled at me as if to say _"damn right"_. I hated that smile and sometimes I had the odd dream where I would smack it straight off his face… I always woke up with the biggest smile on my face after and James would ask me why I look like I've just won the lottery and I would respond with. "I was just dreaming of you." I don't think he ever doubted me either… _sucker_.

I entered the bathroom and with every step I took, it was like pain I had never felt before… until it happened again that is. Shooting pains shot up my legs, reaching my butt cheeks, and when I thought it wouldn't get any worse, the pain shot up my spine… _It never ended._ Right… Left… Right… left, each step, a shock like electricity, meeting together at the bottom of my spine. I sighed and took off my clothes carefully once I reached the mirror. I tried to ignore the pain I felt as my arms moved up my body, pealing my clothes away. I was kind of an expert at this by now but I still felt the shooting pain now and again. I threw my clothes towards the door and gave it a dirty look… James had removed the lock the moment I moved in, not liking the idea of me being locked in a room without him. I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror and realised my hands were shaking a little… I knew this would gradually get worst as the day went on.

Reluctantly, I forced myself to take in my appearance and it almost brought tears to my eyes… I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I brought a hand up and lightly touched my face… _this girl… it wasn't me…_ _Was it?_ My hair was short, black and flat, almost as if it had no life to it. It was a little uneven in places because I had cut it myself and it wasn't the easiest job to do in the world. The thought of it growing past my shoulders made me shudder and cringe… I wasn't exactly the person who knew a lot about this sort of stuff, fashion and how to keep up a good appearance but I knew I would look stupid with long hair. My instincts told me that much.

My eyes shocked me the most, they were black and lifeless… looking into my eyes you would think I had no soul. They showed how much I didn't really care what happened to me at this point… I was just living without actually feeling anything. The rest of my body matched the look in my eyes… _I looked like death._ My skin was so pale in contrast to others… like a white sheet or a cloud on a summer's day. I had random bruises here and there, scattered like blue, purple and yellow splotches according to how old or new they were, from head to toe. This was due to the abuse I had inflicted upon myself through the years, drugs… James also had a few he could claim as his own too.

I had dark shadows that I thought were everlasting underneath my eyes. My cheeks were hollow and I had no shape to my body… I don't think I ever had. My skin I thought was one of the worst parts… as if being covered in rainbow bruises wasn't enough; it was so dry and flaky in places. It made me disgusted to even look at it… It was as if the life I had, had been sucked out of me leaving nothing but a shell… I wouldn't be surprised if I was mistaken for a walking corpse. My eyes travelled down my left arm scanning the bruises the few needles I had used, had left. I didn't like to inject, but James insists you get a better effect and it was true. The experience was intensified… but I hated needles, so it was rare I used them. I preferred to snort my stuff… it was quick, easy and it does the job. My eyes continued to trail around my body until they finally landed on my left hand and finally rested on the ring sitting on my 3rd finger.

_--_

_12:00pm_

_It's my 18th birthday today and I was pretty sure that a normal teenager would have been jumping up and down on the spot right now having all their birthday wishes come true. They would have run down their stairs happily, giddily and opened their presents laid out before them, organized from small to large… or some lucky teenager would get breakfast in bed to start off their special day, a loving family staring at them while they open their eyes to a day that they will never forget. Whereas for me_… it was just another day._ I never celebrated my birthday and come to think of it, I can't even remember if I ever did. All I remember is _James_… I don't remember anything before him and I was more than positive he was my future. I couldn't ever see myself getting out of this life. _

_I woke up facing the alarm clock. I had had about four hours of sleep to my surprise. Heroin normally only allowed me about two hours after each dose…and as soon as my eyes opened, each time the shakes began almost immediately, only this time the need for that drug was more powerful than ever… I woke as if it was just another painful day. My eyes moved from our alarm clock, to James sat at the end of our bed waiting patiently (for once I might add) for me to wake up. I looked up at him curiously, wondering what it was he had hidden in his hands. He noticed I was staring at what he was trying to conceal in his lose grip and he crawled up the bed and sat next to me. He sprawled his legs out comfortably along the side of mine, which were snugly tucked away under our bed sheets. Then he snaked an arm over my shoulders, successfully hiding his surprise this whole time._

"_Hold out your hands." He asked of me softly… not a hint of hardness to his tone and for once it wasn't a command. I raised my right eyebrow and I saw his face lift up into a smile at one corner of his mouth. Both of my eyebrows were now raised at his sudden mood swing. _Who was this stranger?

_I moved them in front of me, holding them together and waiting for him to hand me his surprise. We both saw my shaking hands but he ignored it as he moved his arm from around my shoulders and grabbed my hands gently to pry my fingers flat open, only to slap whatever it was he had been hiding from me against the palms of my hands. I looked down and gasped in shock to see what I was looking at. _

"_Wha-" I trailed off. My breathing heavy as my heart thudded loudly against my chest. My hands were no longer shaking because of the need for that wonderful, white powder._

_Once the sudden shock was over, confusion replaced it… what was he planning? It's not like he had ever really cared about my birthday before… was he planning on taking me away somewhere? I almost snorted at my stupid thoughts, well that was a certainty seen as I'm currently holding a passport in my hands. I was still holding my hands away from me as if his present was contagious…I swallowed hard and brought it closer towards me quickly, as not to offend him. _

_I flipped to the back page and easily found my photo. My eyes were tinged with dark shadows underneath them, my skin pale, my eyes almost black… matching my messily cut hair. He had used one from the day he took me to get a few pictures done at the local shops. He had insisted that I go into the photo booth as he supposedly had no decent pictures of me. I guess I now know the real reason as to why he wanted me to get them pictures done – He was buying me a passport… but again, where was he taking me? For once I was a little excited but nervous at the same time. On one hand I was kind of happy that he was making an effort on my birthday especially since it was the big _ONE EIGHT_. It was a big mile stone in a teenager's life and was supposed to be celebrated. _

_On the other hand… I had no idea what kind of place he had in mind. I knew James well and he wouldn't waste money on something he didn't think was worth it. I mean, he didn't even pay the damn water bill! If he was planning on taking me somewhere I wanted it to be, which would be a nice place for once which looked decent and relaxing and not a shit-hole hotel where he gets us a room for free, for sleeping with the receptionist. I guess I should just be grateful he acknowledge that this day was suppose to be special for me and I should suck it up no matter what kind of rat infested hotel room awaited me._

_James cleared his throat to catch my attention. "Hurry up and get dressed. We have a long night ahead us." His tone was still soft, even a little excited. And it didn't escape my noticed how he used the word 'night' instead of day. He crawled to the end of the bed again, clumsily landing his feet to the floor with a loud bang. He stopped before he exited the room, his back still facing me and he grunted. "Happy birthday."_

_I sat there shocked. I couldn't believe what he had just said to me… for the first time, James had just told me, "Happy birthday." Not once had he ever and I mean _EVER_ said them two little words to me. It probably doesn't mean as much to anybody else but to me _of course_ it's a big deal. When you're a kid those are the first words you're met with from the moment you wake up with hugs and people singing to you and a specially made cake. I couldn't help but hope for one of those moments this morning before I opened my eyes and was greeted with my present life… If I ever got the chance to make a special wish when I blew out my candles… I'd wish to have my family back, _even if it was just for _one_ day.

_I finally rolled out of bed and jumped into the shower. My bones protested with each movement and my stomach turned over with the pain of moving so fast. I didn't take my time like I usually would, I knew how pissed he got when I dawdled in the shower, especially when he had plans ahead of him. Also, I was wide awake right now, a cold shower did nothing but make my bones crash down onto each other, crying with the icy pain. I knew he would be getting impatient, so I just do what I normally do but faster and grabbed the first clothes my fingers touched out of my small closet. I ran a brush through my damp hair, my shaking not helping at all… would he give me something before we went on this planned journey of his? I knew I wouldn't be able to go much longer… it was 5 hours since my last dose of heroin; my insides were already screaming and begging for more…_

_Though my body was screaming the word Heroin on repeat in my head, I forced myself onwards and headed for the kitchen to get some breakfast; my stomach had been growling since I got up, poor thing. I hadn't eaten since… I couldn't remember. I rounded the corner and found James sat at the small kitchen table waiting for me with some toast. I was again left shocked at this new man that sat facing me as I ate quickly and before I knew it we had caught a taxi to the airport, checked in and now we were waiting to board our plane to _Vegas.

_James had told me to just pack a few things because we would only be there for a few days to take care of some 'business'. I was definitely a little on edge now to know his plans… but my mind was focused on more important things: _My craving and how to get my hands on some drugs! _By this point, it had now struck five hours since my last dose… my mind was constantly picturing that white powder and craving the effects more than anything. My body felt like it was breaking down on me, the word Heroin had now been replaced by Pleasure Land… I wasn't the only missing the effects. My whole body was twitching as if nervous and paranoid. My hands were clammy with sweat and my body was slightly rocking back and forth as we sat down in the terminal waiting for our flight to be called so we can board the plane. I knew now there was no chance in getting my hands on drugs till we get to Vegas… will he give me something then?_

Stop thinking about it!_ I forced my thoughts to steer in another direction as I concentrated my whole mind on thoughts of what we were doing. What kind of business could he be taking care of in Vegas? Was it a drug deal? Had he found the mother lode of all deals? But…he doesn't know anybody in Vegas… _that I'm aware of anyway._ And even if he did know someone in Vegas why wouldn't he tell me? He always tells me what kind of business he's doing and with whom. I was unbelievably anxious now and I couldn't stop fiddling with anything I could get my hands on. I didn't know if that was my anxiousness and nerves, or my body slowly breaking down and breaking past the barrier I had created. I only hoped I wouldn't break down in tears and beg James right now to relieve this pain I was in._

_As time passed and it came closer for us to board the plane I could tell James was getting annoyed with my fidgeting as he kept giving me side glances. I kept taking in deep breaths to calm my nerves and my cravings. To keep myself from fidgeting more, I finally sat on my hands, but then my feet found a rhythm that was tapping Ple-Sure-Land on the floor. _

_James finally snapped and made a scene in the middle of the airport. "Would you STOP fucking tapping. You're driving me crazy." He whisper shouted, silencing my beat and my heartbeat. Eyes fell upon the two of us, a mother grabbed her child's head, covering his ears and throwing us both a look that said… I wish my kid would fuck off so I could beat your both to a pulp._

_An announcement was made that made us all jump. My hair was stuck to my forehead due to my sweating, the only reason I knew this was it didn't float around my head as it wiped around at the noise. It was time for us to finally board our plane after what felt like hours of waiting… when actually it was just under an hour. James grabbed my hands and lead me towards our plane, my body was screaming and it took every ounce in me to not punch him and scream, "NO!" We finally arrived and sat down in our seats. My body was so exhausted from my cravings that by the time we were settled after all the moving about, as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out cold._

_--_

_4.00pm_

"_Mary." I felt hands grip both of my shoulders. "Mary, wake up. Where here!" _Ugh, James. _He was far too impatient, as he showed, by shaking my body and slamming my back against my seat. I groaned as my head spun with yet more pain. _

_Why can't he just let me sleep forever? Why does he have to wake me up to this pain and this misery? I sighed as I opened my eyes to his crotch. He was getting our carry on luggage from the overhead compartments. He dragged them to the ground and found my hand, pulling me up from my seat and we made our way off of the plane. When we had finally collected our luggage and made it outside we caught another taxi and drove to a small hotel. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind but it could have been worse. We had the basic of rooms, with a tiny bathroom and bedroom with a small kitchen slash sitting area. The place was a little dirty but at least I couldn't see any rats, so that would probably put this hotel in my top five so far. I threw myself down onto the bed still tired after the flight and closed my eyes._

_"You won't be sleeping for long." I opened my eyes and frowned in confusion. "We've got somewhere to be, so don't get too comfortable. You can have a couple of hours before we set off again." I nodded but he was already heading for the door so he didn't see. My heroin needs had taken a new turn for the worst. It felt like my head was heavy as if a boulder was being pressed down upon me. My shakes had given up and left my system, sickness was at the front of my mind now. I sat up; my mouth closing on its own accord, as vomit crawled up my body… _I'm gunna be sick. _I slapped a hand over my mouth and shot to the bathroom. I empted my stomach from the toast I had had this morning. Once my body was feeling weak having given up on vomiting… I curled myself around the basin of the toilet and closed my eyes. Was he coming back with something for me to take? Was I ever going to be relived from this pain, this need, this life…?_

_--_

_6:00pm_

_I awoke after what felt like a few seconds of sleep to James nudging me in the ribs with his foot, trying to wake me up. "I'm up!" I whispered frustrated, my mouth groggy… it really didn't sound like me at all. The nudging was starting to get really annoying.  
_

"_Just making sure… Now hurry your arse up… were leaving." I groaned as my head pounded, it felt like my brain was trying to crawl its way out of my skull. I used the toilet seat to lift my body from the cold hard ground. I flushed the toilet, the smell making me gip. I walked over to the sink to face an unrecognizable girl. My hair was stuck flat to my face, it looked dead. My eyes were the darkest they have ever been and my head was covered in sweat. _I had never looked more like a drug addict than this moment in time._ I came out of the bathroom after a few minutes; I splashed water on my face secretly hoping there was a chemical in it that would change this appearance… But when I dried my face with the towel, it was just plain, disturbing me. _

_James was ready and waiting with the hotel door open, disappointment filled the many feelings whizzing around my body as I realised I wouldn't be getting anything just yet. Was he taking me somewhere now to take this all away? My cravings woke up, and my eyes opened in alarm… It had been the longest I had ever gone without drugs, ten hours. I walked over to where he was and out the door leaving him to lock it behind me._

_I so desperately wanted to ask him where we were going but I was too scared to. I didn't want to make him mad but I just had to know… In the end my curiosity got the better of me and I ended up asking him anyway. "Where are we going?" I croaked, my voice sounded rough. The question scratched against my throat, I wasn't sure if it was due to being sick hours ago or my need coming to life again, anxious to know the answer more than me._

_He gave a small laugh and said. "That's for me to know and for you to soon find out." I hated that answer… and so did my cravings._

_I nodded in disappointed and stepped out into the warm air and stood aside of James as he got us a taxi. We hopped in and James bent over and whispered directions so I couldn't hear and the taxi took off. I rolled my eyes and hugged myself into a small ball away from James in the back seat. I pressed my head against the window and allowed the coldness to wake me up a little… this was officially the worst birthday ever. _

_As the taxi drove through the different streets I tried so hard to even come up with a good enough idea of where we could possibly be going but each time I couldn't help but hope he was taking us somewhere good that had loads of drugs. I didn't like the way James was being so secretive and so anxious himself. I could tell he wanted to get to this secret destination as much as I did. Was he craving drugs too? I smiled sarcastically to myself, he was always better at hiding his needs than I was. Overall… I had a bad feeling and knew what ever it was that he has planned its not going to be good for me. _

_Hopes and reality are two different things; I had learnt that lesson well over the years. Sure, I can hope he's taking me to some wonderful place where my pain will be taken away… but in reality, it was never as simple as that. It was always much, much worse… I actually felt sick to my stomach now with nervous. I realised the taxi was slowing down and I took a look around. I knew I would never forget the moment my eyes landed on The Little White Chapel. My heart actually stopped beating for a second as everything came together and I couldn't- no_ didn't _want to believe that this was happening…_

"_That will be 10 dollars please." James handed the guy the money and turned towards me. I knew what I must have looked like with my eyes as wide as they were… a deer caught in head lights. What the fuck was happening? He scooted towards me and opened my door, practically pushing me out of it and he followed once I was out unharmed. He shut the door and turned to see my startled face._

"_This…" He grabbed my shoulders, though as stiff as they were, he managed to turn and face me once again towards The Little White Chapel. "Is where were getting married." He bent his head down to my ear. "Happy birthday." He told me for the second time. He kissed me below my ear, but I didn't feel it, I only heard the noise that send a terrifying shock of fear down my spine. _

"_What…" I whispered, my voice shaking. "What are you talking about?" I turned to face him, my eyes filling with water, praying this was all a joke. But as he grabbed my left hand… my feet soon found the soft white carpet leading towards the chapel room, where I would soon be made, Mrs Mary Witherdale. _

_He told the receptionist our names and apparently she had been expecting us. He still held my left hand; gripping it tightly as if afraid I would flee from this place. Very tempting, I thought. Before we entered the room and out of earshot from the receptionist, he whispered some reassuring words. "After this is over, I have some Heroin back at the hotel. I was lucky enough to get some off of a friend staying here in Vegas." He stroked the side of my face, once, with the back of his hand, my heart beating so hard against my chest… and not over his affection. I didn't know what to concentrate on… my needs as his words sent my cravings into overdrive. Or the fact I was about to get married, on my 18__th__ birthday! "Let's go." He smiled at me, but I didn't return it. However, I let him pull me towards the chapel without having to put much effort in. The sooner this was over, the sooner I would be reunited with my one true love… Sweet _Heroin.

_--_

That was one of the worst days of my life… and that's saying a lot after what I've been through. I turned the shower on and it ran cold through my fingers… no surprise there. I couldn't even remember the last time I actually had a hot shower. The weight of the ring on my finger seemed heavier then usual, so I ripped of the cheap piece of crap and threw it on the floor making sure it landed on my clothes so it didn't make a sound. I didn't need him storming in here demanding to know why I had taken it off. I'd done it once before and I don't ever want to face that side off him again. I cringed at the thought, a memory I wanted to stay hidden forever. I finally climb into the shower and let the cold water wash over me… it almost felt like I was washing all the fears and anger away and leaving nothing behind… _a girl can dream_… And then the tears came. I knew this would be a long shower because these tears weren't going to end anytime soon. I just… _hated everything!_ I hated this life that I've come accustomed to… I hated _him_ even more… I hated the fact that I was given this life… I didn't even know what I had done so wrong to deserve it. I just wish I could remember life before I ended up here… In this shit hole for a home, with _him_ and living this way.

I walked into the bedroom after my much needed shower; my skin was irritating me as it itched, sweated, shook… My insides were burning with a familiar feeling and I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I was pretty sure I was about to explode any minute now. My body was aching for heroin… it was the drug my body and me enjoyed the most. It was like an out of body experience for me. I heard James clear his throat and I raised my head to look up at him, to find he's stood waiting at the window, next to the bed. He turns and walks towards it and I quickly follow knowing what's to come…

_My reflection shows a monster, a zombie… a girl you wouldn't give that second glance… My insides crave that second look, but who am I kidding? _

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_Her life just gets worse doesnt it? More shall be revealed on her and we are warning you now, were only just getting started. Alice has been through the workings of Hell, James being the devil himself. We are sorry if this was too upsetting, this tragic story will have a happy ending... we hope. _

_Jasper shall be back next chapter, so will a bit of Alice. Are you getting the idea of this story yet? Last chapter was titled 12:00am, this is titled 1:00am and the next will be titled 2:00am. So this whole story will be 24 hours, meaning 24 chapters. Its a day in the life of Alice and Jasper... what happens... you shall soon find out!  
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_Thanks for reading. Please review... i shall post the next chapter soon! _


	5. 2:00am

**A/N:**_ As promised, another chapter... and many more to come. We hear from Jasper again as he heads for Univeristy and a new life in Texas! There is a bit of Alice at the end of this chapter, so enjoy it! Please leave a review if your reading. Also, big thanks to those who added us to your story alerts and favourites. We appreciate it. *Smiles.*  
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_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Jasper and Alice  
_

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August 3rd 2009

**2:00am**

**JPOV**

I knew being away from Forks would be hard. One reason… _was being away from Rose._ She's the reason I'm here today, sat in this cab and heading towards campus, towards my new life in university. She's helped me through so much during the past eight years by keeping my soul alive, my spirit slightly upbeat, even if it wasn't much effort on my behalf, it was better than being a walking zombie for the rest of my life, avoid from all emotions. I owed her this; I knew I had to make a go at my life, for her at least… I wanted to show her that all her effort and time she had spent with me over the past eight years, wasn't wasted. I wanted to show her that I loved her and appreciated everything little and big thing she has ever done for me… she was my reason now; she was the one whom I loved the most in my life, I just wanted to make her happy.

The main reason that pained me was being away from _her. _Alice. So many memories hidden in the cracks of Forks, so many good times I shared with her during those precious childhood years… being away from Forks was leaving those memories behind. I was afraid I would forget… the smell of her sweet scent… the touch of her soft, fairy skin. I knew she wasn't with me now, hasn't been with me for the past eight years, but Forks held those smells, feelings and senses… Forks, _was_ my saviour and without Forks, I had no Alice. I had no memories besides those stored in my brain… but how long before I forgot? Being in Forks allowed me to never forget… _it wouldn't let me._

"We're nearly there." Bob, the taxi driver called out, breaking me out of my thoughts. He was extremely polite, introducing himself as I climbed into the taxi when he picked me up from the airport. He provided small talk for the first five minutes but soon gave up as he could see I was light-years away, my thoughts beyond this taxi. "Are you ok?" He asked kindly, I turned my attention towards him now, giving him a small smile, lightening the mood. If there was one thing I had learnt in the past eight years, it was being able to fake emotions and please others. Just a simple smile went a long way and instantly changed the atmosphere, to just bearable on my behalf.

"I'm fine thanks." I replied, keeping the friendly smile forced on my face. The only thing that gave me away, to those close to me (that being Rose), was that the smile I forced never reached my eyes. Rose saw right through me. The first time I tried it, she called me out…

_I was 12 years old and I was sat in the living room with my mum, dad and Rose. The TV was on and my eyes were burned onto the screen, never moving from it… but for the life of me I couldn't tell you what it was I was watching. It was just a blur, a blur of moving colours and the odd faceless figure; the sounds were distant, almost faint. I was just staring, mind numbed at the screen._

_I felt eyes seeking me from around the room. _Three_ pairs of eyes to be exact… but it didn't break my fixed gaze on the TV. My eyes felt dry and I was worried I wouldn't be able to blink and freshen them up, my head was starting to hurt a little… but I never removed my gaze because I knew what would most likely happen if I did. They all knew what would happen… hence the stares. _I would break down into tears, tears beyond my control and tears that would feel like they would never end.

"_Jazz, honey." My mum called out, her voice louder than the TV noises, but only just… she still sounded distant. "Do you want some cake?" She waited for me to speak and when I didn't reply she carried on with her temptations. "It's your favourite… Double chocolate fudge cake." She waited again, the pause shorter this time as I continued to stare straight at the TV set. "I made it my-" My dad finally broke my gaze as he startled me by interrupting my mum._

"_Damn is Judy, he doesn't _want_ any!" He growled and turned his whole body, away from me, away from the entire room. My eyes grew wide as they fixed themselves on the back of his head. Still unblinking… still dry… still hurting…but I didn't care; I was shocked at his sudden outburst._

"_Michael." My mum whispered but I detected her pleading tone. She was shocked, hurt and wanted an apology._

"_Don't _Michael_ me." He whined, trying to impersonate my mum when he spoke his name. "Can't you see he doesn't fucking want the damn cake? Can't you see he doesn't want a_nything?_" He stood up from the couch and stormed from the room, ripping my heart just that little bit more. I knew what I was doing to this family, it was clear for everyone to see. I was straining my relationship with everyone in this house and everyone I knew; the only person who cared deeply for me was Rose, which was the only relationship which grew stronger._

_I turned my attention towards her now, blinking my dry eyeballs, they hurt a lot, but they soon adjusted and got used to focusing onto her… and as soon as they did, I wished they hadn't. _She was fuming._ No, that wasn't the right word,_ _she was furious beyond words. Her face was red, her eyebrows were so low I could barley see her eyes, her nostrils were flared and her mouth was locked at the jaw. I could tell she was gritted her teeth, biting back any comment she wanted to share for his rude statement._

_I sensed the tense atmosphere and I turned towards my mother. Her eyes were wide, hurt left behind in them… I hated my father for the way he treated this family. I hated myself more for creating the monster he is today. She smiled at me, her eyes filling to the brim with water, like they always did when she got upset with my father. I moved my lips upwards, giving her a small smile which seemed to help her and change the atmosphere for her slightly. Her answering smile moved from forced to genuine. It was the first smile I had given her in over a year; it felt weird to move my lips upwards into a smile, it felt stiff and fake… and I hoped she couldn't tell._

_She got up from the couch and patted my head. "I'll get you that cake." I heard the sob in her throat. She bent down and kissed my cheek before she exited the room. I knew exactly what she was going to do, she was going to cry and she wasn't coming back for a while with that cake._

"_I can't believe him." Rose fumed as soon as the room was clear. "And I can't believe _you._" I furrowed my eyebrows at her comment, the smile fading quickly from my face. _

"_What?" I croaked, my mouth feeling dry. Which I knew was due to lack of use._

"_You. That smile. How fake can you get?" She got up from the couch and sat next me, close to me, and pulled my body towards hers, closing me into a tight hug. We heard my mum's soft cries in the kitchen, silencing us while Rose calmed down. I felt her body shake with anger, her breathing on the top of my head was heavy… but the shaking soon stopped and her chest stopped heaving till I knew her heart beat was at a normal speed. The TV was completely mute to me now, it was still on, but I couldn't hear a thing, everything was just… none existent, not important. I felt like I was shutting down from everything. I just had no energy in me._

"_I'm sorry." I whispered._

"_I'm sorry too; I didn't mean to get mad at you." She sighed and I hugged her back, enjoying the feeling of affection and the closeness. "What was with that smile though?" She was confused; I could hear it in her tone. "Don't get me wrong, it was nice to see it back on your face, even if it _was_ forced." She spoke the word _'was'_ playfully; her tone was clear from all anger. I liked that my hugs could calm her down and lighten her mood. It made me feel useful for at least something._

"_Mum." We both sighed together after I spoke the word, I think she knew why I did it just by that, but I carried on with my explanation. "I know she tries with me… and I know I hurt her when I ignore her and… when dad shouts… well… mum hates it, but she tries to show it doesn't… when I looked at her sad face and her forced smile… I… couldn't help but do it back." I stammered with my speech, bringing it to an end as she got the message. If it's a fake smile that makes her happy, I'd put that effort in more often… I vowed to myself I would do that for them and make it easier on everyone. Seeing that answering smile from my mum, no matter how sad she was, it still made her happy to see me smile. I wanted them to be happy, even if I was a crushed soul inside. I could learn to force that smile… I _will _learn._

"_Well…" She paused for a second and pulled her body away from mine. I moved my head so I could look into her eyes. "If you're going to do that to make mum happy… I don't want you to do it for me. I want a _genuine _smile from you and if I have to wait till were old and wrinkly, I'll wait till I get to see it again. I _know_ you will smile again." She hugged me once more, closing our bodies into another impossibly tighter embrace. Even though she couldn't see me, _I knew she felt it._ My lips folded upwards on their own accord, her words washing through me, making me forget… Rose could do anything. She hugged me tighter. "Thank you." She whispered into my ear and I felt a tear fall down my cheek._

_It wasn't mine. It was hers. A happy tear_… I hoped.

"I'll get your bags out of the trunk." He called out again, his voice seeming distant.

"Wha-… Oh… thank you." I shook my head, bringing myself back to reality. I unbuckled my seatbelt, hoping we hadn't been waiting here for long. He looked concerned at my glazed over look, he knew something was on my mind but I shrugged it off and played the fake card. "I'll help." I made my tone happier, exaggerating a little too much but it seemed to work.

We climbed out of the car in sync and worked our way to the boot. I inhaled the fresh air, enjoying the new breeze. "University huh? The biggest years of your life, you excited?" He tried to make conversation again and I realised I hadn't even took in the view yet.

"Erm, yeah." I sighed and dragged out a duffle bag while Bob pulled out my suitcase. I didn't own many things, but Rose went out and shopped for new clothes and other things she thought I would need, telling me to trust her in what she buys me. I didn't really care to be honest, as long as I have clothes on my back, I couldn't care less what they looked like.

"OK, well…" He walked to the front of his car to read the meter, seeing how much I owed him. "That will be 13 dollars please." I shut the boot and handed him the money, telling him to keep the change. "Hey…" He walked up to me and placed his right hand on the back of his car casually, leaning his weight on it. "I don't know your situation and I know it's not my business… but it seems to me, that you have the classic case of missing someone… maybe a girlfriend? I don't know. But if it is… hold onto her man, a high school sweetheart is someone you need to treasure forever; they normally turn out to be your truelove. Not many people stay strong with believing that, they find someone else when they move onto college or university. Stay strong." He patted my arm twice then turned on his heal.

I was stunned. I stayed where I was as he drove away. Was I really that obvious? I mean, the situation might not be exactly how he put it; he was far from the truth of it. But the moral behind his sudden speech was the same… that I shouldn't forget her. I can't forget her; I don't want to forget her. Even if she is dead or still alive out there, I will never give up the hope of seeing her face one more time, speaking her name out loud once more without pain shooting through my heart, touching her, kissing her… loving her again. I was sad that it showed on my face, how much I missed her, I didn't want to feel this way. There where days where I wished, willed myself to just forget for one day, feel normal once again… but it was impossible. Inside I'm broken, missing a piece of my soul and I will never be whole again until I'm with her once more.

I sighed long and hard. I was stranded in Texas; well at least it felt that way. I just had to remind myself I was proving to my family I didn't need them, I could take care of myself and try to make something of my life. I knew this mission was hard, almost on the verge of impossible, but it was something I'm not going to dwell on right now, I'm going to take each day as they come. Just like I've been doing everyday, since the worst day of my life…

I finally took in the university view, my new life and a fresh new start. It was 2:15am in the morning so no one was about, the dark night hiding the sources in which thrashing noises where being made. _Trees_, I figured. After living in Forks all your life you get used to that sound… it was familiar, homey, it was nice. The air smelt different though, with all the trees surrounding Forks, the air was thick and strong and you could almost taste the nature in your mouth. Here, the air was still, unfamiliar, different in an almost suffocating way; I needed that familiarity like I needed to breathe. _I need to stop comparing this to Forks! _I swallowed hard and dragged my suitcase behind me while throwing my other bag over my left shoulder. I worked my way towards the Welcome Centre which shone in big letters, lighting up in the dark.

I passed the tallest buildings on campus, holding all the student accommodations. They were known as The Moody Towers… also, my new home. It loomed over me, tall in the darkness, casting darker shadows in the moonlight. The only reason I could see how tall it was, was because of the light from random windows as students were still up. I moved on my steps, the Welcome Centre was literally right next to it, so I didn't have to drag and carry my heavy luggage too far.

I nudged the door with my hip, relief washing through me that it was still open… although I knew it would be seen as students will have been arriving all weekend at every hour and they needed their key to their new accommodation. There was a queue of one person standing behind a guy and a girl getting served by two women behind a large desk. The warmth felt good against my cold skin and I shut the door immediately as the draft clearly made everyone shudder.

"Morning." Someone spoke next to me. I smiled at him and he handed me a leaflet. I put my bag on the floor and he gestured for me to step out of the way so people can get in and out and also to join the queue.

"Sorry." I muttered as I picked up my heavy duffle bag once more. I nearly cursed out loud… what has Rose packed me?

There was a girl with bright pink hair in front of me, waiting to be served next. She wore leopard skin tights with a short denim skirt. Her top matched her tights, clinging to her arms and figure like a leotard and she wore a small black waistcoat on top; it was cut off at the shoulders. I couldn't see if she had it fastened at the front. Her shoes were gold and I was confused how someone would dare step out in public like this. Her accessories only added to her wild appearance, bright coloured earrings dangling from her ears as her hair was tucked behind them. Various colours like a rainbow of bracelets wormed there way up both her arms. When I focused my attention on the other girl getting served by one of the women behind the counter, she also wore bright clothing, clothing I would never have imagine comfortable for someone to wear. Was this Texas fashion? My eyes scanned the guy getting served, dreadlocks and dark gothic clothing. I started to dread what Rose had packed me. Did she think this is the type of stuff I would like to wear? Bright green tops with tight denim pants… or dark black clothing thinking it would match my depressed personality? I swallowed hard and I hadn't realised I was being called next.

I stepped forwards, ignoring the guy as he stalked past me. "Hello dear." She hadn't looked up at me yet from her computer screen and I swallowed once again nervously. "Your name please?" She stopped her typing and finally looked me in the eyes.

"Jasper Hale." I spoke politely and she smiled wide, turning her gaze back to the computer screen.

"Ahh…" She cooed. "Here we are. Mr Jasper Hale." She turned her blue eyes to me again. "Could you just confirm your date of birth for me, please?" I did as she asked and we continued to do this for a few minutes. She asked me personal details, checking it was really me and once I'd finally passed her mini questionnaire she finally got onto the subject I was dreading the most… my accommodation and my new roommate. "You're in room S114, floor 2, in one of The Moody Tower buildings which was on your way in here. You're facing yours as you come out of this building." She noticed by my nod that I knew where it was she was talking about. She handed me a silver key and a new diary and some more leaflets and a welcome letter; which I'm sure to be from the principal of this school introducing us to University life.

"May I ask who my roommate is?" I smiled and swallowed hard again. She nodded her head and checked her computer screen once more.

"His name is Mr Luke Jones." She looked up and smiled once again. "Tomorrow there will be a day of getting to know your fellow class mates. The university do it every year and there will be food and entertainment provided. I'm sure you can follow the crowd to the event, or go down with your new roommate. This event lasts for two days were activities will be set and on Tuesday you will be provided with a timetable to your new schedule… about lunchtime. It will be delivered to your dorm room in a letter, this way you get to spend time in your class groups and get to know your new teachers for the second day of events. Wednesday, lessons start. Any questions?" She smiled once more; her tone was bored as she had repeated this over and over again to student after student as they arrived at odd hours. I shook my head, not needing any more information on the two day event… as I won't showing up to anything

She looked a little confused and a little relieved. I knew people would have been asking about the events over the next few days, and I'm sure she was bored of telling people about it, knowing she can't give too much away. I was an easy customer and she was relieved about that, but she was also confused over my lack of enthusiasm about it… If only she had been through what I have, a dumb school event would be the last thing on her mind. I was here to get an education, not to spend my time making friends and falling behind on work.

I was pleased it was a quick visit in here; I just wanted to get to my new room and get some sleep… exhaustion was really kicking in now. My eyes were starting to close on their own accord and my head was feeling a little faint, while my legs felt heavy as I forced them along in their steps and I forced my body to carry the weight of my bag. The guy who handed me the leaflet on my way in, opened the door for me, walking outside into the chilly night air and I felt his eyes on the back of my head as I walked towards The Moody Towers.

There were two of them; I was in the right one, the one closest to the Welcome Centre. It was 18 stories high, as was the other one, its twin. They shadowed each other and were joined at the bottom by a smaller building, connecting the two like Siamese twins at the hip; this building is known as the commons where students can meet each other from both buildings. I'd researched hard about this school, I wanted to know everything about it and where every building was. I knew which lessons I would be studying and I studied the best roots to each building without being sidetracked by other students.

I shivered in the night air, the trees next to my tower trashing widely against the side of it… it was quiet… too quiet. _I hurried my steps. _Once I was inside, I allowed the warmth to wash over me, like I had in the Welcome Centre. I also allowed the momentary of relief to join the warmth of my body, as I could take in the view without students shouting and running about. I crossed the large common room area. There was a large sofa… no, there were about six sofas, the layout was huge and I was stunned by how it took my breath away. It was warm and inviting, it looked relaxing and I regretted my immediate presumption that this would be a shit hole, somewhere where I would never feel at home, somewhere where students would get drunk and the assigned teachers who live here wouldn't care that students would trash this place. All those went out of the door as I began to feel more relieved at how well this place looked taken care off… maybe this place wouldn't be so bad after all. _Or maybe it was just because this was the first weekend students were back. _

Disappointment replaced everything and I dragged my suitcase forwards, more eager to get to my room now, all dread of meeting my new roommate Luke were gone now. Exhaustion took over, I was fighting sleep. The lifts weren't hard to find, they were straight forwards, across the common room and I pressed in the number 2 out of the list of 17 choices and waited a minute till it pinged and reached my floor. I was pleased we had lifts; I just didn't have the energy to drag my bags up two flights of stairs. I pulled my suitcase along the floor for what felt like the hundredth time tonight and I found my room almost immediately, it was practically facing the lift.

I felt around in the pocket of my jacket for the tiny silver key. Once I found it, I clicked it into the doorknob, the lock at the end of it. I turned it and the door opened with it.

I heard a bed squeaking first. I furrowed my eyebrows and took a step inside.

Then the panting of a male… I moved my head around the door and…

"Oh… YES!" As a girl cried out in pleasure, bouncing on top of what I can only assume was my new roommate, _Luke._

"Oh my god." I called out alerting them to my presence, covering my eyes immediately and pulling myself backwards through the door, slamming it shut as I did so. I'd dropped my duffle bag in my sudden shock and my suitcase lay on the floor, right behind the heels of my feet. I caught hold of the edge and fell backwards, my head smashing against the hard floor. I growled out in pain and felt my head immediately to check I hadn't cracked it open. I brought my hand to my face, it was shaking badly and I was thankful it was just a clean bump.

"Oh fuck…" I heard Luke shout from the other end of the door. "Sorry babe… Guess the parties over." He didn't sound sorry at all. It was then that I realised this wasn't his girlfriend, this was just a welcome to university fuck. I rolled over; off of my suitcase and onto my knees, picking up my letter, my diary and the leaflets I had been given. I shoved them into my duffle bag once I retrieved them all, my mood sorely pissed off now.

"What? Cant you just tell him to go away and come back in half an hour or some-" He cut her off as she continued to whine in a teasing tone. My mood was getting extremely impatient.

"No can do." He rudely interrupted her and I heard them get off the bed. "Bros before hoes girl!" He laughed at his crude comment and I groaned out load. _Great._ I have a prick for a roommate… _just my luck._

I heard her huff loudly, clearly pissed off by his comment. I backed away from the door, dragging my luggage with me to let her out. She opened it and I was stunned by my view. She had long black hair, her figure was a body girls would kill for and her big blue eyes thinned with anger, her face tinted red to match her frown. She looked down at me and I tried to convey the message I was sorry during the few seconds our eyes met, but she hissed, huffed whatever it is girls do when their pissed off, as she walked past me. She had a bra and panties on, the rest of her clothes clinging to her chest as she stormed down the hallway, away from our room.

I took in a deep breath before entering my new dorm room again. The smell stung my nose and my new roommate welcomed me with a huge grin. "Welcome bro!" He walked forwards and dragged me into a one armed hug. I backed out of it straight away, not enjoying the closeness of his sweaty skin against my clothes, the smell clinging to him nastily. I groaned again at the thought of falling asleep in here… the thought of walking into this room again to the sight of him having another one night stand… the thought of having to smell _sex _inthis room once more. He could tell by the look on my face I was not happy. "Sorry bro. I'm a man, what can you do? I couldn't resist that bit of ass… I just had to tap that." I didn't like the way he informed me. Bro!? Who does he think he is? I also didn't like the way he referred to women, does he have no respect at all? I knew from this moment in time that this was one person I would never get along with.

"It's fine." I grimaced as I walked past him, my bed just a few feet from his. This room was smaller than I thought it would be. _This made it worse. This meant we were closer. _I flung my bag onto my bed, dragging my suitcase and slamming it against my closet door. I'd unpack my things tomorrow; I was too tired to even think about doing that now.

"You're here late. Where are you from?" I could hear him wiping his bed sheets behind me, flattening out the creases him as his _lady friend_ had just made. I rolled my eyes at his attempted small talk. My head was throbbing and his voice made it worse as it pulsed against my skull.

"Forks." I ended it there, not even asking where he was from. My tone was clearly annoyed and the yawn that followed it ended our short introduction immediately. I would deal with this arsehole tomorrow. I think we need a talk about him _not_ bringing girls back; I'm not doing this again.

"Okay then… well, I'm not gunna be stopping here tonight." I turned around at this, our eyes meeting properly for the face time. I also finally took in his appearance. He had black hair, brown eyes, light freckles across his face scattering from one cheek to the other and over his nose too. He was good looking, I could tell why girls would put up with his rude comments and the way he treats them… well, those without any brain cells or any sense of self respect. He wore only his boxers too, his body toned. I didn't linger my gaze there though, I looked back at him.

"Okay." I said while turning around, not bothering to ask why he won't be here, I really couldn't give a shit.

"I'm stopping at Louise's, no Laura's… no, Lara maybe?" He mused over this girls name like I knew who he was talking about. "Whatever." He laughed loudly and I locked my jaw, fisting my hands and closing my eyes. _Don't hit him, do NOT hit him! _I chanted over and over in my head, his laugh lasting longer than I liked, my head throbbing at the volume. "Later bro." And he left, slamming the door shut.

I sighed; the silence was pleasant to the ears, my fresh lump, and my exhaustion. I knew I needed the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, but the idea of leaving this room to face yet more adolescent teenagers, was a thought that made me cringe and pull of my clothes to stop me from going. I shredded them off, dropping them into a pile on the floor, leaving my boxers on and I turned the light out. I climbed into my fresh bed, the smells all different… I longed for my bed back in Forks. I longed for my mother to walk past my bedroom and say goodnight. I longed for a familiar hug from Rose, one that would wash all my worries away. _I longed for Forks. _

Before I could stop them, tears ran down my face, wetting my dirty blonde hair, dampening my pillow and sending me into a sad deep sleep like a lullaby. My thoughts turning in the direction of one person, that one person whom I longed for most in this world…

_Alice Cullen._

--

**APOV**

I opened my eyes slowly, my head was feeling groggy like I had overslept and when my eyes found the clock, I groaned in disappointment. It was 2:48am. "For fuck sake." I whispered. Can't I just get one hour of sleep? Do I always have to wait until I'm knocked out cold by drugs or abuse to my body? How masochistic is that? My body craving deadly drugs in order to get some shut eye. Just the thought of that deadly dangerous drug made my mouth water. The tremors started once again and my skin started to form beads of sweat… I hated the power that drug had over me.

He snored on top of me, bringing my attention to him once more. His breathing tickled the left side of my neck, so I moved my head away, pushing against his shoulders with as much force as I could without waking him and then I lightly moved him from off the top of me. His naked body scraping against my flesh, I cringed at the feeling. We were both just a bag of bones… I've often wondered why you can't hear them rattle around inside us when we walk. Or when he _'makes love to me'_, why can't we hear our bones crashing against each other? That's all we are, skin and bones, pale and cold at the touch. To call us humans would be wrong; it didn't fit our appearance at all. I don't know what you would call us at first site…

I snorted as the word came to me, _druggy_. That's what you would call us; we have the unmistakable signs of drug abuse when you look at us. You didn't have to see the needle marks on his skin, or the few needle marks on mine where I had tried it. We were careful to cover up as much of us as we could when out in public, but that weren't what caused _druggy_ to pass from passenger's lips as they whispered it to their friend. It was our faces, our lifeless eyes and our pale hollow skin that looked frail at the touch. The way we moved was light as a feather, slow and it looked painful. And believe me, it _was_ painful. The need for that drug, any drug you get addicted too was painful to crave.

Tears began to sting my eyes and I blinked them away, taking in heavy deep breaths. I crawled to the bottom of the bed, my bones clicking uncomfortably. I worked my way to the bathroom, not even checking if I woke up the monster or not, nothing mattered right now apart from getting in that shower and washing away the smell of his skin off of mine. The memory of yet another meaningless fuck to please him… it was times like this I wish we had hot water, to scold those memories away permanently. Would he love me still if my skin was splashed with scared flesh? If I had no hair where I forced myself under the shower head? Could he love me by not judging me by the cover of my book? Because that's all this body was to me, a book cover, hiding my painful story in its many, many pages, a never ending book.

I ask myself one question. _Who was I talking about?_ It couldn't have been James, why would I care if he loved me? Huh… my dream guy probably, my dream boyfriend. He had his own chapter in my story, thanks to heroin. Every time that substance touches my system it sends me to pleasure land, where my dream guy awaits me, taking me away from this world, a world that is perfect, a world where I don't have to dread each day as they come, wish life would just come to an end… A girl can dream I say.

I turned the knob to the shower; a tiny potion of me praying it would run hot… but once again that cold liquid runs in between my fingers, disappointment bringing back the stinging tears. I shut the door, climbed straight into the shower and let the tears flow once more, the cold water not having any effect on me. I let myself drift off into a daydream, dreaming of that special mystery guy… praying he would come save me. _A girl can dream…_

_There are people in this world with a life that is full of excitement, perfection, love, adoration, family and friends. Everything a person craves and once they have it, they hold onto it… I wonder what that feels like._

* * *

_This story is heartbreaking... we are sorry its full of sadness, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Well, at least thats where we hope to be going with this story. We havent planned the whole thing out, the ending is still open and it could turn out to be anything, its still a mystery to us... so were just as clueless. Well, we have a rough idea but things could change.  
_

_As for this chapter, its sad how they can both relate to each other. They both long for eachother but she doesnt know who it is she is longing for... poor girl. And he longs for a girl he believes to be dead, hoping she is still alive. _If only he knew!

_Next chapter is all on Alice... in fact, the next time we hear from Jasper it will be 10:00am. So lots of Alice to come... or should i say, Mary._

_Thanks for reading... Leave us a review please, they make us happy and we like to know where writing something people are reading and enjoying.  
_


	6. 3:00am

**A/N:**_ Hello!! Sorry for the long wait, we have been busy... but to make up for it, were gunna give you two chapters again! So I'll be posting the next one in a few moments. _

_Thanks for ther reviews guys! Please, if your reading this, leave us a review, you dont have to be logged in! Enough from me... enjoy...  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

_

* * *

_

August 3rd 2009

**3:00am**

**APOV**

_His fingers trailed softly up my skin…goose bumps popped up everywhere, this finger burning a trail wherever they touched. He started upwards from my right foot, my toes curling at the sensation… up my leg he went, higher and higher until he reached my hip bone. He circled and looped a pattern that was foreign to me; I smiled as I tried to picture the shapes he was drawing behind my closed eyes. When he reached my lower stomach I giggled. "That tickles." I heard him sigh softly not saying anything at all, frustrating me slightly because I loved his voice. "Speak to me." I begged him._

"_Shh…" He whispered into my right ear, he trailed burning hot kisses down my neck, his right hand moving, slithering up my body. I moaned out loud and I willed myself to speak his name but nothing came… what was his name? Why was this stranger torturing me so badly? Did it matter what his name was?_

_I turned my face towards him, my lips locking with this passionately. I collapsed into the kiss, melting into him and showing I was all his. This perfect wonderful kiss was what I looked forwards to the most… he licked the bottom of my lip, moaning as he pushed himself closer towards me. I wrapped my left leg around his body, holding him, locking him against my lower body… I granted him the access he was craving for, I opened my mouth…_

I coughed as a mouthful of water found its way down my throat. I gasped for air as my hand moved up the tiles to the shower knob to turn it off. I continued to cough into my hand, begging myself to be quiet as not to wake the beast. I grimaced as reality took over and I groaned as air finally passed through my lungs without causing me pain. I carefully climbed out of the shower so I didn't slip and I wrapped a towel around my frail body and walked into the bedroom. I opened my drawers and grabbed the first t-shirt I saw and a pair of faded jeans. I pulled on the tattered old t-shirt, forgetting a bra. It's not like I needed one anyway… No one is going to take a second look at me, laugh, point and shout "She's not wearing a bra!" Plus, the drinking; drugs and whatever else I could think of which had taken a toll on my body, had now left me with nothing. You could barely tell I had breasts unless I wore a tight enough top.

Walking down the street I can tell what people think of me but I soon lost the interest to care. It's not like they were anybody important to me and there was only the slightest chance I would ever see them again. I grabbed at my t-shirt where my so called breasts were supposed to be and I couldn't understand how any man would want me. Not just because I didn't have breasts but because I looked like a walking corpse with bones sticking out in every direction. If you didn't know me you would probably think I was anorexic with my gaunt face and pale skin. I had bruises covering my arms where James or Jim usually grabbed too hard when getting over excited during our so called passionate, rough sex.

I would always try and cover them up, but after a while the bruises became more frequent and harder to hide, so I got tired with the daily routine of trying to cover them up the best I could with crappy make up and gave in… I'm so use to them being there it would be weird for them not to be. I lifted my top to find a known bruise at the side of my right breast. It was larger then the rest with a mix of every colour of the rainbow. I ran my fingers over the tender area and flinched a little with the contact.

We had been doing our usual food shopping at the local store that day and I was mindlessly looking around at nothing in particular when a man staring at me caught my eyes. I couldn't understand why he was staring… _there was nothing to look at._ I had seen myself in a mirror countless times and I wasn't anything special… but James, being as observant as he is, noticed the guy staring at me and me staring back and he threw a fit. He gripped my arm tighter then ever before and dragged me out of the store leaving the food we'd collected in the middle of the aisle. Once we got home he turned on me and screamed how I could even dare to look at another man with him standing right there. I tried to explain to him that it was nothing and the guy didn't interest me in the slightest… which was the truth. I didn't lie to James… I couldn't even if I tried. But he didn't want to believe what I was saying and I think he was more angry at the fact the guy had been staring at me when I _belonged to him_. He thought of me as his _possession_. In the end he had gotten himself so worked up and ended up marching towards me and punching me with so much force I ended up on the floor gasping for air. He never came over to see if I was alright or needed anything. He just stomped his way back to the bedroom and slammed the door. The next thing I heard was him pissed off and throwing things around the room shouting to himself.

After that I tried my hardest to keep my eyes averted from any guy taking any interest. I shouldn't have to because he knows I would never run off with another guy. The whole me sleeping with other guys when he asks me too is just business and that's it… I have accepted that and am willing to continue that. I would have thought he would get more jealous over that then me staring at a guy in another aisle. But that's just my opinion, not like it meant anything to James.

A faint throbbing pain at the top of my thighs brought me out of that train of thought and I was suddenly thinking about something else. I removed my hands from my top and letting it fall, covering my stomach once again. I brought my hands down to my thighs and fingered the bruises through my jeans, feeling a little pain at the touch. The bruises covering my inner thighs were the result of rough sex with James and his _friends_. I hated that he was so rough with me in bed when he was supposed to love me. A husband was supposed to make love to his wife… to express his feelings to her and treasure her above everything else and vice-versa.

I felt tears in my eyes and I tried my hardest to stop them from falling. He treated me like an animal and didn't respect or love me despite what he thought. His version of how love should be was wrong and twisted and I knew it. I've seen elderly couples walking down the street hand in hand; looking into each others eyes with so much love and passion for the other, forgetting there was anyone else around. They had there own little world with just the two of them and I always wondered if I would ever have something as special and sacred as what they have. Because I felt there was no use living in this world without ever having that experience.

Not once have I ever felt that with James. To him I'm just an object that belongs to him like a little toy that he can break and do whatever he wants with. Because I - my body, my heart, my soul, my very existence belongs to him… and that's what it feels like. He gets bored and knocks me around a little or decides to take me for a ride. The tears fall freely now and I don't do anything to stop them… there's no point, there's nobody around to see. I don't feel loved and I don't think I ever will…

--

_6 years ago_

_I was sat watching Spongebob SquarePants in what was suppose to be my home. It was shabby looking; the wallpaper was an ugly brown colour and faded while the couch I was sat on had a few holes in it. I was pretty sure it had all kinds of creatures living inside it and I tried very hard not to think about it because it was just so gross, not to mention it was highly unhealthy. I could probably catch something and die for heavens sake! But I didn't moan or tell James how I felt because he tried his hardest to give me the best… _that's what he always told me anyway._ I had no reason to not believe him; I don't think he's lied to me since I started living with him. I remember someone once telling me, that I shouldn't look down upon those who don't have or can't afford what others wealthier could because it wasn't nice or kind and everybody was equal no matter where they came from._

_I was laughing at Spongebob making Squidward angry again, when the front door flew open and in stormed a very angry looking James. My head snapped in his direction and I sat there frozen, not daring to move and making my breathing as still as possible. He stomped his way over to the first thing he saw, which turns out to be a random vase which looked so out of place in this dump. He picked it up and threw it at the wall with as much force as he could._

_…and he didn't stop there. He grabbed anything and everything he could pick up and threw it about the room unleashing his anger. This was getting so out of hand and way out of my control and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I was scared and I didn't know whether to stay where I was, as still as a statue, or make my way into the bedroom and hide under the bed out of sight. I decided on neither of those ideas and I slowly got up and switched SpongeBob off and turned to the raging man in front of me. I cautiously approached him like a lion in a den and stopped in front of him, eyeing his every move and watching for any sudden movement. I was going to try and talk to him and calm him down… because it was the right thing to do and I cared for this man. It had worked before but I wasn't sure this time… I've never seen him this mad before. I took in a deep breath while he stood there and studied me._

_"James, wha-" But before I could finish what I was saying, my sentence was cut off by James slapping me across the face. I held my now throbbing cheek with my hand and stared at him in shock. He had _never_ hit me before! No matter _how angry_ he was and he had just given me a flow blown slap. I couldn't understand what had I done to make him so mad… in fact, I hadn't done anything wrong! _This wasn't my fault. _He's angry at something or someone and he's taking it out on me. _How is that fair?

_I looked up at him with a horrified expression on my face and all I see in his eyes is a mixture of hunger and pleasure… This scared me more then him throwing things around the room. Something told me that look meant danger and I slowly began to back away from him hoping he wouldn't notice. He unconsciously, during his hungered anger, took a step forward for every step I took back and his breathing was getting louder and heavier._

_"He couldn't give me the fucking…" He trailed off, his yelling stopping as his breathing became haggard and more angered. His chest was visibly heaving and I was still backing away, my steps getting larger. I had no idea what he was talking about and I was still in shock from the slap he gave me no more then two minutes ago. He was mumbling things and shouting out the odd thought he had. "Who the _fuck_ does he think he is?" I flinched away from his anger as he slapped my other cheek. I cry out in pain and cower in the corner of the room, no longer any room for me to step back into. He had me cornered now and he knew it… I saw the pleasure in his eyes once again and I knew he was enjoying himself. He didn't care that he was scaring and hurting me as long as he was enjoying himself. _This was the first time I saw the true monster within him…

_He lifted his hand to give me another slap and without realising, I raised my arms in front of my face and he ripped them away easily and slapped me again and again not stopping in between this time. I gave up trying to protect myself no matter how much it hurt because it was pointless. I was nothing compared to him. He was a fully grown man and I was just a twelve year old girl. There was nothing I could do and I had never felt so lonely, afraid and so defenceless in all my life. The pain was beginning to be unbearable and I was getting dizzier after each blow. Everything I was seeing was becoming fuzzy and blurry…I knew I only had a small amount of time before the darkness washed over me, taking me away from this terrifying beast. He didn't care though, I don't think he even realised through his rage what damage he was doing to me. _

"Stupid bastard!" _Slap._ "Good for nothing-." _Slap._ "Off all the stupid-." _Slap._

_I don't know how long it went on for… But to me it felt like this hell would never end… He never punched me or kicked me… He just continuously slapped me as hard as he could across my face… Across my arms… and any other place his hands could reach…_

_I finally slumped to the floor in a heap, too tired to hold myself up anymore and I waited for another slap to come… _that didn't come._ I struggled to open my eyes but I finally did it and I realised James was just stood there, staring at me with an expressionless face and I wondered what it was he was thinking._

_Was he sorry for what he had just done? For how he made me feel and for putting me through so much pain? Did he even care? These were just a few of the million questions going through my head. Then I noticed there was movement from the corner of my eye and I refocused on the moving blur in front of me. My breathing came out in short, quick breaths and I felt a rough skinned hand touch my face and I flinched away. The tears never ending, the whimpering in the back of my throat never ending… my fear felt like it was going to last forever. I squeezed my eyes shut, ignoring the sore pain and prayed to a God, someone I had never really truly believed in, that he wouldn't touch me like that again._

_I heard faint whispering in my ears and I had to strain to hear what it was he was saying as I was slipping in and out of unconsciousness. "I'm so, so sorry, Mary." He whispered. "You have to believe me. I never meant to hurt you… I was just so angry that everything didn't go as planned." I wanted to scream. _"It didn't mean you had to take it out on me! I have never done anything to hurt you!"_ But I couldn't. My throat was letting out noises of pure pain as I whimpered as far from him as I could in my small corner. I was scared and in unimaginable pain, so I settled for staying as quiet as I could and not giving him an answer._

_"Please… Mary… You, you have to believe me." He begged; I heard his voice struggle as his words washed over me. "I care so much for you… I would never intentionally hurt you. I was blinded by rage." His voice was now filled with tears of pain and disgust… He lowered his voice to a whisper and brought his face closer towards mine. "I promise you… I swear to you… I will never hurt you like that again… _I love you._" He pulled my willing body towards him, wrapping his arms around my sore body and I allowed myself to cry in his arms, my voice no longer holding back on the volume. He rocked me back and forth and cried silent tears with me…_

_--_

God I was so naive. I should have known not trust a word he uttered that day. I would never forget that day for as long as I lived… _it was the day it all began._ The hitting, him apologising after he done it once again, the abuse getting more often and soon a routine. At the age of 15 it was nearly every time he hot drunk, I had learnt not to believe his lies and carried on with my pathetic excuse for a life. He would apologise and I would nod along and tell him things I knew he wanted to hear to make _him_ feel better. And that would be my life as I knew it. Never changing with the never ending circle

What did I ever do to deserve this? Had I done something so bad in a previous life and this was the result of my punishment? To be beaten almost everyday… to be forced upon, to pleasure the ones I serve… to want, to feel, to crave the sweet release of my thoughts with the drugs I share among my _family_ while the days all blend into one… Again, what had I done so wrong?

I wish I could remember just one memory from my previous life… _just one._ Is that so much for? I didn't think so. I would do anything to pinpoint the exact moment my life took a turn for the worst… to find out how anybody could end up with this way of life. I didn't understand how everything had gotten so wrong and twisted. My life shouldn't be like this. I wish I was a normal eighteen year old with parents that loved me and looked after me like parents should do… I wanted to able to go to high school and learn and get good grades so I could go to college… I wanted a best friend who I could have sleepovers with and tell secrets too that you wouldn't have the courage to tell anybody else and look through countless magazines gushing about boys… I wanted all the girly and awkward teenage moments normal kids went through. _A girl can dream…_

_I learnt swiftly at a young age that life wasn't fair and for me all those moments would soon just be dreams._

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_Its horrible how niave she is... falling for his apologize after beating her that way. We said this story was going to be hard, but i promise next chapter wont be this hard to read. Its actually a chapter that will explain partly why she cant really remember anything... well, not really lol But it will explain some answers for Mary, i mean Alice!_

_Thanks for reading! I shall be posting the next one in a few moments. REVIEW!!!  
_


	7. 4:00am

**A/N:**_ As promised we deliver another chapter! I dont know when we will update next time, but im sure you will get two chapters again. Were taking it in turns to write each chapter, so the chapter 6 - 3:00am was Carrie-Anns and this one, chapter 7 - 4:00am is mine, Charlotte's. Enjoy this chapter and remember to leave us a review!!_

_Thanks to everyone so far sticking with us and adding us to your favourites and story alerts! Enjoy!  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

* * *

August 3rd 2009

**4:00am**

**APOV**

Time was passing by slowly; every tick of the room clock was magnified, playing off of my brain, my head started to bob with the sound. My right foot found the rhythm of the clock, tapping lightly on the floor as I sat on the couch, staring at nothing. I closed my eyes, my foot still tapping lightly. _Tap… Tap… Tap…_ My right hand started to form another rhythm of its own, drumming another beat on my right leg… _I was officially going insane. _I snorted but I didn't stop my movements or open my eyes. I let the random tapping take my mind away… I allowed myself just one moment of pure bliss once my mind was cleared, were I wasn't a druggy going by the name of Mary Witherdale. I didn't have an abusive and obsessive husband. I didn't hate this life in which I was dealt with. I sighed, as a new picture formed in my head…

I was stretched out on a flat surface. My eyes were seeing red, due to the sun trying to burn its way through my eyelids. My left arm formed a pillow under my head, my fingers going tingly by the sensation from lack of blood reaching to them… but I never moved, it allowed this daydream to feel more real. My right hand was resting against my flat stomach; it fell softly sideways, hitting the floor where I was met with a handful of grass. I smiled as I started to worm my fingers into it, weaving in and out off the long, soft strands. I sighed in complete content… _I was free. _Birds were chirping and trees moved softly as the light breeze worked its way across the land… every noise was magnificent… and I hated it.

I stopped all my movements. In reality, clocks were ticking, the wind caused noises outside that were _not_ pleasant to the ears. Our gate creaked open and shut, the trees sounded murderous and angry… A lumped formed in my throat and I opened my eyes slowly, staring at the floor as misery filled me. I hated that daydream because it reminded me of everything I didn't have… _a life. _

I swallowed hard, breathing in and out slowly until the moment of self pity was washed away. I hated feeling sorry for myself, nothing good ever came out of it. At the end of the day, this is the life I live, day in and day out and there was nothing I could do about it. Over the years my belief in God grew to pure hatred for him… I never used to believe in him, but since James, well… I had told myself over the years that God obviously planned this life for me. I was either a naughty little _bitch_ before I met James, that deserved to be taught a lesson or God knew that not every life was perfect, some people suffer and some don't and he just happened to give me a life full of hate, abuse and hate.

I knew deep down it wasn't fair to blame him for this life… but I did, because it made me feel better about it. That it wasn't my fault, it was someone else's… it also held hope. Surly God wouldn't allow me to suffer forever; surly he had something in store for me that would get me out of this… I was just waiting for that day to arrive, the day this all went away. Hope… a word I depended on. _H_ was a letter that ruled my life. _Hope, Hate and Heroin… _Three words that should _never_ mix together or you're just begging for a disaster.

10:00pm was my last dose of Heroin and the clock now struck 4:10am. My body had a mind of its own… and once more, my right foot was tapping against the floor, each tap pounded against my head. My hands were running up and down my thighs, making me cringe as my nails trailed lines up the front of my jeans, the noise grating on my ears. I was starting to sweat once again, as the silence consumed me; the clocking ticking away… it sounded like it was getting louder… _or I was going more insane by the second._

I stopped every movement once more and took in more deep breathes, calming down my emotions and silencing my cravings. I locked them away in a box in the corner of my mind, the old rusted key locking them away… but just like they key, the rusted hinges released them after just seconds… "Fine!" I growled out loud. "You fucking want something… then fine!" I stood up, my muscles screaming at the sudden movement, every bone in my body popped as I forced myself to move.

I couldn't feed my cravings Heroin… even they knew I couldn't provide that sweet, _sweet_ powder. But I'd give them something for just one fucking minute of silence! I ran my hand through my hair, gripping the ends and pulling them slightly as I did so… I had to think hard about where James was keeping his stash. He was always moving his stuff around, never keeping it in the same place. It wasn't that he didn't trust me or anything because I never took drugs that were powerful enough to knock me out for a few hours… he was always around in case I did something wrong and I overdosed. He always knew how much to give me… I never learnt how to do all that.

No… what I seek right now is weed and weed was a drug he moved around all the time, I don't know why exactly… I kind of always assumed it was because his stoner friends always came around and he didn't want to provide the entertainment for the night. That's cheapo James for you. I knew weed wouldn't work for very long, especially not when my cravings were this bad. But it would allow me a few moments of piece as my cravings screamed like a crying child, kicking and thrashing against my brain. I sighed loudly as I tried to ignore them…

I walked into the kitchen, I didn't bang draws because I didn't want to wake the sleeping beast in the other room… but I searched every crack of every draw… and found. I sighed, _"Nothing."_ I growled and sighed frustratingly. I leant against the counter as I thought harder about somewhere else he could have hidden his stash. My eyes moved around the tiny kitchen without really looking… it was a buggy brown colour that always looked dirty. In fact it was dirty, it was a complete pigsty in here with years of cobwebs and dirt in the corners of the counters and what looked like fungus had formed on the tiles against the walls. I cringed away disgusted as I walked around the round dining table, which was crammed tightly in the small space.

As soon as you walk out of the open kitchen, you're in the joint living room. A couch is the first thing you see, a small table in front of that. Then next to the couch, on the left side of it as you look from where I'm stood, your eyes fall on the second small bedroom door… a room I rarely went it. It always gave me the creeps for some reason. There was the main door to the house and not much room left in the living room. The main bedroom, mine and James' was a hallway that started in-between the kitchen and living room, you go up that hallway and you see the bathroom on you left and straight forward you see the door to our room… and that was our tiny house.

I sighed as I thought harder, my cravings getting unbearable. I walked over to the fridge and pulled a chair up to it, my head nowhere near the ceiling and I still had to tiptoe on the chair to see the top of the fridge. _Ugh, I hated being so small_. I grabbed his blue cup placed upon there, praying that his weed stash was inside… and I was rewarded with a large bag full. I smiled widely and climbed down silently, again I didn't want to wake the beast. I found some tobacco, rolling paper and filter tips within in the blue cup, a lighter placed nicely below it all. This was the one thing I had learnt to prepare for myself.

I sat down on the couch once again, my ears pinned back for any signs of him waking up. He wouldn't be pissed that I was smoking his weed, in fact, he really didn't mind that at all… since we got married about 8 months ago, his rule was: What's _yours_ is mine and what's mine is yours. Yes, he always emphasised the 'yours' part. I cringed as I laid everything out in front of me on the table, my hands moving automatically doing the task of making my joint. I didn't want him to wake up because the only way to calm down my cravings, was to be alone in silence and to concentrate hard… with him up, who knew what he would want to do? Yet another cringe worked its way down my spine…

I got out a piece of rolling paper, placing a filter tip at one end and sprinkling a generous amount of weed along the rest. I filled the rest to make it meatier with tobacco and to not make it too strong so that I would be sick or have bad side effects… I rolled it up, resting back on the couch and made it expertly. I lit the right end and enjoyed the immediate sensation as it filled my lungs and went straight to my head, my cravings sighing with satisfaction… _for now. _I turned on the couch and lay down, resting my head on one of the arms.

I once asked James if I could get a job… _he laughed in my face_. His next comment shattered my dreams in one blow. "What the hell could _you _ever do?" My eyes moved to the end of my joint, the light red glowing and burning away… what the hell _could_ I ever do? The answer… is nothing. What was I meant to put on a resume? I can make a joint. Any employer would laugh in my face and tell me to fuck off and stop wasting their time, fucking druggy. In fact, I wouldn't even get to that point, anyone who takes one look at me will tell me to go away. I took another long drag, enjoying the feeling of my mind emptying as yet more seconds ticked by slowly.

I don't have one qualification to my name, thanks to James and his home schooling. I was never allowed to play out on the streets with all the other kids. I never owned a toy or a doll, or a teddy bear. I never learnt how to ride a bike, never got to have my first high school crush. I have never had a best friend… never got to sleep over at someone's house and have a girly night at a big sleepover, braid my friends hair and tell ghost stories and have ice cream while staying up past our bedtime. I never once had a birthday party or attended a friend's. I never got to hang out at the park, smoke weed behind some sheds and feel like a rebel with the other kids… never got to go to the cinema and make out with a boyfriend in the backseat. I never even got to experience a real teenage life._ Never, never… never!_

Instead, James kept me indoors at nearly all times, saying I don't need anyone else but him. He said he would get me some good grades; school was for suckers and geeks. I snorted, yeah, his schooling was _very_ educational. I felt sick as I blocked a painful memory. The toys I got to play with were drugs… yet another horrible memory of my first drug experience. I cringed, hating my new thoughts. My first sexual experience, my first snog, my first everything was with James. He never let me have a life. I don't know why it all changed… from my first solid memories of being here at about 11, he was nice to me and treated me like his own…

--

_Age 11 and a half_

_I was sat on the kitchen window ledge, my head resting against the side wall as my eyes fixed on a group of kids playing with a ball outside. They were kicking it to one another, the boys being the best of course, while the girls squealed away when the ball was kicked too hard at them. A tear streaked down my face as I longed to be out there and running about with them. I don't know how long I was sat here watching them, but I felt I could do it forever, no matter how my hot my jealousy burned, it was nice to see fresh faces._

_I sighed as my eyes fell on the female goalie; she hadn't saved a goal yet. She was always screaming away when the ball went near her and her team mates ganged up on her and shouted words that I couldn't hear. I knew they were getting to her and I knew she wanted to save a goal but the boys were being too hard on her. I felt bad for the girl and even worse when she actually saved the next shot. It smacked her square in the face, her body collapsing to the floor in a small heap. I sat up in my alarm as my eyes fixed on the frantic kids as they ran around, two girls disappearing._

_When they brought her mother back, my jealously took a new height. My thoughts taking a new direction… What if I was out there playing, would James come to my rescue and sweep me off my feet and take me back home to see to my needs? It wasn't him that I would want though… I want a mummy that can do all that, see to me and make me feel better. That's what mummy's are for and I don't have that. Why don't I have that? I never had the guts to ask James before…_

"_Mary?" His gentle voice broke my gaze from the other kids._

"_Yes, James?" I turned my body away from the window, climbing down off the counter and I ran into his awaiting arms. I smiled into his chest, my fresh tears melting away as his warm hands moved up and down my back, soothing me._

"_Are you ok?" He asked once again in his gentle caring voice. When I didn't answer he pushed my body away from his softly, holding me at arms length and staring into my eyes. "Do you want to talk about something?" His eyes furrowed in his concern and I smiled letting my silent tears fall freely down my face again._

"_It's just…" My voice broke and I swallowed hard. He understood my struggles to talk to him and he pulled me to the couch and sat me on his lap, my head resting against his chest. This will be easier to ask not having to look at him. "I want to know what happened with my parents." The silence was deafening as his body tensed. He was _not_ prepared for my question._

"_Well…" He paused as he shifted in his seat; I hoped this wasn't uncomfortable for him to talk about and that I wasn't hurting his feelings by asking this. "Mary, your parents…" He was the one struggling for words now. "Your parents died in a car crash." My whole body felt like a weight had crashed down upon me as his words struck me like lightening. My parents are dead? A sob crawled its way up my chest but I held it back, hoping he would continue. "You were 10 years old when I stumbled across the wrecked car. It was snowing outside, badly… Forks had never seen snow like this before."_

"_What… happened?" I swallowed past the hard lump, my throat feeling more closed up as the seconds ticked on._

"_Forks is a place full of trees and big forests, it's rare for you to go anyway without seeing trees." His voice was getting stronger, his story flowing freely now. "I lived there for a few years, I used to move around a lot. My close friends were living there and they told me nice, peaceful stories about life there, so I decided to move." He sighed as if remembering memories. "My friends own a dog called Sam and I was looking after him for the weekend while they went away. The snow was terrible but he was begging me to take him for a walk, so I thought I'd go out for 10 minutes. I took him into the woods where the snow couldn't reach us as the trees were so high and full." I sensed where this was going and so did he as he stopped._

"_Please…" I begged in a whisper._

"_I was working my way out of the woods and to my home… when I saw a car upside down on the road side. I panicked and ran towards it, not a person in site. I called out to see if anyone could answer me but there was no reply." My tears began to fall as I was gripped in his tale. "I tied Sam to a tree and ran towards the car, I saw… I saw your parents in the front, I checked your mothers pulse first but there was nothing. And your father…" He trailed off and I sensed he didn't want to talk about him, I swallowed once again as my mind wondered what he had seen. Was he too badly hurt? Was it a gruesome line to add to this story? I shook the thoughts away and continued to listen. "I turned to the back, the snow was piled up high so I had to dig my way to see through the back window and there you were." He hugged me close to this chest._

"_What happened to me?" I asked in my shock… "I was in the car too?"_

"_Yes you were." He kissed the top of my head and I felt his warm breath run down the back of my hair. "I smashed the back window and wrenched the door open. I unclipped your seatbelt and pulled you out safely. You were limp in my arms and I thought you were… _gone._" His voice broke on the last word and I had never felt so sorry for someone in my whole life. The site he must have seen would have been haunting. _

"_Go on…" I urged him in yet another whisper._

"_I put you on the ground and checked for your pulse. To my relief you were still alive, but only just…" He paused and I hoped he hadn't finished his story. "I took you back to my car, at my home. I phoned the police in my hurry and told them about what I had found and that I was taking you straight to the hospital. When I got you there… they told me you had suffered major head injuries and there was a chance you would suffer memory loss." He stroked my arm and I closed my eyes. "I stayed with you everyday until you got better, I spoke to a few people and was able to bring you home with me. I couldn't leave you, I cared too deeply for you… seeing you like that was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through." We sat in silence for a while as our thoughts went our separate ways._

"_Thank you James… for everything." I hugged him and I really meant my words. He was caring enough to bring me into his home and take me in as his own. After everything he had seen, after saving my life I owed him everything. "I'm happy I got to stay with you." He hugged me impossibly tighter and for once, the grungy house I lived in wasn't so bad after all. It was the person inside it that meant the world to me now._

_--_

I ask myself again… What happened to that caring man? After everything he did for me and he treats me this way. I put my joint down, the effects wearing off as my cravings cried for something stronger and I successful ignored them. How foolish I was to thank him for what he did, I'd pick death over this life any day. How could they let _him_, James of all people, to bring home a 10 year old girl and let him raise her as his own? Didn't they see what kind of man he was?… mind you; I didn't see what kind of man he was until the first time he hit me; that was when the true monster was unleashed from its cage. So was it my fault James turned out the way he did? Did I push him by being here to be the way he was?

Being a single guardian wouldn't have been easy on him; the extra money, the small crappy house, the extra mouth the feed. Was that why he got into selling drugs? Was it possible for me to actually feel sorry for this monster? I snorted, not a chance. The way he has treat me over the years deserved him life in prison, no it deserved him the death penalty. He has ruined my life, I was once a sweet innocent girl just wanting to be loved, having lost her parents and having no memories left of her childhood and he had a chance to give me fresh ones. Instead he fucked that up big time.

My first kiss was given to him. Losing my virginity was a gift meant to be given to your one true love; instead he stole that from me too. He got me hooked on drugs to the point that I can't imagine going on living without them… He forced me to marry him! He took my everything and tainted my new memories with _hate._

He deserved nothing but to be sent to hell… and I hoped for once, that God would give me that one wish…

_Hope is what I pray everyday. Hate is a feeling that I feel everyday. Heroin rules over the two… Heroin is the only thing that gets me through everyday._

* * *

_Ugh!! SHE SAID THANK YOU! Dont you just hate that? How nice he was to her, how he made her believe his sick lies!! I know, i bet your all confused and thinking, why cant she remember any of that? Why is she really suffering memory loss when that didnt really happen? Well all will be explained and untill then, im sure you can come up with some reasons for your own as to what he has done to her!_

_Next chapter is gunna be quite a big one and Carrie-Ann has fallen with the pleasure of writing it lol Its going to be a hard chapter to read, so you've been warned! I hope you are enjoying this story and make sure to tell your friends about it! We want more readers!!_

_Until next time, REVIEW!!! Thanks for reading!  
_


	8. 5:00am

**A/N:**_ Sorry for the loooong wait! We had some issues with this chapter, originally we were going to do two flashbacks and it was going to be a very long chapter, but it made more sense to add the flashback we removed and add it in a later one. So its shorter... but finally here! Sorry for that guys! I'll be posting another one straight after this, as usual, you shall get two chapters!_

_Enjoy, this one is very hard to read, WARNING: Disturbing storyline! _

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

_

* * *

_

August 3rd 2009

**5:00am**

**APOV**

I hated having this burning, nagging, needy feeling. The cravings I got always felt like they were never going to go away. They were so intense the longer I went without a dose that I could never think straight. All I could think about was sweet Heroin as if my cravings were taking over my head, plastering that image there and making me focus on it until I caved and gave them what they wanted. I couldn't stop thinking about how it would make me feel after sniffing the sweet stuff and feeling it run through my veins. I gave a little shudder because that's all I wanted right now… that's all I've been thinking about for God's knows how long… I just knew it felt like forever since my last dose.

The joint I'm holding in my hand might not touch the spot like Heroin does but it'll just have to do for now. My hands were shaking a little and I was getting a little annoyed with myself. I was sure I had the lighter beside me and now, for life of me I couldn't find it. I stood up and realised I had been sat on the thing and let out a frustrated sigh at my stupidity. I put the fresh joint in my mouth and brought the lighter up to light it. I fumbled with it couple of times because my hands were shaking so much… I was just about ready to throw the damn stupid thing at the wall. I took a deep breath to steady my hands a little and tried again. I almost squealed in excitement when it decided to work. I shoved the lighter into my jeans pocket and blew a puff of smoke out of my mouth and collapsed onto the sofa behind me, sinking into the few cushions there.

Finally the feeling ebbed away and I felt like I could relax, at least for now while I'd succeeded in keeping the craving away for a little while longer. I took another drag and I could feel it finally working its magic on my body once more, but stronger this time. It wasn't nearly as good as Heroin but at least it kept the feeling of craving at bay. I ignored them successfully, silencing them and taking control of my mind once again, letting weed take me away. I focused on the high that I knew I will get any moment now, my last joint hadn't really worked its magic, but a second should do the trick. It wasn't nearly as hard to achieve as it used to be having done this so many times before.

I was grateful I was able to achieve a small high from weed; otherwise I don't think I would have survived. Sometimes the cravings can be too much for a person and they can make you do things you never thought you would be able to do in a million years. I've known people, friends of James, to do things they wouldn't ever repeat to another person, but at the time, when that craving has taken over your body and you feel like your loosing all control, whatever it is that makes you feel sick to your stomach just thinking about doing, feels like the right thing to do at the time… And that's all that matters. The craving is in control of your body and it doesn't matter what it makes you do, whether it's making a fool of yourself or harming an innocent person… to feed the craving and get that high is all you think about and plan on succeeding in doing and nothing and no one would stand in your way.

I took another drag and I relaxed into the sofa, the cushions surrounding me. I felt so comfy and relaxed in that moment I felt like I could have stayed in this position forever. I could feel the sensations moving through my body and I felt lost in my own little world, becoming one with sofa. I kept my eyes closed; I liked it better this way. It felt more real and I hated seeing things in a bigger picture to what I'm used to. It makes me feel a little sick… _and I'm sick of being sick._

I felt like I wasn't really there… even though I was really, really aware of my surroundings; like I could feel every object in the room surrounding me. These feelings I was experiencing weren't exactly new to me. I felt the same thing every time I smoked this intoxicating stuff and every time is was just as good as the last… I finally knew the high was working.

My mind began to wander and I groaned at the direction my thoughts began to turn to. I was high I didn't want to think about any of this crap right now. I didn't want to focus on how much my life sucked along with everything and everyone in it. These thoughts should be left for when I could think straight or try to at least. I hated dragging up my past, especially this particular memory that has seemed to push itself to the front of my memory, bringing with it the sadness and despair I felt just thinking about that day all over again…

--

_Age 13_

_I almost choked and died on the amount of smoke that was filling the room… okay, that was a little dramatic, but it was starting to get a little thick and I wasn't use to being surrounded by so much of it. I wafted my hand a little in front of me to try and clear some of the smoke in front of my face but it did nothing. I sighed and gave up as I took in my surroundings._

_James had some of his friends over and they were smoking like crazy and were basically just all over each other. I had been a little bit scared at first knowing these people would be coming because I didn't know how they would react to me. Hundreds of questions panicked me but two stuck in the front of my mind. Would they be mean to me and horrible and make me do stupid things for their own amusement? Or would they simply ignore me and get on with what it is they were here to do? …_It seems my second question had been right.

_As each guest arrived, to what I could only describe as a smoking party, they would be announced by their own knock at the main door. Every time I would clench my little fists to keep the shaking under control and I would hold my breath until that person was in the room and then I would unsteadily release them. I soon realised the people that James called _'friends'_ were only here to get what they needed and nothing more… They didn't care about the thirteen year old girl sat in the corner of the room staring wide eyed in wonder and curiosity… no, they only cared for number one, _themselves.

_It didn't smell like the normal smoke that I've smelt before… this was different. It smelled kind of weird but in a nice way. I was surrounded by it and there was no escape. I didn't see the point in going to the bedroom since the whole place was filled with the smell of this stuff, it had spread wide and far and there wasn't a room or corner you could hide in to get away from it… so I stayed put. A few of them were already starting to get a little tipsy and I knew it wouldn't be long before they started dropping like flies. Then a few of them left the room to go into the kitchen and came back with a load of bottles that I knew were filled with alcohol. I now knew that these people were planning on staying over, sleeping where ever it was they fell… most probably in their own vomit._

_I wasn't really paying attention to anything but I began to notice a certain girl following James around like a lost puppy and she would follow him where ever he went and it was getting on my last nerve. James would never go for a girl like her… Or would he? I didn't know what type of girls he liked and it wasn't as if I _owned_ him or anything. I sighed as my eyes fixed on the red head… I was confused and didn't understand why I was suddenly getting annoyed and angry with this girl who was trying to get as much of James's attention as she possibly could. She had her filthy hands all over him and running them up and down the front of his dirty t-shirt and if _that_ wasn't bad enough, I was pretty sure he was enjoying it as much as _she_ was. They weren't the only ones at it though… It seems like everyone had paired up and seen as there weren't as many girls as there were boys, there seemed to be two boys to a girl, which happened more often then once. Every single one of them was acting strange as if on a high of some kind or drunk; but mostly both and they had no idea what was going on around them. I'm pretty sure they had all completely forgotten I was here as well, which I didn't really mind._

_A soft moan coming from the couch drew my eyes back to the person I was supposed to be focusing my attention on. The _red head_ was whispering some kind of crap in James's ear and was leaving sloppy kisses up and down his neck. It was disgusting and hurtful to watch but I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from the scene in front of me. This went on longer then I expected and before I knew it, it was early morning. My eyes were burning and I was a little tired but I refused to sleep, not with them two getting all touchy feely with each other…_

_She pressed her lips against his neck again and I couldn't hold in this raging anger anymore. I stood up and stomped my way past them making as much noise as I could with my feet and I walked into the bedroom, slamming the door hard behind me. I fell against it, my back hitting the door hard and slid down till my bum hit the floor softly. I pulled my knees tight against my chest and wrapped my arms securely around them; I buried my face within them and felt a sob work its way up my aching chest. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes and I didn't even try hold them back, instead I let them fall silently. I could hear talking on the other side of the door and people shuffling their feet._

_"Come on James, what does _it_ matter to you? She's just a stupid kid." I heard someone whine and I knew immediately whom that voice belonged too… little miss bimbo red head._

_"She's not a stupid kid!" I heard James retaliate. "And _she_. Matters. To me." He spoke each word slowly and finished in a hard, firm tone. I heard his feet move away from the door and then everyone file out of the house, he slammed the door shut once everyone was cleared. Even from this small safe room, I heard him sigh and the springs of the couch complaining as he sat down. I could picture him sat there with his face in his hands, rubbing them over his stubbly face. I sniffed and wiped my hands over my eyes getting rid of my tears, but new ones immediately replaced them. I heard footsteps coming closer to the door and a soft thud as James rested against the other side and mirrored my actions by sliding to the ground. _

"_Mary?" I heard him question, but only just as he whispered the word softly. I decided to ignore him; I wasn't ready to talk just yet. "Please talk to me and tell me what's wrong." He pleaded in another tender whisper just audible to my ears._

_All I could reply with was, "Her!" She was what was wrong… this is all _her_ fault. I didn't know exactly what it was she had done; I just knew it was all her fault…_

_"Who?" He questioned me once again, confusion lacing in his voice._

_"Her!" I stated again as if it was totally obvious. _Which is was! _Are men always this slow? "She was all over you!" My tone was angry now and it irritated me how I didn't know _why_. The tears were falling hard and fast. This had never bothered me before when I'd seen James kissing girls, so why now?_

"_Oh…" He sighed heavily, finally realising who I was talking about. "And what exactly did she do to get you so worked up and angry?"_

_"She was all over you!" I repeated once again what I had said only moments ago. "She was kissing you and had her hands all over you and… and…" I trailed off as my words had no meaning to them anymore… _I_ didn't even know what I meant anymore. "I just didn't like it." I finished in a whisper; each word cracking as I lamely finished my explanation._

_"I'm sorry Mary, really I am. I didn't know how upset you were with this. It's never bothered you before…" He echoed my earlier thoughts and suddenly I wasn't mad at him anymore because he was right. It _hadn't_ bothered me before and I don't know why it is now… He's probably just as confused over all this as I am. I didn't know what to say to him, so I kept quiet once again. "Please Mary, don't be mad." He begged softly, pulling at my heart strings. "Won't you smile for me… _you know I can't resist your smile._" I immediately smiled as his words lingered in the wooden door separating us and a small giggle escaped my lips. He was right as usual, if I gave him my smile I could get him to do whatever I wanted… within reason of course._

_"Can you open the door now so I can actually see that pretty little smile of yours?" I smiled again and wiped my face with my sleeve. I got to my feet and straightened myself out a little before slowly opening the door to find James still sat on the floor smiling softly at me. He opened his arms and I instantly threw myself into them, squeezing him as hard as I could, loving the closeness it brought. I inhaled deeply and his scent filled my nostrils sending a tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach. I sighed… I hated being this confused. I liked the feeling he brought but I just didn't understand what it meant and why it happened when ever he was around._

_Was it wrong for me to feel these things towards him? I didn't know. I felt like I didn't know a lot of things these days. Why had I gotten so mad at that stupid girl before? It wasn't anything I hadn't seen before, in fact I had seen worse… I had accidentally walked in on James once when he and a lady friend were getting a little too 'friendly'. He didn't know that though. It had been so embarrassing and I don't think I would have been able to face him if he knew. I think he was too wrapped up in what he was doing to notice me, which I was thankful about. I felt him rubbing soothing circles on my back and the feeling intensified. I still didn't know what it meant… I just know that it felt good and I never wanted it to stop._

_I lifted my head from the crook in his neck and placed my hand carefully on his cheek. He looked down at me and he smiled a small smile, in which I returned. My heart was thudding wildly against my chest and I was surprised he couldn't hear it. I gently grazed his cheek with my thumb and I felt a million different feelings course through my body and before I knew what was happening I leant in and softly pressed my lips to his. I felt him freeze beneath me and I suddenly had a bad feeling about what was happening. What if he got upset and angry with me for kissing him? I hadn't meant to, I didn't think about it, it just _happened_. But to my utter surprise he returned my kiss and I felt happier then ever. I couldn't believe that he wasn't mad and that he wanted to kiss me back._

_I felt him steady me as he stood up with me in his arms and he walked us into the bedroom closing the door behind us with his foot, his lips not once leaving mine. He placed me on the bed, the familiar itchy feeling of the quilt cover touching my skin and for once I didn't care. The once soft kiss grew more intense as he slowly opened my mouth with his and I felt his tongue move gracefully against mine. It was weird to begin with and awkward for me at first but I soon got the hang of it and I started to enjoy it more then I thought I would. His lips momentarily left mine as he took of his shirt and I used the opportunity to take of mine as fast I could leaving me in my favourite tank top._

_I was already bare foot so I didn't need to worry about taking off my shoes. He walked back over to the bed, his eyes never leaving mine and he crawled gently on top of me, his lips attaching themselves to mine once more. I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his face impossibly closer to mine. His body was so close against mine that it sent a wave of emotions though me and I shuddered a little. He ran his hands up my bare leg and stopped when he reached the tip of my shorts, pulling on them playfully. His lips moved to my neck and left a burning trail as he reached my chest. I let out a soft moan and his name escaped my lips in one soft whisper. _

_This seemed to get him as excited as I was and his hands grabbed the bottom of my top and pulled it over my head leaving me in my bra and shorts. His eyes glazed over as he took in my appearance, as if seeing me for the first time. He placed his lips on my stomach, kissing and sucking, leaving me begging for more. He gently stroked my sides as he made his way to my chest and I felt like was going to spontaneously combust. He slid his hands under my back and fiddled with my bra. He finally undid it, his eyes never leaving me face, searching for any hesitation. He didn't find any as I wanted this just as much as he did, even more in fact. He flung my bra across the room and I suddenly got nervous._

_I couldn't believe this was actually happening… What if he didn't like what he saw? What if I wasn't good enough and he laughed at me? He was used to women with bigger boobs and more experience and much more… I was nothing compared to them. I was still growing for heaven's sake! Before I could come up with any answers to my questions James spoke the words that made me feel like I was doing the right thing._

_"God you're fucking beautiful." I giggled a little and he kissed me with such intensity that if I would have been standing, I'm pretty sure I would have been on the floor by now._

_His hands roamed my body, becoming familiar with every touch. I was extremely happy that he had accepted me in the same way I had wanted him and I was both excited and scared about how things were turning out. I was excited because of this new feeling. I still had no idea what it was but it was fun and made me happy and I think it would make James happy too. On the other hand, I didn't know where this leads too. Was this normal for people my age? Would he still love me after this was over or would he hate me for doing something wrong?_

_…All I knew was even though I had so many questions roaming around in my head, for now I would just be happy being in the present and try not to think about the future. _I just hoped it would remain as wonderful as it was right now.

--

A loud sob escaped my throat as I tried to keep the tears from pouring down my face. I felt sick, physically and mentally sick! I was using all of my willpower to stop the tears from falling. Remembering that moment all over again, was harder then anything I had ever done. That was easily the worst moment of my pathetic excuse for a life and I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. How could I have let it go that far and not done anything to stop it? My head was clouded with different emotions that day and I had been so vulnerable trying to figure everything out in my head and these new feelings… _I just threw myself at him without thinking twice about it!_ I should have stopped and thought about what I was doing and maybe I wouldn't have acted in the silly way that I did.

I dug my finger nails in the palms of my hands, hoping new pain would take my mind off of the burning pain I was feeling inside, my heart on the verge of exploding in my chest… I closed my eyes, clenched my eyes tight and tried to hold down the vomit that was burning its way up my body like acid. _How the fuck could he have done to that me?_ Of course _I_ wasn't the one that should take all the blame for our actions. I was just thirteen when that happened, _thirteen years of age!_ That sick bastard took advantage of a child!

Just the thought of me being that child made my throat tighten and I clenched my eyes impossibly tighter shut. _I_ was still a child; a child who had only just begun going threw fucking puberty and growing breasts, I hadn't even had my first period yet! It's never easy for anyone with all the hormones and changes you go through as a young teenager… But for him to have let happened was sick and I just shake the feeling that it was _my_ fault since I'm the one that started it in the first place. Maybe if I had just kept my feelings to myself none of this would have ever happened. From the shock I gave him when I kissed him, I don't think the thought had even crossed his mind for us to be that way and that involved with each other.

My insides were burning hotter like someone had stuck a red hot poker stick down my throat and was twisting it in my body, deeper and deeper until it reached my stomach. The images of that night replaying over in my mind, I dug my fingernails into my palms harder and concentrated on not vomiting. More thoughts swam around my head…Who in their right mind _fucks_ a thirteen year old girl? He should have stepped up and been the adult he was supposed to be and just told me straight! Not kiss me back and start a sexual relationship with me. He knew how wrong it was and how emotional I had been that day and yet he went with it, not once stopping to tell me what we were doing was wrong. So maybe the thought _had_ crossed his mind but he didn't do anything about it because he was afraid I'd go running. It's not like I would have gotten far if I'd have tried… He wouldn't let me leave even if my life depended on it.

That memory was so clear in my head and wouldn't stop playing as if it was stuck on repeat. I don't think I will ever forget that day no matter how hard I tried to. It made me impossibly worse… I felt like I had been abused all over again.

_The pain of the body is often bearable. Not so is the pain of the heart._

* * *

_Can you even imagine how hard that was for Carrie-Ann to write! Poor Alice!!! It was as tastefully done as we could have possibly done it, we didnt want to write the actually sex part, it was distrubing enough as it was. _

_Next chapter is basically following straight off from this one, literally. Next chapter there is a nice, cute flashback, nothing difficult to read really! The storyline is moving along and soon you shall see where it is going!_

_Thanks for reading, PLEASE LEAVE US A REVIEW!  
_


	9. 6:00am

**A/N:**_ I'm not really going to say anything here, Enjoy the chapter!!!_

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed previous chapters and adding us to your story alerts and favourites list! It means a lot to us! Thanks for sticking with us, we know its a hard story to read!  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

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August 3rd 2009

**6:00am**

**APOV**

I opened my eyes once more. My stomach tightened in one big knot, as my right hand instinctively grabbed a hold of my mouth, holding it closed tightly. My eyes stung as more burning hot tears filled them to the brim and finally not wanting or able to control them any longer; hot tears burned streaks down my face… _I want to die. _The pain of that one memories, the pain of all my memories rush to the front of my mind, joining as one as my body lets go of all my hidden emotions. All the boxes I have stored in my mind over the years unleash one mighty sob and I can't stop myself from crying. I try with all my might to stop myself from making a noise but everything just comes crashing down on top of me.

…The cravings for those deadly drugs, _so powerful_.

…The sob from all my terrifying memories, _so painful_.

…The need for that monster sleeping peacefully in our bedroom, _so agonizing_.

My stomach felt like it was going to burst right open as it started to convulse painfully, vomit screaming loud in my ears. I tried to stand up but my legs were so weak that I fell to the ground, my knees giving way and my hands falling to the ground in front of me… _please, kill me, _I beg. To whom I have no clue, but I wish death would suck me up into its dark hole, drag me anywhere it wants to, as long as everything goes away. My mouth opened and my breathing came out in sharp gasps, my lungs sucked in as much oxygen as they could, but all that seems to happen is gushes of air come out, pushing outwards out as I struggle to breath. The lump in my throat growing larger by the second… _I want to die!_

_James… I need James._ My eyes glued themselves, seeing threw the wall and staring past the door to the toilet my body craved the most right now. I gripped the floor in my last weak attempt to do something about this pain and I started to pull myself towards the bathroom, my legs shaking and protesting as each scrape against the rotting carpet added a new flesh wound to my knees. My fingernails dragged my body, gripping the carpet as I crawled during my tears, my site completely blurred. The noises in my throat were getting louder and louder, still… _no James._ Once I finally reached the toilet, I choked up what little contents I had from my stomach into the dark hole, my sobbing not making it easier to get out, my lungs still gasping for air making it ten times worse… _why can't I just die?_

I have never in my whole life experienced this much pain. My whole body is aching and shaking. My skin is sweaty and slippery against the floor. My head feels like my brain is literally trying to push its way threw my skull, the searing hot pain from my cravings shooting threw my entire body… _why isn't death claiming me yet? _I wrapped my arms around the toilet basin, holding my head above the hole so I could vomit what was left. My throat getting rougher and rougher as dried vomit crawled up me… _KILL ME!_

"Mary?" James rushed into the bathroom, slamming down hard onto his knees next to me. "What's happened to you?" He felt my forehead but I shuck him off, my body collapsing in on itself. I curled in a ball on the floor, my eyes shutting on their own accord. _Is death finally granting me my wish? _It's strange how his presence almost silences my loud sobs, how everything seems to just go back to the way it was before, all the boxes packing away my memories once again. Just as soon as this pain began it almost ended because of him. My cravings still screamed loud in my ears, begging me to feed them but I ignored them as I just… _gave up._ "Mary?" He calls out again.

"I can't… do this anymore." I choke out, my body shivering.

"What are you talking about?" I hear the panic in his voice and its enough to make me open my eyes.

"This… this pain… this life… everything…" My tears never stopped and more fell faster now. "I'm weak James." My mouth began to shake as my words joined the motion. "I'm too weak… I'm not like you." I whispered every word, my whole body slowly going numb, shutting down… _going to sleep._

He put a hand over my mouth, his eyes turning dark and angry. "Don't you _ever_ say that again!" He spoke in one sharp tone. "You are _not_ weak." He released my mouth but the pain I felt never truly stopped, nothing he says will ever make me take back my words. "You're stronger than anyone I've ever known… _do not say that to me_." It's strange; his tone isn't angry but almost sad and pleading for me to believe his words.

"_Then take this pain away."_ I beg him. But the only problem is; he doesn't understand my statement…

He vanishes to do the only thing he understands and thinks he can do, to get me some Heroin. What I really want is for him to take this pain away _forever_… I finally understand who I was pleading for just moments ago; _I want James to finish me off for good._ I knew in the end he would be the death of me… I just can't take these memories anymore, I can't take that each day adds a new painful one and each day I remember them all. Each day is torture, I'm slowly crumbling and breaking down in front of him but he can't see that… he's blinded by _his_ happiness.

I'm weak in more ways than he can understand. I'm small and frail, I am naturally good natured and that's why I have never had the guts to leave him, I just can't bare to be apart from him… _he's killing me slowly and I'm allowing him to do so._ My stomach tightens once again; my whole body coming alive as vomit once more crawled up me. I begged once again for this to end forever, the pain unbearable. How can I take this? Why do I take this? I dragged my weak body from the ground, my neck peaking over the toilet hole as vomit spilled like a tap from my mouth, dripping down my chin, my throat, my chest… my head feeling faint… My body swayed… my head hit the hard ground…

--

"Mary…" His voice called out, so distant. "Mary, please…" I moaned weakly, my right hand twitching in one weak effort to lift it up. "Mary…" My eyes fluttered half open and then closed again. "Thank fuck…" I heard him sigh. I groaned, determined to find out where I was. My left hand twitched just like my right hand had, I felt something soft under the tips of my fingers… _was I in hospital? _My eyes fluttered open once more, my head pounding. Nope, I'm still at home… "Mary… can you hear me?"

"What…" I breathed out, my voice croaking with the little effort I put in.

"I… I need you to take this… its going to take the pain away, Mary." I could hear the panic in his voice as his stutters blatantly gave him away; I wondered how long I had blacked out for. I've been knocked out a few times by overwhelming pain, but it's never been like that before… He had probably been panicking the whole time, worried I would never wake up, scared of the police finding my small body curled up lifeless around the toilet basin, my own vomit smothered down the front of my body, while forming its own pool around me.

I heard him shift around the room, gushes of air moved down the left side of me but I had no energy to turn my head to see what he was doing. I just waited… the sound of each step he took hitting my off of my brain, pounding against my skull, vibrating through my body. I wanted to scream, yell, kick, shout, tell him to shut the fuck up and leave me to rot… _but then he stopped._ His hands wrapped themselves around my shoulders and then he cupped my armpits in two good grips as he pulled my body into a sitting position. I cried in protest as all my muscles came back to life. "Sorry." He muttered… but they were empty words to me.

My head fell to the side, my eyes shutting as they begged me for sleep. "Mary…" He whispered and I opened my eyes, shooting him a glare that he shied away from. Who was this man? Why was he treating me with such care? A million and one questions shot threw my head but when I saw the brown tray placed upon my lap they were all shunned to silence. My head snapped up to meet his gaze, his face so serious, so determined. I furrowed my eyebrows as my mouth fell open to ask just one simple question but then my eyes caught his movements and fell upon the small bag, holding my best friend within it. I was suddenly wide awake.

I sighed as I watched the expert in front of me open up the bag a draw a line for me on the brown tray. "Here." I lifted my right hand towards his open one, my muscles all too willing to move now my cravings knew they were about to be satisfied. I grabbed the four inch cut straw from his palm and bent my head down towards the tray, I winced as my back clicked and my bones cried, but in 10 minutes all that would go away and pleasure land will be ours.

I placed the straw at the end of the line, moving my head further towards it as I placed it inside of my right nostril, using my left hand; I put one finger over my left nostril, pressing against it so no air could access it. All that was left to do now was take this sweet, sweet drug. I counted to three in my head, closed my eyes, breathed out and snorted the line. I moved the straw up the line, this familiarity was welcomed as my head moved forwards along the tray… _and I made sure I got every last bit_, running the straw a few more times up the line, until there was no evidence visible to the eye that Heroin was once placed upon there. I placed the straw down and wiped my nose with the back of my right hand, my brain starting to take effect almost immediately. "Thank you." I whispered as he moved the tray off of me and left the room.

I knew that was his last bit of Heroin; he always keeps an emergency stash for times when I break down like I had just done. It's never been that bad before and he's never panicked quite like he did just then… but he always kept a stash in case. The good thing about this was James didn't use Heroin, his choice of drug was Cocaine, so its not like he was saving it for himself… my thoughts were starting to drown out as my head started to clear, as if separating itself from my body.

A lone smile crept upon my face, one that didn't suit me at all, one that felt unreal and forced yet it was there, growing wider as my body fell back onto the bed. My fingers were tingling, my body felt calm and relaxed as everything started to ease into the bed, melting and becoming one. My toes went numb as if they were disconnected from my body and slowly this feeling travelled up north towards my head. My brain was buzzing as if coming alive, the effects growing stronger as silence became silence once more. No more ticking of the clock, no more thrashing of the wild wind outside, no more shitty house, no more shitty life… just me and my lover, working as one to take me away. It was like having a million orgasms at once as everything just hit me in one big high…

The pain was no longer evident. My body no longer craved my brilliant lover, Heroin. My body no longer felt like this anorexic druggy belonging to a girl named Mary… this girl wasn't me, I was someone knew… I was… _free. _My face started to feel fuzzy and warm as a blush crept upon my cheeks; it felt like life had been brought back into me. My mouth was feeling a bit dry and my nose was slightly running but these were the side effects that were easily ignored. I wanted this high to last forever… but slowly the numbness travelled to my head and everything went far away… _ahh, pleasure land…I was waiting for you. _

_--_

_I paused my movements as I joined this new body and this room. It was a bizarre feeling as if falling very high and landing inside this body in one big _thud!_ I furrowed my eyebrows as I stared down at the colouring book I was colouring in. It was an outlined picture of Santa Claus and his Reindeers… I smiled as my head automatically listed off the friendly faces; Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donnner, Blintzen and of course Rudolf. I felt suddenly sad as I realised I had gone out of the lines, Rudolf's read nose was now bigger than the outline and misshaped. Disappointment washed over me and I pushed the book away._

_A small boyish hand came into my view and I watched as he picked out his own red colouring crayon and he expertly, as if reading my mind, corrected what I had done and made it seem like Ruldolf's nose was meant to be that big and he rounded it off perfectly. Tears sprang to my eyes and I smiled widely as I finally looked up to the boy who changed the atmosphere._

_His hair was shaggy and blonde, it was curly and loose and just hung were it had outgrown. It suited him immensely and I had to fight the urge not to run my little fingers threw it. I looked at his rosy lips next, so small and curled up into a small that would stop any girl's heartbeat at first glance, just like it had done with mine. I had to look away as the effect was wild and my heart beat went into overdrive. I moved my gaze upwards, not taking them away from him, his button nose was adorable and you could tell it still had to grow, but you could also tell it wouldn't be big when he was older, but straight and would make other guys jealous. His eyes were what I looked at last as I knew my breath would catch in my throat… and it did just that._

_They were ocean blue. They popped out and gave his face such character that you would only describe him as being breathtakingly handsome. My chest was heaving as he stared back at me and I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I broke the gaze and stared down at the colouring book, a blush heated my cheeks as I realised what I had just done. I heard a shuffle next to me and felt a hand being placed upon mine on my lap. "Look at me." He whispered. His voice was kind of a high tone not having broken yet and gotten his manly voice, but I loved it nonetheless and I obeyed his request._

_He cupped my cheek with his little hand and he closed the distance giving me a quick kiss on the lips and then he parted from me… now, that just wasn't enough, I wasn't satisfied with just a ten second peck. I closed the distance again, pressing my body gently against his, as my overwhelming love for this boy took a new high. I wrapped my left hand around his neck, holding him to me, not like I needed to, he was all too willing. I kept my lips soft against this, not really moving them and it was enough for us. I parted after what seemed like a lifetime and I saw him blushing furiously, as was I. We giggled and calmed ourselves down… that was our 14__th__ kiss. I was counting and I secretly hoped he was too. _

"_Follow me; I have a surprise for you." My eyes grew wide as I shoved the colouring books away from us and I watched him disappear out of the tree house doorway in which we were hanging out in. I waited until he said it was okay for me to come down then I carefully lowered myself down the ladder, threw the blistering cold and I was thankful I was wearing jeans today, not like a skirt would be appropriate in this temperature. How embarrassing would that have been? A clear view up my skirt… I almost giggled at the thought but held it in as my feet touched the crunchy ground. _

_I regretted instantly for not putting my coat on. That was what excitement did for you; you do crazy, forgetful things when your mind is focusing on one thing… especially on a surprise. He knew how much I loved them, no matter how small or big the surprise was, it got my adrenaline pumping and my mind ticking as I worked out what he could have possibly gotten me. It was nearly enough to forget that snow drops were currently falling on my arms and melting as they made contact with my skin, whilst freezing me more. I suddenly realised I hadn't turned around yet…_

_I started to turn towards him, my excitement controlling my body as I started to giggle… but soft hands kept me where I was, my back turned to him and my face staring at the ladder… was he giving me his surprise now? "Close your eyes." _Oh my god, he was!_ "Now, don't get scared and jump, I'm going to place something over your eyes. Okay?" I was now confused but I agreed straight away with a sharp nod of my head. Soft fabric was placed over my eyes whilst my teeth started to chatter together, the cold washed over me, freezing me where I stood. "Is that too tight?" I shook my head not able to speak. "I'll just go get our coats… your nearly freezing to death." He laughed softly, it was almost musical and I sighed at the sound, my ears loving it… I placed it within my memories, determined to never forget that wonderful sound._

_He was gone a matter of seconds, then he did the gentlemen thing and helped my arms into the holes of my white bulky coat; it was my favourite, especially for when it snowed. I looked like a snow princess, blending in with my surroundings, at least that's what _he_ told me. "Where are we going?" I couldn't keep the huge smile off of my face. I reached out completely blind, searching his hand. He probably noticed what I was trying to do as he grasped mine in his tightly and began to lead me threw the crunching snow, not answering my question I might add… always with the secrecy. I didn't mind it one bit._

"_Be careful here." He wormed a hand around my waste, helping me past some roots from a tree; he didn't want me to fall. A wave of affection washed over me and I wanted to hold onto him forever. "Okay. Now don't move." We came to an abrupt stop that nearly made me fall on my face but he held onto me, making sure that never happened; again… another wave of love. "I'll be one second, no peeking." He was suddenly serious._

"_I promise." I smiled to show I was being genuine and he seemed to believe me as he let go and disappeared. I felt lost without his touch, his presence. I suddenly felt less whole and broken. It's weird how much I craved his attention and affection, its like I live each day just to hear him say those three words to me… yes, they certainly made my day. I stood very still, not over choice but because of the blistering cold that froze me to the spot, no amount of layers would keep me from shivering. Only his appearance would heat my skin and make me better… where was he? What was taking him so long?_

…_And just as soon as he disappeared, my love was back. He was panting slightly, I giggled as I tried to stay quite, my excitement going into overdrive as my heart pumped widely against my chest. Adrenaline rushed threw each vain in my body and I realised I was kind of jumping on the spot, this brought on that wonderful laugh of his. "I'm going to take the blindfold off… don't open your eyes until I say though." I nodded quickly and waited patiently for him to take it off and stand in front of me. I could feel his presence moving around me, warming me up as if he were a fire. I felt whole again. _

_He coughed… he sounded nervous. I kept my eyes closed gently and I placed a cold hand on his cheek, suddenly realising he was blushing, the heat printing onto my palm. "It's okay…" I lent in and kissed his warm cheek once and backed off, pulling my hand down and waiting._

"_Open your eyes." He whispered softly, delicately and it sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine. I opened them slowly wanting this moment to last forever, the adrenaline never leaving my veins, the rush higher than I've ever felt. A red rose was the first thing I saw, as it was held high in front of my face, snow droplets had fallen carelessly open each petal making it almost white. Each drop glinted as light caught each one in certain areas, tears stung my eyes, freezing as they reached the surface and froze as they fell down each cheek. I couldn't take my eyes away from it, I wouldn't be bothered if this was the big surprise, it was enough, this moment, just to hold onto forever… why can't one freeze time?_

_I finally tore my eyes away and looked at the boy who changed the atmosphere. I had never felt this much power of love take over my body before, it was overwhelming. "Thank you." I smiled and kissed his lips gently for the 15__th__ time, holding onto yet another memory… I wished more than anything I could freeze this moment, this kiss. I suddenly realised how easy and simple it was to just kiss him, no awkwardness, no blushing anymore, just me and him, lips locked together, the world around us melting away leaving just the two of us, stood in ankle deep snow, trees blowing around us, snow falling carelessly upon us… it was perfect. _

_He pulled away and wiped the tears away from my face. It really didn't feel like I was looking into the eyes of a nine year old boy, it felt like we were much older and wiser and truly in love. Well… those first two might not be true, but this love I felt grew truer as each second ticked by, it almost hurt my heart how much I cared for him. "Here." He pulled a square box from inside his coat pocket… had that been there the whole time we were in my tree house? I looked up at him once more, fresh freezing tears burning down my blushing cheeks, not even the snow could freeze those. I swallowed hard and felt suddenly bad that I hadn't gotten him anything. "What's wrong?" Panic attacked his eyes and I quickly smiled and shook my head._

"_It's nothing, really." I tried not to look him in the eyes, my lie getting harder to cover. Snow had frozen each strand of his hair into long curls, I giggled as I watched a patch of snow form on the top of his head. I think he realised I was staring because he shook his head like a dog coming inside from the rain, snow falling to the ground and onto me. I opened my mouth shocked, and laughed while he joined me… The boy who can change any atmosphere to light, playful and fun. _

_I started to run but he tackled me carefully to the ground, he held his weight on top of me so he didn't feel heavy and he smiled the most heart stopping smile ever. "Are you really okay?" All my worries washed away when I stared once more into those big ocean blue eyes._

"_I'm fine." And I genuinely meant each word. _

_He rolled off the top of me and we sat up. My bum was freezing in the snow and going numb, but I easily ignore that as excitement took over me, what had he got me?! _

"_Here." He handed me the box, a blush attacking his cheeks and I took it from him, my hands slightly shaky, but I managed to open the shiny black box. I gasped as my eyes fell upon the gold necklace._

"_Oh my…" I trailed off, words lost on the end of my tongue. "You shouldn't have… I…" I couldn't take my eyes away from it. A letter 'A' was placed upon the heart shaped locket, I touched the heart and turned it over with my fingers, a 'J' marked the other side. I opened the clasp and a picture of me was on one side and a picture of him on the other. My heart burned with love, with how sweet this gift was! "Thank you." I breathed out, a lump forming in my throat._

"_Here." He removed the necklace from its box and I turned around without being told to do so and I lifted up my hair. It took him a while to work the clasp of the chain as his fingers were cold and probably numb, but once he had done so I turned around and my hand automatically went to touch the small heart, my eyes never leaving his face. He touched it himself, turning it over so the letter 'A' was the side that showed, while 'J' was placed against my chest, close to my heart. "I love you, Al." He looked up at me, and for the first time, tears touched his eyes threatening to fall down his rosy cheeks. _

_I kept my right hand on the locket as he did the same and I touched my left hand to his cheek. "I love you too." And I meant each word. We both leant in for our 16__th__ kiss, sealing our words, sealing this gift as we promised silently to be together forever._

_Ahh… the boy who changed the atmosphere._

_--_

I opened my eyes, my head was still swimming off of the high and I awoke disappointed that it had to end. I had similar dreams like that often, they almost felt like a memory but I knew that wasn't true… he always called me Al, my imaginary life, so wonderful… _so fake_. This was my reality. I'm Mary Witherdale. I'm a drug addict. I have a husband whom I hate. A life in which I crave each day to finally end but another part of me prays it never does, as I hope one day I will leave this life… I snorted, my head still buzzing, I knew that was just a dream.

This was why sweet Heroin was my choice of drug, ever since I was seventeen and I first tried it, I dreamt of that simple life, a younger life full of hope and dreams for the future. College, a great job, marriage, kids, grandchildren and finally growing old with the one I loved while watching life slowly fade away, happily and pleased with the life we had created and the lives we had brought into the world. All that was what Pleasure Land created for me. I awoke each time with envy of those dreams, but never would I take them away… not for anything or anyone. It was my only true escape, my old source of actually feeling those feelings, feeling hope and actually feeling like it would happen one day. Even if it meant waking up with the pain of reality, it was worth those first moments of my high from Heroin just to feel those emotions. _I felt human._

My thoughts were starting to annoy me, so I closed my eyes once again and a new image formed behind my eyelids… pleasure land taking me away again…

--

_I was in a room, well… I was in a living room to be more specific, as I properly looked around. There was a TV that was switched off, furniture centred around it so a family can watch it together and be comfortable. There were a few shelves with ornaments displayed upon them, collectable items, mugs, china, etc. I finally looked at the two people stood in front of me…_

_Her eyes were a warm brown, they drew me in and I felt love radiate off of her. Even at first glance without knowing her you could tell she was an affectionate woman who would do anything to protect the ones she loved… At first glance you could tell she was a mother. She looked happy as she smiled at me, her brown hair falling around her in light curls at the ends; her arm was wrapped around a man. He also looked warm and friendly, he had blue eyes and shocking blonde hair scraped back neatly. At first glance you could tell these people were better off, were rich and wealthy and took pride in the way they looked._

_However… these appearances didn't mean much as their facial expressions told another story. They looked pained, a little disgusted and shocked. I felt a hand grab mine and step to the right of me, his eyes trained on the two people, protectively and possessively… _James. _At first glance he screamed the word drug addict, his blond hair tied back into a low pony, his eyes almost black, shadows evident under his eyes like he hadn't slept for a month, his facial expression told everyone in this room that I was his and if those two stepped near me, he would rip their heads off. I felt panicked and petrified._

_I turned away from him, the women's eyes staring straight at me as if telling me its okay to come to her, to get away from him. But I shook my head subtly, I tried to tell her as I stared her straight in the eyes that he would fucking kill her if I stepped even a millimetre in her direction… and I didn't want that for these two. They were too kind to have that fate placed upon them…_

_And then I suddenly realised… If James was here, then I wasn't the little girl I usually dreamt about, I was Mary. I turned my head to the left of me and found a mirror, a thin girl staring back at me. I blushed furiously as I took in her appearance. Her hair clung dead to her head, no amount of shampoo or conditioner or hair treatments could revive it. The drugs had done that to her, you could tell at first glance. Her eyes looked troubled and tortured, I almost felt sorry for her, for myself. She looked lost like she didn't know who the hell she was anymore…_

_I turned back to the loving couple and as my eyes fell upon them they disappeared in thin air, just poof and they were gone, as simple as that. I automatically reached a hand out to grab nothing but air. I turned to the only person left in the room besides myself; the only person I wished would just poof and disappear for good. I turned towards the beast, my living nightmare…my husband _James.

-

_You must never mistake dreams from reality as you will feel unbearable pain and envy when you open your eyes and realise they were just indeed, dreams. Reality sucks, I learnt the hard way… If only dreams could come true. _

* * *

_I cant wait, im soooooo excited for the next two chapters! I think were going to be big meanys and your only going to get one chapter next that will be a cliffhanger, then ill post the other a few days after. Not sure yet... depends how were feeling! hehe _

_Next chapters are the two hours Alice gets sleep, which means DREAM TIME! She doesnt dream of sweet Jasper, sorry for the disapointment if you were hoping for it. NOPE its a big flashback, MASSIVE storyline for the two chapters and its going to reveal A LOT!!! I'M EXCITED!!!_

_Hope you enjoyed this chapter and the little fluffy flashback with Jasper and Alice! It was nice to write *smiles*_

_Thanks for reading, PLEASE LEAVE US A REVIEW!!!_ _Make sure you check back for the next two chapters!! KEEP READING! _


	10. 7:00am

**A/N: **_Sooooooooooo sorry for the long wait everyone! Carrie-Ann's been without the internet for ages and shes only just sent me the chapter today and I've read threw it and I'm posting it now!_

_Thanks to all who have reviewed and added us to your favourite stories and alerts list! We really appreciate fans of this story :) We promise, its gunna get awesome! This chapter is a flashback while Alice is on Heroin, the next two chapters are going to be her while shes sleeping and dreaming of the past..._

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

_

* * *

_

August 3rd 2009

**7:00am**

**APOV**

_4 years ago_

_I was walking down aisle after aisle, thinking of what it was that we needed. We had absolutely nothing in the house once again… unless you count the off cheese that's started growing stuff in the fridge. There wasn't anything decent enough to eat without probably dying. I needed to go shopping because I knew that if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done; it was as simple as that. Anything to do with house work or food shopping was a women's job, according to James. He said and I quote, "It should be up to you to do those sorts of things, since I'M the one earning the money."_

_I could see from the corner of my eye that I was attracting a lot of attention. I wasn't actually surprised considering I was a fourteen year old girl wearing a mini skirt that barely covered my ass and a tank top so tight I had to peel it off before I went to bed. I had some slight heels on as well, to make me look a little taller. I hated being so tiny sometimes; people feel like they could just walk all over you and get away with it. Which in James's case, that's kind of true. I just couldn't say _no_ to him._

_My make-up probably helped me look older then I was as well. It was so over done and over the top… I didn't like it much; I only really did it for James. I probably looked like a skank to most people but I couldn't care less. I didn't know them and they didn't know me. After walking out of here I'll probably never see them again so I don't see the point in getting myself worked up over it._

_It was probably a good thing I was wearing so much make-up because my cheeks felt like they were constantly on fire from my blushing. It takes a lot for me to blush and I was getting the right amount of stares just for it to happen._

_I looked up from the shopping list in my hand as I walked down the next aisle and I lifted my head only to be met with the most striking, chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen… I couldn't stop staring into those eyes… I felt completely lost in them. After about 30 seconds I began to feel like a complete idiot just stood here staring at him like this but it wasn't anything different from what he was doing to me. I could see a small smile forming on his face and I blushed even harder and averted my gaze back to my list. I pretended to read it for a few seconds before having a peek to see if he was still there and I noticed he hadn't moved an inch from his spot and was still facing this way. I decided to play it cool and continue with my shopping._

_I started picking stuff off the many shelves which I passed, some of it not even on the list because my mind kept wandering back to those beautiful brown eyes. I could feel his intense stare burning into my back and I didn't dare turn around to confirm it. I was way too excited. I turned to walk down the next aisle and I could tell he was following me. This just got me more excited then I can ever remember being and I could feel my heart thumping against my chest._

_I didn't want this moment to ever end, so I took as long as I could, stopping every now and again to read something on the back of a box and trying to seem interested, all the while having a big smile plastered across my face. I tried hiding it but I soon gave up, I didn't care if he saw I was excited by the attention… But I knew soon that my fun had to end and I couldn't leave checking out any longer without needing to buy the whole store. I made my way to the check out desk with my beautiful brown-eyed stalker keeping a safe distance between us. I just got outside and was about to walk home, when I heard someone clearing their throat behind me. I turned around and there he was, his brown eyes meeting mine and looking straight into my soul._

_"Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you." He whispered confidently and smoothly, in what I guessed was supposed to be a sexy voice to lure in the ladies. Too bad it wasn't working on this one… disappointment soured threw me._

_"Did the voices also tell you to fuck off?" I replied harshly. He looked a little startled at the fact the line didn't work and I had to laugh a little. He smiled at me and his face became more beautiful then ever. I could feel my anger slowly melting away and I knew in an instant that I wasn't going to be mad at him anymore._

_I couldn't believe how cheesy that line had been but I also couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips. I knew I had misjudged him right away… he had to be really nervous if he came out with that crap. I've never been one for cheesy chat up lines growing up with James and his friends and I've always said to myself that if it ever happened to me I would laugh in the guys face and walk away. But stood there in front of him… I just couldn't do it. He was too cute. I couldn't think of anything to say that sounded cool so I just came out with the first word that came into my head and said, "Thanks." I blushed a little but I didn't remove my gaze from his stare._

_He smiled at me and his gorgeous, chocolate brown eyes shone brighter now then ever, melting in the sunlight… and for the first time I got butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't ever remember feeling this way before about another boy. I wanted to keep this butterfly feeling for as long as I could so I had to do some quick thinking. _

"_So… you wanna walk me home?" I asked shyly, hoping he'd say yes. He nodded and my heart did a little flip. I smiled and turned to walk in the right direction and he fell into step beside me, our shoulders slightly touching and his hand grazing by mine every now and again. Every time he would unconsciously touch my hand or his arm brushed against mine it would send a whirlwind of fire in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't help the goofy grin that was permanently on display across my face. _

"_I'm Mary Brandon, by the way." I decided I'd start the conversation._

"_Jeffrey Fernandis, nice to meet you." He held out his left hand as we continued to walk and I gave him my right to shake it… he gripped my hand firmly and moved it into the gab between us, swinging our entwined fingers lightly forwards and backwards… never letting go. My smile grew even larger as we fell into a steady conversation, getting to know each other._

_I kept glancing up at him as we walked hand in hand, his light brown skin was beautiful against his eyes, his stunning black hair was thick and messy, I wanted to run my fingers threw it… I memorized his dazzling white smile and his boyish laugh as I said something which I didn't think was funny, but he thought I was amusing, in a good way I hoped… I could also see him peeking glances at me too… the butterflies in my stomach have finally come alive and they were loving it!_

_--_

_  
__One Month Later…_

_"Looks like I'm going to have to go food shopping again." I sighed to emphasize that I was not really in the mood but I had to go, this made it more believable. I shut one of the cupboard doors and turned towards James._

_"Sure thing babe." He handed me some money out of his back pocket and gave me a quick peck on the lips before I headed out of the door._

_I knew we were likely to run out of food soon so I used this moment as an opportunity to see Jeff again. I couldn't believe we had been seeing each other for a whole month now and James still hadn't figured it out. I knew if he did he would get way beyond angry and I didn't want him to hurt Jeff. He was special to me and he made me feel special and I didn't want to ever loose that._

_I walked in the direction of Jeff's house where we always met up. This way James wouldn't suspect something weird was going on and we were both safer here… until he found out that is. I knew this couldn't last forever without him finding out but I didn't want to think about that right now, I just wanted to be happy and enjoy it while it lasted. We were being careful and it was easier this way, I didn't want to see Jeff get hurt because of me._

_I could see Jeff's house and him waiting outside sat on the brick wall next to his gate waiting for me. He noticed me coming and I ran the small distance between us and jumped into his arms… his kiss left me breathless and legs a little shaky as always. He put me back on my feet and smiled down at me, breathing a little hard from our heated kiss as he wrapped his arms around me. I smiled back up at him and stood on my tip toes to give him a kiss on the cheek, when I pulled back he looked me over and I knew what was coming._

_"Why do you have to wear that crap? You know I hate it." He growled, trying his best to hide his anger… not for me, but for James. _

_I sighed and bit on my lip anxiously. I did know he hated me wearing all this stupid make-up and revealing clothes but what could I do? James likes me wearing these clothes and what James wants, James gets. I've lost count with the amount of times we've spoken about this and it gets a little frustrating to keep having to explain to him, that if I suddenly change what I usually wear for him, James would get suspicious._

_"You know why I wear these clothes and this crappy make-up, so why ask?" I sighed once again trying very hard to keep the biting tone out of my voice._

_"I know and I'm sorry for making you mad." He put a hand on my left cheek and I leaned into it, kissing his palm before he dropped it. "I just hate the way guys twice your age look at you, it's so obvious what their thinking… I try to ignore it sometimes but it's hard, you know?" I felt really bad for getting angry at him because I knew he was trying hard knowing everything that has happened in my life so far with James. I have told him everything and I didn't hold back on any of the gory details. I was scared at first thinking that it would scare him away but to my surprise it didn't. He didn't look at me in disgust when I told him how old I was when I lost my virginity or how I felt about it. He just hugged me and told him nothing could keep him away. I smiled at the memory and pulled him in for a hug._

_"I know you're sorry but you shouldn't be… I should be the one who's sorry." I was trying so hard to hold the tears in knowing what I was going to say was true. "You should have a girlfriend that deserves you. Not someone like me who's seriously messed up. And I know how hard it is for you and I appreciate every little thing you do for me." I couldn't hold them in any more and just let them silently fall. He stood back to give himself some room and wiped my tears away with his kisses._

_"Don't ever say that again, okay? You deserve the world and more and I would give it to you in a heart beat if I could. You can't help the way your life has turned out Mary so don't blame yourself… I can't stand it when you do because trust me…" He tilted my head up so I could look into his eyes and he finished off his sentence, "believe me, when I say it was way beyond your control. I know its crappy how everything has turned out… but we have to make the best out of what we have." He was right, I couldn't deny his words._

_I nodded in agreement and kissed him. It was one of those kisses that showed me just how much he really loved me and would do anything for me. I don't know how I got so lucky but I was so determined to never let this guy go. I didn't think I could… I just don't know what I'd do without him…_

_He pulled away from our kiss, his beautiful brown eyes shining bright like melted chocolate in the sun. "Let's run away together…" He whispered; his face was deadly serious._

_I was so shocked by what he said that I was frozen on the spot. I didn't know what to say to that apart from, "I can't." It hurt me so much to say those two words but I just couldn't. I know he wouldn't understand and how could he? He wasn't in my position and I depended on James for a lot of things…"I'm sorry… but I just… can't." I whispered back, too scared to look him in the eyes knowing I would see nothing but pain. "I know it's going to sound stupid but I need him and he needs me." I finally chanced a look at him and he looked puzzled, I knew he didn't get it. "I know you probably think I'm crazy but I just can't okay…" I trailed off and I pulled away from him, turning towards the direction of the shops._

_"Do you love him?" He said simply, his voice held no hint of what he was feeling._

_I didn't even hesitate to answer him because I knew the answer to that in a heartbeat. "No." My voice was hard, definite._

_I looked back at him he was relieved but just as confused as ever. I couldn't blame him… Even I didn't get why I stayed sometimes._

_"Look." I walked back to him and stood in front of him. "I know I can't explain this without sounding crazy so you're just going to have to trust me okay?" I brought my hand up to stroke the side of his face and he leaned into it, just like I had done. "I know he's done some fucked up things to me and you can't understand how I could even be in the same room as him after everything that's happened… but I… I just can't leave." I sighed trying to think of a way this could make more sense to him. "The drugs for one thing… I need my fix and only he can get it for me. I know you hate that I do it but it's just apart of my life. I hate what it does to me… what he does to me… but it's just one of them things." I struggled with my words knowing nothing would convince him and I used the sleaziest of examples._

_I couldn't tell him that one of the other reasons I couldn't leave was because I actually liked the way James wanted me. It was just one of them screwed up things he wouldn't understand. I didn't understand it myself so how could he possibly understand the mess that was my brain? It was complicated beyond belief…_

_He just sighed and grabbed my hand…we began walking down the street. I hated when perfect moments like us reuniting were ruined by my shitty life. He gave me a reassuring smile telling me he wasn't mad, I knew he didn't entirely get it but he trusted my judgement. _

_-_

_After we finished the food shopping he walked me home, stopping at the end of my street so James wouldn't be able to see us together. He pulled me tight against his body and gave me a fierce kiss, biting on my bottom lip, careful not to draw blood so James wouldn't get any ideas. I kissed him softly on his cheek afterwards and pulled away, Jeff moaned in response from the lack of contact. I laughed a little and he gave me a heart stopping smile._

_"Come back to me…" His whisper trailing off into my ears, his voice was full of emotions and I couldn't pick out which one to concentrate on._

_"Always…" I whispered back. I forced myself to turn around and walked back into reality…_

_Back into the arms of James, my second life, the life which I hate, yet crave.  
_

_--_

_  
__8 Months Later…_

_It has been the best nine months of my life so far with Jeff. I still couldn't believe we were still together. I'd turned fifteen a while back and he was eighteen now but age didn't matter to him. When we were together he made it feel like it was just me and him and nobody else in the world… No James or anything else that could hold us back from being happy together._

_We were currently wrapped up in his bed sheets having just made love to each other. I knew I was going to have to get up and go but I didn't want to bring it up and ruin the mood knowing he would get angry. He didn't always get angry but I could tell it upset him for me to leave; knowing I didn't want to go didn't make it any easier either._

_"Jeff…" I trailed off and his grip on my waste tightened. He knew what was coming and my heart began to ache._

_"Please don't go…" He whispered into my neck, trailing a million kisses along my skin, burning trails of love._

_"I have to… you know that." He sighed and let go, rolling onto his other side so he wasn't facing me. I reluctantly got up and got dressed. I was pulling my top over my head when Jeff finally rolled back over and I could see the anger on his face. He wasn't even trying to hide it._

_"Please don't make this any harder then it already is." I pleaded. I really didn't want to get into a fight with him and I knew it was coming to just that._

_"I can't help the way I feel okay?! You're supposed to be _MY_ girlfriend… not his!" He shouted. I've never seen him loose his temper like this before and I was quickly beginning to loose my patience with him. How many times must I explain to him that I don't have a choice! It was either this way or no way at all. If James ever found out about him… well, I don't even want to think of what he might do…_

_"Please stop shouting… and I am your girlfriend. You know that and I know that." I moved back onto the bed and placed my hand on his arm to try and sooth him before he snatched it back. I couldn't be bothered containing my anger anymore if he wasn't going to even try and be reasonable._

_"You know what…? Fine… Be that way! I thought we could handle this like adults but apparently not. You wanna act like a little child and sulk in the corner… you do that but I'm leaving." I stood up to leave when he grabbed my arm to stop me from going anywhere. I turned around to find the angry expression on his face intensify._

_"Why can't you just agree with me just this once? It's always about him and his needs… I thought you were dating me! What about me?!" He was shouting once again._

_"It's not always about him!" I was shouting too now, matching his tone and I let the anger take over me. "It has to be this way, unless you don't want to live! You know I love you and only you and you also knew what you were getting yourself into when we started dating! I told you what he was like and you said it didn't matter!" My face was flushed red, I could feel it. I had tears streaming down my face and I didn't bother wiping them away knowing it would be useless.  
_

"_Yeah well… I guess things change, don't they?" He growled._

_"Well maybe you should have listened to me when I said being with me wasn't going to be easy" I yelled at him. I'm pretty sure I looked a mess but I couldn't care less. I couldn't believe we were fighting like this. We've had our fights before but nothing ever like this._

_"Just get the fuck out okay? I need to be alone right now, so just go." His voice fell into a whisper near the end and I stood there in shock staring at him. He's not once ever told me to get out or go away where he wasn't willingly. If we had the chance to be together he would take it._

_I grabbed my jacket and bag from the floor and stormed out of his bedroom slamming the door behind me not even bothering to hide the sobs coming from me anymore. I ran out of the house and onto the street and ran until I was close to home and stopped on my street corner. I couldn't go into the house looking like this; James would know something was wrong as soon as he looked at me._

_I pulled out a small mirror from my bag and tried to get some light from the street light behind me. I wiped the smudged mascara from underneath my eyes with my sleeve jacket and did the best I could with the rest. I took one last glance in the mirror before walking home as confident as I could. Just before I opened the door, I paused and took a deep breath before opening the front door and going in, trying my best to calm my nerves. I walked in and closed the door just as James walked into the room._

_"Hey babe, wh-" His sentence cut off as he took in my appearance and how upset I looked. This wasn't good. This was way beyond bad… I had already started shaking. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been to get myself so worked up like that knowing I had to face him. He never misses anything and this was one of those times I wish he just didn't give a crap about me._

_"What's wrong with your face… why is it all red?" He asked suspiciously._

_"It… it's nothing… really… I'm fine." I tried reassuring him but I don't think it was working. He took in my shaking frame and knew it wasn't just anything and that it was definitely something._

_"You're lying… I can tell…" He took one large step towards me. "The question is… why would you be lying?" He took another step towards me and I backed up against the door trying to make myself smaller, hoping beyond belief that he doesn't hurt me._

_"I, I'm not. I'm not lying to you. Why would I lie to you?" I squeaked._

_He took another step towards me. "I don't know… you tell me. You're the one with all the answers." He took yet another step closer. "The secrets…" He trailed off, his voice holding a hint of a growl. Oh shit._

_I felt physically sick. I can't ever remember seeing him so mad before since the day I've known him. Here he was, looking at me through dead eyes not even seeing me… just a look of pure hatred and anger. I could practically feel the frustration coming from him from my lack of cooperation. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me this wasn't going to end well._

_"Tell me what you know bitch… tell me!" He closed the distance between us fast and slapped me across the face and I landed in heap on the floor. I brought my hand to my face and winced slightly at the already burning pain my cheek. He grabbed me by the shoulders and my hand fell away from my face and my bag fell to the floor, the contents spilling out._

_"What the fuck happened tonight… If you don't tell me what I want to know, I swear to God, you will fucking regret it" He said in his most deadly tone._

_I opened my mouth to say something but the only thing that escaped my lips was a whimper. He got a stronger grip of my shoulders and slammed me against the door a few times, my head hitting the wood every now and again and sending me into a dizzy state. I was thankful when he stopped but it was short lived when I realised how close his face was to mine… he gaze burning into my eyes._

_"I… I've been seeing someone." I whispered, too scared to say it out a loud like it would make any difference._

_"You fucking what?!" He shouted in my face, spit going everywhere._

_"I… I said." I swallowed hard. "I've been seeing someone." He spoke louder this time._

_"Give me a name, Mary." This was the question I was dreading. I wasn't going to give him a name no matter what he planned to do to me. I know me and Jeff had just gotten into a huge fight but I know he still loved me and I wouldn't ever wish what James would to him upon my greatest enemy. So I stayed quiet and watched the frustration he was feeling go to a whole other level._

_I whimpered and kept quiet, looking away from him, answering his question. I wasn't going to tell him._

_"I WANT A FUCKING NAME MARY!" He roared._

_I shook my head and that only infuriated him more. He stood back and punched me across the face hitting the same area he had slapped me before just moments ago. I screamed out in agony and fell to floor clutching my face and willing the pain to stop. I couldn't believe what he was doing. I was so unbelievably scared I felt like I was going to throw up. I could see it in his face he wasn't one bit sorry for putting me through this pain. He thought I deserved it and was dishing it out as hard as he could._

_His hand started twitching again and all that was giving him power was pure rage. I tried getting up to get away but as I got to my feet he slapped me again and I fell to the floor. I crawled into the nearest corner and his steps followed me all the way. I wasn't even going to bother to try and get up this time. I thought it best to be lying down for whatever it was he wanted to do to me next. At least I wouldn't hurt my head falling to the ground since I'd already be lying down._

_He crossed the side of the room in three strides and started talking to himself too low for me to hear. I just knew what ever it as he was thinking wasn't good. I pulled myself up into a sitting position and leaned against the wall bringing my knees up to my chest and I wrapped my arms around them protectively._

_"I'm sorry, okay. I'm really, really sorry. You have to believe me. Please." I stressed on the last word. I was crying like crazy and it wasn't going to stop anytime soon. I couldn't believe how bad this day had turned out. And it was going to get a whole lot worse before it ever got good again. If good was what you could call what I had before._

_His head snapped in my direction and he looked straight through me. I shuddered from his frightening and empty stare and turned my gaze to the floor. "Sorry isn't good enough, sweetheart." He said the last word sarcastically. "But you will be." He closed in on me like a shadow filling a space that was light. He hunched over me and the last thing I saw before I cowered into myself once again was his hands pulling back and the burning, smacking contact against my skin… I cried out in pain, but just as soon as he slapped me before, he slapped me again…_

_--_

_Love is like a rare wine. When you finally find that perfect brand, hold onto it with everything you have, store it away until it ages perfectly…because you never know if someone will come along and smash that bottle, shattering your dreams along with your heart. _

* * *

_I'm gunna be evil and wait until HALLOWEEN tomorrow to post the next chapter, MUHAHAHAHA!!! So you will have to wait to find out what happened with Alice and Jeffrey!_

_I feel so bad for Alice and all this stuff she has been threw... the next two chapters are going to be devoted to this storyline! The next chapter continues straight off from where this leaves :)_

_Read and Review! Thanks everyone... until tomorrow! ENJOY!  
_


	11. 8:00am

**A/N: **_Happy Halloween! _

_Here is the second part of our two-parter flashback! This chapter is difficult to read, im not gunna lie and say its all chocolates and flowers... its horrible! But you will finally understand more why Alice is staying with James from now on... it may make more sense... but enough from me now. This is my chapter, (charlotte) it was hard to write and you will understand why. :(_

_Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter, i know it was evil to make you wait hehe but here it is!!!  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

_

* * *

_

August 3rd 2009

**8:00am**

**APOV**

"_I'm… sorry. I really am sorry… Please James…" I begged once more, my arms, legs and face were sore from each slap which had made contact with the various places on my body. I held my arms over my head, not daring to move them, knowing a few more knocks on the head by his hand would knock me out unconscious… I didn't want that, who knew what this monster would do to me… he could get carried away while I was out cold… he would probably end up… _I couldn't even bare to _think_ the last word.

_I heard his heavy breathing from above me; I could almost feel his pulse within the air around me, creating its own aura, it was almost as if I could grab it. Or was it my own pulse ticking behind my ears due to fear of this monster? My heart was beating against my chest I could feel it, but now I could hear it? _Fear.

_He kept growling in frustration and each time he made the noise I would cower into myself once more, expecting yet another blow to my already badly bruised body. I could hear the pain he felt within each growl that he made, the pain he felt over my true betrayal. He believed _I_ was _his _and _only his_… and that's all I've ever known before Jeffrey. My eyes began to fill just thinking of his name once again… what would James do to him if he ever found out who he was? I would do my best to keep his identity unknown, I could take whatever James threw at me. I could endure each slap like I had done for so many years… I will keep him safe… _but for how long?

"_You filthy. Fucking. Whore." He spat on the floor after he aimed each painful word in my direction, like I was something he was clearly disgusted by, like I was something dirty to look at. Venom seeped deep within each word; I have never been more terrified of him than in this moment in time. The James I have grown to know over the years, was no longer present… this man was new; this man was going to be the death of me… I swallowed hard._

"_I…" I tried to apologize once again but he had finally chosen that my words were not to be repeated again. I think shock delayed my screaming reaction, as his actions surprised me even for James. He had grabbed the top of my hair, my knees banging against the hard floor as he pulled me forwards, out of my ball in the corner. He continued to pull me… dragging me with him as he began to walk off towards the second bedroom… my right hand automatically grabbed a hold of his left hand to pry his fingers away but he wouldn't budge, his iron grip was too powerful against my frail one. "James…" I cried out, my head feeling like it was being sliced open as he practically dragged me against the floor, my knees scraping… I could almost hear the sound against my cries. "Please James…" I pleaded and cried and begged him to let me go…_

"_You _WILL_ learn a fucking lesson… and you _WILL_ tell me who the fuck he is." He spat each word, tugging harder against my scalp, my hair still hanging on and I couldn't understand how he hadn't pulled my scalp away from my skull. I continued to crawl against the floor using my left hand, my right hand still gripped onto his left, which was gripping impossibly tighter onto my hair._

"_James…" I whimpered, the pain getting beyond unbearable… I knew this was only the beginning of this torturous night and that thought made my cries even louder and my begging to continue…What did he have in store for me? Beat and kick me to death? Finally do more than hit me, maybe cut me and draw blood? Rape me to show me a lesson… I didn't know, but I knew it wasn't going to be good._

_I heard the door smash open as his boot made contact with the wood; he dragged me forwards with one big pull, my body dragging against the floor. Once we were in the room he flung me like a rag doll against the nearest wall and slammed the door shut behind him. I sat against the wall at the bottom of the bed; the top of my head was throbbing while my forehead pounded with the worst headache of my life. I grabbed a hold of the top of my head and I pressed my hands against it, the pain was so sore but it didn't stop myself from cowering and covering myself as if this protected me like a metal shield._

"_Who is he?" He whispered. His breathing haggard but I heard him clear as a whistle. _

"_James… Please…" I cried, my eyes now staring up into his black ones. My sight was getting blurry as my mouth shook with fear._

"_Who is he?" He asked again, his voice getting louder. His chest was visibly heaving in front of me, his hands balled up into tight fists, the white of his bones showing at the knuckles. _Oh dear god, please help me…

"_I can't… James…" I shook my head, my voice shaking with pure fear. A lump the size of what felt like an apple was growing in my throat. My whimpers loud and uncontrollable as I prepared myself for whatever he was going to do to me…_

"_Who. IS. HE!" His voice rose as he asked the same question for a third time… whatever his brain was plotting, his plan was about to be set into motion and quick, I knew he wouldn't like to ask again…_

_I just shook my head. The lump in my throat had gotten so big I couldn't have spoken even if I had tried to. He turned from me and I kept my eyes as wide as I could to keep him in my sight. He walked to the door and I heard the magnified sound of the door lock clicking, shutting me in, keeping me his prisoner for whatever he wanted to do to me… _Oh god, please, please help me!

"_Who… Is… He…?" He asked slowly as he stalked towards me, his anger evident in each trailed off word, his steps getting closer towards me._

_I shook my head once again. I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat and prepared myself for what he wanted to do next…_

_His right leg lifted back and landed hard against my left shin. I cried out in pain, I didn't hear a crack of the bone, but it sure as hell felt like my leg had been kicked off. I fell to the side, I continued to cry and I prayed to god in my head that this wasn't going to be the end of me… I didn't want to die… I didn't want to die slowly… _I don't want to die… please kill me fast…

"_WHO IS HE!" He yelled at the top of his lungs his voice cracking with the effort he put in. _

_I cried so loud in response that words wouldn't have made sense right now but he knew what I meant… _he knew I couldn't tell him._ He growled and kicked the wall above me; he backed off to the other end of the room and knelt down on the floor. Fear attacked me like knifes as I watched this maniac attack the floorboards. He was pulling each piece away from the floor, one by one; chucking them behind him, in front of my very eyes… _what the fuck was he doing?_ Fear was now taking over every sense in my body. Was he going to kill me and put my body in the floorboards?! A million questions shot threw my head, similar to that one, but all I could do was stare as this beast of a man as he tore viciously at the wood like he was pulling apart a pillow._

_Hard planks hit the floor and they were still intact to my amazement; the gap he was making was getting larger and longer… "You _will_ fucking tell me… _and you will see why!" _He threatened me viciously and I believed those very words… because I could never have prepared myself for what he was revealing before my eyes. _

_Slowly it was all making sense…_

_Plank by plank he was revealing more and more… _

_Slowly and painfully, I was getting more petrified, for what was about to happen was going to be far worse than death… _this was pure torture.

"_James…" I swallowed hard. "Please James… don't do this, please!" I begged, fear so clear in my voice I didn't even want to hide it from him. I sat up, and pressed my back against the wall, staring at the beast for that was all I could do. I couldn't run to the door, he had locked that and put the key in his pocket. I couldn't jump out of the window as this monster was right next to it, he would hear my attempt at escape and end my sorry excuse of a life right here, right now… _tonight._ One positive thought shot threw me… at least Jeff would be safe to live another day._

"_You fucking betrayed me, Mary." His voice cracked and I heard the tears of anger in his voice. "You fucked another man… you were _my_ girl… _MINE._" He stopped what he was doing and he stared back at me, hot angry tears burned down his cheeks, his face turning a threatening shade of red. "And you let another man inside of you. Touch you. Kiss you. LOVE YOU…" He turned back to taking away the last piece of his puzzle, the floorboards… revealing his hidden secret. "YOU. WILL. PAY." He growled threw his tears and got up from the floor and he walked towards me fast._

"_James. NOOO." I cried out loud as he grabbed my right arm and one again began to drag me to his destination against my own will. He dragged me towards the hole… _towards the coffin that lay neatly within the gap he had torn away._ "Oh my god… please, James… don't do this…" I fought as hard as I could against his body to get him off of me, but he growled against my helpless attempt and he lifted the coffin lid revealing red soft fabric. The smell was like death…Fear was all I felt in this very moment; my whole body was numb to every other sense._

_He pushed my body inside of the coffin, my body hitting hard against the bottom of it. "WHO. IS. HE?" He screamed in my face, asking the same question one more time, his words were full of anger but they also held a hint of satisfaction… _he was going to fucking close me in! _I could see his whole plan behind his cold black eyes; I could see myself fighting helplessly as he shut the coffin lid on top of me._

"_Please, no…" He began to hold me in place, his hand weaving towards the coffin lid and it all happened as if in slow motion… before I knew what I was doing, I had blurted the name "Jeffrey Fernandis" out loud. His face scrunched up in pain, as if hearing the name confirmed everything too him and made this all a reality… What _I _wasn't expected was the loud thud of the coffin lid closing on top of me and shunning me into almost complete darkness. I was expecting him to leave me and run away…_

_My heart began to race and I could defiantly hear my own pulse in my ears…With all the strength I could muster in my tiny little body, I pushed as hard as I could against the coffin lid, but it was no use… It wouldn't budge. I cried and banged against the lid, kicking, thrashing anything to get me the fuck out of this thing…"James!" I screamed as I banged my fists against the hard, cold wood…"JAMES!" I screamed again and again and again… "James, please…" My voice croaked; my eyes started to sting as I squeezed them tightly shut, praying this wasn't real, that this wasn't happening to me… _

"_Shut the fuck up! I need to think!" He yelled from somewhere above me._

_I couldn't breathe… I was starting to panic… everything was going faint as I started to realise the reality in which I was now in…"JAMES… JAMES, PLEASE… JAMES I CAN'T BREATHE." I yelled and thrashed again, the restriction of this tight coffin not giving me much room to push and whack against. "JAAAMES!" I cried out, long and desperately… but he wasn't going to let me out, it was no use… nothing was going to happen…_

"_You put this upon yourself!" He shouted, pacing the floor above me._

"_I'm sorry." I cried. "I'm so, so sorry." I stopped my banging and decided that maybe talking softly would make him release me. "James you can't do this, you love me, I love you… James, please." I begged, my throat clogging up with all the emotions I felt. I tried to sound genuine when I said I loved him… but it's not that easy to lie, even when your life hangs on a thread and depends on those simple three words._

"_You liar." He yelled and I cried as he accused me of that fact… I felt sick and did the only desperate thing that came to my mind._

"_James, please don't do anything to him, I'm begging you. _Kill me instead!_" I cried and banged once against the hard lid._

_I screamed out loud as his face appeared at the tiny whole in the coffin lid where my mouth was. "Oh, you would like that wouldn't you? How heroic of you… To offer your life for some scumbag who fucked you and probably a million other girls behind your _back._" Anger shot threw me at his words._

"_JEFF ISN'T LIKE THAT." I screamed and banged once again on the lid, rattling it around in the gap it was placed in. "LET ME OUT!" I yelled; my fists started to feel bruised. _

"_No!" He yelled back, shunning me to silence. "You will learn your lesson…" He trailed off… "As will he…" I only just caught that last sentence; I knew it wasn't meant for my ears._

"_No… No, James, please! Please don't do anything stupid, PLEASE. I do care about you, I care about you both, don't do this…" My head was pounding hard, my breathing was haggard as I sucked in as much air as I could, hoping he wouldn't put the floorboards over the top of me and close me in here forever… I didn't want to die like this… I'm only fifteen; I can't die at this age… "James…" I croaked again… "James, please… please let me out…" I didn't shout anymore… _

_I had heard him unlock the door a few minutes ago… _

_I had heard the door open… _

_I had heard him shut it close behind him… _

_He wasn't there… I knew he had left me now… _

_I just lay limp… My body melting into the hard wood of the back of the coffin… My eyes closing, joining the darkness the coffin sucked me into…The smell was no longer an issue, it didn't smell like death anymore…_

_It was just me all alone… a scared child who didn't know where her life was leading. Would I live to see tomorrow? Would Jeff? He was only eighteen, he wouldn't survive James… I'd seen the monster tonight; his rage was overpowering… he couldn't possibly fight him off. _

_I prayed for Jeffrey Fernandis… I prayed he would live; I couldn't bare the thought of his life on my hands… The one whom I loved the most in this world right now, the only true love of my life…Silent tears of sorrow fell from my eyes as I prayed for my already marked boyfriend… I knew the facts, I knew there was a chance that I would see another sunrise… but I also knew that Jeff wouldn't live to see another… "I'm sorry, Jeff." I whispered. I didn't stop the tears from falling this time, as I began to grieve over his dead body already…_

_--_

_Hours later_

_I was floating underwater, my whole body felt light as a feather as I sank lower and lower. The water moved over my skin as if I was meant to be under here… I couldn't breathe, I knew not to try to breathe or I would choke on the surrounding water. I just let myself sink lower, my breath holding in a lung full of air as if someone had just pushed me down under and told me not to bother floating to the top._

_I moved my fingers, spreading them wide, letting water pass in between them. It seemed like the most natural thing to be under here… peaceful… quite… I finally understood why fish felt comfortable in this large spacious place. If only I could breathe I would be happy to live under here forever._

_I opened my eyes, squinting as the water stung a little, not yet used to it yet. When they finally adjusted, I was shocked to see another person in here with me… It felt like the water was pumping around me because of my pulse. I was starting to panic and underwater… this wasn't good. I pushed myself away from the body, swimming backwards. The body turned in slow motion revealing what I knew to be the remains of Jeffrey. His soul wasn't part of him anymore; he was an empty, rotting shell of a corpse, floating lower and lower into the depths of this now deadly water, with me._

_I continued to push myself away from him… willing this not to be a reality. I spun myself around and swam away, my lungs begging me to let go of the air and fill them with fresh new air, but I couldn't do that, I couldn't grant their wish. I wanted to so badly… _

_I smacked hard into something else, at first my only thought was that this was another dead body, but when I finally took in what it was, I knew now it was a live body… _it was the boy from my dreams. _His blonde hair floated around him, his ocean blue eyes finally fitting with these surroundings. This deadly pool no longer felt horrible, it felt nice again… I knew at this moment that this wasn't real…I smiled at him and let go of the air trapped in my lungs, he pressed his lips to mine and filled my lungs with new air, a new life… it was magnificent._

_I knew I needed to wake up…_

_--_

_I didn't know what time it was, but I was still exhausted from crying and some time ago I had cried myself to sleep. If I hadn't have felt the hard coffin around me when I awoke from my many nightmares, I might even have thought all the previous events were all a dream. Once my eyes opened, I saw a faint light from the hole within the coffin lid and I knew morning was arising… but where was James? Was he ever coming back for me…I didn't know… _

_I just waited silently as more time passed by. I couldn't even shed another tear for _him. _Thinking of Jeff's name pained me and stabbed at my already broken heart, I felt helpless just laying here knowing I had signed off Jeff's life by uttering his name to the monster. I hoped that he had somehow sensed something was wrong and fled before James got to him, the chances of that happening were slim… _but a girl can dream.

_I heard a click of a door outside and my whole body woke up instantly, the tiredness washed away as fresh panic and fear filled my veins and filled my whole body with adrenaline. I heard his loud footsteps but that wasn't what startled me… it was his crying that shocked me. _Oh fuck, what has he done?_ I prepared myself as I heard the bedroom door open and then close…_

_His footsteps so near now it wouldn't surprise me if he was walking on top of the coffin, but then he stopped and I felt something cold and wet hit my cheek threw the hole in the coffin. _What the…? _I lay stiff as a board waiting and waiting for him to open the lid, but he was making no attempt just yet. He just sat by near me and cried above me… I wanted to ask aloud what had happened but I didn't want to anger him and bring out the beast within… I just waited for him to let me out._

_I weaved and moved a hand up to my face, the wetness on my cheek from James was dripping down near my ear and it was irritating me. I wiped at it and was surprised by how thick his tear was; it felt kind of sticky and had a strange smell to it that I couldn't quite understand yet… I needed light to see. I began to move my hand towards the light but I heard movement above me and the unmistakable sound of bolts unlocking. _

_I swallowed hard and kept very, very still. I heard him shuffling above me then the creak of the coffin lid opening. I felt like a vampire being released from a night of horrors in a horror movie, a vampire hunter opening the coffin to stake me in the heart, with my hand over my chest I felt like one too. I almost laughed, well… not really. There was nothing funny about this situation at all; especially if you're scared shitless of the man who's taking the coffin lid away._

_The lid lifted off the top of me and the early morning light shone threw the window and I winced away from it. I sat up instantly, my bones cracking as they came back to life, my muscles screaming from being trapped in a certain position for hours on end. I went to wipe my eyes but then realised I had wetness on my hand, a lot of wetness… how many tears had fallen on my face? I lifted the hand up to the front of my eyes and screamed as blood dripped down my fingers. "Oh my god…" My chest was heaving viciously as I turned towards James._

_Blood coated his once blue shirt, red, like it had been freshly dyed and just needed rinsing to complete the transformation. His face was bruised at one side where I'm assuming Jeff had tried to defend himself. Just above his left eye was a fresh cut, I wanted to stick my finger in it and rip it wider…His puffy red eyes held no sympathy with me, I looked away disgusted at the sight before me… I saved his hands for last, for they were the hands of a murderer and no one else's. There was too much blood, blood had trailed on the floor, blood was matted in his long dirty blonde hair, blood was dripping off the souls of his shoes, blood, blood, blood… _he had killed Jeffrey and anger soured threw me.

_I launched myself at him out of the coffin; I smacked him hard around the face. I punched every area my hand could land on. "You fucking…" I punched his face. "Killed him…" I pushed his body away from mine, disgusted to even touch him. "Didn't you?" I screamed at him and then I pushed myself further away from him, blood now coating my hands, Jeff's blood, _my _Jeff's blood…"Why? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO KILL HIM?!" I yelled, my heart tearing more, it felt like the world was crashing down on top of me._

"_I couldn't… I couldn't stop…" He muttered, more tears falling down his face, he looked empty; lifeless… he almost looked sorry. "I kept on…" He couldn't finish his sentence and that scared me. What the fuck had he done to him? I hadn't realised I had asked the question out loud until he answered me. "I didn't mean to kill him… I only wanted…" Fresh anger burned my every cell as he confirmed what I already knew, but it made it worse hearing him say he killed him._

"_Only wanted…" I growled and trailed off like he had done. "ONLY WANTED, WHAT?!" I screamed at him, my voice cracking as tears for Jeff ran down my face. "Only wanted to fucking kill him! Admit it James." I continued to shout holding no sympathy or fear for this man, when I knew I should feel the latter. This man was now capable of murder; he could murder me tonight, hide me in that coffin, cover the floorboards over the top of me and forget I ever existed. How easy that would be for him to do… And yet I didn't fear that possibility. "The moment I admitted what happened, you planned his murder! He was a dead man to you the moment his name left my lips… you wanted him dead. ADMIT IT!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, my heart shattering into a million pieces._

"_I DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL HIM!" He yelled back, his face contorted into an emotion I had never seen James hold before… he actually felt _bad_ for his actions. I could see that, plain and simple, he wasn't the monster from before; he wasn't anything but the James I had grown to know. Was this man a schizophrenic? _

"_What have you done to him?" He shook his head in response and I realised he misinterpreted my question; I rephrased not wanting to know right now what he had actually done to Jeff. "What have you done with the body?" I asked simple, the words sickened me but I needed to know._

"_I left him there… I need your help…" I think he knew the look on my face, a mask of horror. "I need your help to get rid of the body." He looked up at me now, his eyes desperate and I knew I had to do what he asked… I didn't understand why right this moment, but I couldn't bare to see James this way, it didn't suit him and I hated that he was grieving over what he had done to Jeff; he didn't deserve to do that. That was _my_ job to grieve over _my_ loss._

"_Take me there." I whispered, looking away from him…I'd regret this decision in the long run, I knew that even in this moment that I should turn this beast into the police and tell them everything that James has done tonight and ever done to me… but I just _couldn't. _It was so messed up…some seriously, Fucked. Up. Shit. _

_I limped out of the room; my sore leg from where James had kicked me earlier throbbed when I put pressure on it. My hands hurt from beating against the coffin lid and beating James. My body was sore from where James had beat me earlier too, my head still throbbed from where he had pulled my hair, to the front of my forehead like a bad hangover. Overall I was in a lot of pain, but nothing compared to the pain I felt in my heart, that pain was the worst…And for once I thought it was a wound that would never heal. I'm normally a good healer too, it's why I have put up with James all these years… but a broken heart is different, how do you get over that?_

_--_

_It was maybe 5:00am in the morning; I couldn't quite tell for sure, I was judging by the sunrise in the far distance. I was sitting in the car where James was driving us out into a nearby desert, Texas is full of deserts. It's a long drive along the long roads, but it's quite a sight when you finally reach one and see the long stretch of sand and the odd cactus. We were turning off now, driving along the sandy land, the crunching made my stomach turn as I prepared for what James was about to do…_

_He carried on driving for about half an hour until the road no longer looked like a road but part of the distance and the sand. No one would see us here; we would look like a dot to passers-by, maybe not even that. He stopped the car and got out, he didn't linger knowing his presence meant very little to me right now. I was sat in the back, as far from him as I could get._

_He slammed the door and opened the boot and that was my queue to get out. I walked to the front of the car and waited for James to dig his hole, I had no desire to help him dig it and I had no desire to watch him dig it either. I was brought on this journey to help get Jeff's body from his apartment and clean up after his mess so it looked like Jeff had simply run away unexpected, or whatever the police want to make of his disappearance… they wouldn't know that he was murdered there, that was for sure. _

_But we were now out here for James to do the last of his dirty deeds, to get rid of the body. Once this was over, I didn't know what life would be like back at home…I didn't know how I felt about James anymore. Hate summed it up right now… but I knew this James wouldn't last forever, I knew I would see the monster from last night again. Two things I did know for sure…_

_One…I'm a weak and pathetic person for what I've done tonight. I deserve nothing more than to suffer what I've done… I helped this monster kill Jeff by simply saying his name, I was disgusted in myself. Which brings me onto point two…_

_Two… I now have a reason to stay with James… a solid, pathetic and sick reason… I deserved to suffer. By staying with James I was being punished for all my dirty sins and for what has happened to Jeff. I would make sure I would put up with everything James threw at me because I had had a chance to leave James and run away with Jeff, but I didn't take it. Deep down I knew I had chosen James over Jeff and that made me sick… So for Jeff I will make sure I stay, I deserved nothing less._

_Once I heard the sound of the body hitting the hard sandy floor, I climbed back in the car and turned my head away from James digging his hole. I couldn't see him bury the body and cover up what he had done. He may be able to bury this night away, but I knew I would remember this night forever as the worst nightmare of my life. I just hoped that when I do remember this night again, I would find out what happened to Jeff, no matter how painful it would be to hear, I need to know the truth of what happened. I needed to hear that Jeff defended our relationship, told James he loved me and that he attempted to fight him off._

_If only I deserved those words to be aimed at me. I was one person in this world that didn't deserve to be loved, not by Jeff, not even by James… I was as bad as James… _I was a monster myself.

_--_

_Monsters come in all shapes, sizes and forms. We have heard stories of vampires and zombies and other creatures from horror movies… But life isn't a horror movie and those things don't exist, but yet we have monsters in this world, human, living, breathing… me._

* * *

_This chapter revealed a lot._

_1) Alice lives in Texas... as does Jazz... possible future storyline there?! Ill let your minds come up with something :P_

_2) The coffin. I dont wanna go into detail and spoil the future storyline, im only gunna drop one hint that it links to a previous question i asked at the end of chapter 7. Thats a huge hint actually, but thats only part of why she cant remember... haha it will all be revealed later.  
_

_3) We now know why Alice is staying with James... well from the age of 15 anyways. She believes its her punishment and she feels she deserves it. I know a lot may be pissed that she said Jeff's name, but you have to understand what she was going threw and what James was doing to her. She's only 15 and she was scared shitless of this man, she was bound to tell him sooner or later. She may have thought she could put up with this beatings, but shes only human. :/_

_Anyways, next chapter is going to be what happened with Jeffy! :( Its gunna be a hard one again, but good news... JASPER IS BACK CHAPTER 13!!! He wakes up and he finally has a story! hehe Can you believe hes been asleep this whole time? haha its weird._

_Thanks for reading and reviewing! Until next time... ENJOY!_


	12. 9:00am

**A/N: **_Okay, a million apologies__ for being a month late on the update, its just totally unacceptable! But we were both ill with the cold and literally had to energy to write or even think about this story. But Carrie-Ann was awesome and as soon as she felt well enough she wrote this chapter for you! I'm still writing the next one, but it will be posted sometime next week or this weekend, as soon as i can! I'm almost done, so there wont be two chapters this time! :( Forgive us! _

Warning:_ This chapter is very graphic and gory._

_Thanks again to all those who read and reviewed previous chapters and added us to your favourites and story alerts, we really appreciate it!  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

_

* * *

_

August 3rd 2009

**9:00am**

**APOV**

_Once I heard the sound of the body hitting the hard sandy floor, I climbed back into the car and turned my head away from James digging his hole. I couldn't see him bury the body and cover up what he had done. He may be able to bury this night away, but I knew I would remember this night forever as the worst nightmare of my life. I just hoped that when I do remember this night again, I would find out what happened to Jeff, no matter how painful it would be to hear, I need to know the truth of what happened. I needed to hear that Jeff defended our relationship, told James he loved me and that he attempted to fight him off._

_If only I deserved those words to be aimed at me. I was one person in this world that didn't deserve to be loved, not by Jeff, not even by James… I was as bad as James… _I was a monster myself.

--

I sat up in bed so quick my spine cracked loudly with the sudden movement. I jumped out of bed, my feet smashing hard against the cold hard floor and I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could and threw myself onto the floor, flipping the toilet seat open and throwing up the meal James had made me no more than an hour ago. I hated throwing up… I thought it was one of the most horrible and painful things the human body could go through. I hated the way it made my throat dry and the way it stung when the bile came up to be set free. And no matter how many times I tried to stop it from happening, I always ended up crying. I hated to show my weakness, no matter the situation.

I settled back and place my butt back on the floor and roamed my face with my hands, wiping my mouth and grimacing when I caught the smell. I sighed, hoping that was the last of it… But apparently luck wasn't on my side, as I could feel the bile quickly rising up my throat and I thru myself at the toilet once again before I made a mess on the floor, that I wouldn't enjoy cleaning up later. I could feel it working its way up my skinny body, I had a sudden mental image that if someone was watching me, I bet they could see it moving up me too, working its way behind my thin skin, no fat to cover up the actions, not even my fail bones hiding the motion… this thought only made it worse, my stomach emptying impossibly more.

I coughed up and spat the last of the vile stuff into the toilet and waited a second or two before slouching to the ground once again, placing my head on the hard, cold floor. It felt good against my warm skin after what I had just gone through. I hated the nightmares that came with my life. They were always so vivid and realistic and I always felt I was going through the moment over and over again, which in considering what I had been through over the years; it was never a good thing.

I took a deep breath to steady my heart beat and slowly released it. I did it again a few more times before I heard footsteps behind me. I didn't bother to turn around to see who it was. It was James without a doubt. The way his feet shuffled lightly against the floor every time he goes to take another step was encoded into my brain. I noticed all the little things about him, like all his different facial expressions. For example, if he was lying to me, which he almost never did anymore because it was pretty pointless, he would avoid eye contact with me and fiddle and pick at his clothing. Sometimes the both of us together would remind me off an old married couple because of how well we know each other and were so attuned to each other… and then I always ended up remembering the sex, drugs, rock and roll part of our lives and think we were far from an old married couple.

I could feel his presence behind me before I felt his hand on my back, trying to rub soothing circles to help with the sickness feeling in my stomach. But it didn't help… not one bit. _It just made me feel worse_. Knowing where those hands had been… what they'd done, made me feel so sick I had to raise myself of the floor and hang my head over the toilet for what felt like the millionth time before I threw up all over myself. While I threw my guts up into the now smelly toilet he rubbed my back and I could only wish that he would stop soon because he wasn't helping at all.

My back curved as I threw up again and he shoved some tissue under my nose and I took it without thanking him and wiped my mouth roughly before standing up and backing out of the bathroom to walk as quickly as I could, away from him and into the living room. I heard the toilet flush behind me and when I spun myself around to face in his direction, I was startled to see him so close to me, so quickly. I saw the shocked expression that crossed his face.

"Babe… What's wrong?" He asked trying to keep his tone light, but I detected this wariness, taking a careful step towards me. I froze my body as I locked eyes with him; I wanted to do a few things in that instant before I looked down. I wanted to scream murderer, I wanted to punch the fuck out of him, I wanted to run from this house, I wanted to kill him after everything that he's put me threw… but fear took over as I remembered what he was capable of, that's when I looked away, fisting my tiny hands into balls, my fingernails digging into my skin as a distraction.

I couldn't answer him at first… I was nervous and afraid that if I attempted to open my mouth I might throw up again. The sickness feeling was slowly fading away but I wasn't taking any chances. So I just stood there and moved my gaze back up to him, staring at him and waiting for him to repeat the question. As he always did, he never let things drop until he got an answer. Another thing I have learnt from James: Don't push him too far.

"Babe-"

"Just, give me a second okay?" It wasn't really a question, as he didn't have a choice but he nodded slightly, the wariness even more evident now like he couldn't make out what I was planning to do. "I just… I just need a minute." I held my right hand up and showed one finger, exaggerating the one minute I needed to gather myself together. He kept his eyes on me, trying to read my every move and emotion.

Before I knew it my now unclenched hands were shaking a little and I forced them together once again to keep them under control, pressing them at the sides of my body. I could feel his gaze sweep over me as I followed his line of sight. He finally landed on my shaking fists and I knew it would dawn on him any second now. I was always the same after I had woken up from this particular nightmare… because it was always the worst one. The piercing screams and cries and blood... there was always so much blood... the blood was always what I remembered; so red and thick… it clung to everything. I always woke up feeling dirty and tainted and I suddenly felt the need to jump in the shower and scrub myself clean until I was bright red and sore all over.

I heard a quiet gasp and I looked up to see him staring at me, mouth slightly open in shock. It finally clicked and he knew what I was feeling and what was going through my mind… Just like I was with him, he was attuned with my facial expression which I'm positive was showing a mixture or disgust and fear for his man. The disgust I felt knowing those hands had touched me, hurt me… even soothed me at times. But just thinking about him laying a hand anywhere near me at this very moment in time made me feel repulsed, scared and absolutely terrified; hence the fear. I knew what those hands were capable of… what they could do to a person he disliked or annoyed him in some way and I knew it wasn't a happy ending.

He took another step towards me and my breathing caught in my throat, my eyes focused on his feet, watching his every step. He immediately took a step back and sat where he was stood, keeping his distance and trying very hard not to scare me. He knew how worked up I could get over this and he didn't want me to get upset… No matter how many ways he finds to hurt me, it was unmistakable the love he felt for me, he chooses his moments to be kind and almost normal, but his monstrous side had made too many appearances for me to treat him with respect and love.

"I'm not gunna come any closer okay?" He said moving his hands up in a surrender gesture, trying to reassure me. "I won't come any closer unless you say otherwise. Got it?" I slowly nodded my head and backed up into the couch and sat down watching his every movement. He dropped his hands and sighed heavily. He stared at me for a few moments longer, opening and closing his mouth but no words were coming out. He kind of reminded me of fish. He suddenly cleared his throat and I wondered what it was that was so hard for him to tell me.

"I…" He paused, hesitating, trying to work out what he was going to say and whether he should… after a few more seconds he tried again. "I found out where he lived." I flinched when he said _he_ knowing exactly who he was referring to. "I found some people he knew… friends, you know… and I asked them a few questions and got what I needed." He was still being careful with his choice of words; this was the first time he had ever spoken of that night…

I realised straight away who and which night he was talking about. He was telling me how he found Jeff that night and what happened after. I'd always wanted to hear this… but now I wasn't too sure. It's what I'd wanted for so long… I was always sickly curious as to how he found him and what went down to make him come back home acting and looking like a crazy bastard who'd definitely lost his mind.

But now I wasn't too sure. Thinking back on how he had that crazed look in his eyes and knowing my fears of what he could do to me when he was mad enough with those hands, proving my fears right. Maybe it was better to be kept in the dark. After all, they do say ignorance is bliss… But before I could tell him to stop, tell him I didn't want to know what happened he continued with the story and the look on his face made me keep my mouth shut.

"After I had taken care of you-" We both flinched at his words. "-I stormed out of the house and found his friends. They told me what I wanted to know I went straight over to his house without even thinking the situation over." He stopped, hesitating again. "I just wanted him to pay…" He spoke in a dangerous tone. "I wanted him to pay for touching and enjoying what was _mine_." He growled and his sudden change of mood made my spine prickle with fear as I sat back on the couch and brought my legs up to my chest, sitting in the same position I had done that night, cowering into myself.

I was breathing heavily now, trying to not let it show and doing a very poor job at hiding it… This was it now. He was going to tell me and from the expression on his face he needed too. He needed me to understand why he did what he did and not to hate him every time I had the worst nightmares of him coming home covered in blood, crying uncontrollably and scaring the shit out of me… he looked completely scared and clueless as to what had just happened. Like he couldn't understand how he had killed him, as if it were another person that did it and he was standing, watching from the sidelines.

I was snapped out of my memories with him talking again.

"I stormed into his house like I owned the place and found him in the kitchen eating a sandwich or whatever. To say he was surprised to see me there is a fucking understatement. He almost choked to death on his sandwich" He paused to chuckle at his story. I had no idea how he could laugh because nothing about what happened that night was funny. Not even the stupid stuff like Jeff almost choking to death on his sandwich. So I just sat there in my balled up position… my face expressionless and waiting for him to continue.

"The first words out of my mouth the moment I stepped into the kitchen and saw him standing there were, 'Who the fuck do you think you are? Eh… thinking you can go around and have any girl you want… my girl to be exact.'" He continued by mimicking his voice from that moment. "I was so pissed off… knowing what you'd done together… all the kissing and sex, I knew without a doubt you'd done. Just knowing he hugged you got me so wound up I wanted to break his scrawny little neck." His face contorted into anger and I could tell he was getting himself worked up over this all over again.

"You know what he said back to me?" He whispered so low I almost didn't hear him. "He said to me, 'Who do you think you are? Because I think I'm the guy who actually realised what I had, when I had it. I knew I had something special the moment I laid eyes on her. That what I felt for her was something a person could feel once in a blue moon… something like _that _doesn't happen often and yes, I was going to take advantage of what time I had with her. And all you could do was use and abuse her! You didn't care about her! If you did, you wouldn't have done half the things she told me you'd done!' …And that's when I snapped." He said in a matter-of-fact tone. By now I had tears streaming down my face. I didn't wipe them away; I wanted him to see how right Jeff had been and show him how much he had hurt me over the years.

He looked at me for a short time, but his tone of anger didn't change. "I snapped and lost complete control over my actions. It was a blind rage and before I knew it, I was stood in front of him and my fist was in his face. I'm pretty sure I broke his nose but I just didn't give a shit. I wanted him to pay for what he'd done to me… and the only way he would ever be able to pay me back for using my girl, was through pain." His voice was now deep, I couldn't detect the emotions he was feeling, he was either hiding them well or he simply didn't feel anything, which scared me the most. "I grabbed the first thing I saw just laying there on the kitchen side which turned out to be a wooden spoon. He was on the floor with his hands placed on his nose, trying to stop the blood flow. I stood over him and his eyes met mine before I raised my right arm and whacked him across the head with the spoon… I broke it in half and there were pieces flying off into different directions. I've never heard a guy scream out like that before, _but it wasn't enough_… I _needed_ him to hurt _more_… to go through the pain I was feeling at your _betrayal_." He choked on the last word.

I had a feeling the torture he put Jeff through was going to be a lot worse than I had imagined it to be. I knew he could be sadistic… I just didn't realise how far he was willing to go. And from the look on his face, all the way wouldn't have even been enough. He had no boundaries and no fear when it came to someone backstabbing him. All he saw was red, his brain would stop functioning and the only thought he would have was _kill_.

"He tried to get up but I wouldn't let him. I placed my foot on his chest and pushed him back down, holding him in place. But I wouldn't stop pressing my foot down, adding pressure to his chest. And before I knew what was happening, I lifted my foot in the air and slammed it down as hard as I could onto his chest. I remember hearing a rib snap and laughing while he gasped for air." His face was blank with no expression, matching his tone. Again, I couldn't tell what it was he was feeling or what was going through that insane mind of his… and for once, I was pretty sure I didn't _want_ to know. I was stunned at his graphic tale, I didn't want to hear anymore, yet I wanted to know exactly what happened, I wanted more… I only deserved this, I deserved the nightmares I would be sure to have when I next slept.

"I punctured a lung. I'm not good at the medical stuff… but I'm pretty sure when he started throwing up blood the rib I broke had pierced a lung… and I knew he wasn't gunna last long unless he got to a hospital right away. But like I said, I didn't give a shit and this guy wasn't going anywhere." His fists were balled up as if he was trying to stop himself from punching something… or someone. I tightened my arms around my legs, thankfully my fear was hidden behind my knees, not like he would look up and see me; he was too absorbed in his story. When he got worked up like this he liked to take his anger out on the nearest person and since I lived with him, it tended to be me.

He caught me staring at his fists and knowing what I was thinking he unclenched his fists and flexed his fingers, continuing with the story. I was even more confused over his behaviour and emotions. "I knelt beside him and took his hand into mine. I rubbed my fingers over his and slowly began bending them backwards then stopped. I could see him trying to watch what I was doing but he was completely out of it. His eyes were all glazed over and he couldn't focus on anything for a long period of time… so the moment his eyes reached mine again, I wrapped my hand around his left index finger and snapped it back until it touched the back of his hand." I couldn't believe how much pain that must have caused, knowing how much pain he had already been in. I didn't want to be here anymore… I finally wanted out of his place… Away from him! "I'm pretty sure he stopped breathing for a second while his eyes bulged out of his head and I repeated the same thing over and over until I had broken everyone of his fingers." His tone deadened as he spoke these unbelievable words.

Oh god, I felt so sick. I could picture it in my head, the scene repeating over and over as the bones cracked and snapped into a position that wasn't meant for the human body. I was slowly rocking back and forth in my balled position, wishing for this life to be over. To wake up all of a sudden and find everything I felt and had been through, was a horrid dream and have my mum wrap me in her arms and tell me everything was going to be okay… but I knew that wasn't going to happen and that just made the tears come even faster.

"That wasn't even close to the worst thing I did to him." He said, noticing the tears pouring down my face. "I stood up and stomped on his face twice with the heel of my shoe before I grabbed a load of glasses, smashed them on the counter and threw the broken pieces at him. He was only wearing a t-shirt, so they pretty much tore up his skin." He spoke in a flat tone so as not to reveal any emotion he was truly feeling. He wouldn't be able to keep up his act for long before the barrier he had created completely broke down and I witnessed what he was really feeling.

"The next thing I grabbed for was a meat tenderizer." It was then my head snapped up to look at him again. I was so hoping he wasn't going to say what I think he was going to say. The sickening feeling in my stomach was growing stronger and I dug my nails into my skin which were still tightly wrapped around my legs. His eyes met with mine and I knew what he was going to say before he said it. "I broke his knee caps." I felt the sickness reach the back of my throat and I successfully swallowed it back down while it stung in the process. I coughed a little and realised I had to brush my teeth once this madness was over because I had the foulest taste in my mouth.

"It was probably the rolling pin that ended it…" He said with the faintest hint of humour in his tone. I narrowed my eyes at him and anger boiled inside of me. How could he think this was funny? It was nowhere near a laughing matter. He killed a guy and he thinks it's funny! He noticed the anger rising within me and kept a straight face. He just sat there and blinked at me until he was sure I was calm (or as calm I could be in this situation) and finished what he started.

"I hit him with the rolling pin as hard as I could, wherever I could and didn't stop until I realised I had pounded his head into the kitchen floor." I heard a sharp intake of breath and realised it was me. James's hands were shaking and I was shaking all over. "I remember him choking on his own blood and coughing it up all over me. I don't remember it exactly… just as a blurry image." He finished, finally looking at me properly, waiting for my comment.

I couldn't find my voice at first; I was struck with horror and disgust and anger and hate and fear, as I tried to fight the vomit begging to be released. "How… how could you? " I whispered. "How could you do that to another human being?!" I finally shouted, my sobs already taking over me.

"I'm sorry, okay!" He shouted back. "When I realised what I'd done, I cried. I cried and shouted for him to come back. I hit, punched, shook him by the collar… everything! I tried everything to get him to open those fucking eyes of his and nothing worked! I couldn't… I didn't mean too…" He trailed off, words caught in his throat. Tears finally coming from his eyes and he hid his face in his hands. The barrier had broken down; revealing a broken man…

It was silent for a few moments before he spoke again. "I couldn't take my eyes away from his face." He spoke into his hands… "I just backed up into the corner closest to me and told him I was sorry… over and over again, I told him I was sorry, just hoping he could hear me." He choked loudly on his tears.

To say I was shocked was definitely an understatement. Not only was I shocked because of that disgusting and cringe worthy story, but also because he was sorry. He was actually sorry for what he'd done. Out of all the things he'd done to me he was finally sorry for one of them. That had been the worst moment of my life. He had taken someone away from me who had loved and taken care of me and made me feel special for once. Like I was worthy of living in this God forsaken world and someone actual cared about what happened to me. He had taken the only person who had ever made me feel like I belonged, like I had a place in the world along with the other happy people and he made me feel like I had a normal life just like every other teenager. And James, the guy who had and still does to this day, treat me like crap, was sorry for taking that person away.

He was sat there with his head in his hands, not even bothering to hide the fact he was crying his eyes out. He shoulders shook with every sob and I suddenly felt bad for him. He looked as lost as a child and my heart ached for him. I had the sudden urge to go over there and make him feel better. I shouldn't… but I knew I was going to anyway.

He looked up at me and I could see him begging me for forgiveness in his eyes. He didn't say it and he didn't need to. Anybody that knew him as well as I did would be able to tell he was truly sorry. So I did what I do every time… I uncurled myself before getting up from the couch and I made me way over to him. I bent down to his position and wrapped my arms securely around him. He pulled me onto his lap and buried his face into my neck and I tightened my arms around his neck as he snuggled closer.

No matter how much I wished it otherwise… I think me and James were just destined to be together forever. Every bone, muscle and cell in my body was screaming for me to run and never once look back. I knew one day he would be the death of me. But no matter how much I wanted to leave this life behind… _I just couldn't_. After the way he treats me… the abuse, rape and drugs… there's no doubt within me in the fact that he doesn't make me feel special or happy. I'm just here. I wouldn't even call it living. It's just me… here… waiting for the sweet release of death.

There must be something wrong with me to keep coming back to him like this. It seems that there's nothing in this world that I have yet to find that could keep us apart. There's nothing big enough, nothing he can do wrong to scare me away. He was the one that murdered and tortured an innocent person just because he fell in love with the wrong girl and here I am comforting him. One day I'll die because of him. I don't know how and when, I know… I just will. And even that isn't enough to scare me away. After all these years, I've simply learnt to deal with it. I've accepted death already. It's going to happen whether I like it or not… I was simply doomed and I simply didn't care.

_Life is like a box of chocolates… you never know what you're going to get._

* * *

_I warned you! :( Poor Jeffy, poor Alice... ugh so tragic! But you have to know that Jeffy isnt the love of her life, Jasper is, she just doesnt remember him. And im sure if that was Jasper in Jeffys postion this whole outcome would have been different. Im pretty sure she would have died for Jasper, she would have done everything in her power to keep him safe no matter how scared she was._

_I know your probably thinking, WHAT?! How can she forgive him! But the things hes done to her, the things hes made her believe and the lies and the way hes raised her and the fact that this life is all she remembers... well, lets just say that she knows no better than to stay. But all shall change soon enough!!_

_JASPERS BACK!! Yep! Next chapter will be based on a dream Jaspers having, its what happened the day he found out that Alice had gone and what he went thru, im sure you all wanted to know how he found out and what he did. Then chapter 14 will be Jasper too and the storyline will start making more sense soon and it will really get exciting! So stick with us, coz this story is gunna get dramatic :D_

_Reviews would be awesome! Thanks for reading :)  
_


	13. 10:00am

**A/N: **_Jaspers back :) Well, hes asleep right now and this is based on a dream hes having... but it's finally time you knew how he found out about Alice going missing! He wakes up at the end which then leads on to another Jasper chapter, then Alice is back after that one and their both going to be in it from now on. No more sleeping Jasper or Alice, its gunna be packed with drama from now on! Were so freakin excited!!_

_Sorry once more for the last update, but you can blame Carrie-Ann, i finished writing this chapter at the start of the week and she didnt read it when i told her to! Tut, tut... But she finally has so I'm free to post it and share.  
_

_Thanks again to all those who read and reviewed previous chapters and added us to your favourites and story alerts, we really appreciate it!  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Jasper_

_

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_

August 3rd 2009

**10:00am**

**JPOV**

_8 years ago._

_I knew something was wrong… The way my dad was stealing glances at me from the corner of his eye, while he hid the remote under his left thigh, sitting on it. Whenever I eyed the TV to turn it on, he would look at the living room door nervously as if waiting for someone to enter. What was going on? Why was I made to sit in complete silence? I was scared to even breathe in case it broke the horrid atmosphere he had created, scared my dad was going to snap and shout at me… have I done something wrong?_

_I could feel his gaze burning into the side of my head, Rosalie wasn't here and neither was my mother. I had heard my mum take Rose upstairs about fifteen minutes ago, which made everything all the more confusing… I had thought over the possibility that we were both getting punished for something, but then again, nothing came to mind. Me and Rose never hung out, if I was getting into trouble over something it was because of me and Alice… but we hadn't _done_ anything! I sat back on the sofa and stared hard at the TV, my frustration getting beyond annoying._

_Since the moment I had been asked to sit down and be quite under the watchful eye of my father, I had been thinking over everything me and Alice had done, over the last few days. I assumed my dad was waiting for my mum to talk to me or yell at me for something… but I realised that that line of thought was useless seen as nothing had happened with us either…_

_Maybe this was a more serious matter… A new direction of thoughts entered my mind, maybe they were trying to break some news to us… but then my dad would be telling me right now, wouldn't he? Surly if something bad had happened they wouldn't make me wait this long to tell me after telling Rose, that's just cruel keeping me in the dark… but it would explain everything…My dads shifty looks, his nervous glances as the door, the way he sat on the TV remote like he was hiding something… _something that could be on the news._ I felt the blood drain from my face; I swallowed past the fear, why didn't I think of this sooner? I was so scared of getting into trouble that the most simple of answers was ignored over my childishness… but how to be sure?_

"_I need the toilet dad, is it okay if I go upstairs?" I tried my best to hide my nerves._

"_Oh… uhm…I don't…" He trailed off looking helplessly at the door like he was trying to burn a hole into it to see if he could see the other side… _that was enough of a confirmation for me._ Something was happening, something _had_ happened and they weren't telling me! It was something deadly serious; something my dad didn't have the bottle to tell me. Over the years if a pet died it would always be my mother who told us the news, let us down gently. If someone in the family had been rushed into hospital over an injury, my mum again would be the one to tell us, my dad always strayed away from those responsibilities; he wasn't good with the words… it again explained his behaviour right now and why I was still wanting to know what was going on. I should have known better than to expect _him_ to tell me anything…_

_My head starting to feel faint as realisation pierced threw me… was someone in hospital? Had someone died? I was starting to shake as I thought of all the people in my family… Rose was fine, mum was fine, dad was fine… both my grandparents from both sides of my family were dead, my dad was an only child and my mother only has one sister who is currently on a honeymoon with her new husband. I carried on with those thoughts until I knew it was nothing to do with my family… we were kind of a private family, plus, our family is so tiny I never really missed anyone at all, we never really spoke to anyone else besides friends who were practically like family…_

Friends_… if it wasn't a family member, it was a friend in danger. The only person's name, who came to my mine immediately, _wasAlice_. I had this strong desire to know she was safe, that she was okay…Only seconds had passed since my dad had hesitated with an answer to my question, but seconds was all I needed to jump out of my seat and launch myself for the door._

"_Jazz, no!" My dad tried to grab for me but I was far too quick, he fell to the ground behind me and tried to scramble to his feet in time to catch me again before I pulled the door open… again, he was too slow. I slammed the door shut behind me to slow him down even more, I just needed enough time to get up the stairs and get to my mother… my feet were moving faster than my brain, I was halfway up the stairs when my dad growled and flew thru the door, I pressed myself against the wall as his hands tried to grab for my legs in-between the banister gaps, but the adrenaline was too powerful and the only thing that was on my mind was Alice, nothing was going to stop me. "Jazz!" My dad screeched at the bottom of the stairs._

_When I reached the top, my lungs were burning because of my speed, the adrenaline making my blood feel heavy and thick behind my skin, I could almost feel it flowing threw me and going to my brain making me faint, my heart thumped furiously against my chest. An image of Alice blinded me as panicked tears filled my eyes. My legs were already running towards the sound of Rosalie's cries… I burst threw the door to see the most heart wrenching sight. _

"_What's happened?!" I panted. Rose and my mum were sat on the floor, Rose was in tears as my mum rocked her backwards and forwards on the floor. My mum was also crying silent tears of sorrow… There was nothing happy about those tears, it made the sight a thousand times worse, my heart tearing even more. They were sat at the side of the bed on the floor, embracing each other tightly._

"_Judy…" My dad heaved behind me, his breathing catching in this throat._

"_It's okay Michael… I… have to tell him sooner or later…" She choked out and turned to Rose to whisper something in her ear; Rose nodded her head and stood up, avoiding my gaze as she walked towards our dad behind me. My eyes were fixed on my mother, I knew what I looked like to her; I could feel the look of horror on my face, the blood completely drained from me… I didn't feel human in this second, I felt dead and lifeless as I prepared myself for what I hoped wasn't true… An image of a vampire fit my appearance perfectly right now, terrified of what was going to happen, a new born not understanding anything. Yes, I felt exactly that way, confused about the unknown…_

"_Mum." I whispered barely audible, I doubted she heard me. I heard the door shut behind me but I never moved my gaze from her face. She stood up slowly wiping away her tears and sat on the bed, she opened her arms to me but I couldn't move, I was frozen with fear… she dropped them when she sensed that I couldn't go to her._

"_Jasper." She whispered back… "There's something I need to tell you and its not going to be easy for you to hear… but you have to understand that there are people who are here for you… who love you-" I cut her off, her mumbling was irritating me. I knew she was trying to delay telling me and anger shot threw me._

"_Just tell me." I asked anxiously threw gritted teeth. I could see the pain behind her burning gaze, she was delaying to save my feelings from being hurt, but I needed to know!_

"_Oh honey…" She cried as her face scrunched up, it looked as if she was in physical pain, fresh tears pouring down her face. I closed my eyes and repeated a thousand times over in my head, _please don't let it be Alice, please don't let it be Alice._ "It's… Jasper… it's, Alice." She finally burst out. I felt the world weigh me down as the word Alice left her lips… _my Alice_… I fell to the ground, my knees meeting the floor hard with a loud thud, my hands automatically reached out in front of me to stop my face from hitting the floor. I bent over and tried to breathe as I realised it was my Alice that was in danger…_

"_What's happened to her?" I managed to heave out, my breathing uneasy; the tears hadn't come yet… I think it was the shock. _

"_Carlisle found her missing this morning." She spoke quickly. "They think… they think she has been taken by someone…The police-" I couldn't hear her anymore, not over choice but because I started choking over words that were desperate to be released. My throat was closing up; my brain was shutting down so her voice was a distant murmur… the only thing I could focus on right now were my thoughts, which were devoted to Alice. My chest was shaking, shaking so bad that my whole body was convulsing, I thought I was going to throw up… but then a cry burst threw my lips and I was defended by the sound, it didn't sound like me at all… The sound was of pure pain, like someone had just branded me with a branding iron, burning straight through to my chest and tearing a wide hole straight into my heart, leaving nothing but emptiness. _

_It felt like the world had frozen around me, I couldn't think of anything but her, I couldn't see anything but an image of her, the branding iron kept burning more holes into me, reminding me a hundred, thousand times over that she was in danger… and there was nothing, _nothing I could do to save her_. More painful tears poured down my cheeks as I grieved for my lost love… my only love, my soul mate. I knew we were young but that didn't matter, it didn't affect my feelings for her. She was mine and I was hers and she was gone and I was all alone… The branding iron kept puncturing holes into me, each brand would sting and burn and I cried out in more pain… I had never felt anything like this in my whole life. I finally understood the words heartbroken, empty, alone…_

"_Jasper…" My mum fell to the ground in front of me. I could heard in her tone that it pained her to see me this way, but that didn't matter to me right now, nothing did but _her_._

"_How long ago…" I cried, my voice was shaking so hard that I could barley make out my own words, I was starting to hyperventilate. It surprised me when she answered._

"_He found her missing at 6:00am this morning." She confirmed hesitantly, tears thick in her throat. My head snapped up and looked past her to the alarm clock on the bedside table…It read 10:00am… But… _that was six hours ago_! Six hours ago she was found missing, who knows when she disappeared, who knows who took my Alice. Anger shot threw me painfully, tugging at my heart. I couldn't make out who I was angrier at right this second… my mother for keeping this from me, the Cullen's for not telling me as soon as they found her missing or the monster who stole my Alice…_

"_Why are you only telling me this now?!" I yelled in her face. I shot up from my spot on the floor and just let my legs run, I didn't know where they were taking me but I needed the distraction from the pain that was ripping my heart to shreds. I stumbled down the stairs nearly tripping flat on my face, my vision was blurred by my tears. I landed hard on the floor._

"_What's going- Jasper!" My dad called as he watched me run for the front door, wrenching it open and shooting out into the cold air. People, crowds of people surrounded the streets, all heading for the direction of the house I knew my feet wanted me to go. "Jasper, get back here!" My dad yelled behind me but I was too far gone to listen to anyone right now. I needed to see for myself that this was true. I needed to hear it from her parents. I needed to see her bedroom empty, her things untouched, her bed creased from the last time she had laid there… I needed my Alice, I wanted to hug her, kiss her a million times… I needed, wanted more than anything to tell her that I love her just one more time… _

_I barged past the people who were heading towards the direction of the house I was aiming for. "Hey." Someone shouted as I stormed past them. "Watch yourself kid." A man growled. I continued to push past people not caring who I was hurting in the process, not caring if I knocked anyone over, not caring about anything but her. "Oi." Some complained behind me. "Slow down!" I felt a hand try to wrap itself around my arm but I managed to loosen the grip almost instantly, never turning to see who was actually trying to stop me, I just kept on going, ignoring everyone until I saw the big white house. _

_My heart was protesting – well, what was left of it - begging me to slow down, my legs straining as I continued to push forwards and my muscles cried with pain but I pushed forwards ignoring even my own body now. I saw Chief Swan talking to some news reporters and other police searching the garden or talking to another set of reporters themselves. I told myself that this meant nothing; it wasn't proof until I saw for myself that she was missing. _

_I snuck past the news reporters only to be met by yellow tape that stretched everywhere reading: DO NOT CROSS. I ripped my way past the offensive tape and each obstacle that tried to slow me down… I was insulted as I met more tape, anger pushing me forwards… I was shooting across the front lawn now, I heard the police telling me that I couldn't be here, that I need to get back, but I continued… no tape, no police, not even a Cullen if one shows up is going to stop me now right now._

"_Jasper…" Carlisle gasped as I finally reached the front door. He stood in my way but I barged past him, I was terrified to look back and meet his gaze, I didn't want to see the confirmation in his tearful, broken stare, I wanted to find out for myself._

"_He can't be in here." Someone tried to grab me as I launched for the stairs._

"_Let him go." Carlisle's voice was strong and firm, I almost stopped to look back and see how he managed to say this with such authority. I couldn't have spoken back even if I'd tried; the lump in my throat had gotten so big that it felt like an apple was stuck there._

"_I'm sorry sir; but this is an investigation now, he can't be in here." The policeman spoke as if his statement was final. I didn't heard Carlisle's response as I was already up the stairs, I looked around me, searching for her door… it wasn't difficult to miss, more offensive tape angered me as it stretched from top to bottom across the doorway, each one screaming the words: DO NOT CROSS. I could hear footstep stomping up the stairs; my heart was tearing impossibly more wide open… I was torn. _

_Did I really want to see her room bare? Did I really need the confirmation, weren't the news reporters, the police and the tape enough evidence? As if my brain knew that I was out of time and incapable of making this decision on my own, it made it for me, as if it were a friend urging me on in support. It took over my bodies decisions and pushed my legs forwards and after I ripped past the tape… I took my first step into her room._

_I couldn't hear a thing as my brain shut down, leaving me to grieve my loss. Silently, in my blurry state of mind, I ran towards her bed and launched myself onto it, curling up and burrowing my head into her pillow. I closed my eyes and let the silence my body washed over me take me under. It was like having an out of body experience, I knew that people were shouting around me, yelling at me that I couldn't be in here but I couldn't hear none of them, I was completely numb to everything. It was like someone had pressed the mute button on my life and I was just existing without feeling anything, an empty broken shell… how strange that it would be only take this long before I was sucked into this state?_

_The tears didn't come like I thought they would, well, if they did I couldn't hear or feel them. My heart felt like it was slowing down, taking its final beats before being sucked into silence like the rest of the world around me. I felt someone tug me from the bed and I lay limp the persons arms. I opened my eyes slowly to see it was my father, his expression mixed from rage to sympathy. He was talking to someone but again, the mute button was still in action and I heard nothing he said, I was still… numb. I stared up at his face without actually looking at him, I didn't know what was happening to me, but I liked that I couldn't feel, I wanted this to last forever… it was a hell of a lot better than feeling heartbroken and unbearable pain. _

_My head lolled to the side, I honestly felt like a puppet that had just had is strings cut, I didn't have the strength to even lift my hand to grip onto my father like any normal persons reaction was when being carried, terrified of being dropped. My eyes barley reacted to the bright light from the day as it shone down upon me when we crossed the doorstep into another reality, a busier reality… it was then that I finally saw Carlisle's face… it was then that everything just went whoosh in my ear and I could finally hear the chaos around me. It was his broken expression that tore at my heart and I could finally hear it beating ferociously against my chest. I heard my own tears, thick in my throat… just like in the house when my mum first told me, it didn't sound like me at all; it sounded like I was being physically harmed, beaten or tortured._

"_I'm sorry Carlisle, I tried to stop him." My farther grumbled above me, more sounds burst threw my lungs as I begged the silence to wash over me again, I liked the numbness… I wanted it back! _

"_No apologizes… if anyone loved Alice as much as we did, it was Jasper… I can sympathize greatly with his pain." Carlisle spoke softly, his voice just making the pain worse. How can he say that? IF anyone loved Alice as much as they did! I felt like screaming "I LOVED HER MORE!" But words made no sense to me right now; it was only painful cries that escaped my mouth._

"_I'm so sorry Carlisle, if there's anything we can do…" My dad trailed off._

"_We will come to you, we appreciate the gesture Michael." Carlisle's voice cracked and it only urged my pain on more. "Esme is at the police station right now-" I couldn't hear anymore, I didn't want to hear anymore; I worked to block out his words because it only hurt me more. Esme was one person who I didn't like to think of in pain, she is so caring, so giving, like… Alice. I hoped I wouldn't have to see her today, I didn't know how much more pain my heart could take before I completely lost all hope and the will to actually live in this world without her._

_I focused on the policemen and women around me who were talking loudly, their words jumbling together. "No sign of her" and… "found nothing" also… "her blankets gone." Each statement only made me wish the numbness would take me away again, I didn't want to hear this stuff, I wanted to know that there were signs of her, that they will find her, that everything was going to be alright! That Alice was coming home, that I wouldn't feel so alone anymore… I needed Alice like I needed air to breathe; she was my love, my true love…she is my reason to live. I never realised it before, how much I really needed her._

_Yesterday we were two kids running around in the park playing tag. Today I'd lost her and suddenly my life had no meaning. No one can tell me that I was too young to feel this way, no one can possibly understand how I am feeling this very second… she was my whole life and I never truly realised it until now… And as soon as I'd wished it once again, the numbness sucked me back under and everything was silent once more as I prayed for her to come home. I closed my eyes and pictured her and nothing else; I replayed memories of our last days together…our first kiss, I lingered on that memory the longest, ignoring the throbbing of my heart and I knew its broken heartbeats will never sound the same again._

_--_

_I was sat in the back of my mum's car, I could feel Emmett's broad shoulder pressed roughly and almost painfully again my right shoulder, while Edwards shaking body shuck next to me on my left, as he tried to hold in his sobs. I wanted to whisper to him, let him know that he doesn't have to hide how he's feeling… but that would be hypocritical of me, as the numbness that had sucked me under hours ago was still in affect… I felt nothing, I was empty. Bella sat in the front next to my mother, she was driving us to the police station. She had told us before we got in that we had to give out personal statements to the police and it was important that we all behave and try our best to help them out. I nodded and was willing to oblige, hoping that once we reach the station I would be able to speak._

_I sat as still as I could, trying to ignore the vibrations that shuck down the left side of my body. I thought of nothing but my last day with Alice, trying to remember anything that would help me understand why she had gone and left me. We were told earlier that the police found no evidence of a break in to the house; that she left on her own accord; I sat numbly as I listened to Chief Swan's evidence. I couldn't even shake my head to disagree with him; I couldn't even simply say. "I don't believe you, she would never leave me." But the numbness didn't allow that, it only let me listen, it held everything else inside me, eating me alive._

_When he left I thought about his words more and the words I wished I could have spoken. Why didn't I believe him? I thought it was simple enough to answer, because she loved me back. But then why would she leave me? That question pained me the most, I couldn't answer that… I thought she had loved me. Why would she leave me if she did? Every time I thought of that possibility it only shattered my already broken heart and it made me feel guilty. Did she leave because of me then, because she didn't love me anymore? I hoped more than anything that that wasn't the reason and if it was, it wasn't the right solution, she didn't need to leave. I would rather she stay safe, she didn't have to love me, I could love her and not have her love me back… another painful stab at my heart._

_So I sat here in silence with the knowledge that Alice may not have truly loved me after all, which only hurt me more. But because I was deeply in love with her, I would do anything in my power to get her back, just so I know she's safe, so I can finally know the truth behind her disappearance. Charlie had also mentioned that they think someone took her when she left… that only confused the matter. So had she left because of me, wandering around hopelessly for someone to take her? I hoped that wasn't true, but it was the only thing that I came up with right now, Alice was taught not to trust strangers, she wouldn't volunteer herself to go with someone… I realised I didn't know anything anymore, I was only guessing and guesses just weren't good enough._

_We finally reached the police station and Edward's sobs came to an abrupt stop as he looked up. His face red and he wore his painful expression like a glove; there was no hiding it anymore. Bella got out of the car after my mother and ran round to Edwards side, she opened his door and held her hand out to him, he took it and I finally saw the look she gave him. It was pain for losing her best friend and also pain from seeing her love in pain too… she looked torn between grieving for herself and comforting Edward, I had never felt so alone, I wanted someone too._

_Emmett climbed out after, walking slowing around until he was trailing behind Edward and Bella. I had a distinct feeling from the way he hunched himself forwards, that he was wishing Rosalie was here for him too, there to put her arm around him… I suddenly hated myself for a thought that briefly crossed my mind in that instant. I wished for a second that it wasn't Alice missing, but Bella or my own sister and that I would have her in my arms as we went to take a statement for their disappearance… I quickly shuck it free, disgusted with myself._

"_Jasper honey." My mum held her hand out to me and I took it, grateful for the comforting gesture. She slammed the door behind me and locked it quickly, pulling me to her side and greedily embracing me as if she wanted to fuse us together permanently, or wanted to take my pain away. "I know this is going to be hard for you… but I can be there in the room if you want me. All you have to do is ask and I'll come running in to be by your side." She stopped and moved her body in front of mine; she lowered herself into a crouch so her head came to my chest. "You know I love you, right?" Tears welled in my eyes as I nodded slowly. "You know I will do everything in my power to protect you, right?" I then suddenly realised what she was thinking… she thought I was scared, scared that I thought I might be next and that Alice's kidnapper would come get me._

_I gave her a disbelieving look and I finally found my voice. "I'm not scared." I croaked out, my voice not sounding like me at all… I was starting to feel like a whole other person._

"_Of course not honey, I never thought you were." She kissed the top of my head and forced a small smile for me. "I just want you to know that nothing is going to hurt you… You're safe with me, always." There was no denying her sincerity, but I was still marvelling in her words. So they thought someone was out to kidnap children? I shudder ran down my spine and I forced myself to nod to my mother, telling her I'm fine. She kissed me once more and stood, walking me towards the building… _here we go.

_--_

_It was just like in the movies. The room walls were grey, black floors, a camera in the far corner of the room, a long mirror where I knew my mother to be standing behind watching me. There was a large black table with only four chairs around it, two at each side, my chest up being the only visible thing, the table buried me. There was a tape recorder on the desk too, it intimidated me the most, I felt like I was a criminal getting interviewed, instead of a helpless boy that was being questioned over his girlfriends disappearance. I smiled as I thought of that name… I loved how comfortable me and Alice were around each other, how simple and nice it was to kiss her without us both being grossed out by the action. Our parents always told us that we reminded them of an old married couple who had been in love for years instead of only a few. We were both just 10 years old but right now, sat facing these two police men, sitting in this scary room, I felt braver, I felt more mature, and most of all, the love I feel for Alice is so strong… age doesn't matter, no one can tell me I can't love someone this much and feel as much pain as I do._

_I looked down at my entwined hands and braced myself for the questions. Slowly, I let down my barriers of protection and I let myself feel for the first time in hours… I breathed in and out carefully; reminding myself that I had to get threw this for her. "The date is, August 3__rd__ 2001. Friday. The time is 2:33pm." The first policeman on the left spoke and he pressed down on the recorder at the same time. "I'm officer Black, here with officer Clearwater and were here to interview Jasper Hale over the disappearance of Alice Cullen, both age 10." He stopped and cleared his throat, giving Officer Clearwater what I presumed was the go ahead. _

"_Hi Jasper… My names Seth and this is Jacob, were here to talk to you about Alice and what you remember of the last 24 hours with her." He paused for a minute, I think he was trying to give me time to process his words; I nodded my head to show I'd heard. "We spoke to Esme Cullen earlier and she told us that you were playing in the park with her yesterday…" He trailed off, his tone friendly but urging me to speak._

"_Yes." I swallowed past the lump rising in my throat. "We were playing tag and hide and seek-" I was interrupted by Jacob._

"_Her mother told us about that last game Jasper, she told us that you were playing near the woods and out of sight… Jasper, can you remember anything suspicious happening around that time?" I furrowed my eyebrows for a second and I thought carefully over that… "I'm asking you about that specific time Jasper; because Esme told us that that was the only time you and Alice left her sight that day." I gaped at him for a second as if looking at his brown, russet skin would help me to remember that time…_

_-_

_I stopped counting when I was pretty sure she had found a good enough hiding place. I looked around and she was nowhere in sight. I began to panic a little but I knew she would be alright… Alice was just really good at this game. I searched the playground first to see if I could get a glimpse of her, but I didn't so I slowly made my way through the sea of people and kids that were scattered all over the park._

_After doing a quick sweep of the playground I was pretty sure Alice wasn't hiding here and my eyes fell back to the forest we were just facing a few moments ago. It wasn't that far from our parents so I wouldn't get too mad at her for hiding in there._

_As I got deeper and deeper I could hear noises and I was pretty sure the voice belonged to Alice… I would notice that voice anywhere. I made sure I was as quiet as a mouse and followed the direction the noise was coming from. I could see Alice sitting against a tree so I crept up behind her and shouted "FOUND YOU!" She screamed and fell to the floor in fright. I laughed at her reaction and she laughed along with me. I gave her my hand to help her up and we ran off into the direction of the playground to play the game all over again._

-

_And then is suddenly hit me remembering that specific time… _As I got deeper and deeper I could hear noises… _I remembered as if it just happened seconds ago, I remembered the noises, I remembered it not just being her… how stupid of me. "I remember…" I trailed, my voice catching in my throat, I felt sick… I was so close to the person talking to her, her possible kidnapper but I was so absorbed in our petty game to take any notice of the other voice, it was only hers who I focused on._

"_Jasper." Seth called out._

"_I remember someone… we were playing hide and seek and I looked all over for her, all over the park were kids were playing, but I couldn't find her anywhere, it had been longer than the time I was told to count, I started to get a little panicked." I gushed out. "Then I focused on the woods, which were deep and away from our parents… I started walking into it, getting deeper and deeper and then I heard the voices…" My words were tumbling out on one another, as my heart sped up against my chest._

"_Voice Jaspers? Did you hear anything specific being said?" Jacob urged me on._

"_No. I was so stupid… I wasn't listening; I was only listening to her voice, her mumbles… I can't remember what she was saying but there was defiantly someone with her." I was certain of that fact._

"_What happened when you got to her Jasper?" Jacob cut in again before Seth had time to voice his questions, no doubt it would have been the same._

"_I got to her and I scared her, screaming 'FOUND YOU'. I didn't look around me though, like I said, my mind was on Alice and only her. It didn't really notice that someone was talking to her… not until now." I felt sick, I knew I was going to be sick… oh god, oh god, I had been so close, so close! I clenched my hands up._

"_Jasper calm down." Seth soothed me._

"_Calm down?!" I shouted. "I WAS SO CLOSE TO HIM! HE WAS THERE! HE WAS TALKING TO HER!" I heaved out, the room starting to spin._

"_Jasper, take deep breathes, were going to help you with this… calm. Down." Seth soothed me again and this time I listened. "Now. Do you remember the other voice being a male's voice? Was it was mans voice or a boys voice?" I tried to remember, I really did, but all I remember were mumbles, her sweet voice calling to me. I shuck my head feeling useless._

"_Okay…" I heard one of them sigh but I didn't look to see which one. "Tell me Jasper, what was Alice acting like when you walked back to your parents?" She was cheerful, but she was always happy with me around, I suddenly realised I should be saying this aloud._

"_She was happy, really happy. But when we were together we always laughed around each other and made each other happy. I had the best times with Alice, I love…" I swallowed hard. "I love her, so much." I knew I couldn't talk anymore; I had nothing else to share._

_The way my head feel onto the table and my sobs broke out told the two policemen I couldn't talk any longer and that I wanted my mother. Jacob spoke once more. "Interview over 2:50pm." He pressed the recorder again to end the interview. "Your mums coming in now Jasper." I felt her arms embrace me moments later as she picked me up off the chair and cradled me in her arms; I let myself sob for Alice, not caring how weak I seemed._

"_Its okay Jasper, you were _so_ brave, you did_ so_ good." She cooed as I tightened my grip around her neck, hugging her tightly._

"_I want her back mum, I need her." I sobbed._

"_I know honey, I know. We will find her Jasper…" She trailed off, but I heard the lie in her voice, she didn't believe they would find her as much as the police did… everyone was useless, just as much as I was. "Were going back to our house after Edward, Bella and Emmett have finished being interviewed; Esme and Carlisle are there waiting for us. There going to talk to some reporters lately on TV to plead for Alice to come home… Everyone is trying there best Jasper…" Doubt, it laced her every word. It only hurt me as the realisation sunk in… _I may never see my Alice again, she was gone forever…

_--_

My face was pressed into my pillow when I woke and I was eternally grateful as I could feel the wetness on the pillow and it muffled my choked cries. It was only then that I realised I was in a different room to my bedroom at home, I reminded myself that I was at university… in my dorm room. I blushed hard as I sat up and looked nervously to my right… I sighed in relief to know I was alone; the last thing I wanted was for my roommate to see me cry. He seemed the type of guy to never let things go and would probably tease me for the rest of my life here, probably come up with a nickname and call me cry baby. I cringed at the thought.

I turned around on my bed, looking for the source of the ringing that had woken me. Once I finally located my phone I coughed and cleared my throat, hoping I could hide the tears from my many painful nightmares last night, I hated remembering that day. It never did get any better did the pain; the numbness, which I had later perfected, helped a lot. But once that barrier shut down it was like no other pain, nothing in the world could compare to it… I shuck the memories from my thoughts. When I saw the caller ID I worked extra hard to act casual and normal… "Hello." I answered before they had chance to speak first.

_There are many different kinds of pain, but until you deal with a broken heart, you have felt nothing even remotely close to that… That pain is almost unbearable; it rips you apart, peace by peace until you feel there is nothing left to give. Try experiencing that everyday for the past eight years…I am a broken man._

* * *

_You have no freakin idea how nervous i was writing this chapter. I was super scared of going over the top with emotions... because Jasper IS only ten years old, so i was like... could he really be feeling this much pain over her __disappearance__? Well i figured, yes he can. No matter the age, if your so attactched to someone, it's going to freakin hurt when they part from you. And i always thought Jasper and Alice had a special bond their whole lives, so it made sense he felt this strongly... I tried my best, i hope i did well with this chapter and did it justice._

_Were going to be taking a break from this for the month... we will post new chapters in January. With Christmas coming up our lives are gunna be busy and were actually thinking of writing a short christmas story... but we dont know yet. We will try update as soon as we can! So im sorry for the break thats about to come... and HAPPY CHRISTMAS if you dont hear from us before.. you never know, we may update before._

_But do know that this story is going somewhere awesome... in less than 5 chapters something HUGE is going to happen :) Stick with us ;)_

_Reviews would be sweeeeet. Thanks for reading!  
_


	14. 11:00am

**A/N: **_Don't kill us for the super late update... we come with a super long chapter! Our LATE Christmas present to you all! I'm going to be posting the next chapter straight after this, so you get two! YAY! I won't write a lot here, this is a long chapter for you to get thru, so ENJOY!_

_Thanks again to everyone who reviewed and added us to your favourites and alerts lists.  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Jasper_

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_

August 3rd 2009

**11:00am**

**JPOV**

_My face was pressed into my pillow when I woke and I was eternally grateful as I could feel the wetness on the pillow and it muffled my choked cries. It was only then that I realised I was in a different room to my bedroom at home, I reminded myself that I was at university… in my dorm room. I blushed hard as I sat up and looked nervously to my right… I sighed in relief to know I was alone; the last thing I wanted was for my roommate to see me cry. He seemed the type of guy to never let things go and would probably tease me for the rest of my life here, probably come up with a nickname and call me cry baby. I cringed at the thought._

_I turned around on my bed, looking for the source of the ringing that had woken me. Once I finally located my phone I coughed and cleared my throat, hoping I could hide the tears from my many painful nightmares last night, I hated remembering that day. It never did get any better did the pain; the numbness, which I had later perfected, helped a lot. But once that barrier shut down it was like no other pain, nothing in the world could compare to it… I shuck the memories from my thoughts. When I saw the caller ID I worked extra hard to act casual and normal… "Hello." I answered before they had chance to speak first._

--

"Hey Jazzykins, I hope I didn't _disturb_ your first night in college." I could literally picture him winking at his words, especially when he drawled out disturbed in his own perverted way, but I expected nothing less than dirty minded comments from Emmett.

"If you're talking about what I _know_ you're talking about, then no, you didn't _disturb_ me." I sighed heavily and wiped my face; feeling slowly drying tears still streaked down both my cheeks. I moved the phone away from my mouth and cleared my throat once again, making it sound like I was coughing. My nightmares from last night were still replaying at the back of my head and I was finding it hard to ignore them.

"Dude, you're in _college_ and you haven't even gotten laid yet?" His voice was full of disbelief.

"Em, I got here at 2:00am this morning, getting laid is not exactly the first thing on my to-do-list." I mentally cringed the moment I said to-do-list knowing Emmett would spin it around.

"So what _is_ on your _to-do-list_… and you better end this list with wanting _to do_ _a few chicks_ because I know there's plenty of hot ass there, girls are just begging for it at our age. I mean, that's what college is all about, sex." He warned me.

"Aw, such a pretty mouth, Emmett. I bet Esme is so proud of you." I gushed in mock pride.

"Well." He ignored my teasing.

"Em, _doing chicks_ isn't on my to-do-list. No." I hated the way he talked about sex and women, he was so crude. Sometimes I wonder what my sister sees in him and I hope to God he didn't refer to her in the way he does other women… if I ever found out he did, I didn't fancy my chances of winning _that_ fight.

"Jazz, you really need-" I cut him off before he could begin lecturing me.

"I'm putting the phone down now Emmett, I don't want to talk about her." _Not right now, especially after I've just spent the whole night crying over her. _I mentally added the last part. It wasn't hard to guess what he wanted to talk about, he's a very open person and not at all tactical about the way he went about swaying the conversation to how he wanted it to go.

"Oh come on Jazz, don't hang up." His tone was now caring and full of sympathy. _I hated it._

"Don't Em, please." I whispered and I could feel a lump forming in my throat. What the fuck was wrong with me today? Why was I being such a big girl? I sucked in a few deep breaths and worked on the numbness, begging it to wash over me.

"How are you finding it anyway? Being away from… _Forks…_ must be different. Hope you haven't forgotten us already." He fake laughed at the last part. He wasn't going to drop it, Emmett never does.

"No, I haven't forgotten about Alice and I'm glad. I _don't want_ to forget her…" I replied bluntly but it was the only way to go with him. I knew that wasn't really what he wanted to hear from me, but I could tell he wanted to breach the subject of Alice, a topic I never took lightly.

"I'm sorry." He sighed and paused for a while. "But you really should think about finding a girl while your there… I really think it could do you some good." He whispered and I could tell he was wary that I would put the phone down on him because he was choosing his words carefully.

"I know. I just need time to get used to being away from everyone and Forks. It's the only place that holds memories of _her_." My voice cracked on the last word. "I _want_ to move on Em, I really want to stop remembering her everyday and feeling this way, but at the same time I don't ever want to forget her and move on." I only ever opened up to Rose and I was feeling uncomfortable opening up to Emmett like this, but like always, he manages to get what he wants.

"We all miss her too and think about her everyday… but you're the only person I can't relate to or any of us for that matter." I was confused over his words.

"What do you mean?" I voiced my question.

"Well… I mean, she was my little sister and I cared so much for her and looked out for her, as any big brother does. But with you, she was the love of your life, I can't relate to that because I still have my Rose. I can't even begin to understand how you feel. But I do know that if I lost her, I'd probably be reacting the same way as you are now, not wanting to move on in case it meant that I was forgetting her. _But I also know_ that Rose would want me to find love again, like I would want for her… I know Ali would have wanted that Jazz." He finished and his voice sounded far away.

"You don't know that. We were only ten years old." I creased my forehead; I knew I was being stubborn for trying to prove his words wrong, when I knew they were right.

"So you're telling me that she wasn't the love of your life just because you were ten years old and you're just being fake and pathetic by moping over someone you don't really care for?" He tried to contradict me, proving his own point further.

"No, I'm not saying that…" I was getting a little frustrated and I was pissed he had managed to make me open up about this stuff. I liked to keep my feelings bottled up, it was the way I had managed to cope all these years on my own. I had avoided at all costs speaking to any of the Cullen's about my feelings because if anyone knew how I felt about Alice, it was them and I just couldn't for the life of me be around them and feel their pain on top of mine.

I'm only human and I can only take so much pain before I finally break down and show everyone that I'm pathetically weak, broken and still heartbreakingly in love with someone that doesn't even exist in this world anymore. Men have too much pride; I suppose I've been trying to hold onto the last bit of dignity and pride I have left. I'm not completely broken, but I would never be healed completely again.

"Jazz…" He started but I stopped him before he could pull more feelings out of me. I just wasn't in the mood to be emotionally drained, not when it was only 11:00am and my first day away from Forks.

"Em I have to go, I've got this event to go to and school supplies to get before lessons start on Wednesday." I rubbed my right hand over my forehead and frowned. I was impressed how I managed to lie quickly and smoothly for the first part, but the second was a certainty. I really needed to shop and at least that gave me something to do today, instead of locking myself in here and hiding from the dreadful events.

"Okay dude. Enjoy this experience, it's what you need!" _As everyone keeps on telling me._

"Will do." I replied dryly, lacking all enthusiasm.

His booming laugh echoed in my ear. "Wow, don't get too excited over there." I had to laugh with him, his laugh was infectious and no matter your mood you just had to join in.

After I finally stopped laughing I could reply. "Your right, I'm being all bummed out for no reason, time to enjoy myself for a change." I was impressed again at my falseness.

"That's the spirit." He chuckled and I was pleased that at least his mood was lighter. "Later dude, call us if you need anything. Oh and Rose said hey, along with Eddie and Bells." I laughed at his nickname for Edward. Edward cried like a baby when Emmett started calling him that at age seven, he never let it drop either.

"You should stop calling him that, you know… Tell them all I said hey back and pass my love along to Rose for me." I liked how he didn't mention my parents, not like my dad would have anything to say to me and my mum wouldn't in fear of upsetting my dad. The things she does for him angers me.

"Will do." We said bye once more and I put the phone down. As soon as I did, it fell deadly quite… _I didn't like it one bit_. I pealed the covers from my body and knew that a nice warm shower was much needed and would ease away my stress from last night. Plus I really need to get out of this room, I was starting to feel a little claustrophobic in this small space and I never feel that way… It was probably due to the fact I was in a strange land, starting a fresh new life at university, away from my family and friends. _Yeah, that was it._

I stood up quickly which caused head rush and a shooting pain at the back of my head; I winced loudly and closed my eyes counting to ten until the rush went away. I brought my hand to the back of my head to feel a tiny lump, which I now remembered was from falling last night to my roommate hooking up with one of the girls here. I had fallen over my suitcase backwards and smacked my head hard on the floor. I groaned and opened my eyes, I felt fine now, but the bump was throbbing now my mind was alerted to the memory.

My mood was getting sourer; I needed that shower and quick. I spun around on the spot, ignoring the throbbing with difficulty and flattened out my bed sheets. Unlike some dirty fucker, I had good bedroom manors. Once I was done I turned and saw my roommate _Luke's_ bed, which was still creased but at least the smell of his previous night had almost finally vanished, it was still a bit musty in here and my sudden developed claustrophobia wasn't easing one bit.

There was about an arm stretch of a gap between our two beds, it was really tight and I didn't like it at all. I also didn't like Luke and if he pissed me off anymore with his late night hook ups or rude, degrading comments about women and sex or if he even refers to me as _bro _again, I would have to consider asking someone if I could move rooms. He was like an extreme version of Emmett, and Emmett was a handful and a lot to take in. I sighed heavily with a groan; I knew I was being picky and moody for no reason at all, so I forced myself to calm down.

It was now light in the room and I could finally for the first time take in my new dorm room properly. Last night it was dark and I was so badly sleep deprived that I just couldn't find the energy in me to even appreciate my new room which I would be spending the next few years living in. Now that I could finally take it all in, it wasn't so bad… we had a desk each at the head of our beds which were both next to the large window that you immediately see as you walk into the room. At the bottom of our beds we each had our own closet and a chest with mirrors. We had to share a large set of draws though which was placed under the window, but I could learn to deal with that. I noticed that the beds folded up into couches too… it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, my sudden feeling of claustrophobia over the small space was eased.

I saw that my clothes were still left in disarray on the floor where I had dropped them there last night before crawling into bed. I picked each item up and placed them on my bed. Afterwards I pulled my suitcase onto the bed which was where I had left it last night after I had flung it against my closet door, too tired to even think about unpacking. I unzipped it slowly and my heart started to beat wildly against my chest with sudden panic. I stopped before I lifted it open and I had to calm myself again… I knew what was wrong with me, my whole body was protesting over the thought of unpacking. It was pathetic of me and totally stupid, but I knew that if I unpacked it would only clarify that I was actually staying here… living here. _Away from Forks…_

I gritted my teeth together and lifted the lid, I rummaged for my towel, my toiletries and clean clothes before I zipped it back up and threw it into my closet slamming the door shut behind it. I knew this whole University life was going to be hard… but I never imagined it would be _this_ tough. I had tried to prepare myself for this but maybe I just wasn't ready… Was I rushing into this too quickly? Would I ever be ready to take such a huge step? I was beginning to think this was all a huge mistake. I was mentally unfit to do this, my whole body was fighting against the idea of being here; I couldn't even unpack my fucking suitcase! I shook my head and remembered my promise to Rose… _one month; just give it one month for her. _ I would do just that, I couldn't quit so soon.

I was still in my boxers, so I pulled on some black sweats which I had pulled out of my suitcase in my haste, I knew that everyone was at the events the University was holding for everyone to get to know each other, so I wasn't worried about anyone seeing me half naked as I try to find the bathroom. I put my keys in my pocket and piled up my clean clothes in my arms, toothbrush, toothpaste and shampoo on top and I took in a few deep breaths before I left my new room.

The hallway was empty and I didn't realise I was tensing until my shoulders relaxed. I turned and locked the door, then walked down the hallway to where I assumed the bathroom was. I knew prior to me moving here, after doing a bit of research on The Moody Towers, that everyone shared a bathroom according to your gender, there were two large bathrooms. It wasn't hard to miss when I saw the little blue man and the little pink woman on the two doors next to each other. Again, it wasn't far from my room, as the lift wasn't, I knew I got lucky with the room I was given, minus the obnoxious roommate, _but life's not perfect._

I shouldered the door open and was met by a steam filled room, my skin immediately formed beads of sweat like I had just walked into a sauna. I tried to blink past the steam, but it was hard to see past it. I knew from my research that there were five showers in separate stalls with personal changing areas, one tub with a locking door, six sinks with mirrors and up to five urinals. I was glad I remembered the information or I would have been stood here for hours until the steam eased away… I could hear some mumbling in the back of the room where I now assumed the steam was coming from so I made my way over to the shower area, scared to death of tripping and cracking my head on the floor once again.

The noises became more prominent and I realised it was a _group_ of guys but I couldn't see them because they were each in their own separate stalls. I was glad when I found one empty and I let myself in.

"When did you say you got here again, Mark?" One of the guys asked.

"Friday, why?" Mark replied over his stall.

"Never mind, I thought I heard sometime telling me you hooked up with that cute little dark haired girl during last week… I forgot her name, Alisha, Alicia or Alice maybe, I dunno." I froze my movements at his description and my heart accelerated into overdrive.

"Nah mate; that was Julian and her name was Alice." Another guy replied.

"Oh man… have you seen that tight little ass of hers, I can't wait to jump on that ride." One of them remarked and I felt both my hands clench into tight fists.

"You and me both." One of them wolf whistled and I realised my breathing was getting out of control. Is this University full of sexed up perverted teenagers, with no respect for women or themselves?

"She's defiantly the hottest on this campus-" Whoever was speaking was interrupted.

"Alright fuckers." A deep voice yelled out.

"Julian, just the man we want to talk to!" I heard myself groan and I turned on my shower, hoping it would drown out their conversation. I knew I was being irrational and stupid by linking the Alice they are talking about with mine, but I was reacting badly to it nonetheless. I quickly pulled off my clothes and threw them in my little changing area next to the shower and jumped under the spray.

"What about?" To my utter annoyance, they were still loud and clear. _Can I have a break, please?_

"Alice." Was all they needed to say in sync with each other.

"Oh guys, you have experienced nothing like it… she's the cutest girl I've ever been with." Julian replied and I heard someone unlock their stall door.

"Dude, don't get all mushy on us will you." I heard them both chuckle.

"I'm not, but honestly, if I ever decided it was time to settle down, that's the girl for me. She's just hot, funny and intelligent and totally not like the other girls here, easy and slutty, not to mention they each have about one brain cell." Julian gushed out like he was totally in love with her. I felt sicker by the minute. They all laughed at his comment, loud and throaty, it made my skin crawl.

"Easy and slutty isn't always such a bad thing…" The guy out of the stall replied and one other joined them outside.

"I agree with my friend George here… University isn't about finding a girlfriend, it's about having fun and fucking as many girls as possible… don't get all pussy whipped on us and start dating some chick. This Alice girl isn't the one." I recognized the voice to be Marks.

"I know… I know…" Julian replied but I could detect he was slightly uncomfortable or maybe he was hiding something from them.

"So… tell us what she's like." They all egged their friends comment on and thankfully I couldn't hear Julian reply at first.

"…she was up for anything I wanted to do, it was amazing." I quickly washed my body and tried my best to block out his voice and the eager comments that were spurring his story on. "…she is so tiny too and flexible, you wouldn't imagine the positions she could bend into, oh maaaaan." He trailed out and I roughly moved onto my hair, putting too much shampoo into the palm of my hand and too roughly applying it. I was squeezing my eyes shut as he described their night, holding back on no minor details. It was revolting and I knew that the girl would have been humiliated if she overheard what he was saying, the way he was now degrading her. She was no longer the hot, funny and intelligent girl he once described her to be, but now a slutty girl who would do anything to please her man, no matter what he wanted her to do. I was getting angrier by the second and I had to get out of her.

I turned my shower off and I could no longer hear anymore showers, they were all outside laughing over Julian's story. I pulled my towel out from underneath my clothes and wrapped it around my body. I bunched everything up in my arms and wrenched the door open, I was panting with anger and my whole body was vibrating because I couldn't control the shaking. I was furious and I couldn't hold back.

"Do you have no _respect_ for women at all?" I yelled at the top of my lungs, the steam was thick in the air but it was starting to thin now the showers were off.

One of them laughed at me. "Dude, you need to chill out." He smacked his friend on the shoulder lightly with his fist and I gripped onto my clothes for a distraction. I couldn't hit him, I would get beaten to a pulp with these guys, they were all larger than me; sports was clearly their chosen subject here.

"Don't. Tell me. To fucking calm down." I threatened him; each word was laced with venom and anger.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I recognized the voice, it was Julian.

"_You're_ my problem, guys like _you _talking about women like they are objects instead of people. The way you described your night was disgusting, things like that should be left between the people involved. Were you not brought up with any manors at all?" I fumed, my body heaving with my haggard breaths.

"I think you should watch what you're saying." One of them spat out, matching my anger.

"I think_ you_ need to watch what _you're_ saying." I threw back at him.

"I'd leave if I was you…" The same guy threatened back and I was going to take his advice. I was angry but I didn't want a beating. I turned away from them and stormed my way out of the room, leaving behind a room full of laugher that echoed off the ways making it sound like ten guys instead of just five. As soon as the door shut behind me I shot off to my room, still in just my towel which was threatening to fall from my waste.

I flew into my room once I unlocked it and I didn't think as I pulled on my clothes, my skin still damp, my hair still dripping wet. I grabbed my keys once more and my wallet and I got out of there. I shot across the hallway and into the lift, jabbing the button saying 'G' hard. As soon as it pinged I ran out and across the room, just missing a few girls holding books in their arms, telling me to watch out. I didn't know where I was going… I didn't care that I probably just earned the title of being the crazy guy of the year… I didn't feel like belonged here anyway, I needed to get away, I just needed to clear my head.

--

_September 18__th__ 2001. _

_A month later._

_I felt numb. There were no other words to describe it. It felt like an out-of-body experience, like I wasn't really here and what was happening couldn't be true. It just couldn't because it was to awful to even consider and even now after all this time had passed my brain still wouldn't function. It didn't want too…_ I _didn't want it too. I couldn't work through the disaster that was happening. _That Alice was gone.

_That_ my _Alice was gone._

_She was taken from me. Not just me. But from her family and friends. No matter how many times I thought this I just couldn't believe it. Why would anyone want to hurt such an angel? Did she do something so bad to hurt someone? No. She couldn't have. She was too much of a selfless person to do anything so silly as to hurt another human being. She would never willingly harm another person or any living creature, large or small for that matter.  
_

_But someone had hurt her. And now she was gone…_

_Maybe forever…_

_As much as I hoped not, it was a possibility and that was what scared me the most; never being able to see my precious angel again. It brought tears to my eyes every time I thought of someone hurting her. I could feel her pain no matter where she was and I knew she was scared and unhappy. Why wouldn't she be? She was taken away from the people who loved her the most._

_My belly grumbled in protest at the fact I hadn't rarely eaten anything since I found out the dreaded news that fateful day. I just couldn't, no matter how hard I tried for my parents and big sister to eat something and keep it down. I knew it pained them to watch me as I ran for the nearest toilet as I threw up whatever food I had forced down my throat at the time but I couldn't help it. I knew it wasn't healthy and I should try harder but I couldn't. _I just couldn't._ What would be the point? I knew I was never going to be the same person as before. I would never be truly happy again without my guiding light beside me. I might only be ten years old but she was my everything. People would laugh or think it was cute and adorable, something we would eventually grow out off… but it wasn't. It was true and everything people dreamed of having someday._

_And she was taken away from me and it wasn't fair…_

_I told my dad this and all he had to add to it was, "Sometimes, life isn't fair." He didn't fully understand the situation… Sure, he knew, Alice, we were together every waking minute of everyday so he was bound to know her. But he didn't _know_ her. Not like I did. How could he even begin to understand what it was like to loose someone you know so well both inside and out._

_He couldn't. No one could…_

_Because his guiding light was safe, he knew where she was. Because my mum was still here and he got to see her everyday and he knew she would be there when he woke up in the morning and nothing could harm her… which is a hell of a lot more then I could say for Alice._

"_You can't blame him… they were so close." I heard my mum say on the other side of the door I was leaning against._

_"It's been longer than a month now! He should have made some progress!" I heard my dad shout back._

_"You saw them together… they_ loved _each other." She spoke in a quieter voice, obviously trying to calm my father down._

_"_Love!_" He spluttered out. "He's ten years old for heaven's sake! He doesn't know what_ love _is!" I could tell my dad was getting frustrated with my mum. He didn't believe that children could feel the same thing that grown-ups could. We were just kids after all. How could we understand something so complicated? Grown-ups always underestimated kids. You'd think they would learn after seeing Home Alone. Kids were more than capable of looking after themselves._

_"Will you keep your voice down!" My mum hissed. "I don't want him or Rose overhearing."_

_"I don't care!" My dad spat back. "Sooner or later he's going to have to grow up and deal with it!"_

_I slid down to the floor with my back against the door and clutched the small photo of Alice smiling in my backyard with no care in the world to my chest as if I was never going to let go. The tears fell and I didn't do anything to stop them. What was the point in trying to hide what I was feeling? My guiding light was gone and I was going to cry all I wanted._

_My family was slowly falling apart but there was nothing I could do… or wanted to do for that matter. I hated being so selfish but it was hard. _Too hard_. And I just couldn't do it anymore. More tears fell and soaked the front of my t-shirt._

_I wanted my Alice back and I wanted her back now…_

_--  
_

_November 3__rd__ 2001. _

_  
__Three Months Later_

_I was laying on my bed with my hands resting underneath my head. It was just another pointless day and the seconds ticked by while I stared up at the ceiling thinking about nothing in general. I didn't do any of the things that I usually love to do. I was always playing on my video games trying to beat the high scores set by Edward and Emmett or reading old books about past wars was always fun for me. I always found that sort of stuff interesting. And of course there was the obvious, hanging out with Alice. Which, as much as I wanted, I couldn't do that… In simpler terms… _my life sucked._ And it was because my Alice wasn't here to enjoy it with me._

_I sighed and my bedroom door slammed open. I sat up in shock and stared into the face of my father as he stood there, rage apparent on his face as he looked down upon me. "What the hell is the matter with you?! Snap out of it already, it's been three months!" He shouted, red faced._

_I didn't say anything back. I didn't know what to say to that._

_"You_ need _to get pass this and move on, son. It's not healthy." His tone wasn't a shout anymore, but he was still heaving and angry._

_Yeah, like that would sway me. I didn't care about being healthy… all I cared about was Alice coming back to me._

_"Look. She's gone. It's better to just deal with it now instead of letting it linger for as long as possible. She's probably never coming back, so you need to deal with it." He said more forcefully, not holding back on his point, no matter how harsh his words were._

_I didn't want to hear about her never coming back. I don't even understand why he's so mad at me. I haven't done anything wrong. Can't a person be sad when they loose a friend? She meant more to me then that. I use to feel it when ever she was around. I still can. It wasn't ever going to go away and I didn't want it too. She would always be apart of me._

_I didn't even realise I had started crying until I felt the tears fall onto my arms that were wrapped around myself. I didn't want to be here in front of him anymore so I jumped off my bed and ran for the door, putting as much space between me and him in the process as I could. Not wanting to be anywhere _near_ him than necessary. I slid into the hallway on my socks and ran as fast I could to end, passing my shocked mum on the way down. She could see I was upset but it wasn't her I wanted. There was only one person who could make me feel even a little better and she was waiting for me in her room. I got to the door and heaved it open._

_Rose stood there with a shocked expression on her face, eyes glued to the tears streaming down my face. I ran up to her and threw my arms around her slender waist and buried my face into her neck. She wrapped her arms around me instantly and tried calming me down, asking me what happened._

_I explained to her what happened in detail as she requested and I could feel her arms tighten around me after every passing minute. To say she was furious with what dad had said was an understatement. She tried telling me it was okay and that he didn't mean it but I could tell she had given up covering up for him. This was the final straw I could see it slowly happening in her face. She pulled me back and looked me deep in the eyes before she finally stormed out of the room pulling me with her until we reached my room where my mum and dad were talking and stomped in, tugging me along._

_"What the hell?! You have no right to talk to him like that after everything that's happened!" She screamed at my dad. He looked taken back by how outspoken she was being but soon blinked and realised it was just his little girl. He and Rose used to be close. She was always daddy's girl but they had been drifting apart. She didn't like the way he dealt with me being this way and that's what had slowly caused it._

_"He needs to get over it already." He said through clenched teeth. "Why am I the only one who sees this?" He eyed my mum and Rose up first before his eyes landed on me. I looked away immediately and up at Rose. If it was possible, she looked like she had gotten angrier and took in a deep breath before speaking._

_"What he _needs_ is comfort. Not _you,_ having a go at him, just because he's upset and lonely over his missing best friend. I would be the same way if it was Emmett." She heaved back, trying her best not to shout._

_I knew that was true. I also knew that Emmett liked my sister more then just a friend and I was pretty sure she felt the same way. Emmett was a cool guy but if he ever hurt my sister I would kick him where the sun don't shine. He might be older and much harder but she was my sister and I would do anything to protect her._

_"So what if he's still grieving! You would be to in his position. Just lay off okay, there's just no need for it anymore. I'm sick of you coming down on him all the time." She sounded like she was my mother and she felt more of a parent to me, than the two staring down at me. And with that she pulled me out of the room, ignoring my mums surprised expression and back out into hallway towards her room. She closed the bedroom door behind her and sat down next to me on her bed._

_"Don't listen to him Jazz okay?" She said pulling me into a hug. I instantly felt myself becoming calmer. "You be upset for as long as you want. He doesn't understand." She pulled away from me a little to look into my eyes. "You have every right to be upset Jazz, I know how close you were with Alice. Everyone did. Nobody expects you to keep going on as if everything's the same… because it's not." She finished in a soft whisper._

_I snuggled in closer to her and let her comfort me. "I love you Rose." I whispered. Tears streaming down my face once again, letting them go like she told me I could._

_"I love you too baby brother."_

_--  
_

_May 13__th__ 2002. _

_  
__6 Months Later_

_I sighed as I picked at my 'healthy' school meal. These school meals were about as healthy as a McDonald's salad. I hated being here and I wish my mum could have just let me stay in bed all day. I didn't see the point in being here anymore…_

_I picked a little more at my food and put a little in my mouth, scrunching my face up in disgust. Surely it couldn't be legal to serve this kind of stuff to kids, it was disgusting. I lifted my head a little and stared at the space Alice use to take up in the seat next to me. God, I was so lonely without her. I was the only one sat at the table and I preferred it that way. I would only just bring everyone else down and I didn't want to do that. They were my best friends and I wanted them to be happy even if it meant I was alone. I didn't mind being left with my thoughts. They seemed to be the only thing I talked to these days. I sounded crazy… maybe I was. Either way, I didn't care._

_I pushed myself away from the table and dumped my food into the bin before making my way out of the cafeteria. I was walking down the corridor, going nowhere in particular, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun around only to be met by Bella._

_"Hey Jazz." She whispered, smiling a little._

_"Uh… hi." It came out more like a question. I had no idea what she could want or what she was doing following me. I looked over her shoulder and realised she was alone. I frowned in confusion._

_"Edward isn't with me." She said noticing my confused expression. You rarely ever saw one without the other and he was who I was looking for. He was always watching over her, making sure she was safe. I was jealous that they still had that. I sighed and looked at her._

_"What do you want then Bella?" I hadn't meant to sound annoyed and I sent her an apologetic smile. She smiled back and took a deep breath._

_"I… I just wanted to say… that if you ever needed to talk… then I'm always here." She stammered out, nervously. I could see she was trying to be cautious with her words. She didn't want to hurt me, but the thought of her still having Edward and me not having anybody, made its way to the front of my mind. No, I couldn't talk to her._

_"Thanks Bella. But really, I'll be… fine." The look on her face said she didn't believe me._

_"Jazz your one of my best friends and I hate to see you like this. I know if I were in your position-" I cut her off harshly._

_"Yeah, well your not." I was sick of people saying 'If I were in your position' Yeah IF being the main word… They weren't and they were glad they weren't. It didn't make me angry at them for feeling that because I knew I would be thinking the same thing. I just hated that they always tried to understand how I was feeling when they couldn't even begin to imagine how crappy I felt. Unless this happened to them they would never understand._

_"Please just listen." She begged._

_"Look Bella, I'm sick of it okay?" My voice rose slightly. "I'm sick of you and the rest of them trying to understand what I'm going through. Well. You. Can't." I said emphasizing on each of the three last words. "So just stay away from me and leave me the hell alone. Got it!" I was slightly shouting now, my anger getting the better of me._

_"I… I was just trying to help." She whispered, tears pooling in her eyes._

_"Yeah… well don't/" I said in a clipped tone and the tears finally rolled down her cheeks._

_"Bella!" I don't think I've ever seen Edward move so fast. He was at her side in an instant with his arms wrapped around her asking her what was wrong. She wasn't saying anything and he finally spun and turned on me._

_"What did you do? Why is she crying? What did you say to upset her?" He demanded. He'd spoken so fast I barely understood what he was saying._

_"I didn't _do_ anything!" I defended. "She asked if I wanted to talk to her. I said no. End of."_

_"She wouldn't be crying like this if you had just said no. You're lying," He stated._

_"Fine. So I said a little more then just no." I fumed back._

_"No it's not fine. You upset her for no reason." He matched my angry tone, still soothing his Bella._

_"She-" He cut me off._

_"-was just trying to help you!" He finished off my question. "All she wanted to do was check if you were okay. If there was anything you wanted to get off your chest. She was upset Jazz, that one of her friends was so sad and she just wanted to help you. And all you could do was turn around and hurt her for trying to help you feel better." His tone wasn't a shout, but he was clearly pissed off._

Great._ Now I felt worst then before. "Good."_

_I hadn't realised I'd said that out loud. Edward really knew how to make someone feel bad. I knew he was right and it frustrated me even more. Looking at Bella's face I knew I shouldn't have snapped at her like that. Bella would always try to make someone feel better about themselves and she was always shy around people she didn't know. She had tried to get me to open up to her, to help me feel better but my jealousy got the better of me._

_"I'm so sorry Bella." I said in a soothing voice. I placed my hand on hers and she gripped my hand. "I was stupid to snap at you like that when all you were trying to do was help me." She sniffled a little and raised her head from Edward's chest. She looked at me for a second before smiling a little._

_"It's okay Jazz. I know you didn't mean it." She also didn't hold grudges._

_"Just don't let it happen again. Next time I might not be so kind." Edward was looking at me, making sure I understood what he was getting at. I nodded and he released Bella while I gave her a small hug._

_"It'll be okay Jazz. I just know it will be." She whispered softly in my ear and I just hoped she was right._

_I gave her a tight squeeze then released her. Edward wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she leant into him once more. It hurt too much to look at them, so I diverted my eyes and looked elsewhere._

_"You don't think I miss her. That any of us don't miss her." I didn't look at him. I couldn't. "She was my sister Jazz and I was supposed to protect her and somehow she disappeared without me knowing." He said, his voice breaking at the end._

_"Come on Edward. I need a tissue for my eyes… lets just… go for a walk before lesson." She gave me an apologetic smile and led Edward away, his head hanging low. He shouldn't blame himself for any of this; it wasn't his fault… but telling him that wouldn't change his opinion._

_I heard someone clear their throat and realised Rose had been stood watching me closely. She took a step towards me but I started to back up. She stopped and looked at me with a hurt expression. Before I could even stop myself I turned on my heel and ran off in the opposite direction, looking over my shoulder once making sure she wasn't following. But all I saw was a hurt expression. Rose was the one person I didn't want to hurt but I just needed to be alone. I wanted to keep running and running and never come back._

--

_August 3rd 2002._

_One Year Later_

_It was the anniversary of Alice's disappearance and I felt worst then ever. I felt like I wasn't going to make it through the day. My heart had never felt so heavy and I was very close to ripping it out of my chest just to stop the pain._

_Nobody had bothered to console me today and I was glad they hadn't; maybe tomorrow or another day of the year, but not today. _Not this day of all days_. I don't think I could face feeling like _this_ every year, on this date. Just the thought of having to face this day again brought a shiver down my spine and fear to my heart._

_I needed her so, so much and there was nothing I could do about it. I grabbed my IPod from my bedside table and stuck my headphones in and pressed play. A song started to play and my heart clenched. Of all the thousands of songs to play… and on _this_ very day… _somehow it didn't feel like a coincidence._ It was one of Alice's favourite songs and she loved to play it. I wanted to switch to the next song but I couldn't. It reminded me so much of her and how she just loved to listen to it day in and day out. My eyes filled with tears as the words swirled around me and seemed to consume me._

You're not alone,  
Together we stand,  
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand,  
When it gets cold,  
And it feels like the end,  
There's no place to go,  
You know I won't give in,  
No I won't give in

_I was breathing heavily, remembering all those times we were in this very room with her singing this song to me. This felt the hardest moment of my existence. I focused again when the chorus came floating out of my headphones…_

Keep holding on,  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through,  
Just stay strong,  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you,  
There's nothing you could say,  
Nothing you could do,  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth,  
So keep holding on,  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

_God I needed her here more then ever right now. Every word from the song pierced my heart and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like I needed her to breathe… to live…_

So far away,  
I wish you were here,  
Before it's too late, this could all disappear,  
Before the doors close,  
And it comes to an end,  
With you by my side I will fight and defend,  
I'll fight and defend,  
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on,  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through,  
Just stay strong,  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you,  
There's nothing you could say,  
Nothing you could do,  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth,  
So keep holding on,  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

_I felt like I needed her to get me through at this very moment because my heart felt like it was going to break in two from the agony I was feeling. I didn't think the human body could withstand so much pain. I wouldn't be surprised if I blacked out. The words held so much meaning to me and I listened intently as the song continued._

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe,  
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny,  
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly,  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da  
La da da da  
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on,  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through,  
Just stay strong,  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you,  
There's nothing you could say,  
Nothing you could do,  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth,  
So keep holding on,  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

_I sang as softly as I could, imagining my Alice singing those very words to me in that sweet voice of hers, holding my hand in hers…_

Keep holding on,  
Keep holding on,

There's nothing you could say,  
Nothing you could do,  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth,  
So keep holding on,  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

_The song ended and my body was shaking violently as I cried to myself. I knew my parents or even Rose would be able to hear me if they came upstairs but I didn't care. Why did life have to be so cruel? If there was a God I didn't believe in him. How could someone be so good and cause this much pain in one person and think that it was okay? It wasn't. I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, pushing it out of my eyes._

_I was trying my hardest, trying to catch my breath through my tears. I picked up my IPod that had fallen between my legs and pressed replay. The same music played through my headphones and I clutched my IPod in my hands as I lay back down and turned the volume up full. My face was so wet with tears and I hummed along to the song, singing along to the words when they finally played back to me._

_"You're not alone… Together we stand… I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand…"_

**--**

I was sat on a bench, the cold wind hitting my face, trees were blowing over my head and little kids were running around the park in front of me. They were so care free, not a problem in their worlds, just running for the fun of it, instead of running from something. What I wouldn't give to be that ten year old boy again, with Alice's hand in mine as we just ran and laughed and loved life… Right now I was eighteen years old and running away from something. I already felt like I had quit college before I've even given it a shot. I was just being stupid and foolish for believing I could do this. I was angered I had let everyone talk me into leaving and moving from Forks, saying it was _what I needed_, when what I really needed was Alice.

I felt a few tears fall from my eyes… I wanted her with me right now, more than anything in this moment. Just for her to tell me everything was going to be okay. For her to make me smile a genuine smile again. To feel her soft lips against mine, a tender kiss that told me exactly how she felt about me without even saying it… I would love for her to say she loves me once again, I regret that I didn't say it enough in the time I had spent with her. She would do all those things and stick by me thru anything, because she never failed to believe in me.

What was I thinking moving from Forks? It felt like I was leaving her behind, running away from her. I didn't want that, I wanted to be with her again, my desire for Forks was growing stronger by the second. But couldn't quit just yet, I would stick with my promise to Rose, no matter how hard it gets… I would give it a month. I just hoped something would change. Maybe Emmett was right, maybe I did need to find someone knew. Alice _would_ have wanted that for me.

_Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair… I force myself to smile everyday but moving on is impossible. I'm trapped with the memory of my lost love and that's because I refuse to let go._

* * *

_Super sad isn't it? You really feel Jasper's pain throughout this chapter. :( _

_Okay, two things... most of you might be wondering what the song is that Caz chose during the Flashbacks. If you want to listen to it, its Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne... a good fitting choice for this chapter, she did wonderfully with the flashbacks!_

_Second thing, if you all want a better image of the layout with Jasper and Luke's dormroom, just head over to our profile, look right down to the bottom where it says, Our Stories, then Missng Alice and it says,__click here __to see the layout of Jasper and Luke's Dorm Room. Hope that helps!_

___Well, Alice is back next chapter, prepare for some tension because the drama begins..._

___READ AND REVIEW!!  
_


	15. 12:00pm

**A/N: **_Here it is! I won't say much here, enjoy this chapter!  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

_

* * *

_

August 3rd 2009

**12:00pm**

**APOV**

A steaming hot cup of coffee was placed in between my hands, warming my bones up and sending a nice feeling of comfort threw my body. My eyes were lightly closed as I marvelled in the feeling of the heat as it worked its way through my system, warming up my blood too. It was a nice distraction from the shaking of my body, the nagging in my head and the fact that my whole being was begging for Heroin… I sighed. I was addicted, that was clear for anyone to see; even those who didn't know me could see that I was addicted to some kind of drug… But this is what _I_ get for choosing such a strong and powerful drug as my need and my every want.

It had now gotten to the point, so bad, that as soon as I took a hit and came down from the high, I wanted another dose straight after. It has been just over six hours since my last dose, my own pulse was ticking like a clock reminding me that I was going longer and longer without my next hit and I was beginning to feel like I couldn't take it anymore… I kept chanting over and over in my head, _just one more hour and you will be at Jim's_, even though I felt physically repulsed at the thought, my stomach twisting in one tight knot. At the same time that I couldn't wait to get to his house, I really didn't want to go see Jim; he was a disgusting pig who had no right to call himself a human being, he was a true monster like James.

The reason I was dreading our routinely trip there, was because I knew what I would have to do, like I do every time James needed to stock up on his stash. You see… Jim was a different kind of evil to James, his psycho tendencies where extreme, and when they regard _me_, they became worse… I say that even though I've only ever experienced Jim's personality when I'm with him, I've never really heard stories about him, not going into too much detail, but my previous experiences with him, tells me that he's worse than usual…

He loves it when I'm at my worst, when my cravings are so bad that I practically beg him to give me my next dose… he uses that to his advantage, dragging me off to his bedroom and commits me to do act's to pay for those needs. It doesn't matter to him that I'm shaking uncontrollably, squirming over the slightest touch and that I feel like I'm being physically tortured; the pain for that drug was the worst feeling. He enjoyed that the most… and he had every right to do so. He _was_ providing me and James with free drugs and I _did_ need that drug like I needed air to breath, so it's only right that I pay for Heroin in the only way that I can. Call me whatever you want… its nothing that I haven't called myself.

I shuddered at the direction of my thoughts. I tried not to remember those times… the feel of his greasy hands roaming around my body like he owned me. The rough way he strips the clothing from my body, leaving me naked and trembling, helplessly, free to do whatever he wants to do to me. I usually _tried_ to shut down, lock myself off from the world around me and just let my mind wonder onto other things… but most of the time it wasn't good enough for Jim. No… he wanted words, he loved dirty talk; it spurred him on and made the whole experience quicker on my behalf but more aggressive on his. The more I provided eager, crude comments, the rougher and harder he was… but he never lasted long when he thought I was _really_ into it. My being more involved in the whole 'fucking act' turned him on and he would blow his load quicker, knocking him out cold after he comes down from his orgasm.

Tears burned my eyes as I opened them. I looked down at the steaming hot coffee… _Every time_ his body would collapse in a heap on top of me, he would pant heavily and roughly pull himself free from my body and push himself away from me to fall asleep. _Every. Single. Time…_ I felt vulnerable, used, disgusting and I felt like a true "Slut". I spat the word in a disturbed whisper. I would sometimes cry silently for a while and just wish that life would suck me away, not wanting to do this anymore… but mostly I just felt numb afterwards. I would climb off the bed, pull on my clothes and walk back to James where he would take me home silently. The thought of my sweet, lover Heroin would always be on my mind, knowing it would take me away to pleasure land for two whole hours.

I looked at the clock which read 12:20pm… I took a sip of the burning hot coffee and winced silently as it burned down my throat, heating me up some more. My thoughts drifted from that disgusting animal and floated back to the thing my mind really _wanted_ to think about… _pleasure land. _It was a dangerous thought. It was the only reason why I craved Heroin so much, because I loved those dreams. They were always so vivid like a real memory, like a past life. My dream guy would make everything just float away, all my stress, worries and pain from my everyday life. He would make everything okay and when he tells me he loves me I feel the need to say it back straight away, no hesitating because I really meant those words. I _did_ love him… _if only he really existed. _

I felt a tear finally fall down my right cheek and I let it fall until it splashed into my coffee, now back in my firm grip on the table. _I didn't even know his name… _I think that pained me the most; how I could love someone _so_ desperately, a person that I've made up. Even my love for Jeffrey doesn't match up to the love I feel for him, it doesn't even come close to that. He's my everything, whenever my dream self, a younger me is with him, my whole body feels connected to him on another level, like I'm truly meant to be with him. A soul mate you could call it. I smiled as an image of him filled my head… his blonde messy locks, his ocean blue eyes and that smile that made my heart speed up to a million beats per minute. I felt the sob crawl up my chest, my teeth clenched together automatically in a fight to keep it away and my hands tighten around the burning hot mug in my hands. _How could I fucking love someone this much when I've made him up? _It's just so unfair!

My hands were trembling around the mug, the coffee splashed around and before I knew what I was doing, I had launched the hot mug against the wall facing me and I collapsed to a heap on the floor, the sob taking over me, vibrating my whole body. Why did life have to be so cruel? What the fuck did I do to deserve this life? Was I such a bitch, such a pain the ass that God decided to punish me in the cruellest of ways? I growled and punched the carpeted floor, my fingernails dragging along the rough material. I curled up in a ball and pulled at my hair with my tiny fists…

_I fucking hate this life! _I fucking hate Heroin; it was just one of the pathetic reasons for staying here… I fucking hate myself for staying in this life… I fucking hate James for keeping me here… I hate that I'm married to my worst fucking nightmare… I hate that I fucking forgive him time and time again, abuse after abuse, rape after rape… he didn't deserve me! I didn't deserve this! No one, no matter what they have done deserves this life, its just torture in the most impure of ways… What the fuck did I do so wrong?! Nothing… that's the answer, I'm just a weak human who knows no better and the sick part is; I can't leave this shitty life because a part of me _likes_ it and craves it just as much as I do Heroin.

I don't know how long I sobbed for but eventually I felt James come and get me after a while. It was his turn to comfort me just like I had done with him a few hours ago when he confessed to his murdering Jeff… _in stomach turning detail, I might add_. I had crawled into his lap and hugged him close to me; let him cry all his worries away into my shirt. We had stayed like that for a full hour until his body stopped shaking underneath me. Then he pulled his head from the crook of my neck to stare into my eyes… _and that's when it all went wrong_. That's why I'm laying in his arms right now, his body tensed around me like I was something hot and he didn't want to touch me in case he got burnt or something. James had never been this reluctant to touch me before; I knew something had changed with us… I just wished I could take the last hour away and that damn conversation that was causing this tension right now.

--

_An hour ago._

He pulled his head from the crook of my neck to stare into my eyes. He looked like he was searching for something deep within me and as if he'd found what he was looking for he spoke in a soft, small voice. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I try… I _really_ try not to hurt you… and whenever I do hurt you, I feel sick in my stomach and to ask for your forgiveness feels like a sin on its own, but I do and every time you forgive me. You shouldn't." His eyes burned into my mine. "I know there is something dark in me, something I can't control and it's not fair for you to see that side of me, to experience that side of me… I _know_ that." His teeth clenched together as if controlling his temper, I felt his arms go stiff around me, holding me, locking me to his body. "I know I don't deserve you." He leaned forwards and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "But I can't live without you." He weaved a hand into my hair and held my head close to his, his breathing rough, hot and fast against my skin.

I didn't really want to say it, but I did. "I can't live without you either." I meant those words in my own twisted way.

"You can't leave me… I don't know what I'd do without you." A prickle of fear attacked me and I knew he saw it in my face. I knew I felt like I couldn't leave him, but to hear him say that I can't, scared me _a lot_. "You're too important to me." His words held a hint of authority, an edge of hardness. "I can't let you give up on me… I don't want you to." He pressed his lips to mine once more and I stayed still, my head still swimming in his words. "I fucking love you too much. You can't leave me. Ever." His kissing was getting more urgent and quicker now, rougher. "Promise me." And that's when I froze.

"I can't." I swallowed past the lump in my throat and pushed away from him and turned my back to him. I curled my body up into a ball, knees to my chest and my arms around my legs, my protective position whenever I got scared.

"What?" He heaved behind me.

"I can't promise you that." I whispered. There were many things going around my head, it was hard to pick out just one coherent thought.

"Why?" He whispered back, I couldn't detect his emotions. _Oh shit._

"I can't say…" I regretted the lame answer, the secrets he knew that lay within me.

"What do you mean _you can't say_? Tell me what you mean." Anger. That was his emotion. _Fuck._

I stood up from my spot on the floor and I walked over to the couch and stared at his face, shock and anger and sadness and another emotion I couldn't quite put my finger on crossed his face too… rejection maybe? "It's hard to expla-" He cut me off.

"Then try." His voice sounded desperate as he growled the words at me.

I didn't want to let him inside my head. I didn't want him to see how much I despised living with him, yet I felt I needed to stay with him. It was complicated, so complicated that words couldn't describe my feelings in the way I actually _felt_ them. Honesty was the key. He could read me like a book; he knew when I lied just like I did with him. "Your not gunna like what I have to say and… I'm scared what you will think, what you will do if I tell you." I stuttered. I have never said anything like that to him before; I've never let him know that I was scared of him and to say it out loud felt like I just confessed to a murder. I felt the blood drain from my body and if I was being honest, I felt a little faint at my words.

Pain crossed his face and he didn't even try to hide it. "I promise not to do anything to you. You have my word on that." I looked deep in his eyes for a long time and finally decided to trust his words. _What a stupid mistake._

I sighed and looked away from him, I was about to confess to a deep feeling here. I didn't want to see his reaction, though I'm pretty sure I would _feel_ it, especially if I didn't chose my words right. "It's really hard to explain." I started off like I had before. "The way I feel towards you, I know it's not normal…"

_Don't say you don't love him, do not say that to him._

My words started to tumble out of me now. "I know you love me, I can feel that deep inside and when I look at you, I feel loved."

_Don't say but, don't say you don't love him, DON'T DO IT! _

I was starting to shake and sweat a little. "I just… I don't feel that way about… us." I was so fucking scared to look up and see his expression; I decided to keep going before he blew his top and took back his words. "But there is something about us, something that keeps me here and something that I like, something that feels _right_." I rushed out. "I kind of like the way you feel protective of me, albeit the possessiveness scares me a little." I couldn't believe I just admitted that to him… but it was easier now to just be honest about my feelings, mainly because I wasn't looking _at_ him.

"That doesn't explain why you can't promise me what I asked." Hurt laced his every word.

"I know it doesn't… I just…" I sighed. I decided to try going another direction, another truth, I could look in his eyes when I told him this. "When I was with Jeffrey, he asked me if I wanted to run away with him… he was so sure I would jump at the chance _but I didn't_." I could see James was now confused. "I told him no, that I couldn't leave you, that I needed you just as much as you needed me… and even I don't understand those feelings completely and even I can't even put them into words right now because my head is just so… so fucked up with everything, that nothing makes sense to me anymore. The only thing that I know is that I can't leave you, but I can't promise that I will stay either." I was out of breath by the time those words left my lips, I was flushed in the cheeks and he looked a little startled.

"That _still_ doesn't explain why you can't promise me." He was getting frustrated now. I could almost see his brain beating behind his skull trying to make sense of my words, but there was no chance of him getting me now, even _I_ didn't get me.

"I know…" I moaned and put my head into my knees… Okay, another change of direction, the most honest answer yet, the most painful and scariest answer. This was my darkest secret; one that was the sickest… _just bite the bullet Mary and get it over with._ "I want to tell you something, but I really am scared of your reaction. It's not nice… it's really disturbing actually and you're _defiantly_ not going to like it." I spoke into my legs, but he could hear me as clearly as if I'd just whispered them directly into his ear.

"Just tell me… I need to understand." He almost growled.

I was shaking so bad I felt like I was literally going to throw up, it took all my strength to speak the next words. "I've come to terms with the fact that I'm going to die because of you." The air felt thick around me, I held my breath and I could hear my pulse thudding in my ears, my heart was protesting and my lungs burned with the need for fresh air… I heard nothing from his end of the room either.

"Why do you feel that way?" He finally spoke out and he sounded like a little boy who was trying to find his mother, asking a stranger if they had seen her. It tugged at my heart and I uncurled myself, looking at him timidly.

"I never wanted to tell you that, I didn't want to see you look at me that way… pained." I whispered.

"I would _never-" _He choked on the word._ "-_do anything like that to you. I love you Mary." He crawled a small way towards me, closing the gap but still kept a safe distance, it was still comfortable.

"It's everything James… the drugs, the abuse… " I trailed off, no need to list all the shit he's put me threw, he was there… heck; he was the main party to those acts. "I know I won't live a long life; I've come to live with that fact. I know I'm not going to last long, I'm just not strong enough… that's why I can't promise you that I won't leave you." I finally found the words. He understood me now… I couldn't promise him that because I wasn't planning to outlive him, so I _would_ leave him one day, in a coffin buried six feet under, dead and gone.

He came over to me now, closing the distance. He placed his hands on the side of my face and he looked disgusted. "I can't believe you feel that way… I can't believe that _I've_ made you feel that way… No wonder you don't love me." Rejection was defiantly the emotion I couldn't detect earlier. I just didn't understand why he was feeling rejected right now. It wasn't the right emotion for my confession, it was all wrong… why would he feel rejected over the fact that I've come to terms with death already? I was confused.

He pulled away from me, not looking me in the eyes. He straightened up and stalked over to his stash of drugs, then walked out of the room and into our bedroom. He wanted to get away from reality, away from me and away from my confession. He didn't like the way I felt… _What a surprise._ I knew I shouldn't have told him that. I sank back into the couch and listened to his footsteps as they tapped along the floor until they became quieter and were shut off completely by the slam of our door. Why the fuck did I have to go tell him that? I sighed heavily and moaned as my hands moved down my face.

Should I go see him? No. I didn't know what kind of mood he was in right now… He's never in the eight years I've known him acted this way, it scared the hell outta me because I knew James inside and out and I knew from previous experience's that the devil within him can make an appearance at the slightest provocation. This mood was so off for him that _anything_ could happen… I would just have to be prepared for the worst. I still stand by my earlier thought; it was almost always a stupid mistake to trust his words. I moved up from the couch and tiptoed to our bedroom door, I heard nothing on the other end… which meant he had taken a hit already and he was in his own version of pleasure land.

One good thing about that, I would have peace and quite for a good hour or so until we had to see Jim. Cocaine isn't as strong as Heroin is to me, but Cocaine to him is like what Heroin is to me, a real need and his every want. They also have completely different side effects, Heroin makes you feel totally relaxed and it's like experiencing ten orgasms at once, it's like a stronger version of weed, it doesn't make you energetic and talkative like Cocaine does, it just shuts your system down and you can really, _really_ fucking enjoy it. Cocaine however is the opposite, it makes you talkative and annoying as fuck and you just simply can't shut up and ask the most stupid questions. The bad thing is, as soon as you have a hit, you have to have another straight after, so you tend to take that in smaller doses so you can have a hit after another until it's all gone… Cocaine's side effects are longer too.

James doesn't do Cocaine that often because of those side effects. So right now he's found some Heroin and he's out of it… its rare he does Heroin. You could say I'm officially more of a drug addict than what James is, I need Heroin everyday now… I remembered my first experience of taking my first drug which happened to be Cocaine; I was only thirteen years old…

--

_Five years ago_

_Everything was good with James… I was in love with the man that had saved my life, took me in during my time of need and loved me until I was ready to share that love back… and the best way to show my love for him was thru intimacy. Making love with James was a new experience, I enjoyed it a lot but he was never as eager to make love as I was… he wanted to, _take things slow,_ so he called it. I was happy to take things slow especially when he said we had a whole lifetime ahead of us to make love and be with each other, I liked that thought a lot. _

_His stoner sessions had become less regular and I hadn't seen miss red head since the night I had lost my virginity to James. I was happy… it meant he was all _mine_ and he had told her to get lost. I moved my head into the crook of James's neck where we were cuddled up together on the couch. I angled my neck upwards until my lips found the beating pulse at the side of his neck and I licked it softly, causing a giggle from me and soft groan from James. _

"_You shouldn't do that…" He growled in a sexy tone. He turned his head down and he caught my eyes with his lustful ones._

"_What?" I asked innocently, widening my eyes and biting on my bottom lip._

"_That…" He brought his hand up to my chin and pulled my lip gently from my teeth. "It drives me the crazy the things you do to me…" He trailed off, his eyes focused on my lips as if he was trying to memorize the way they looked. I took that as my queue, leaning my head up to meet his lips and capturing them. I brought his bottom lip in-between mine and sucked it softly, moaning into the kiss._

_A few nights ago, James had had his friend called Jim over to the house, they were in the living room and James had told me to go to bed, it was late at night, nearly 1:00am and I was curious as to why Jim was over and James wasn't coming to bed himself. I had snuck down the hallway and stopped at the corner just before it rounded into the living room and kitchen. I had peeked my head around the corner to see a brown tray in front of them. I had spied on him as he expertly laid a line on a brown tray and leant forwards to inhale the drug thru a straw and up his nostril. It was his reaction that caught my interest, the intense look of pleasure on his face. I had only ever seen that look on his face one other time… and that was during sex, but this was more intense. He threw his head backwards and sighed out heavily closing his eyes. A smile plastered on his face as he leant back, Jim did the same and after that they just simply couldn't stop laughing and wouldn't shut up._

_I've wanted to brave the subject for a while now and his excuse about me not being old enough to know about drugs was complete bullshit because I'd experienced a whole lot worse with James… I had struggled hard to put the past behind me when James first hit me violently, but since then he had let me into his life and opened it up, shown me love in the most beautiful way… and I _know_ I'm not old enough to have sex, _yet we do_. I'm more mature than most girls my age, he knew that or he wouldn't have taken that next step with me. So now I've got him all softened up I was ready to finally bring up the topic._

_I pulled away and placed my ear over his heart, it was beating so fast it made my own heart beat widely against my chest. I loved the reaction I had over him. "James…" I trailed off softly._

"_Yes, love?" A huge smile broke out across my face as I pulled away._

"_I've wanted to talk to you about something for a while now… I know you say I'm not old enough to know, but I really want too. I hate that there is something about you that I don't know a whole lot about… _I am_ old enough to handle it." He knew what I was talking about, his expression told me that._

"_Mary… I don't want you to get involved in that part of my life." He stroked my cheek gently with his thumb and he looked torn. He didn't like denying me what I wanted, I was like his princess. _

"_Pleeease…" I drawled out sexily and it cracked him._

"_What do you want to know?" He sighed, a crooked smile breaking across his face._

_I pulled myself up so my head was level with his and turned so I could talk face to face with him. "Tell me what drugs you have taken and what it feels like."_

_He looked away from me in thought for a moment and then turned to me. "I haven't done a whole lot…" He raised an eyebrow and puckered his lips before continuing. "Well… You know about cannabis, also known as, weed, pot or marijuana, from when I have those stoner sessions." He continued after I nodded. "With that you kind of feel spaced out, like your head is a different part of you altogether, your own thoughts take a whole separate direction… I think the best way to describe the feeling is kind of _random_." He ran a hand through his blonde hair and smiled. "It's probably the least harmful drug… doctors use it sometimes as medication for patients who are in a lot of pain, it relieves that… but it can also be very addictive and have bad side effects. Not everyone likes the feeling of being spaced out, tired and _that_ relaxed." He finished._

"_Do you like it?" I realised after I said it that it was a stupid question. Of course he likes it; he wouldn't have stoner sessions if he didn't. I blushed at my stupid question._

"_It's okay… but I prefer a much _stronger_ drug." His smile showed a darker side to him, it scared me a little and the look in his eyes glazed over a little, his pupils dilated and his eyes looked almost black… but as soon as that darkness crossed his face, it was washed away and was replaced with a gentle smile. _

"_And what's that?" I asked in a timid tone, I knew it was the drug he had taken with Jim, but I didn't know the name._

"_Cocaine." He said simply. "Oh man… that's like no other experience." He sighed as he said it and he didn't need me to ask to continue. "It's really hard to explain, it's different for everyone I suppose because it's a much stronger drug than weed, weed has a similar side effect to everyone… Cocaine however makes you feel completely different. You become a lot more talkative and energetic, your whole system feels likes its on a buzz and constant high, you just wanna talk and talk and talk…" He trailed off. "You feel like you can do anything you put your mind too… But when it's over, you feel a little bummed out, and you want more." That darkness was back in his expression, his eyes focused past me and on the window in the kitchen area._

"_Can I try it?" I didn't even think, I just said it._

_He turned his face to me, he looked a little shocked at my question but he didn't say anything, that darkness hadn't left his expression… I was in two minds right now. On one side, I wanted to experience it, feel what James's feels… I want to be connected to him, experience that side of his life for myself. On the other, I didn't like the look in his eyes, that darkness scared me and I knew now that he wasn't going to refuse me, he had already made up his mind that he was going to let me try it. I gulped as he shifted his weight under me and gently pushed me to the side to get up. I was shaking slightly, nervous over what I was about to do… I didn't know if I was going to like it or not. But I did know one thing; he would keep me safe, he wouldn't let anything bad happen to me, I trusted him._

_He came back with what looked like a shoebox; he placed it on the coffee table in front of the couch and stared at me, his expression blank, I gulped again. I shifted my weight to the edge of the couch and he never moved his eyes from my face as he lifted the lid, my gaze however dropped to the box where bags and bags of white powered substances filled it. My eyes grew wide as I took them all in, most bags were white but some held a different coloured powder, some where a light brown, I was fascinated. I tilted my head to the side and I wanted to reach out and grab one, but I didn't, I looked up at him, his gaze still dark._

_He got up from the spot on the floor where he sat and walked off again, coming back with the same brown tray I saw him using with Jim, with a straw placed on top. He placed it next to the shoe box and sat back down._

"_Are you sure?" He asked his voice wary, but held a hint of excitement. _

"_Yes." My voice sounded faint and unsure, but he carried on, grabbing one of the white powered packets._

"_I'm only giving you a small bit and that's it, you won't be having anymore after… you may want more though, to keep the high going, but you're not getting more because I don't want you hooked on this stuff, this is purely for experimental purposes only." His voice was full of authority and I could tell it wasn't just me that wanted the experience, but that he wanted to see me take a dose too._

"_Okay." My voice shook with my nerves and I gave a shaky laugh but I ignored my fear and dropped to the ground in front of the coffee table to face him properly. I watched as he poured a small tiny pile of the white powder on the brown tray, closing the packet up after he did so. He grabbed a credit card from his wallet and started to form a line with it… it wasn't much, it was only tiny and for a second I wasn't sure that the amount would have any effect on me whatsoever, but I had to trust James, he knew about this stuff. _

"_Take this straw." He handed me the small stubby straw and I looked at him like he had two heads, my hands were now slightly shaking. "You need to relax Mary, or this won't feel as good as it should." He placed his hands on my shoulders. "Breathe in and out slowly and clear your mind." I did as he asked and it worked better than I thought it would, I was completely relaxed and a wee bit excited over this. "Now… take the straw and place it in one of your nostrils, then place a finger against the other so you can only breathe through one, the straw one." I did as he asked, placing the straw in my left nostril and putting a finger against my right. "Lean forwards and place the straw at the end of the line… I want you to take a few low breaths through your mouth and then when your ready and relaxed, I want you to inhale the powder up your nose and move your head along the line so it all goes up your nostril, you got that?" I nodded and did as he asked._

_I counted to ten in my head, getting myself totally ready. I knew I wanted to do this, I was scared, yes, because I'd never done drugs before, heck, I haven't even smoked weed before. This was a huge deal for me, my first experience… I was finally diving into the part of James's life that I hadn't explored yet, after those ten seconds I was more than ready, so I did it. I moved my head quickly along the line, inhaling the powder up my nose and I sat up straight once it had all gone. I squeezed my eyes shut, I didn't like the feeling of the powder going up my nose, I really wanted to blow it and lose that feeling, it didn't feel right…whoa… this doesn't feel right, it feels. "Weird." I sighed._

"_How do you feel?" I heard James call out but I didn't answer him, I was starting to enjoy this new feeling. It went straight to my head, my brain felt light and my whole body started to feel tingly as I felt it run through my blood… the surge of energy I felt was euphoric, this was better than anything I'd ever experienced before… it put sex to shame, it was amazing. I could see now why James really wanted to do this drug, my mind was buzzing and I instantly wanted more to intensify the feeling._

"_I feel… really… excellent." I sighed out and I heard James chuckle. I opened my eyes to see him do a line, I felt fuzzy as I watched him inhale the line and then when he'd done he put his eyes on me and in sync, we burst out laughing, laughing so hard I felt like my sides were going to split with the pain. We started mumbling nonsense to each other, I didn't really hear his questions, I was busy just saying whatever came to my mind, I didn't even give him the chance to answer my questions, because as soon as one left my lips, another came to mind to burst out. _

_I was talking for the sake of talking, just to hear my own voice, I found it hilarious. My questions weren't all that stupid as his, but they made us both laugh. "__Why is it that when someone tells you that there are billions of stars in the universe, you believe them? But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?__" I asked James, touching my chin as if deep in thought, only making us both laugh harder._

_He replied. "__Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it gets mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?__" I furrowed my eyebrows at his question and replied with another question, not answering his either._

"_If you eat a Kit-Kat, but you're thinking of a Twix, isn't that considered cheating?" He cut in with his own question and we carried on like that for a while, speed talking nonsense._

_After 15 minutes, the high started to dive downwards and I stopped finding things so funny and I became dramatically less talkative, I literally don't think I've ever talked so much in my life. James however who had taken another hit was starting to annoy me. I was getting a little bummed out like James said he felt after a while…I really needed to pee too, I ran to the bathroom and relieved myself… it was strange that I felt almost normal again, sober you could say, but I actually really wanted to feel like again, it was an amazing experience. I didn't think James would let me do it again… so I would wait a while, I didn't want to be addicted, I wanted to be sensible and just do it on occasions… now I've experienced this side of James's life and knew that I was safe doing it, I wanted more…_

_--_

"Are you okay?" James whispered in my ear.

"I'm fine now, thanks." I sniffled, the memories so painful and sharp that I had to fight down the fresh tears. He had severely fucked up my life and opened it up to nothing but nightmares… physical abuse at age twelve. Fucking me at age thirteen and giving me drugs, Cocaine! at age thirteen also. Got me hooked on drugs from fourteen and onwards. Murdered my boyfriend at age fifteen, then made me help cover up the evidence. He practically sold me as a prostitute to Jim, at the start of age sixteen. Introduced me to sweet Heroin at age seventeen, the most deadly of all his acts… because I actually loved that he opened up my world to that drug and I really _shouldn't_. And last but certainly not least, forced me to marry him on my 18th birthday. He's put me thru the workings of hell and yet here I am, lying in his arms, sobbing my little heart out into his shirt and clinging onto him like he was a lifeline.

"It's nearly 1:00pm, we need to get ready." He uncurled his arms from around my tiny frame and stood up, walking away, not even giving me a second glance back. How dare he treat me this way? As if I'm some kind of disease just because I confessed that to him? All the _shit_ he's put me through… he has no fucking right to treat me this way and if I'm being honest, I feel hurt over his distant behaviour. I clenched my teeth together and forced myself to pull myself together because I had to prepare for our visit to Jim's. I really didn't want to fucking go… but at the same I really did because me and Heroin have a date later and he happens to be taking me to Pleasure Land… at that thought, I got up from my spot on the floor and followed James to the bathroom. Time to put on the show that everything's good with us… what happens behind closed doors, stays behind closed doors.

_Keeping your feelings bottled up isn't always such a bad thing._

* * *

_I can't believe its been twelve hours already... this story is FLYING._ Anywho...

_AHHHHHHH THE TENSION HAS STARTED! Theres a VERY big story coming up and we needed to create this tension between Alice and James in order for it to go how we wanted it to go. Next chapter is just drama, drama, drama and the chapter after that will get you all VERY excited and make you VERY happy. Your going to love us i dare say :)_

_So i think you have all pretty much figured out what's going to happen at 1:00pm... they go to Jims but theres going to be a nasty suprise... I'm not even going to hint at what could happen because i want everything to be a total suprise and shock! So you just have to wait... when i say the drama begins, the drama truly BEGINS._

_READ AND REVIEW. The next two chapters will be hopefully be posted together again and SOONER. So sorry for the late updates! Enjoy!  
_


	16. 1:00pm

**A/N:**_ And let the drama begin... :D_

_Thanks for the reviews :) We really appreciate them and love hearing what you guys think of this story! Don't be shy to review and let us know what you think ;) Thanks again to all those who added us to your favourite lists and story alerts, we love that more people are still finding this story and getting into it! Check back in a few days for the next chapter...  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

_

* * *

_

August 3rd 2009

**1:00pm**

**APOV**

To say the current situation was uncomfortable; _was an understatement_. It was awkward and I was pretty sure you could cut the atmosphere in the car with a knife. Since my earlier confession, James and I hadn't uttered two words to each other since leaving the house. I hated uncomfortable silences and they were even worse when James was involved. I hated not knowing what he was thinking and I couldn't even look at his face without him figuring out what I was trying to do. So I kept my gaze on the view passing by, my fingers fiddling with each other distractingly.

We finally (after what felt like hours but was only about 15 minutes) pulled up outside of one of the places I dreaded the most on this Earth and took a deep breath to steady myself. We had just arrived outside Jim's house and I knew I was going to dread every moment from now and until we left. My hands were shaking slightly and James surprised me when he placed his on top of mine to steady them for a second before moving back to his side of the car.

"We can't do this now." He said in a low voice, staring hard out of his window, avoiding eye contact me with.

"I'm so–" He cut me off.

"–_I said_, we _can't do_ this now." He repeated himself slowly, _still_ not looking at me. "We can't show him that something's gotten to us. We have to keep going on as if nothing has happened, just until we get out of here and back home… then we can deal with it, alright?" He finally turned his piercing gaze to me.

I understood why he was doing this but I was panicking like hell. I had a really bad feeling I had fucked this up in so many ways and there was nothing I could do or say to make it right. But he had said we would deal with it when we got home… did this mean we were actually going to talk about what happened? And if so, what was _yet_ to happen? Would he go completely over the edge and hurt me like I knew he could or would he leave me? I sure as hell hoped it wasn't the leaving part. The hurt and physical pain I could deal with but what was I going to do if he left me? I would have no one and I don't think I could be able to handle that.

I didn't know if he could read all that behind my gaze, I was assuming he couldn't… I couldn't read what he was thinking. He turned his head away from me, looking back out of his window. Now was not the time to think about this stuff. There was something we had to do no matter how much I hated doing it, so I whispered a silent "Okay" and followed James's lead as he got out of the car and made his way to the front door.

I was walking up the steps behind him watching my feet, when he abruptly stopped and I walked straight into him. He reached behind him and steadied me with his arms before I could fall and injure myself. I peered around his large form to see what had made him stop all of a sudden and I noticed the door wasn't exactly in the best condition.

There was wood all over the place where someone had obviously kicked the door down and the floor was covered in splinters. Who ever had done it had knocked the door off its hinges as it lay in a mess of its own broken parts. There was definitely no way anybody could repair it. It was too fucked up for that. I was suddenly very nervous and hoped who ever it was wasn't still hanging around. I think James had the same thought because he took a step in front of me protectively to hide me from view if anyone happened to be in the house.

"What happened?" I whispered grabbing onto the back of James's shirt, creasing it slightly.

"I don't know." He replied, his voice holding a hidden emotion I couldn't quite place. Panic possibly? He hid it well whatever he was feeling. "But stay here while I check it out. I don't want you getting hurt if the guy who did this is still around."

Before I could voice my protests he spun around and looked directly into my eyes. He knew me to well to know I wouldn't just stay put without kicking up a fuss. I snapped my mouth shut and stared back in return. He said all he needed to with his eyes then turned around and approached the doorway with as much stealth as he could.

I didn't know how he did it but when he looked at me like that with those dark eyes he made me feel whatever it was he wanted me to feel. And right now that feeling would be _guilt_. I can't believe I messed things up this bad. Why couldn't I have just listened to my brain for once and keep my big mouth shut! I've gone and ruined everything just by telling the truth, when I should have kept it all to myself. I've ruined everything we had even though the thing we have isn't anything to be proud of… It still hurt to know I've probably lost everything.

I don't even understand why_ I'm_ the one feeling guilty after everything he's put _me_ through. _He_ should be the one feeling guilty after hearing my truth from earlier, since _he_ put me in this position in the first place with the abuse he's been dishing out on me for the past eight years… Truthfully, I wish I could just put all this crap behind me and get on with my sad excuse of a life.

I sighed and tried to rub the goose bumps off my arms. My hands began to tremble and I clenched them into fists to stop them from getting out of control. Fat load of good that did. My hands felt like they were trembling more. God, I needed my fix so bad right now. And just knowing that the sweet release of freedom from this world (even if it was for just two hours) lay just beyond that doorway was driving me crazy. I knew it wouldn't be long before I finally snapped and took matters into my own hands. It was getting out of control and with everything that was going on with me and James I needed sweet, Heroin. I didn't want to have to think about all the crap that was going on. My worry's and fears. I wanted them to go away, to not have to think about it anymore and the only way that was going to happen was if I got my fix.

_Screw it_, I thought. _I'm going in_.

I took the steps one at a time timidly, shaking now for a whole different reason. I reached the top step and paused taking a deep breath before continuing. I stepped into the house, the hallway and was met with a horrid smell. I don't think I'd ever smelt anything this bad in my entire life and that was saying something with the people I'd grown up around. But that wasn't the only thing that caught my attention…

The carpet was stained with dark fluids which can only be one thing… blood. I was pretty sure it was blood and it didn't make the situation any easier. Pictures he had hung on the walls were shattered on the ground and glass lay upon the floor just waiting for someone to walk in here barefoot to cut them up. My heart was beating so fast, I was surprised the guy next door couldn't hear it. It felt like it was trying to escape my chest and get far, far away from here. As I took in more of the scenery, it looked like someone had let off a nuclear bomb in the place and by the looks of it, nothing had survived. _What the hell happened in here?_

I looked to my right, the first door I passed; the kitchen looked like the room had literally been turned on its head. The light from the roof no longer hung where it should; instead it was hidden from my view on the floor behind the splintered cupboards. Wires sparked where the light should have been still attached… I wasn't going in there. I was glad I hadn't seen James in there. The cupboards, top and bottom were either hanging on by their hinges or dead and lifeless on the floor. Just like the door to the house, nothing was repairing anything in here. It looked like someone had taken a bat to everything he owned and had a jolly time wrecking everything.

I heard movement somewhere in the house and I followed the sounds to the living room. I stepped carefully making sure to touch anything, my clothes weren't exactly designer wear, but the rancid smell was something I didn't want lingering on me personally. It fit this scene and it didn't belong to me. I finally found the source of the noise and found a sight I'd never imagined I would ever see in my life.

I screamed at the top of my lungs in horror and threw my hands over my mouth, the noise startling everyone including me. James looked up from his position on the floor and looked at me with a terrified expression on his face. My eyes began to burn and water immediately filled my eyes. I wanted to look away but I couldn't for the life of me. It didn't make sense. I didn't want to see this but somehow my body was refusing to turn in the opposite direction.

There, lying upon the floor covered in more blood then I thought the human body was capable off, _was Jim_… James was holding him underneath his arms with his head in his lap looking confused and scared. Jim was unrecognisable. There wasn't one distinct feature that screamed out at me. There was almost nothing left. Who ever had done this, had to have been beyond pissed off with him. By the looks of it they had come in here with the intension of murder. How anybody could do this to another human being is beyond me.

I took a step towards James… and then another… then another… always keeping my eyes on him. When I finally reached him I bent down to his eye level and gripped his arm, our eye contact never breaking. "James." I whispered so softly I almost didn't hear it myself. He gulped and took in a deep breath, breathing through his mouth.

"Someone…" He began and stopped, choking on his words. I've never seen him so scared in all the time I've known him and it made me feel worst. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to go home and start the day all over again. James closed his eyes and counted to ten then tried again. "Someone broke in. They took everything. They found it all. If it was worth something, they took it. Money, drugs… _everything_." His eyes were wide; it looked like he couldn't blink at all.

If he had a panic attack there was no chance in hell we were getting out of here. I was just barely keeping myself under control. I wouldn't be able to add another person to that list… What I was wondering was, how anybody would do this. Had Jim been in deep with some guys he'd known? Was he really that deep in debt to these people that it justified this happening to him? I didn't know, so I decided to ask.

"Why? Why would anybody do this James? What did he do that was so bad?" My voice was panicked, I couldn't control it.

"There were these guys he told me about a few weeks back. He owed them a shit load of money but he didn't have it. He knew they were going to come for him sooner or later… but he always thought he'd survive." James looked down at Jim who was gurgling slightly as the blood slowly poured out of him in numerous different places. James turned his attention back to me and said. "Guess he was wrong." _No shit_.

"I can't believe this." He whispered to himself. "I can't believe they've actually nearly killed him because he didn't have the money. I mean… I knew it could happen but you never really believe it will happen until you see it with your own eyes." I think he actually forgot for a moment that I was here because he seemed to be talking more to himself then at me. I could hear the desire within him to shed a few tears, but James had cried his share today with me. Even seeing his own best friend dying wasn't enough to make him cry again, he was holding them back with everything he had.

I took a deep breath which was a big mistake and inhaled the scent of coming death. I immediately jumped up, my hand going over my mouth in a flash and ran to the bathroom. I got a good look at Jim as I ran past and immediately wish I hadn't. It was like everything was going in slow motion and it felt like a lifetime had passed before I could tear my eyes away from the destruction that was his body.

There wasn't a patch of his skin that was visible that wasn't covered in his own blood. His clothing clung to him like a second skin, sticky and dark red. His clothing was ripped in places where they had probably gone at him with a knife by the looks of his wounds. They were deep and most of them applied to his stomach. Gutting him like a fish. A few pieces of meat scattered the floor where they had hacked at his arm when he most likely tried to protect himself against each hit.

I saw the pearly white bone of his radius peeking through flesh. There was skin loose on his right leg, holding on just by a thread. From what it looked like, it was caused by a gun shot wound to the shin. His right arm had been bent in an awkward position and instead of laying straight down it stuck out too the side. His left foot had also been broken and was in a funny position.

His face was startling. His nose was broken and there was a large, deep gash starting just above his right eyebrow and finishing at the corner of his mouth. Blood slowly poured out of it, tainting the carpet. His left cheek was completely swollen and you could barely see his eye anymore. It was covered in fresh and dried blood. Obviously this torture had been going on for quite a while. They had dragged it out as long as possible and I'm surprised he isn't dead from the pain he must have been feeling. I know I wouldn't have survived.

I slammed the bathroom door open, threw myself on the floor and bent over the toilet, emptying my insides out. I heaved and heaved until I was empty, even though there was next to nothing to throw back up anyway. I hated it when my body forced me to throw up when there was nothing left. It hurt a lot, with my throat dry and it wasn't a pleasant smell either. It was something I could definitely live without.

I sat back and lay on the floor, placing my head on the cool floor tiling. My throat was dry with a horrible taste that had been left behind. After a few minutes I sat back up and spat once more into the toilet now that I was sure I wouldn't throw up again. I put a hand to my forehead and realised I was slick with sweat all over. I felt so ill all of a sudden and I wanted to get the hell out of this place as fast as I could.

I put my hands down on either side of me and lifted myself up, swaying a little from dizziness. I steadied myself and waited a few seconds before I was sure I could move without collapsing on the floor and went to the bedroom… As I entered, I stopped dead in my tracks. There was a huge pool of blood in the centre of the bed. The blood was so thick and there was so much of it that it had leaked through the mattress and onto the floor beneath. The shit must have hit the fan while he was sleeping in here. They actually came after him when they knew he would be most vulnerable. That was definitely a kick below the belt. I felt sorry for him even if I did hate him with everything I had.

The blood trailed off to the end of the bed and across the floor and lead out to the living room. They must have dragged him off when they were done with him in here. Maybe they wanted a little more excitement and thought dragging a bleeding man across the floor would be fun. I was suddenly starting to feel a little queasy again and I wrapped my arms around myself willing the feeling to go away. I did _not_ want to be sick again. Please, please, _please_ don't let me be sick again. I took some deep breaths and finally calmed down.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, avoiding the blood as much as I could and put my head in my hands. I didn't want to go back out there and face James or see Jim lying there motionless on the floor. I wasn't good with the gory stuff or people who were really hurt. Blood was definitely not my forte… unlike James. He was everything about blood. He lapped it up like it was nothing. He had no conscience when it came to other people… but that had all changed today. He was probably shedding a few tears right now, me out of the room, no witnesses to see his weakness. I suddenly felt the strong urge to cry, so I did. I let it all out and pretended I was in my little protective bubble that I had used so many times before.

--

_Two Years Ago_

_  
_I can't believe James has left me here!_ I didn't even know the guy that well and he had just dropped me off, telling me nothing about what he was doing and why I couldn't go with him. Then before I knew it he left me with the creepy guy that gives James his drugs. I hated being alone with people I didn't know. It always made me very nervous._

_Now I was sat in a chair in his living room hoping he would do what he normally does and ignore me like I wasn't here… But of course this being my life were talking about, _he didn't._ He sat in another chair staring at me and every now and again looking at my body appreciatively. But in a very sick way. I didn't like what was going on behind those beady little eyes of his. I could see the hunger and the desperate need in his eyes. A shiver ran down my spine and I hugged myself thinking of anywhere but here._

_"So… Mary isn't it? Such a beautiful name." He said, never removing his eyes from my face. He knew my name well, knew me enough, seen me enough times to know who I was…he was up to something._

_"Thank you." I whispered. I was suddenly shaking a little._

_  
"Such polite manners." He said, staring into my eyes wildly while gently caressing his thigh. "I like a good girl." He licked his top lip and raised one eyebrow at me._

_Now I felt terrified. I knew what he wanted and there was no way I would give it to him willingly. He was a dirty guy who was seriously getting overweight with a beer belly and needed to go to the gym. Just the thought of him touching me made me want to hurl all over his almost non-existent carpet. Most of it had worn away right through to the hardwood floor underneath. And the stench was vile. It smelt stale with an undertone of beer and cigarettes._

_He slowly lifted himself from the chair he was sitting on and made his way over to me. I sat up straight in my chair as he came over and stood behind me. I didn't dare move and my breathing was coming out in short, shallow breaths. I felt him place a hand on my shoulder and his skin was rough and hard against mine. He rubbed his hand up and down my bare arm in what he probably thought was a comforting way. I shivered under his touch and he chuckled darkly._

_I felt his hot, smelling breath against my ear and I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. "What do you say to taking this to the bedroom, sweetheart?" His tone was laced in his lust while he dug his finger nails into my arm._

_"I… I don't think so." He dug his nails in deeper and I pressed my lips together to keep from screaming out._

_"Why not?" His voice held a hard edge to it now._

_"Be… because I don't, I don't want to." He dragged his fingers up my arm and a scream that I had tried so hard to keep in came out. His hand left my arm and he walked away, appearing in front of me seconds later. He knelt down in front of me and looked up at my face._

_"We either do this or your boyfriend doesn't get his drugs… It's your choice sweetheart." I wanted to punch the smug smile right off his face._

_"What?" I whispered, beginning to panic now._

_"You heard me. No sex. No drugs." He stood up and stared down at me._

_I couldn't believe what he was saying. I couldn't do this… I just couldn't. The thought of him having his hands anywhere near me, made me sick to my stomach and now he was blackmailing me. James wouldn't let me do this. He would be mad I'm sure of it. But would he get even angrier at the fact he wouldn't be able to get the drugs he wanted? I didn't want him to be mad at me.  
_

_Maybe I could do this. It would be over quick… right? I would just have to go to my special place where everything was fine and dandy, where good always triumphs over evil. This would be the only time I would have to do this. After this, I wouldn't have to see his face or this hellhole ever again… I hoped anyway. I had to do this. For James. I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. I tried my hardest not to look away._

_"Okay." I controlled the shaking in my voice, I was impressed with myself._

_"Okay?" He said sounding confused. I think he thought he would have had to try harder to get me to agree. Maybe if I would have told him no and held on to my answer for longer he would have given in and just let me be. _Even though I highly doubted it._ I couldn't take my answer back now anyway. It would just be good to get this over and done with so I didn't have to be here anymore._

_"Okay." I repeated. He smiled so big I thought it was going to break his face. I wish I was strong enough to maybe break it for him._

_He stood up and grabbed a hold of my wrist, pulling me out of the chair. He dragged me into his bedroom slamming the door behind him and began to frantically undress me._

And I let him.

_--_

_I sat on the edge of the bed buttoning up my shirt while Jim lay behind me in his underwear, smoking a cigarette. He couldn't see the tears streaming down my face so he didn't realise that I was silently crying. I suddenly felt his hand at my waist and I wiped the tears away from my eyes before I quickly stood up and his hand fell to the bed. I was almost at the bedroom door when Jim's voice stopped me._

_"Hey, babe?" I turned around keeping my eyes to the floor. "You're a lot better then you give yourself credit for." He finished, blowing smoke from his mouth in small hoops._

_I went and sat back in the chair I was previously sat in before the ordeal and let my head fall into my hands. My shoulders began to shake more violently with each tear I cried. I couldn't believe what had actually just happened. I was in so much pain and I felt so dirty. I wanted to go home, get a bath and scrub my skin clean until it was red raw. I didn't want a bath here. It would be pointless and make me feel more worthless then I already did. It was probably crawling with bugs and spiders anyway._

_I hoped James would be back soon, I didn't want to wait long. I don't think I could stand seeing Jim's face again without having a panic attack. Right now I just wanted time to myself._

_Ten minutes later and I heard footsteps outside the door. My head snapped up and James walked through the doorway to the living room. I wiped the tears from my eyes as he took in my appearance. He walked straight past me into the bedroom where Jim was and closed the door behind him. I didn't move from the chair so I strained to listen to what was going on but I couldn't hear anything. There was a low murmur which was probably them talking and that was it. I was a little confused as to what was going on and wondered if James would put two and two together and realise what happened._

_Before I knew it the door was opening and James was coming out. He left the door open a little and I glanced in, seeing Jim was fully dressed and he didn't have a mark on him. I guess James hadn't put two and two together because I think he would be pretty pissed if he knew what had happened._

_"You ready to go?" He asked me. I nodded and took one last look at his bedroom. Jim's eyes met mine and he smirked at me while I shuddered. He came out of the bedroom and met James at the door. I stood partly behind James, but kept his face in view and as far away from Jim as I could get without being suspicious._

_"Pleasure doing business with you James." He looked down at me with a glint in his eyes. "More so then usual this time round…" He winked at me. _He fucking winked at me!_ Anger bubbled up inside of me._

_James nodded but kept his eyes on Jim. He wasn't looking at me on purpose and I couldn't figure out why. Something flashed across his face and I realised it was anger. Anger at what Jim had just said and done. Now I was definitely confused. What did he have to be angry about? Unless… _Shit._ He knew. But why isn't he mad at me too? Why is he only staring daggers at Jim? I would tell him the truth about how it happened if he turned to me but it seemed I didn't have anything to worry about._

_And then it hit me._

_He'd known. He had known all this time… Of course! It all makes sense now! He had been acting strange all week and I thought nothing of it, knowing if it was something he wanted me to know he would just tell me himself. But he didn't want me to know. Which I thought was pretty weird itself since he tells me everything but now I know why…_

_He had organised this with Jim… they had planned this out. But why did I have to sleep with him? What was James gaining out of this? Had Jim really threatened to stop supplying him with drugs? _

"_You knew…" I whispered._

"_What?" James turned to me, his eyes softening straight away. He wasn't angry at me after all._

"_You fucking knew." I was angry with him; I was going to hide my anger at all._

"_Mary." He stretched his arm out towards me but I backed away, backed away from both the monsters._

"_Why?!" I wanted to scream but I didn't, I was trying to be strong, trying not to loose it completely._

"_He's going to supply me with free drugs-" I cut him off. He wasn't playing innocent no more, he knew me too well to do that. _

"_If I FUCK him?" My voice was getting higher with each word. _

"_Mary…" I rushed out of the house and into the breezy night. I couldn't stand to be in the presence of them both any longer… I felt sick to my stomach and sorely abused and used._

_So I was just a way to get his drugs without paying a big price for them. I'm just some object, someone he can use and not give a shit about. That way he could get all the drugs he wanted and all I would have to do is sleep with the guy. Suddenly my world was crashing down on me… Just when I thought my mess of a life couldn't get any worse._

_This wouldn't be the only time I would be here. There would be more times where he would drop me off and leave until Jim was finished with me and then he would come back to collect his goods. Me included. Once I could barely deal with but once every week! I suddenly felt a great urge to throw myself on the cold hard floor and scream until my lungs were sore._

_Why, why would he do this to me? I thought he cared but it was obvious that he didn't. I don't know why I still keep trusting him in my sick and twisted way. Why I keep staying with him when he keeps putting me through these terrible things. I must be sick in head to want to stay… He keeps proving to me over and over again that he cares for no one but himself. That man was far past being a monster, he was a knew kind… I don't think there is even a word to describe what James is. _

_--_

My fists were clenched tight and I could feel my fingernails digging into the palm of my hands. I was trying so hard to contain the anger I felt right now but it was so hard when you felt disgusted with yourself for doing such a thing and hatred and anger towards people who let you do it in the first place.

I jumped up from the bed and ran into the living room. I wanted to escape these memories and go to a place, faraway from here that didn't hold any memories, anger or sadness for me. No matter where I went I couldn't escape them. They were everywhere I went. I couldn't remember the last time I was actually happy and not just smiling because I felt like I had to.

I reached the living room and ran past James still holding Jim. I could hear James shouting my name but I didn't stop. I didn't get far before I felt an arm stop me from moving any further. I turned and realised James had caught up with me just before I got to the door.

"Where are you going?" He whispered.

"I can't James. I just can't. I can't be here anymore; I need to get out of here." I pleaded. I didn't want to be here anymore than I had to and I was hoping he would just this once let me go.

"Yeah… okay." He sighed and dropped my arm immediately. I had never been so thankful in all my life for the distance he was giving me. Even if it was because he was avoiding me as much as he could. "But–" He said regaining my attention, "–I'm going to clean up this mess and see if there's any drugs they could of missed. I don't want the cops finding them. I'm going to call them and an ambulance when I'm done. You got your phone on you?" I checked the pocket of the black hoodie I was wearing and sure enough I had remembered it.

"Yeah I do." I responded feeling slightly relieved. I was going to get out of here.

"Good. Once I'm finished up here, I'll give you a call telling you its okay to come back before the cops show up." I nodded to show I understood and then he said, "Go."

I turned on my heel and walked out, wasting no more time in this house of gore.

_Some people say that pain makes you stronger… But for me pain makes me weaker._

* * *

_AHHHH!!! What's gunna happen to Jim? Will he live? Will he die? Find out in a few more chapters... but next one is going to be awesome! Trust me... SOMETHING HUUUUUGE is going to happen! The more reviews we get for this one, the quicker we will post next one... and trust me, its a chapter you ALL really want to read! :D_

_Just when you thought the tension with James and Alice couldn't get more juicer, his best friend goes and gets beaten up causing even MORE tension... ooh, its going to get worse!!!  
_

_Updating in a few days! READ AND REVIEW!!  
_


	17. 2:00pm

**A/N:**_ THIS IS IT, THE CHAPTER YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!! ENJOY IT! _

_I just couldn't make you wait an extra day... so here it is!!  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice and Jasper_

_

* * *

_

August 3rd 2009

**2:00pm**

**APOV**

A breeze of cold, welcoming wind hit my face as I started to walk down the steps from Jim's house… My legs were shaking almost uncontrollably as I fought to move my steps onwards. I kept reminding myself:its one foot in front of the other, to be careful not trip and smash my face into the concrete ground. I couldn't get the image of a broken Jim out of my head… I hated the man, loathed him with everything in me, but I would never wish that upon anyone, not even him or James. I felt sick seeing his face shattered and bruised beyond recognition. I almost didn't believe it was him… if it weren't for the soft moans in his unconscious state, I would have thought it was someone else, a stranger from the street. Is this whole world doomed to such sick and tormented people? I've suffered more than I should in this lifetime, but to see others suffer like that makes me sick to my stomach… no matter the vile pig of a person.

Having thought all that… I couldn't help but contradict my own mind and heart in this very moment. I question myself, what if that had been _James_ lying crippled on the floor? What would I have done…? Let him die and run off…? Get him help and save his life…? I'd like to think I would have done the latter… but I would never know unless the situation arose. And I hoped to God that I never be put in that situation, I don't think I'd like to know the answer.

I finally stumbled my way down the stone steps, successful in not tripping and breaking something. Once I reached the gate, a bush blocked the nice breeze, making the air still and I could finally hear that the noise I thought was the wind; was actually me. My chest was heaving visibly. I was struggling to catch my breath… I was hyperventilating. A sob was stuck in my chest, begging to be released but the lump in throat wouldn't let it. I felt like I was choking on water, being drowned… I had to get away from here, too many bad memories and the worst yet was lying crippled in James's arms, fighting for his life. Yet another image of the disfigured Jim flashed in front of my eyes. "Just run, Mary!" I breathed out, encouraging myself to get away.

I followed my own advise and just ran from the house, down the street, not caring if anyone saw me in this state… not like I ever gave a shit what people thought about me, but I'm sure if someone saw me right now they would think someone had died the way I was reacting. And someone _could_ still die… I just couldn't see how Jim was going to survive this beating; he was on the verge of death, fighting for his life already. I knew that if Jim wanted to, he could just let go and it would be over in a matter of seconds. But just like James he was stubborn. I swear if I didn't know them as well as I did, I would have thought they were long lost brothers or something.

I finally made it to the end of the street where I rounded the corner and bent over, heaving for some fresh air as my lungs burned from the strain of my running and my stomach pained from a stitch as if I'd just been laughing uncontrollably. I turned around and placed my forehead on the cool brick wall of the end house and closed my eyes… I needed to calm the fuck down and just take a moment to figure out what I was going to do next… I knew I couldn't go back to that house, not yet, no matter what James had told me. I just couldn't see Jim get carted away in an ambulance. I was already going to suffer from nightmares with the scene I saw before me just moments ago, I didn't need to see anymore.

So I had to do something to delay the time and to distract myself… what I really fucking wanted was Heroin, now more than ever in my whole life or a strong drink, vodka would do the trick but I wasn't old enough to buy that stuff or any alcoholic drink for that matter. I gritted my teeth together and reached into my pocket pulling out a five dollar bill. I suppose some cigarettes would ease the stress away… I never really smoked and if I ever did, it was weed to relax myself, but that's _not_ one of my many wanted options right now, so cigarettes will just have to do. I sighed heavily stepping away from the wall. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger and counted to ten in my head, forcing my breathing to go back to normal, I closed my eyes and willed the image of Jim not to appear.

After one hundred counts I was finally eased and calmed down, it took longer than ten seconds. I pushed on my steps, I was lucky that Jim lived so close to a small town of shops. It was useful for everyone seen as the University of Houston was right near. In fact, as I looked up, I could see the two towers in the distance, which I knew to be accommodation buildings for those who have moved from far away to attend school and live here. It was once my dream to go there, but James said I didn't need school, that school was for nerds and an excuse for horny teenage kids to hook up and have sex for four years, whilst pretending to learn. He claimed hardly anyone came away with a degree… I knew he was wrong, but I didn't question him or go against his judgment, it was always better to just agree so you didn't have to face his most evil side.

I kept walking towards the buildings, pointing like an arrow, showing me I was heading in the right direction to the shops. I felt silent tears fall down my face, I didn't try to stop them or wipe them away. I just let them fall. My body was shaking, but not because of my breathing, I had that under control now, the memory of Jim's body was safely locked away in the rusted box in my head too, waiting for another time to be released so it can haunt me in my dreams or to be yet another dreaded memory, dragged up to ruin yet another day. I was shaking because my need for that drug was stronger than ever… it was sad how I always wanted a dose no matter the situation, I could be getting tortured and I would still want sweet, Heroin.

As I walked on, past car after car, I caught my reflection in one of the windows. I had attempted to cover up my puffy face with make-up from crying practically all day and now that I've stopped for a proper look… I looked a complete mess; worse than before. I sighed heavily, looking around me before I took a step closer. I didn't want someone thinking I was going to break into the thing; I just needed to sort my face out. Mascara was streaked in lines down both of my cheeks; eyeliner was thickly smudged around both my eyes, making them stand out in a very bad way. My hair was stuck to my face in the wettest places, flat, with no life to it at all. My skin looked paler than usual considering I had just been crying. It was so bad, that if you took a black and white photo of me, there would be no change to my skin tone, I was beyond pale; I was a walking ghost minus being transparent. Although sometimes I get the feeling people don't acknowledge me at all because of my appearance, they just look right threw me… So maybe I am a little transparent to some people.

I groaned loudly and looked over my shoulder once again, paranoia setting in. I used the sleeve of my black hoodie, (one that I had owned for years and it showed with the rips and the faded black) to salvage what I could of my wrecked face. I spat on a part of my sleeve and rubbed the worst places, wiping away the streaked black lines down my face. It was too late to try and clear some of the smudged eyeliner; it was too thick around my eyes and too dark, I would only make it worse… I looked drunk and drugged up, but that was nothing new, I could live with that. The pale face was natural and something I couldn't sort out. I didn't like foundation and I was grateful in this moment that I hadn't used some. I don't want to think about what a mess my face would have been if I _had_ used some…

I was rubbing at my left cheek when I heard someone shout at me through their window. "Oi, what are you doing? Get away from my car!" An old man yelled down at me.

I turned around startled. "I'm sorry-" He cut me off in his anger.

"Go away, now or I'm going to call the police." I quickly did he asked, I didn't want to scare him, it may cause the old guy a heart attack. I tried to apologize again as I ran off but he was too busy telling me to get away. I rounded the corner and waited until I heard him close the window before I turned back and carried on walking down the street, towards the two towers, leading me to the shops.

--

It was a refreshing walk and I was grateful I had had the idea of getting out of that house. The wind had helped soothe me the whole trip here… I had cried a little more and tried my best to hold back a loud sob every now and then, but no matter how hard I tried, the image of Jim kept escaping the rusted box in my head and it haunted my every step. The closer I got to the shops and more life on the streets, I had tried harder and was successful for a short time in welcoming a numbness that made my expression a little lifeless, but at least I wasn't having a breakdown in the middle of the street, embarrassing myself and bringing on attention that was certainly not welcome.

The numbness lasted a whole five minutes until the shops grew closer and I saw more people, then panic started to attack me. I didn't know if it was because of what happened earlier, the memory and images still fresh in my head or because I was in dire need of sweet, Heroin. I did know one thing; I was more paranoid than I was earlier… looking over my shoulder every few seconds. I should have known better than to try and face people when I was craving drugs _this_ bad. I rounded the corner without realising it was the row of shops I was aiming for, my needs and emotions clouding the world around me. I stood frozen for a fraction of a second; eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. I felt small, vulnerable and insignificant in that second… I immediately turned back and pressed my back against the wall, once reality kicked into gear.

I closed my eyes gently and repeated my earlier motion of counting to ten in my head, taking in deep breaths and forcing myself to calm down _completely_. I couldn't be acting like this in a shop full of people or they would kick me out before I had chance to purchase what I wanted. I opened my eyes and felt my shoulders fall in my relaxed state of mind. I brushed at my outfit, flattening out any creases and then swiped at my face, drying the wetness away. I then pulled the sleeves of my hoodie down and gripped them in two tight fists in an act of controlling my shaking. The nagging in my head for Heroin was getting beyond irritating and I had to fight back the urge to scream and tell it to 'shut the fuck up'. But again, that wouldn't be a good thing to do in front of people; I would be carted away and put in a padded cell.

I was as calm as I was going to get, so it was time to make a move. The quicker this was over, the better. As I rounded the corner a second time, I bumped into a woman with her hands full of bags. She dropped a few and I mentally groaned as I apologized out loud. "I'm so sorry; I wasn't looking where I was going." I rushed out in my haste to pick up her stuff. She bent down with me and picked to retrieve some of her items and bags. "Let me get that, I'm so sorry." I apologized again.

"It's okay, dear." I was stunned at her friendly tone; no one has ever talked to me like that before. I looked up at her and finally took in her appearance. She was beautiful with her stunning thick black hair, hung long down her back. She wore a gorgeous light grey pea coat, with large black buttons running down from both her breasts. She had black skinny jeans on and some luscious black boots that made me insanely jealous. I wanted everything was she was wearing down to the smell of her perfume which I couldn't recognize but I leaned in slightly to get another whiff, it was amazing.

I repacked all her items in her bags and picked them up. "Here, I apologize again." I smiled timidly at her but averted my gaze when I caught her staring at me openly. I was feeling uncomfortable.

"It was nothing, dear. It could have happened to anyone, you weren't to know." She laughed lightly, so care free it sent a shiver down my spine. I've never laughed like that before or spoke with such care. This woman was a perfect stranger yet she was as pleasant as if we had been life long friends. I was amazed and shocked. I also felt about ten inches tall and more aware of my appearance than usual. I felt disgusting, like a walking disease. I looked down at myself and cringed internally, she must think I was some homeless person off the street. How could she feel comfortable standing so close to me? Wasn't she seeing what a mess I was?

"I'll, umm…" I moved out of her way, unable to finish my sentence. "Bye." I didn't look back as I said it, this woman made me incredibly nervous to be in her presence and I couldn't be doing with that. I needed to get my stuff without bringing attention on myself in a bad way.

"Bye." She called back and I turned my head giving her a small smile before I entered the shop. I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding, as the warmth at the entrance of the door hit me. I felt relaxed once again. I moved to the edge of the walls, getting out of everyone's way and I started to walk up the first isle. It didn't escape my notice that the line to the liquor and cigarettes counter was quite long, I wanted to wait until it went down before I proceeded.

--

Everything was going okay…

Feeling's under control? _Check._

Shaking forced to stop? _Check._

Nagging in your head constrained? _Double Check! _Complete silence.

Avoiding people? _Check. Check. Check… _Head down… Quick steps… Straight forward…

_This was until I started walking down the snacks isle and I felt a pair of eyes on the back of my head._

I started to run my right hand up and down my left arm unconsciously, nervously, losing my control bit by bit… I didn't like being watched. I forced myself not to turn my head and look back; instead I rounded the corner to the next isle and saw tins and tins of stacked food. _Keep your head down, Mary… Deep breaths… Keep your feelings under control!_ I ignored my own advice, looking at numerous tin labels without taking in the names. I was too busy concentrating on the feeling of being followed, I felt uneasy and once again, paranoid… Was it someone who worked here? Was I acting too suspicious like I was going to rob something? I felt beads of sweat form on my forehead and I realised I was shaking pretty hard. I had just undone all of my self control in a matter of seconds!

I eagerly rounded the next corner and groaned out loud when I saw it was the liquor isle. Rows of beer, lager, Cider, whiskey, red wine, white wine… I wasn't taking in the names, but recognizing them from their containers. My steps were getting faster and I thought I heard the person behind me trying to keep up… _I lost the last ounce of control I had when a row of Vodka caught my eye._ I stopped and swallowed past a lump in my throat. What the fuck should I do now? _Why the hell did you stop!_ I was screaming at myself internally when I slightly turned my head as if reading the name of the alcoholic drinks next to me. I turned to face the shelf of Vodka, forcing a look of interest on my expression at the drinks as I attempted to subtly look to my left.

I caught the back of a guys head, he wore dark jeans, with black shoes and his shirt was a dark blue, sleeves pushed up his forearms. He had shaggy blondish brown hair and he was busy looking at a shelf of red wine. I couldn't see his face; he had angled himself perfectly so I couldn't see. I snapped my head back immediately and turned around to carry on walking in the direction I was aiming for… I heard the footsteps again behind me; _this guy was defiantly following me._ Well… if he _did_ work here, then I may as well attempt to buy what I wanted, even though I was perfectly legal to buy cigarettes. If I get kicked out for 'acting suspicious', I get kicked out… nothing I can do about it. I sucked in a deep breath and rounded the isle to the liquor and cigarettes counter.

The line was empty this time, besides a guy getting served. I took my place behind him and when he was done I stepped forwards.

"What can I get you?" The woman behind the counter drawled out in a very thick Texas accent.

"Umm…" _Shit._ I didn't know any brands. I looked behind her as if I was just checking they had my brand, before I asked for the first pack I saw. "A pack of Black Hawks please." I started to chew my lip nervously and I regretted the action.

"Excuse me, could I see some ID please?" _Fuck_. The one thing I didn't need right now.

"I don't have any on me… I'm sorry. I am eighteen, I swear." I tried to plead with her.

"I'm sorry Miss, but I can't serve you without any identification." She looked bored out of her mind as she chewed on her gum. For a flash of a second I pictured myself jumping across the counter and just grabbing as many packs as I could. I looked behind me to check how far the exit was, but was blocked by a chest of dark blue shirt. _Oh for fuck sake_… I didn't need_ this_ on top of everything.

"I can get these." He spoke out, his voice deep and soothing… I couldn't put my finger on the accent; I knew he certainly wasn't from Texas. I turned back to the face the woman and I felt his body pull up at the side of me.

"Do you have any ID, sir?" She asked again, her voice suddenly more alert as she very obviously puffed her perky chest out and popped the gum she was chewing.

"I do." He reached into his pocket, I was too scared to look to the right of me and see who this stranger was. "Here." I saw his hand move past my face as he held out his wallet to the girl. She nodded her head in approval, giving him a flirtatious smile and turned her back to us to get my cigarettes. He held out a five dollar bill to pay and received his change, all in silence. (Completely ignoring the girl's attempts to flirt and I proudly resisted a sudden urge to stick out my tongue during the exchange.) "Come on." He whispered in my ear, but didn't touch me. I was a little shocked over the whole transaction and what he had just done for me. I followed without really meaning to… my feet automatically choosing to follow him. Did he want something from me? Did he think I was some slag and would do anything for some cigarettes? Coz if that's the case, this guy chose the wrong day and the wrong girl to mess with!

I stared at the back of his shirt and trailed my gaze down to his feet as he led the way out of the shop. The nice breeze hit my face before I realised I was out of there, my thoughts getting carried away. I looked up and he wasn't there anymore. I turned around and I couldn't see him anywhere. I furrowed my eyebrows when I caught a glimpse of his blue shirt around the corner in which I had walked here, I turned towards him and hesitantly joined him around the corner. "Here you go." He handed me the pack, his voice was soft as air and I felt drawn to it.

"Umm… Thanks." I didn't know what to say, but I did feel the need to reimburse him for his trouble. I had obviously jumped to the wrong conclusion about him… _I hoped_. "I have the money for the cigarettes, you really didn't need to buy me them for me." My voice was shaky because I was suddenly nervous and I realised I hadn't even looked at him yet.

"There's no need to pay me back, honestly." I sighed out and put the pack in my jean pocket and finally took the time to see who my saviour was. I gradually worked my way up his body again. I saw his rosy lips first, kissable and full. I licked my own lips in an act of control; the sudden urge to curve my own around them was so strong and nearly overpowering. I then moved up to his straight nose… a nose that any guy would be jealous over. It had clearly never been broken, there wasn't a fault in the shape at all and I suddenly had the memory of a nose similar to this, a smaller version. _I finally landed on his ocean blue eyes._ I held back a gasp as I looked into them… I've seen those eyes before; those eyes have starred in my dreams before. Also, that shaggy hair falling over his forehead and nearly into his eyes; I have run my hands through that hair…

Before I realised it, I had asked the question I was dying to ask aloud. "Who are you?" I breathed out.

--

**JPOV**

"Thank you." I smiled kindly at the young woman as she handed me my change and went to give me my bag of goods. She was petite, with striking red hair that was clearly dyed for dramatic purposes, drawing in welcome attention.

"No, thank_ you_…" Our hands connected for longer than what was necessary during the exchange, in fact, I'm sure onlookers would think we were holding hands. I reflexively looked up at her; with what I'm sure was a puzzled expression on my face. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, nibbling seductively on it and leaned forwards. "Make sure you come back again. 'kay?" She smiled innocently at me, a small blush on her cheeks and released my hand.

I swallowed and nodded my head quickly. "Sure." I breathed out. Was this really happening? Was this sexy woman… sweet, innocent woman flirting with me? I heard someone cough behind me and I felt a blush crawl up my neck and attack my cheeks. I stepped to the side and gave a shaky laugh before I smiled and turned away.

"Wait. You forgot something!" She called after me, just as I was about to open the door. "Excuse me for a second." She spoke to the next customer and I felt her hand wrap around my left arm as I spun to face her. "Here…" She trailed her hand down my arm softly until she finally found my hand and lifted it up. "Make sure you call me sometime." She placed a pink card in my hand and closed my fingers into a grip before she let go and walked away. My eyes followed her, which I'm sure was what she intended for me to do as she swayed her hips lightly.

I stood dazed for a second before I finally exited the shop, a cold breeze hitting my face and refreshing me. I felt a strange smile lift on my face and I suddenly felt quite giddy over what just happened, my heart beating ever so slightly faster than usual… I smiled at my body's reaction; it's been a long time since I've felt like this, even if it was a small echo of what I still felt for a certain missing love. Emmett's words rung in my ears, clear as a sunny day. _"…you really should think about finding a girl while your there… I really think it could do you some good." _ Maybe Em's advice wasn't a waste after all.

I looked down at the number written in black ink on the very bright pink card and smiled again, a smile that felt foreign to me. I couldn't remember the last time I'd ever smiled a real smile. I looked up; breathing in fresh air… _and that's when I caught site of her._ I had to double look to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me… _and they weren't._ A saw the tiny women, with striking black hair, cut shabbily by the looks of it, rounding the corner to the grocery shop across the street. She stood frozen, startled for a few seconds before she disappeared back around the corner in which she came from… my heart stopped beating altogether as I too froze, staring at the spot the girl once was.

_It couldn't have been her…_

I shook my head at my stupidity, my mouth feeling very dry all of a sudden. I've been thinking too much about her lately. I was just picking her out because she had similar features to my Alice… and because life is just _that _cruel to me. The first time I've finally thought about calling another woman, actually liking another woman and all of a sudden I think I see my lost love again? The girl I had lost eight years ago, a girl I had forced myself to come to terms with the fact she's probably dead… and what? All of a sudden she turns up out of nowhere? It was stupid, irrational and an absurd assumption…

_So why was I walking towards the grocery store…?_

_You have officially crossed the line from lonely and sad to pathetic and the dumbest person alive for actually _thinking_ that there is a chance–_ My own thoughts shut off as I watched her walk back around the corner. I was half way up my side of the roads side walk when I watched her as if in slow motion bump into another woman. My eyes widened and my footing sped up along the path as I carried on walking in the opposite direction that I was supposed to be heading. _This wasn't happening…_ You should be going back to university, not making yourself go more insane!

I continued to argue with myself as I got closer, watching her pick up the strangers groceries and handing her the bags. She looked so lost and confused as she stood nervously on the spot sharing a few words with the woman. Why couldn't I take my eyes away from her and shake the feeling that this was indeed _Alice?_ I gripped my bag tightly and realised I was shaking and my breathing was becoming haggard, my chest heaving visibly as I got even closer towards her. My heart had a mind of its own, beating so widely it almost hurt to breathe.

She stepped around the woman and into the shop, my eyes nearly popping out of their sockets as I searched frantically, begging for the ability to see through walls. I sighed heavily as reality came crashing down upon me, a dilemma I didn't want to face right now… Either I walk away and regret never walking into that shop and facing my fears, causing more heartache for it turn out to be a stranger or I go in there and still face that fear of finding out its not really her…_Well Jasper, you've started this sick obsession and if you leave right now, you will never forgive yourself and it will always nag at you, was it really her? So just go after her…_ I was going to take this advice. Two cars zoomed past me, a third and fourth and a line of more cars were coming up behind them. I was about to chance it in my eagerness to cross the road, but risking the chance of getting killed wasn't worth getting there sooner, she wasn't going anywhere.

I held my left hand up in an attempt to stop the oncoming traffic and saw the pink card still gripped in my palm. I stared at it offensively and dropped it, watching it blow away in the wind without a second glance or another thought. Right now, my mind was on one girl and if this turned out to be indeed a perfect stranger, then I would regret that action another day or maybe never… A car horn sounded and made me jump on the spot. I held my hand up in a thank you gesture as I crossed the road eagerly… _here goes._

--

I entered the shop after successfully crossing the road without an accident. My hands were clenched so tight I was actually surprised I hadn't fused the plastic bag to the palm of my hand… My heart hadn't beaten this fast in a long time. I felt suddenly alive again; all my senses which have been deadened for all these years were slowly waking up. The pull I felt towards this stranger, the stranger I had sickly convinced myself is Alice, was certainly overpowering, it nearly knocked the breath of me. I walked up the first isle straight in front of the entrance and couldn't see the tiny figure anywhere… My heart pulled tight as panic washed through me and disappointment.

I sped up the isle; my feet stumbling as I practically ran to the end. I rounded the corner to the next isle… _she wasn't there. _I ran again, shooting to the end, avoiding shopping trolleys and angry customers. I rounded the corner to the third isle… _she wasn't there. _My heart was threatening to burst from my chest, my breathing and panic causing sudden hyperventilation. _Get a grip of yourself Jasper and stop getting your hopes up!_ I told myself but ignored that thought, angry that my own mind was betraying my emotions.

I bent over; my heavy breathing was choking me. I put a hand over my heart and was startled by how fast it was beating. _This couldn't be healthy…_

"Are you okay?" A shop assistant asked me, a spotty teenage boy with a nasal voice.

"I'm fine, thanks." I heaved out, averting my gaze from his rough face.

"Umm, you don't _look_ fine to me." He spoke in the same annoying, whiny voice.

"Well I am." I stood up and closed my eyes, taking control over my breathing. _I was wasting time doing this…_ I gritted my teeth together, my determination so strong… The little ten year old me whispered in my ears, _I will see her again. _I owed him this, I promised him this.

"Okay, well, if you need anything let me know." He turned around before I had chance to answer him. He was rude on top of everything else… that boy didn't have a chance.

My breathing still wasn't totally under control, it was still roughly coming out in short gasps like I'd just run a marathon, but at least I had the energy to walk and find the girl I was searching for. I was rounding the fifth isle, the snacks isle when I finally found her. I froze on the spot, watching her walk down the isle. Her back was to me but I could see that she was still so tiny and fragile. Her jeans clung to her, showing off her bony figure… _I didn't like how thin she was_. My feet were slowly edging towards her, the pull I felt earlier was drawing me too her…. I continued to take in her appearance. Her hair was indeed cut shabbily, my quick scan of her from a distance before was right. You could tell she had cut it herself. I furrowed my eyebrows together, the sudden worry I felt over her was very strong. _This had to be her. _

I hadn't realised I was holding in a breath, it was as if my instincts were telling me to take it easy and that I can't just go running up to her. _Oh, how I wanted to do just that…_ But I was going to follow those instincts, I knew that if I did run up to her, to spin her around to face me she would freak out and scream bloody murder. Then I'd have to face that nasally, spotty teenager again and a whole lot of trouble afterwards… No, I had to take this slowly; I had to do this just right. The only problem was… _I didn't know _how_ I was going to do this… _As the age old saying goes, it was easier said than done.

I walked closer towards her now, slowly and lightly, trying not to alert her to my presence. _It was taking every ounce of my willpower not to pounce on her and drag her away with me…_ I snapped that thought right out of my head. That wasn't the way to go, I'd already told myself that. Her steps were becoming quicker and more urgent as she nervously ran a shaky hand up and down her left arm. I froze for what felt like the millionth time today, did she sense my presence? I swallowed hard and let her walk away from me a little. I've never actually stalked someone before; I didn't know the rules…

She quickly rounded the corner to the next isle and again I felt panicked at having her out of my sight. I dodged a few more customers, my eyes straight forward as I too joined her in the next isle. She was halfway along by the time I started walking up, dodging past an old woman and her granddaughter. I stared at her back, her posture keeling over slightly as if she was scared to touch anyone around her or holding herself together. She had her head down; her body was shaking as if she were cold… Was she acting so shifty because of me? Was I upsetting her…? _I really hoped not._

She rounded to the next isle as if in a hurry to get somewhere… or something. I hadn't really thought about what exactly her reason was for being here. It hadn't once occurred to me that she was in here to _buy_ something. I focused all my attention on the emotion I was feeling right now, curiosity. It was a welcomed distraction and it soothed my breathing, now slowly getting back to a normal rate. I quickly joined her again, not getting any better at this stalking thing, my steps loudly slapping along the floor, as was hers. She was defiantly either in a hurry or she knew I was following her. _I hoped to God she was in a hurry. _

_When she stopped dead on her track, I knew immediately it was the latter._ I cringed internally. I looked around me and saw that we had arrived in the liquor isle. I froze as she did, not daring to move an inch in case it startled her. I looked to her left and saw she had stopped next to a row of Vodka, I swallowed back more panic and the lump in my throat as a million thoughts ran around in my head. Was this what she wanted to buy? Or was she scared? Did she know I was here? Surly she couldn't be so stupid as to buy alcohol at her age… I had to remind myself again that this might not be her and that I was just jumping to conclusions. I hadn't even seen her face yet to match up the features from my memory to her fresh new ones.

She slowly started to turn her body towards the shelf of Vodka bottles and I immediately, without even giving it a second thought, turned my body around, knowing she now sensed my presence. The game was up… Would she come up to me? Scream at me for stalking her in a shop? In the back of my head I was hoping she would approach me… Maybe she would even recognize me, see that I was her long lost love. Did she remember me? My heart started to flutter as yet more new thoughts clouded my head… Again, in my sudden haste to find her, I hadn't even once thought about that point. _Does she remember me?_

I was just about to turn, hoping to catch her staring in my direction, when I heard her steps tapping along the floor again. I spun on the spot, a dizzy spell blurring my vision. I stopped for a few short seconds, shaking away the sudden head rush and followed her. I sighed in relief to see her hands empty… she wasn't buying alcohol after all. I felt my whole body relax. I slowly this time, rounded the corner, learning from previous experience to keep a safe distance between us. I was just about to head up the last isle when I heard a soft voice behind me.

"Umm… A pack of Black Hawks please." My breathing stopped altogether as I memorized the tone of her voice, the soft way she spoke.

"Excuse me, could I see some ID please?" I was suddenly shaken out of my daze and I finally caught on with the conversation. She was trying to buy cigarettes… The worry was back as I turned around and walked up behind her slowly, but making it seem like I was just an innocent customer and not a stalker eavesdropper. _I have officially sunken to an all time low._

"I don't have any on me… I'm sorry. I am eighteen, I swear." My heart fluttered again and my stomach pulled tight as she spoke her age, in her angelic voice. Everything just came crashing down on me, like having a bucket of water poured down over my head. _Hope_ wasn't a strong enough word on how I was feeling right now, I was so sure this was the girl I've been searching for, for eight years.

I stared at the back of her head, my body locked on the spot. "I'm sorry Miss, but I can't serve you without any identification." To describe my next actions was like having an out of body experience. I stepped forward, my mind taking over my actions while my soul floated upwards and watched the whole thing until it floated back down when I spoke my next words.

"I can get these." She had turned her whole body so she was facing me; I was trying my best not to look at her face. I wasn't ready to see it yet… I wasn't prepared for the disappointment if this wasn't her. I stepped forwards to her right side, my gaze locked on the sales woman. I let out a small sigh; it was easier not to look at her now.

"Do you have any ID, sir?" The sales woman turned her attention to me.

"I do." I was impressed how my voice didn't betray my emotions. I was a complete wreck; it was hard to focus on just one. "Here." I reached into my pocket, my hand shaking slightly as I held up my wallet with my ID tucked inside, in a transparent pocket so I wasn't fumbling every time to get it out. She nodded her head at me and gave me a small smile before she turned her back towards us, leaving the both of us stood side by side, the tension between us as thick as ice. You couldn't have carved it with tools, even if you tried for hours. I handed the sales woman a note and she handed me the pack along with my change. It all happened in silence and I felt beads of sweat form on my forehead.

_Now was the time for action_… I turned around and bent down, angling my face so it was staring at the back of the store and not at her as I whispered in her ear. "Come on." I didn't touch her and I resisted the urge to breathe in her scent as I confidently walked away… I knew she would follow. I had what she wanted; this gave me the perfect opportunity. She could have protested if she didn't want me to buy them… but she didn't. I was beginning to think she was just as curious to find out who I was, as I was with her. _Don't blow this, Jazz._

I walked out of the shop, the feeling of fresh air felt good in my lungs. I strained my ears for some sign of noise that she was following me, but I heard nothing. I was left with two options. I could stand in the entrance and wait for her or I could walk away from the shop and give us some privacy and hope she would follow me. When I looked to my right and saw the corner in which she had come from, I turned towards that and hoped she would have to walk back this way to get back to where she came from. Again more thoughts attacked me… Where was she living now? Did she even have a home? If this is her, it means she's been alive all along… did that mean she _did _run away? I shunned those thoughts away, time for that later, _if this was her. _

My breathing was coming in fast again as I rounded the corner._ Please follow… please follow. _I held my breath and waited until I heard the sound of her coming up behind me. When I knew she had joined me, relief washed over me and I turned to face her… _but still avoided looking at her face._ I was delaying… I knew exactly what this would do to me if this wasn't her. It would send me right back to the start. It would send me right back into my depression. _I would be alone again…_ it would only confirm to me more that she is dead and lost forever. I felt like this was my only chance to see her again. I stopped the tears from falling, but only just as my chest tightened at the new emotions.

"Here you go." I was in control again, not letting her hear the sudden sadness I felt. I've had years of practise with this… I handed her, her pack of cigarettes.

"Umm… Thanks." She spoke in such a small voice, she was nervous around me. She wasn't as good with hiding what she was feeling… but then again, I've always been good at detecting people's emotions around me. Ever since what happened eight years ago, when my emotions were closed off, everyone else's were enhanced around me. They always came crashing down on me, so strong; it was like I shared what they were feeling but was able to hide it deep inside me along with my own, never letting on that I knew. It always made people uncomfortable. "I have the money for the cigarettes, you really didn't need to buy me them for me." Her voice now shook with her nerves. I clenched my hands into tighter fists, controlling my sudden urge to touch her and sooth her.

"There's no need to pay me back, honestly." If I can't touch her, then words were better.

The tension was back… _thick as ice_… I knew it was time to finally look at her. I held my breath, my heart thudding hard against my ribcage. My pulse was ticking behind my ears as I moved my eyes up her face slowly. I saw her lips first; I focused on those for a long time, watching them move as her body still shook like she was cold. I was half expecting to hear her teeth chatter. She surprised me when she darted her tongue out and licked around her top and bottom lip, my eyes darted upwards avoiding that action. I moved up to her nose, I held back a gasp as I pictured a smaller version of it, a memory from when we were younger and we had sat staring at each other on a sunny day, memorizing each others features. Now I came to think of it, I could remember those lips, small and perfect.

My body couldn't have moved even if I told it to, even if someone came running up to me with a gun and screamed in my ear to move or I die. I inspected the rest of her lower face greedily; her cheeks were hollow, thin, pale and gaunt. I felt suddenly annoyed and angry over the tone and prominent features; she looked like she needed to be fed… How could she have let herself get this way?

I moved on quickly, forcing the new emotion away._ It was time to look into her eyes._ I swallowed past the lump in my throat… my shaking was obvious as I heard the bag in my hand shake with me. I slowly moved my eyes up to meet hers… I focused first on the dark make-up, smudged around her eyes, thick and fresh. When they finally landed on her deep brown eyes, almost black, I felt suddenly faint… The image of her complete…

_This was her…_

_I'd found her again…_

_I was staring into the eyes of Alice Cullen…_

I felt my mouth fall open slightly as I stared past her eyes and deep into her soul. I wanted so much to grab her and shout, "I'VE FOUND YOU." But I resisted all urges, not easily, not at all easily… It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I was beyond ecstatic, this was one of the greatest moments of my life, staring into her eyes once more, staring at those lips… those lips that I have kissed numerous times, those lips that I was dying to press against my own once again. And those eyes, those beautiful unique eyes. I remembered from when we were young how girls were jealous over her dark eyes, almost black, so different. It was amazing… I had her here with me.

"Who are you?" She breathed out and I felt my smile drop along with my insides… _She didn't remember me._

I backed away from her; I knew she saw the look on my face as her face too dropped, plain guilt. She had a look on her face like a mother telling their child their pet died… She stayed where she was, still cautious with me. _After all, I was a stranger to her._ I dropped my eyes from her face and whispered. "Jasper. Jasper Hale."

_You know when someone tells you that one day your life could change forever? That you just have to wait for that opportunity to prove yourself or something will come along and change everything… Well today's date is August 3__rd__ 2009 and that day has arrived. _

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_THEY FINALLY FOUND EACH OTHER!!! Oh gosh, we have been waiting for this moment for a very long time and I'm so happy that its finally arrived! I know its sad at the moment, that she can't remember who he is, even though we knew she doesn't and he's obviously hurt and shocked over the fact that she can't remember him. Hes still thinking that she ran away, he has no clue about the life she has lived over the last eight years and what's happened to her with James. _

_The truth over why she can't remember stuff will be revealed shortly, because from now on its just going to be full of answers and shocks and... well i bet you can imagine what next chapter is going to be like! Jasper now has to convince his lost love she she's Alice Cullen and not Mary Witherdale. It's going to be a very emotional chapter next one!_

_WELL. There it is! I know you will ALL be wanting to read next chapter!! SO REMEMBER TO READ AND REVIEW! We will try and get back to you as soon as possible!  
_


	18. 3:00pm

**A/N:**_ Time for another heart wrenching chapter! How quick are we to update? Only two weeks and we come with TWO chapters for you! Yep, thats right ;) _

_Thanks for the amazing reviews! And thanks for everyone who added us to your favourite storys list and story alerts.  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice and Jasper  
_

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August 3rd 2009

**3:00pm**

**APOV**

_Jasper Hale._

The name didn't ring a bell. He back away from me when I asked who he was, his head dropping to the floor, I felt instantly bad for not knowing, I felt like I should from his expression… but the harder I thought the more I knew I had no idea who this guy was or where he came from. He just came at me from nowhere and began following me and now here he is. No matter how hard I willed my brain to think of a connection it wouldn't come up with one. I didn't know this man but looking up into his gorgeous blue eyes he somehow knew me.

Yet… there was definitely something familiar about him. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Maybe it was just because this guy had to be one of the hottest guys I'd ever come face to face with. I didn't know… and it was frustrating as hell.

I took a step towards him and tilted my head more to get a better look of his face. He looked back at me, his face lightening up a little at my close contact; I looked up into his eyes and was startled by what I saw. His gaze was so intense that it made me blush a little. I was frozen on the spot and I didn't dare move. He looked like he had eaten the world's tastiest cookie and won the lottery all in one day. He looked so happy to see me and I strangely felt a little excited about that. I smiled at him a little and he smiled back more enthusiastically. _What the hell was I doing?! I had to get back to James; this guy couldn't get involved with me. It wouldn't end well _for either of us.

And then the fear began to creep in. I didn't know this guy and the last time I had tried to get involved with someone it didn't exactly end in the best of ways. I couldn't like this guy. No, _I wouldn't_ like this guy. Not again. I wouldn't put someone through that kind of nightmare again. It wouldn't be fair to him through that kind of pain. His intense gaze suddenly scared me and this guy was feeling things he shouldn't be feeling towards a girl like me. He should direct those feelings towards a girl who deserves it. A girl who wouldn't break his heart and get him killed.

"Thanks for the cigarettes." I said suddenly, holding them up a little and looking at my feet. "But I gotta go now." I shoved the cigarettes into my hoodie pocket, turned around and began walking away. I had to get away from him fast, before I changed my mind and did something stupid that I would later regret. This was bad. I didn't have a good feeling about this. _Why did everything have to happen to me?_

I could hear him faintly calling to me but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I kept up my pace and tried to block out the noise that was his beautiful voice. I resisted the urge to turn around and let him catch up with me. The way he was looking at me before… his gaze was something I wasn't use to. I wasn't sure what it was but it definitely did scare me a little.

No… it was definitely more then a little. He looked at me as if I was the most beautiful thing in the world and I knew that it was far from being true. I've seen my reflection in the mirror and it wasn't pretty. In fact, it was downright scary. I wouldn't have been surprised if kids ran screaming from me when I walked down the street. I wouldn't blame them because I was that much of a mess.

I sighed and picked up my pace, trying to lose my not-so-secret admirer. I felt someone grab my upper arm and I spun around with my gaze fixed to his hand on my arm and I pulled away just as quickly. "Sorry." He apologized, surprised at my reaction. "I wasn't going to hurt you. I just wanted to talk." I just stood there and stared at him trying to figure out his motives. Why is he so interested in me, it's not like I'm anything special. I was lightly rubbing my hand over the spot where he had grabbed my arm even though he hadn't hurt me but I wasn't going to stop, I needed a distraction from his heart-stopping face. "I'm sorry, I truly am. But I just wanted to talk to you… nothing more. It's important." He pleaded.

I looked at him and I almost gave in. I could tell he was telling the truth and he really did just want to talk to me but it wasn't going to happen. No matter what he said I could not let this happen. He would get hurt in unimaginable ways and I would never forgive myself for it because it would be my fault. I had James and it had to stay that way whether I wanted it to change or not. I couldn't let anymore innocent people have the same fate as Jeff. Nobody deserved that. I had learned my lesson the hard way and now I had to deal with the consequences. I didn't like it but that was my life.

I took in a deep breath and did one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. I really, _really_ didn't want to do this. This guy had been kinder to me then most of the people I had ever met in my life. I had met him for such a short time and now I had to let him go. Life really could be cruel. "I'm sorry Jasper." I said trying to keep my voice steady; I liked the sound of his name on my tongue. "But I can't." I looked up into his eyes and spoke the truth. "It would be best for both of us if I stayed away from you. Please believe what I'm trying to tell you… because it's true."

I turned around for what I thought would be the last time I would ever see him again and walked away. I made my steps quick, hoping he would hear the truth behind my words and he would just stay away. It was too dangerous and he needed to understand that. I tried to put as much feeling behind my words as I could and hoped he caught the desperation in my voice for him to stay away. If something happened to him I don't think I would be able to handle more guilt. It would mean more blood on my hands just because I got close to somebody other than James. I couldn't take the risk.

My stomach dropped when I heard him shouting again, but it was sort of mumbled so I couldn't understand a word he was saying. Why couldn't he just let this go?! He was so freaking determined to talk to me and he was putting both our lives in danger. He began shouting louder and I finally caught what he was trying to say. _That one word made me stop dead in my tracks._

"Alice!"

--

**JPOV**

She stopped… She actually stopped. She stopped and I'm still stood here like an idiot when I should be rushing over to her, trying to make her understand. I took a deep breath and slowly made my way over to her. I had to be brave and cautious about this. I had lost her for too long to screw this up now. I stopped just a bit away from her so she wouldn't feel threatened and spoke her name again, hoping for any recognition. "Alice." I spoke tenderly. She looked up at me with the most confused look on her face. "Alice please, just _listen_ to me." I begged. I was so desperate for her to understand. I knew it was her, I just knew it. I could feel it within every fibre of my being.

At first I thought she was just going to ignore me but then she finally said something. "Alice?" She said confused. "Why would you call me Alice? My name is Mary. Mary Witherdale." Her expression matched her tone…

But now it was my turn to be confused. This is Alice. I knew a hundred percent that this was _my Alice_ but somehow she was calling herself by a different name. Something was definitely not right… Why didn't she know who she was? Maybe I had gotten it wrong… _No!_ I couldn't think like that. I always knew she was alive, I could feel it. This was my Alice and I knew it without a doubt. Sure she looks a lot different than what I expected her to look like but this was her… Her features were different, aged by a few years and she looked like she was having a bit of hard time but everything I knew from looking at her as a kid and the feeling I had when I was around her was still there. _I would not doubt myself again._

"Your name is Alice Cullen. You have to believe me. I know this must be weird for you but I'm telling the truth. Look into my eyes and_ see_ the truth there." She raised her head a little and looked into my eyes. I walked closer to her and thankfully she didn't back up. "You're Alice Cullen, okay? You have one hell of a family that's missed you for far too long and would love and be so damn excited to know that you are alive. You're _alive_ and breathing and well and… and… just here. Living." I was talking more to myself for the last part, but it was all true.

She was slowly shaking her head, refusing to believe my words. "My name is Mary. Stop calling me Alice, it's not my name! I don't know what you're talking about and I don't believe any word of what you're saying." She said stubbornly.

I sighed frustrated and ran a hand through my hair. "No, you're not." I said trying to keep my anger in check. This wasn't her fault; I could tell she wasn't being annoying on purpose. "Your name is _Alice_. Your favourite colour is_ pink_ and you have an unhealthy obsession with Avril Lavigne because you love her music. Your favourite flavour of ice cream is strawberry because it's also pink and your best friend in the whole wide world is standing right in front of you." I was a little out of breath by the end of my little speech.

I took another step towards her and pleaded as hard as I could. "Eight years, Alice. It's been eight years since I've last seen you. Your family has been looking for you. We were all so worried." I looked at her, pleading with my eyes for her to believe me.

She _had_ to believe what I was saying… but the look on her face told me she didn't. I was getting way beyond frustrated but I had to keep my emotions in check. Obviously, something was wrong, she couldn't _not_ remember me. I was an important part of her life, just like she was in mine. This was my Alice and there was no way after all these years wishing for her to come back to me that I was going to lose her now.

"Your family _needs_ you. You're parents, Esme and Carlisle, two of the most kind hearted people I have ever met. Your big brothers Emmett and Edward, they miss you _soo_ much; they want their baby sister back. And Bella and my sister Rosalie, you're best friends." I said fervently. "And most of all… _me_."

I knew Carlisle and Esme loved Alice more then their own lives. She was there baby girl after all. But nothing compares to the love you share with your soul mate. _Nothing._ And I think Carlisle and Esme would agree whole heartedly. They were two different kinds of love. Alice was my reason for living and still is. She was like the air I breathed. Much needed. I couldn't survive without her. And I honestly don't know how I had gotten through the years without her so far.

I know for sure that I wouldn't have made it without my family and friends. If it wasn't for them, I don't know if I'd still be here right now. "Your friends have missed you so much." I was desperate for her to understand. "Mike Newton, Jessica Stanley, Angela Webber, Eric Yorke." I said listing off names, hoping at least one would ring a bell. "Even Lauren Mallory and we didn't even like her that much!" I gave a shaky laugh at the end.

I was hoping something would click and she would remember and not look at me like I was crazy. It was true what I was saying. They were our friends. Even Lauren we tolerated because we didn't want to leave her out. Even if she was the biggest bitch Alice and Bella didn't want to leave her out. Rosalie couldn't give a crap and I would have sided with her if Alice hadn't felt so strongly against it. I would have gone to the ends of the Earth and back if she told me to… _I was that whipped._

"Look." She said firmly. "My name is Mary, okay? Ma-ry. Not Alice… Mary. Maybe you've got the wrong person because I'm not who your looking for." I was about to interrupt her little rant when she held her right hand up to stop me and dropped it. "No. You need to get this into your head… I'm Mary." She said pointing to herself. She then held up left her hand and I swear my heart stopped beating. "I'm married. I have someone waiting for me and I _have_ to go. So let me."

I felt numb. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the gold ring on her finger. It was all I could focus on. That someone had placed a ring on her finger and had done what I thought was lost to me. I couldn't believe it. After all these years wishing for her to come back to me and then with some struck of luck I finally find her, only to find someone had already taken her heart.

I wanted to be the one to put a ring on her finger, to celebrate our love and flaunt it to the world. What I felt for her and what she was supposed to feel for me was something not everyone had in their lifetime. I use to feel sorry for single people, not having what we had, only to end up like the rest of them. I wanted to marry her and someone had gotten there first. It wasn't fair. I sounded like a whining child but I didn't care, it was true. _This felt like a nightmare in a way._

On one hand my Alice was alive and actually breathing which was more then I could have hoped for. But on the other… she was married. Something I had only dreamt about doing with her since I first knew what it would mean to marry that certain someone close to your heart. To say those binding words and give yourself completely to the person you love most in the world and couldn't live without. Alice had already taken that step without me. _And that's what hurt the most._

--

**APOV**

I was so confused and more scared then before, as much as I would like for it to be true… I didn't have a family. And I never would. This guy was sprouting facts about _me_ that I didn't even know. How could he know more about me then I did? It just wasn't possible. Confused was a bit of an understatement at this point.

James was the only guy who knew me inside and out. He could tell what I was feeling and sometimes thinking just from the look on my face. I could sometimes hide my expression and what I was feeling from him because of years of practice. There were just some things I didn't want him to know and there were times I didn't want him to figure out what I was feeling and just be left alone. That was starting to happen a lot recently but I don't know if he noticed or even cared.

And then there's Jasper who claims to know my life story. It was so far-fetched it was just too hard to believe. _Me_ having a family out there somewhere all this time… it was just too damn hard to believe and I wouldn't get my hopes up. Hoping never did any good for nobody. Especially me. Hopes and dreams just come crashing down around you and it hurts like a bitch. I learnt young not to dream it was just easier not too.

So ignoring the crap he was sprouting was fairly easy. This guy 'Jasper' was apparently my best friend and I had a whole family who missed me. If this was true, how didn't anybody find me sooner? This just made no sense. My patience was growing thin and I hated when people messed with other people's feelings. I was starting to dislike this guy.

"Ali-" He began.

"No!" I said finally, cutting him off. "I'm getting bored of this and I need to be somewhere important. It's not funny to mess around with people's feelings like this. So just leave me the hell alone and go on your merry way." Maybe _now_ he'll make the right decision and choose to listen to my words.

"But I'm telling the truth. Why won't you believe me?" _Or maybe not._

"Look. You're crazy, okay? How many times will it take for you to understand that my name is _Mary_. I'm married. And I have places to go and people to see. So just fuck off and don't speak to me again!" My words got louder at the end till an almost shout. I do _not_ have time for creeps like this. James was waiting and if I took too long he was bound to get suspicious. If I valued my life, which is sometimes questionable, I couldn't afford for him to get suspicious.

"_Please, please_ don't go. I'll get on my knees and beg if you want… just please don't go. I can't lose you again." He begged. And there it was. That look again. That look that said, _you're the most important person in my whole world right now. I can't eat… can't sleep… can't think without you being by my side…_

Was it getting a little claustrophobic in here or was it me? I knew it was me since we were standing outside. But I couldn't stand him looking at me like that. It wasn't right and it wasn't something I deserved. A person like me didn't deserve to be loved by anybody. It was the truth and something I had to live with everyday of my life. It hurt at first but I soon got over it. I shook my head and looked away. I needed to get away from here. I needed to be anywhere in this world that wasn't near _him_. I stepped away from him as fast as I could and took off down the street, taking him off guard. He didn't expect me to be so fast and to honest neither did I. I guess I really wanted to get away from him that bad.

I then realised that what I was running to wasn't any better. A dying guy on the floor… surrounded by more blood than I thought the human body was capable of. That was an image I knew would forever burn in my memories and haunt my nightmares. But I couldn't stay here and talk to this lunatic. So if it meant I had to face James and a nearly dead Jim, then so be it. It would just be another thing for me to deal with and get over.

I was running as fast as I could and I could see the end of the street. If only I could just reach my destination in time before Mr. Crazy caught up with me. I thought I had lost him until once again I heard foot steps behind me. This was beginning to get old real fast. "Alice! Alice, wait!" He called after me.

Couldn't I catch a break! This guy just couldn't take _'So just fuck off and don't speak to me again!_' as a hint. I rounded the corner with Jasper hot on my heels and saw the ambulance outside Jim's house. I skidded to a stop and started to back up until I was around the corner and walked into something hard losing my balance. I had no doubt about who it was. Strong arms grabbed a hold of mine to steady me and I froze.

"Let go of me." I said through gritted teeth.

"Sorry… I didn't want you to fall." He said apologetically. I sighed and rubbed my hand over my face. I didn't want to be this mean to him, I was just frustrated. This guy didn't understand how much danger he was putting himself in. I felt the beginnings of a headache forming and dropped my hands from my face.

I looked up at him and stared long and hard. I couldn't figure this guy out, what his motives were or why he would even be so interested in me. I wasn't pretty or interesting to talk to in anyway. I was trouble with a capital T.

"Fine." He sighed. "I'll leave you alone. But just think about what I said, okay? Because the things I said were nothing but the truth."

I kept on looking at him and slowly nodded my head. I didn't know what else to do. I can't believe he actually gave in and was going to leave me alone. I sighed, feeling a little relieved.

"If you remember anything… _anything_ at all, you meet me tonight. Meet me at the park by the shops at eight. You know where that is?" I nodded and he smiled a little.

"Eight o'clock tonight at the park near the shops if I remember something. Got it." I turned and walked around the corner finally heading in the right direction and I didn't look back. I tensed a little, waiting for the foot steps that I was sure were to follow and I wasn't disappointed.

I could feel him right at my back and then I noticed something that made my blood run cold. _James_. He was stood by the ambulance not really doing anything in particular. I spun around and pushed at Jasper. "You need to leave. _Now_." I said fear apparent in my voice.

He noticed the fear in my eyes, I could tell. He nodded softly and began to walk away but not before reminding me one more time. "Park. Eight o'clock tonight. Don't forget." I just nodded my head hurriedly, willing for him to leave already. It wouldn't do any of us any good for James to catch us now. It would just be my luck that he would see us together right before I finally convinced Jasper to leave me the hell alone.

I walked away from him and towards James. That was way too close, even for me. My heart was beating so fast I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. It felt like it was trying to escape my chest with the fierceness of it. He just had to push it and remind me one more time about the stupid park. I had no intention of actually going to the park. Even though part of me did want to go but it just wouldn't happen. James would never let me go out at that time of day, especially after what had happened today with Jim.

I felt bad for having to lie to him and tonight he would go to the park and wait for me. He would be upset that I didn't show up and I might even hurt his feelings or disappoint him… but at least he would be alive.

_I can be inspirational… I can be depressing… I can be extremely selfish… I can be extremely selfless… I can be the happiest person you know… I can be the most down person you know… I could be your everything… But I could never be your nothing…_

* * *

_It's just so sad :( We want them to be happy! We want her to believe him... but if were going to do this realistically, put yourself in her shoes and you would think Jasper was crazy too! Carrie-Ann did an amazing job with this chapter, I'm really happy with the way it came out! This was a huge chapter for us, so i hope it was good enough for you all!  
_

_Next chapter, time for her to face the beast that is James... and it ain't gunna be pretty :( _

_READ AND REVIEW!  
_


	19. 4:00pm

**A/N:**_ Sadly no Jasper this time, but he will be back next chapter! I won't say much here, I'll let you get on and read it...  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

_

* * *

_

August 3rd 2009

**4:00pm**

**APOV**

As I got closer towards James, my emotions were running wild around my head; I was confused but mainly scared. This walk down the street seemed to stretch on and on and I felt grateful for that. I wasn't ready to face James just this moment, I knew as soon as he sets those beady eyes on me he would see right through me and know something was up. For that I was most petrified. What would he do if he ever found out what I'd been told today? Would he laugh in my face? Highly unlikely, although it was a completely ridiculous situation and quite laughable in its own sick and twisted way… to him at least. Or would he lash out at me for simply bringing it up, even though I believed none of it? Highly likely, especially with what we were going through right now. I gritted my teeth together, holding back about fifty curse words, which I was just dying to scream out loud.

Why the hell did this have to happen right now? Why the hell did I have to run into a lunatic and be told these lies… these sick and fucked up lies? Jaspers words spun in my head like a broken record. One of the worst parts was I wanted so much to believe him… I mean, I am only human, I still liked the thought that this life wasn't meant for me. But I knew better. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up. I knew it wasn't true; I was just trying to believe it when I shouldn't. _It was all lies…_

Another weird emotion that joined my fear was _disappointment_. I felt like I had to _force_ myself to walk away from the crazy guy behind me, like I was leaving someone who is important to me behind, when in fact it should be common sense and automatic to want to get as far away from him as possible. I knew I was being fucking stupid… Here I was walking towards my _husband_, a police car and an ambulance waiting to join him to witness his best friend be carted out of the house, dying on a gurney and yet I was feeling disappointed and almost guilty about leaving a random guy who I'd just met today, who had told me I'm not Mary Witherdale but Alice Cullen… _Could my life get any worse?_

I could feel eyes on the back of my head as I worked my way closer towards my living nightmare. A part of me wanted to turn around and run back to him. The look back into those ocean blue eyes, there was no denying his feelings and that he truly believed I was this girl Alice. I felt oddly comforted by his presence, liked I'd missed it… I stopped dead in my track and took in a few deep breaths. I wanted to scream out loud, pull at my hair and just cry my little heart out. These emotions were just fucking with my head.

_He was a stranger… He was a stranger… He was a stranger… You don't know him… You shouldn't feel anything towards him… He's a fucking stranger!_ I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled at the roots in two tight fists. I was struggling hard to keep everything under control… _Jim dying,_ the image still solid and fresh in my head. _James waiting for me_ at the end of the street, waiting besides the ambulance and the police car. _Jasper watching me_ from behind, I could feel his gaze like I had in the shop, the new information making everything worse, my feelings spiralling out of control. _Heroin._ Sweet Heroin, I've never wanted it so bad in my entire life.

My breathing was coming out in sharp gasps as I tried to close myself off from everything that was happening. This was just too much for one girl. Surly now was the time I would finally explode and everything would just _end._ Too much had happened today in too short of a time, too many things, too many new memories added to my already box full of nightmares… But I had to keep going, I had to keep moving, I had to join him today, now. I wasn't sure who I was talking about, my heart was screaming for me to turn around and join Jasper, but my head knew better, my feet walked straight towards James.

I held back a sob because this was for the best, I couldn't danger Jaspers life. I couldn't put another man through what happened to Jeff, looking into those blue eyes, feeling his love crash down on me, I knew right then I couldn't let that happen to him. I'd made my choice and I was going to stick to it.

"I'm sorry Mr Witherdale." A man dressed in a green long sleeved shirt and green matching trousers said to James. I was nearly right behind him now; I could almost reach out and touch his back if I wanted to. "We did everything we could… Does he have any family you could contact?" James shook his head unable to talk. The paramedic gave him one last look of concern before he walked off.

My mouth felt dry as it finally struck me. Jim was dead… _he was gone. _"James…" I whispered and he turned around, his face blank, dead. My heart started beating widely at that expression, it was worse than I thought. It was never good seeing James in this mood. "He's gone?" I hadn't meant it to be a question; I knew it was a fact. James nodded his head in response, those dark eyes never moving from my face. I wanted to look away but I felt trapped in that gaze. "When…" I couldn't bring a sentence together; my head was just overloaded on information.

I looked behind him, two paramedics; both male carrying a body bag out laid upon a gurney caught my eye. My heart was hammering so fast now, I wanted to look away, a part of me even wanted to unzip the bag and see for myself that the second living nightmare in my life was truly dead. I didn't know how to feel about his death… I knew I should be ecstatic, but I felt oddly sad, it was unnerving. I'd known Jim for nearly as long as I've known James, he's been part of my tortured life for the past eight years. I'd known him and he was evil, sure, but he was still a part of my life that had been taken away…

"We need to get out of here." He grabbed my arm and led me towards his car. I realised I hadn't thought of Jasper once since finding out, somehow it didn't seem important in this second, it was strange. I followed James, staring at the back of his blonde hair, I was scared shitless. I didn't know what he was going to do in this mood; I didn't want to think about what awaits me at home. He opened my side of the car door and pushed me in quite forcefully. I was shaking from head to toe. I opened my mouth to say something but he wasn't looking at me, he slammed my door shut, speeding to his side of the car in an almost inhuman speed. He climbed in and the tension in the car was a mixture of his anger and my fear. It was thick and it tingled along my skin.

I swallowed and kept my head facing the front of the car. He pulled back in reverse and made an illegal U-turn in the middle of the road, thankfully all the police members at the crime scene were in the house and not watching. He drove towards the direction where Jasper was, my whole body tensed as I fort the urge not to turn my head and look to the left to see if he was there… but I caught a glimpse of his figure, his face, the image clear as if I'd been standing in front of him. I was suddenly aware of the feeling that if his beautiful face was the last face I saw besides James, I would die happy.

--

He walked into the house first, his stride quick and confident. I trailed up behind him, my steps small and hesitant. I was scared, more scared than I've ever been in my entire life. I stepped through the doorway, the darkness of our shabby home washing over me. It was poorly lit, the dirty window letting light thought it in a haunted way. I stayed still, even when I heard the door slam shut behind me. His shadowed loomed over me, my hands were shaking violently and I struggled to hold in a sob that was begging to be released. "I needed you today…" He whispered; his voice one tone, as dead as his expression. "I really fucking needed you and you weren't there…" He pressed his body against mine; I felt his hot breath on the back of my neck.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered.

"Where did you go?" He whispered directly into my ear.

"I went to buy some cigarettes." It was the truth, not the whole truth but the truth.

"Why don't I believe you?" He growled, pressing his body even closer to mine and he grabbed the tops of my arms with his hands to stop me from falling forwards.

"I don't know…" My voice caught in my throat and I felt tears poor down my face. The cigarettes felt like they were burning a hole in my pocket, the proof was there.

"I'll tell you why…" He turned me around and slapped me hard across the face, my head snapped to the side and I let out a startled cry. "Because you're a fucking liar. Do you enjoy me hurting you, _Mary_?" He spat my name like it was something dirty in his mouth.

"No." I whimpered again, my legs felt faint and if it weren't for his hands holding me up, I would have collapsed in a heap. He scrunched his face up; squeezing my arms with everything he had until I cried out in my pain. "Please stop it James… your hurting me." He let me go, throwing me to the floor. I knew he was just taking his anger out on me, his best friend had died and whenever he's overcome with emotions that he can't handle, I'm his punch bag to release that stress.

"Prove it." I didn't understand his question.

"What?" My voice shook.

He kicked me hard in the shin and I cried out again. "I said, _prove it_." He growled each word. I was still confused over the question; did he want me to prove I had cigarettes or that I didn't like him hurting me? The first I could prove, the second was impossible. My hands were shaking and my vision was blurred but I managed to pull out the cigarettes from my pocket, throwing the pack on the ground next to me. He bent down to my level and picked them up, I whimpered away from him until I was pressed against the wall, my legs brought up to my chest. I held my hurt my leg, rubbing my hand up and down it soothingly. "How did you buy these?" He turned to me, his eyes completely black.

I swallowed my fresh fear and looked away from him. "I… I had money in my pocket-" He interrupted me and I let him, shutting up instantly.

"You didn't have ID on you." He accused me.

"I know…" I breathed out. _Oh fuck_… he was going to find out.

"And what? They just let you buy them… no ID, no questions, no nothing?" He said in almost a dark laugh.

"Y-yes." I stammered and he caught the lie.

"Liar." He launched at me and pulled me to his body, his hand in my hair. He pulled my neck back so his mouth was at my throat. "Tell me the truth." He tugged again and I let out yet another cry from the pain. Tears poured down the sides of my face and into my ears.

"Someone bought them for me." I would try to keep Jasper out of this for as long as I could, even if it killed me.

"Who bought them for you?" He pulled again and I whimpered, managing to hold back a cry this time.

"I don't know who he was… he offered and I let him." _Shit Mary_… you didn't have to say he, you could have lied and said it was a girl.

I felt his body tense underneath me; his breathing was coming out fast and hot on my neck. "Who was this _he_?" He growled again.

"I don't know who he was… I've never met him before." It was the truth again, but not the whole truth; I couldn't give him the whole truth.

He let me go, throwing me on the floor in front of him and stood up. He walked off towards our bedroom; I stayed on my side and sobbed, bringing my legs up to my chest. I had a strong feeling that this was it… I've never actually felt like I was going to be killed by James before, I've feared him to the point where I could have died from a heart attack, but never have I imagined I would actually die at his hands. I always thought it would be drugs that would be kill me, my weakness that would end my sorry excuse of a life. But right now I feared James's beast, he was going to be the death of me and I knew it… _I was finally scared of dying. _

I stayed quiet, silencing my sobs until they just shook my body more violently. I was listening out for him, any sound that alerted me to his presence… but it was silent for a very long time. I felt numb now, I welcomed the feeling and it would be help when James finally killed me. I wouldn't feel anything, I hoped. Only time will tell how he will do it, maybe he was away plotting my death now, thinking over how he would do it. Would he stab me to death? He has easy access to knives in the kitchen. Would he suffocate me, strangle me to death? Easily done, we have pillows and he has hands, I think he would enjoy it, the thrill of his hands enclosing around my neck, squeezing the life out of me… but James was more physical than that, he would string it out. I think he would beat me to death, torture me.

Tears still fell down my face, but I didn't feel them, I didn't feel anything, even the image of a disfigured me lying in a pool of my own blood, gutted where a knife had plunged into me over and over again didn't faze me. A new image of me formed after that, me lying face up in the air, bruises around my neck fitting the palms of his hands, dead, pale and cold… I finally shuddered at the final image. I was Jim in this image, everything that had happened to him, bones sticking from my skin, my face unrecognizable, a perfect replica of him but me lying in James's arms instead. Whatever would happen to me, I would now have to get used to the idea of dying and that this was my last night.

I heard his steps coming back into the living room, I heard him open a kitchen draw to pull something out and slam it shut. I felt like I was swallowing my heart, the lump in my throat impossibly large. Reality was kicking in; my whole body was coming alive as realisation hit me… I was going to die; he was going to kill me. I uncurled myself and sat up straight, pushing myself against the wall again. I watched him step from the dark and into a bit of light that had gotten through the window, a knife hung in his hand along with what looked like a tie. "You _will_ tell me who he was…" He said, his voice one level, dead.

I stood up quickly and darted for the door, I didn't want to die. _I wasn't ready!_ He grabbed my before I got there, throwing me back on the ground. I cried. "James, please don't do this… I don't know who he was, he was a stranger. Please believe me!" I pleaded but it was no use, his beast had taken over, he wasn't the James I knew anymore.

He stepped forwards and lunged at me, I didn't struggled when his body collided with my back, my front pressed to the ground. I knew it was dangerous with the knife in his hands, and my natural instincts were to stay alive and to do anything that would keep me that way. Staying still would keep me alive for that little bit longer… He bent his body over me, his head near my left ear. "Stay still." That same dark laugh tinged in his words, it scared me still. I couldn't have moved even if I wanted to.

He slammed the knife down into the wooden floorboards next to me and I screamed out loud, he laughed darkly. I was crying, loud and full of fear, he didn't shush me, I think he was enjoying it. He grabbed the top of my arms which were pinned to my side; he bent down to my level again. "Put your arms out in front of you." He let go so I could do as he asked. I wormed them up so they were out straight. He pressed his chest against my back and almost softly, lightly trailed his fingers up the lengths of my arms, pressing himself further into me so he was almost lying flat on me, minus his legs straddling my lower body.

I knew it was an awkward position for him, but he didn't seem bothered by it. I saw the tie trail up the right side of my arm and I started to cry harder. "Please James…" I whimpered but he wasn't listening to me again. He brought the tie up so it wrapped around my right wrist, he roughly brought my left to my right and started to tie them together. I continued to beg him, not struggling, there was no point in that. Once I was tied together he climbed off of me, pulling the knife from the floor. I put my head into the ground and said my prayers.

"Get up." I did as he asked, it was difficult to do but I managed without his help. I turned around so I was facing him, my wrists tied at my thigh. He came up to me and grabbed my hair again, he turned me around so my body was at his front and he angled my head so the knife hit my throat and he could speak in my left ear. "Now you're going to tell me everything that happened…" I swallowed past the lump again and nodded. I could keep Jasper's name out of it, but I had to tell him what he'd told me. I wasn't going to make the same mistake I'd made with Jeff, I would satisfy his needs, but I wouldn't give him a name; I would let him kill me.

"He never told me his name." I began and he pulled at my hair.

"Liar." He pressed the blade into my throat a little, I felt the sharp edge but he hadn't drawn blood, I didn't feel it pierce my skin.

_Lie Mary._ "Okay… his name was Mike." I said more confidently now. Jasper had named a few of his friends back in Forks which were apparently friends of Alice too. It was the first name that came to my mind; I was struggling to remember if he told me a second name. I felt bad for using this poor guy, but James would never track him down…

"Mike what?" He growled.

I began to say he didn't give me a name but then I remembered. "Mike Newton, his name was Mike Newton." You couldn't tell I was lying, if there was any tint to my words it was fear.

"What did this Mike want with you?" He pulled my neck further back and I was now finding it a little hard to breathe.

"He told me lies, nothing but lies." I replied, stringing this out a little longer for time to think.

"What did he want with you?" He repeated again, angrier. _Shit. _

_Mary, just tell him. _"He told me about a girl he knew a girl called Alice." His whole body tensed, stiff as a board.

"What did you just say?" His voice held a hint of fear; it startled me and scared me more.

"Alice." I whispered, my voice shaking hard with my tears. He let me go and I ran forwards away from him. I turned around to see him staring at me like I was an alien. He pointed the knife at me and came slowly towards me.

"What did this Mike say to you exactly?" That same fear and disbelief was there.

"He told me that my real name was Alice." I admitted. "That my name wasn't Mary. He never gave me a last name, he was scared himself and he believed I was this girl, it was completely insane." I was glad I'd managed to keep the last name out of it; the last thing I wanted was for the Cullen family to be hunted down by this monster. I now regretted giving him Mike's last name, would he hunt him down after he kills me? _Oh for fuck sake, what have I done? _

"Go on." He growled stepping closer to me with the knife still gleaming in my direction.

"He… he told me about a family she has back home, that they miss her terribly. Apparently she has childhood friends still wanting her to come home too." I bowed my head and tried to hide the sorrow I felt for Alice from my eyes.

"You believed him…" He accused me and I looked up straight away.

"No… no I didn't. If I believed him I wouldn't have come back home. I'd have gone James. I'd have left you." I said matter of fact.

"What else did he tell you?" He was being hesitant with me, I couldn't understand it.

"Nothing, nothing at all. He was scared like I said, he didn't tell me much. I didn't want to hear it anyway; I walked off and left him." I tried to work hard at solving the situation, saving Mikes life from my stupid mistake of confessing his last name. "I don't think he was a hundred percent in believing it himself that I was this Alice girl, the look behind his eyes told me he didn't believe it, not really…" I bowed my head again. "He seemed lonely and sad like he would believe any girl matching the description would be her." I hoped that that would save Mike's life… I really hoped.

It didn't save me though, James was being cautious with me but I knew this wasn't over. His face was a perfect mask hiding his emotions; I wanted to ask him why he was being this way with me… He walked forwards and grabbed my tied hands, pulled me to his body. He brought the flat side of the knife to my face and trailed it down the side of my face; I started trembling in his arms with fear. It was too close to my eye, too close to too many features which he would easily cut off. He trailed the sharp tip of the blade down my scruffy hair and finally looked me in the eyes. "_Well_… that was interesting." His face lit with humour that only he understood. My eyes widened.

He pulled my body more forcefully towards his and brought my lips to his, he kissed them softly, running his tongue along my bottom lip, tasting me. His tongued trailed along my cheek until his lips were at my right ear. "If I ever find out you were lying… " He trailed off, no need to finish the sentence, I got the picture. He backed away from me and pulled at my tied hands, pulled my body with him.

"What are you doing James?" I asked; fresh tears of fear started to pour down my face. He dragged me towards the second bedroom and I remembered what was in there… "No please… not again, please." I begged him, pulling against his grip. He showed me the knife again and I stopped, I let him drag me away with him. He pulled me through the door and chucked me on the bed like I meant nothing to him at all. My back stomach collided with the edge and I scrambled so I was sat on top, my back to the wall so I could watch his every move.

He kept his eyes on me the whole that he peeled the floorboards back, bit by bit revealing the dark wooden coffin hidden away in the large hole. Once he was done he turned to me. "We either do this the hard way… or the easy way. It's your choice." His face was plastered with a smirk that I wanted so much to punch off. I stood up from the bed, watching him lift the lid of the coffin. I walked towards the edge and lowered myself in… "I'll be back for you soon." And the lid closed down on me shunning me from the light.

I heard him lock the locks, the sounds echoing in the small space. I didn't hear him put the floorboards back in their place above me; I just heard his feet shuffle along the floor until the slam of the door told me I was alone. I finally let a sob escape, I finally let myself feel what was happening, feel fear and the hope that I was going to live another day… I was worried for Mikes life though, it was sinking in that he could possibly track him down… there was something behind James gaze that scared me a lot, it was almost like he believed the story I was telling him, or scared I would believe it. It confused me even more.

Until I met Jasper, until I saw that love behind his eyes, true love, I'd wanted to die. But right now, locked away in this small space, my breathing haggard as I sucked in breaths through the small air hole in the lid, I really wanted to see him again, I wanted to survive the rest of the day and night… _I wanted to believe him._

_I finally feel like I've woken up from the permanent nightmare that is my life, I finally feel like I can start living…What a shame its come at the wrong time and in the wrong situation. _

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_Well... i can say now that chapter 21 will answer the big burning quesiton. What happened to Alice, why cant she remember? Well your gunna find out! Like we told you before, the drama began and will continue... time for answers! _

_We will try update soon like this again with two chapters! I hope you enjoyed these chapters, even though they were sad._

_READ AND REVIEW. Until next time, thanks for reading!  
_


	20. 5:00pm

**A/N: *The Authors note we left was replaced by this chapter.***

_I don't even think sorry is a stronger enough word for how we feel. The loss of internet on Carrie-Ann's behalf was a complete pain, but two chapters are finally here!  
_

_MANY MANY MANY thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed previous chapters! We are sooo happy were past 100 reviews! It was our target for UnForgiven and we were so proud when we reached that, our target for this story was to get more reviews than that, so make sure you keep reviewing!! Thanks again to those who added us to your story alert and favourites list... enough from me, ENJOY._

_**Disclaimer:**__ Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **__Jasper_

_

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_

August 3rd 2009

**5:00pm**

**JPOV**

I knew it wasn't just my imagination when I saw the fear in her eyes. I didn't know it was even possible for someone to be so afraid and it made me wonder what could have made her so terrified to put that feeling there. I didn't want that feeling to be there in the first place and it just made me more curious as to who it was that made her feel this way. Because I knew once I found out who it was, I was going to make them regret it. This was _my_ Alice and she should feel nothing but love and happiness.

She was so scared and it made me sad for her because she was nothing like the Alice I remembered. She wasn't perky and full of life, smiling and laughing at every little thing, bringing joy to anybody and everybody around her. She was the exact opposite. She looked scared, sad and so withdrawn from the world. Keeping everyone around her at a distance and not letting anybody get to close or break that wall she's put up for herself. She didn't want anybody seeing how much she was hurting and it gave me more confidence to get to the bottom of her pain.

I watched her walk away but made sure I would go unnoticed. She didn't once look back to see if I was still here. It was obvious she didn't want anyone to see her talking to me… or just maybe a _certain_ someone. I carried on watching until she reached the ambulance and police cars swarming the streets. I saw her tense and realised why. A guy had approached her and even from here I could tell she was uncomfortable with how little space there was between them. He grabbed her by the arm a little more rough than I would have liked and realised my fists were scrunched up in tight balls beside me and I was shaking furiously.

This guy, whoever he was, was seriously pissing me off. I was suddenly very jealous. This guy, who from the looks of things didn't treat her like the Goddess she was, got to be close to her, to touch her and feel her warmth and he took it for granted. He treated her like a rag doll as he pushed her into a car, his presumably and I just wanted to go over there and push him around to see how he liked it. Maybe throw a punch or two… I haven't decided yet.

All I wanted to do was run over there, gather her up in my arms and keep running until I got her safely away from any danger where I could protect her and make her happy for the rest of our days. I didn't like her being so upset and all I could do was stand here helpless with nothing to do but to sit on the sidelines and watch as she worked her way through the anger and pain that filled her.

I sighed frustrated and watched as the car started and made a sharp U-turn in the middle of the street. I panicked a little when I realised what that would mean… they would be then heading in my direction. I made sure to look inconspicuous and kept my head down but raised it a little as the car got closer and I took a quick peek and noticed Alice didn't even so much as glance in my direction as she passed by. I was filled with sadness and anger at that fact. Maybe if she wasn't so damn scared of this guy she would have. I couldn't be mad at her and I wouldn't be. This wasn't her fault… it was _his_.

I continued to watch as they drove away and a feeling in the pit of my stomach told me I should follow them. Without realising what I was doing I turned around and ran in the direction me and Alice had just come from. It was as if my feet had a mind of their own and they knew where it was I wanted to go. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I felt like the thumping sound was surrounding me. It was all I could hear.

All I could think about was Alice getting into that car and being driven away by that arsehole. My mind swirled around with pictures and memories from our childhood but my body was another matter. It felt like I wasn't really there… as if I was having an out of body experience and I was just waiting for the moment it would end.

I remember feeling almost the exact same thing as I was now when I ran into her house the day I found out she had disappeared. Except then I was full of dread and horror knowing something was seriously wrong. I wouldn't let myself feel those things now. I would make this work… I _will_ save her.

Before I knew what was happening I was picking up an old metal pole from the side of the road and weighed it in my hands. I strode towards the first car I saw, pulled back my arms and brought them back around and struck the drivers side window with as much force as I could. Glass shattered everywhere and the car alarm went off. I started to panic more then ever and my breaths were coming out short and haggard. I took in a deep breath and calmed myself until I could think straight.

I cleared the remnants of glass and opened the door slinging my bag onto the passenger seat. I slammed the door shut and began to hotwire the car as fast as I could with shaking hands. The memory of the last time I tried something like this was fresh in my mind.

"Hey! That's my car! What the hell do you think your doing?!" A man bellowed.

I jumped and shot up taking a look at my surroundings. A guy with a beer gut was coming out of his house with the angriest look I have ever seen. I kept myself as calm as possible and went back to concentrating on the task at hand. I could hear the guy pounding his feet down his porch and my heart pounded harder with every step he took.

"_Come on… come on…_" I whispered to myself, my fingers shaking but working fast.

"Your gunna pay for that you little shit!" He yelled.

He was almost to the car now and I was about to give up when the sound of the car started. It almost brought tears of happiness and relief to my eyes. I put the car into gear and set off just as the guy got to the car and banged his fist on the side. I caught a glimpse of the guy in the wing mirror. He was shaking his fist angrily in the air and sprouting out as many insults as possible.

I turned my attention back to the road and had a sudden excited feeling in my stomach. I can do this. I knew I could. I would find Alice and bring her home. As I drove through the streets hoping to find Alice, the memory of the last time I did such an act came to mind.

_Three years ago_

_I couldn't stand feeling this way anymore. The sadness and loss I felt was slowly eating away at me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I tried everything I could think of to get rid of the pain. I tried smiling more, being happy more around my family and friends. Thinking eventually I would end up feeling truly happy and would be able to go on with my life like everyone else. But it didn't help me to feel any better and I don't think it worked because I too scared I would forget. And that was the last thing I wanted to do. My memories of her were all I had left. I couldn't let them go too._

_It didn't fool my family and friends for a second either. I could tell just by looking into their eyes that they were worried and probably waiting for that moment when I would finally snap. I was determined not to breakdown like everyone was expecting but it was a lot harder then I thought it would be._

_Most teenagers wouldn't get what I was going through. Hell, some grown ups might not get it either. It was just one of those things that you wouldn't be able to understand unless you had been through it yourself._

_I sighed and took another mouthful of vodka from the bottle I had in my hands. I was currently up it the tree house where me and Alice would play for hours, endlessly. I lay down and peered through the small window, watching the stars. I tried counting them one by one before getting frustrated, so instead I tried to make out as many shapes as I could. Alice and I would lay here for hours at night until our parents would call us in claiming we'd catch a cold if we weren't careful. We didn't care. We didn't even notice how cold it was because we were so entranced by the glowing stars up above._

_I rubbed my hands over my face and felt them become wet. I hadn't even realised I was crying. I was so sure I could feel her here… smell the scent of her… hear her joyous laugh that would always ring in the air like a melody. A small sob escaped me and I didn't want to do this anymore. It's been six years and I felt just as alone now, as I did the day she left me._

_I rolled over and dried my tears away with the back of my hand. I tried sitting up but my head spun and I immediately lay back down holding my head with my free hand. I waited a few minutes before trying again slowly. When I finally got into a sitting position without throwing up anywhere I put the cap back on the bottle and threw it out threw the doorway. I waited for the sound it would most likely make and hoped it wouldn't break. I heard a dull thud as it hit the grass and sighed in relief._

_I got to my feet and made sure I was steady before heading for the ladders so I could make my down. I started the climb back down unsteadily, my feet slipping every now and again. When I almost reached the bottom I couldn't be bothered with the rest of the steps so I jumped, landing on my feet then tumbling over onto my butt. I started patting the grass with my hands, searching for the bottle when a light from the Cullen's house came on. I panicked and began searching frantically for the bottle. The moment I lay my hands on it I gripped it as tight as I could and I got the hell away from there._

_I ran in the direction of my house and didn't stop even though my lungs were burning so hard I felt as though I was burning from the inside out. When I finally saw my house, I slowed down but I didn't stop. I continued running until I felt sure I was close enough and then stopped, bending over and resting my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath._

_Once I could breathe again I straightened my position and my eyes instantly lay upon my dad's car. I don't know what made me do it, but I was suddenly walking towards his car and pulling on the door handle, only to discover that car had been left open. I didn't know why it wasn't locked but at that moment I didn't care. I climbed in and placed the bottle of vodka on the passenger seat. I fumbled around for a while, searching every possible place for a spare set of keys only to come up empty handed. My vision started getting a little blurry and I could feel the beginnings of a headache. I shook my head a little and waited for the feeling to pass._

_Then I faintly remembered Emmett stumbling onto a website a few months back where it told you how to hotwire a car. I also remembered how excited he was, bouncing in his seat like a five year old… sometimes that guy really did worry me._

_I closed my eyes and tried to picture what it said… something about a harness connector…_

_Then it clicked._

_I found the wiring for the harness connector near the steering wheel which led to the wires behind the ignition. I give them a good tug and brought them closer so I could get a better look at what I was dealing with. I found the two identical wires I was meant to search for almost immediately, both wires were red and looked exactly the same. My head started to become clearer as I concentrate harder knowing I could get an electric shock if something went wrong. I took an anxious look around making sure there was no sign of my dad, mum or Rose. When I was sure no one was out there, I turned my attention back to the wires._

_I carefully cut off the plastic on both wires at the end and peeled it back, revealing the wiring underneath. I brought both wires together and twisted them, making them as one. My hands were shaking a little but that was expected. After that was done I began looking for the ignition wire which was brown. I soon found it and peeled back the plastic from the end and held my breath, silently hoping this would work._

_I took both wires and sparked them together, revving the engine at the same time so I didn't stall the car. The sound made me jump a little and my heart started to thump harder in excitement. I did this a few more times, making sure that nobody was around or moving about in the house. Suddenly the engine came alive and I closed the door. I put the car into gear and reversed out of the driveway and onto the street with a huge grin across my face.  
_

_My head definitely felt a lot better. Driving around the streets, with the window down and music blaring through the speakers probably had something to do with that. I wonder what dear old dad would have to say about this. Both my parents think I'm at a party with Emmett and Edward. My mum would probably have a cow if she ever found out. I didn't even want to imagine the look on Rose's face… I shuddered just thinking about it. I think that tells you how fucked my family is. That I care more about my sisters feelings towards me than my own parents…_

_I wiped the scary feeling of Rose ever finding out and noticed to figures walking on the side of the road. As I got closer I realised I knew them… Emmett and Edward. I grinned and headed straight for them putting my foot down. I came to an abrupt stop in front of them and laughed as they dashed into the bushes afraid. I turned the volume down and revved the engine a few times, patiently waiting for them to come out of hiding._

_After a few minutes they decide to show themselves and didn't exactly look too pleased when they realised it was me that scared the crap out of them. "What the fuck Jasper! You could have killed us!" I laughed as Emmett fumed over his near death experience._

_"Whatever… the size of you would have done more damage to the car." I laughed again holding my stomach._

_"Jasper." Edward sighed. He obviously took the more mature approach. Emmett wouldn't know mature if it jumped up and flashed him._

_"Move over. I'm driving, you crazy son of a bitch." I just rolled my eyes and crawled over to the passenger seat placing the bottle of vodka in my lap. Edward jumped into the back and Emmett drove off._

_They had been drinking. I knew because I could smell the alcohol on them. But apparently they were a lot sober then I was. Edward never drank that much alcohol at a party, just in case of an emergency. He was always the smart one. And Emmett was Emmett… which basically says it all. _

"_This wasn't the brightest idea you've ever had Jasper." Edward mumbled._

_"It was just a bit of fun… Nobody got hurt so I don't see the problem." I turned and saw the not-so-amused look on his face._

_"That's not the point. Somebody could have been hurt. And you're under the influence of alcohol." He continued to lecture me._

_"Jesus Edward, you sound like your mother." At this Emmett laughed. Go figure._

_Edward continued to blabber on about how stupid I was being while Emmett agreed now and again. I opened the bottle of vodka and took bigger gulps hoping to drown out the both of them. I turned on the music and it helped shut Edward up, the only problem now was that Emmett was singing loud… I didn't know what was worse, Emmett's singing or Edward's parental lecture._

_We were currently lying in the grass at our local park. It was the same park that I spent my last day with Alice. We were watching the night sky and drinking what we had left of the alcohol. I stuck with my vodka and Emmett and Edward drunk whatever it was they had when I picked them up. And they were still going on about how crazy I was. Whatever… they didn't understand. How could they when everything they ever needed, they still had._

_"Dude. I have to agree with Edward." Emmett piped up. Of course he did._

_"But-" I tried to defend myself but Edward cut me off._

_"No buts Jasper. Not only could you have hurt yourself but you could have seriously hurt someone else." Damn, why did Edward always know what to say? I sighed and ran my free hand through my hair. It was a good point. "I don't think you could live with something like that Jasper. The guilt you would feel might not physically kill you but I can't imagine it feeling too good emotionally." Edward said softly. I hated it when he was right. Which, to my ever dismay was almost always._

_Sometimes I wondered if Edward was born old. We often joked about it. Some of the stuff he comes out with… the music he listens to. The same went for Bella. They were similar in so many ways… They were perfect for each other._

_I felt a sharp pain in my chest at the thought of not having anybody that close to me. Everything I had been holding in and tried hide from everyone was slowly bubbling to the surface. There was a crack in the shield I had built to protect me from moments like this and it was slowly getting bigger. And for the first time I simply didn't care. Maybe if I show them this part of my life that I have been trying so hard to keep hidden I could maybe find some relief from the pain._

_Plus I'm drunk so I hopefully won't even remember it tomorrow._

_I sat myself up and the earth spun a little. I rubbed my hands over my face and took a deep breath, not daring to look anywhere other than the grass in front of me. "Guys." I whispered. "I'm really hurting here." I felt their eyes on me the moment the last word escaped from my lips and I almost backed down and decided it was a stupid idea._

_No. I had to do this. It wasn't a stupid idea. I knew on some level this would help. Everyone knows keeping things this big to yourself is never good. At some point it's all going to boil over and before you know it your losing control. I knew I could do this; I just needed to believe in myself._

_"I don't know what to do… I miss her so much and the hurt never goes away." I heard them both sigh at the same time and mirror my position. Emmett shuffled himself a little so he could see me better but I still didn't make eye contact. I didn't want him to think I was stupid for feeling this way._

_"It's okay to feel that way Jasper." Edward said softly. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. You were closer to her in a way that me, Emmett and the rest of us could never be. Just like me and Bella and Em and Rose. She was your other half." He was quiet for a moment before he added. "I miss her too you know. I never stop thinking of the little things."_

_I never really thought of how this could be affecting anybody else. Of course Edward and Emmett missed her. It was their sister after all. They probably felt like they had failed her the day she disappeared. Bella and Rose were best girlfriends. The three of them were inseparable and loved gossiping about us. Girl talk I would never understand._

_"Yeah, me too." Emmett said bringing me out of my thoughts. "We're here for you Jasper. You know that right? We wouldn't make fun of you for missing her… We all do."_

_I finally lifted my head and looked at the both of them. I was grateful to have them both. A guy couldn't ask for better friends then these two. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner. I should have had better faith in the both of them. They still wouldn't fully understand my pain but I was definitely thankful for the comfort they could bring me just by talking like this. "I really appreciate it guys… Really…" I trailed off._

_"But…" Emmett pressed._

_"But you still don't fully understand my pain. I mean… can you ever imagine your life without Rose?" I said to Emmett. "Or Bella?" I said turning to Edward. Both their eyes widened at the thought of living without their other half. Something I knew for a fact they didn't want to ever happen. It wasn't exactly the best feeling in the world._

_"No." They both whispered at the same time._

_"Just the thought of them disappearing hurts, doesn't it?" I asked. They both nodded their heads and it was their turn to focus their attention on the grass we were sitting on._

_It felt good to get everything out. The good, the bad and the ugly. It was hard at first revealing everything I had held in for so long but slowly I began to trust the encouraging looks they were giving me and continued to reveal everything. I cried, got angry and ripped the grass into as many pieces as I could letting out my frustration. All the while they would sit there patiently, hanging onto every little detail._

_As I revealed story after story I felt a slight shift in myself. I felt a little lighter with each word and the pain wasn't as in my face as it was before. I was barely controlling it before. I was mess and all over the place. This I could deal with. I was always getting angry and snapping at people for no reason with my strange mood swings. Rose, Emmett, Edward and Bella had stayed with me by my side even after all the crap I had given them and they wouldn't understand just how thankful I was for that. The pain won't ever go away… it would just be something I would have to learn to live with._

_I don't know how long we were there for. All we knew was that we would be in some serious trouble if we didn't get home soon. And just as that thought came into mind we heard police sirens from somewhere nearby. We looked at each other with panicked expressions before getting to our feet and making sure we had our bottles and nothing had fallen out of our pockets. After we were sure we hadn't left anything behind we ran as fast as we could into the edge of the woods. Emmett was laughing hard about how scared we were, not including himself of course. Edward was trying to defend himself and I was by saying Emmett was also scared. I just smiled and laughed at the both of them. Feeling happy and being stupid with my friends. _

I came out of the memory feeling pretty emotional with warm tears slowly making there way south. That was the first time I had been actually happy in a long time. I owed so much to Edward and Emmett for that night. It change the rest of my days. The pain was still but like I said it was getting easier to live with it. I don't think Alice would have wanted me to be moping around for the rest of my days anyway. She was always one of those kinds of people living in the now.

I wiped the tears from my face and began concentrating more. I spotted a familiar car pulling up outside a house and I could hardly believe my luck. As I got closer I realised it was the right car. I whisper a silent thank you to no one in particular and slowed the car down not wanting to get too close to the house as they get out of the car. They walked into the house and the door closed behind them. I pulled up at the side of the road making sure I was at a safe distance from the house and settled in to wait for a while.

After ten minutes or so of waiting I figured she wouldn't be coming back out. I'd hoped she would have so I could get another chance to talk to her and confirm our plans. I sighed and put the car back into gear getting ready to go.

Either way, whether she did or didn't show up tonight at eight, I would be seeing her an hour later. There was no way I was going to let her go again. I wasn't going to let this day pass without seeing her. I knew where she would be which made it easier. I decided I would give her one hour and if she didn't show up by nine on the dot I would be coming to her. I pulled out and drove away giving the house one last look before it disappeared from my view.

_When life seizes you an opportunity, an opportunity that could change your life forever; don't pass it up because it could change the rest of your life and you could get everything you ever wanted._

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_So there you have it! I'm sure you all hoped he would follow her... so if she doesn't meet him by 9:00pm, he's coming back to the house to get her. We are soo close to the end now. Plenty of drama to come and plenty of things that still need to be revealed._

_Next chapter, you finally get some answers you have all been wanting!_

_READ AND REVIEW! THANKS.  
_


	21. 6:00pm

**A/N:** ***The previous chapter which was called Authors Note was replaced with chapter 20, 5:00pm***_  
_

_It's time to find out what happened with Alice... This IS a hard chapter to read, especially the ending but i think your all used to the disturbing flashbacks by now. _

_**Disclaimer:**__ Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **__Alice_

_

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_

August 3rd 2009

**6:00pm**

**APOV**

Roughly one and half hours I've been trapped in this coffin. It's been roughly twelve hours since my last dose of Heroin… My insides feel like they are on fire as every cell in my body begged for that one sweet drug. My body feels like its slowly falling apart, bit my bit, minute by minute, a new pain occurs. My body had been shaking viciously as time went on today, but I'd managed to keep that under control with the thought of getting drugs from Jim. But since he was killed, my body had slowly started the reaction off again, my whole body is shivering violently and you could almost hear the coffin rattle because of my body.

I was running a fever, I knew because on the inside I was burning as if someone had cut me from head to toe and pealed the skin from my body; it feels as if a red hot poker stick has been shoved into those wounds, burning me alive. In contrast to that, I was shivering on the outside, almost is if I was freezing and that's exactly how my skin felt, I was cold at the touch. This small space felt like a long fridge, no heating to keep my skin warm, only my insides frying from a burning need, but it wasn't enough. My head couldn't take the two temperatures; I just didn't know what to do with myself.

As the minutes ticked by and crept into an hour, my muscles had started to ache and cramp, every one of my bones had started to stiffen, no room to move and stretch. My back was sore due to something digging into my back, something I couldn't get to and it was slowly making me angry and irritated. I'd rattled the hell out of this coffin, kicked, thrashed and screamed… but it was useless. The only thing I achieved out of that was the thing trapped in this tiny space with me, had logged itself deeper into my back bone. I felt like I was going insane, slowly loosing the will to carry on living. I was tempted to just let go, I could feel the need in my head that would allow me to just that, but my heart was keeping me alive, beating, reminding me of that one guy… _Jasper Hale._

My face was sticky with dried tears, upon dried tears. I lifted my head up to the hole in the coffin lid and dragged in a breath of air, I sucked as if I was sucking a drink through a straw. The thing trapped with me rolled into my lower back and it stunned me momentarily. I carefully rested my upper half back down against the coffin floor and lifted my bottom half up. It wasn't easy, but I'd managed. I moaned with the pain, my bones clicking and protesting, I squirming in the small space, frustrated growls escaped my lips as I wormed my hand under the back of me, the thing rolled further away. "Fuck sake." I muttered, I lay back down, trapping the thing under my butt and that's when I realised what it was. It was a loose screw.

My heart started to hammer loudly against my rib cage as I carefully lifted as much as I could to my side. My right hip hit the coffin lid letting me know I couldn't turn any further, my hand prepared to grab the screw before it rolled further away. My nails scraped along the wooden surface in a painful way, but I managed to grip the end of the screw in between the ends of two of my fingers. "Yes." My voice croaked out in a sigh of relief, I gripped it and moved my hand from under my body and lifted the screw to the side of me. I carefully gripped the screw in my hand and manoeuvred it up to my face. I moved it in front of the hole so I could inspect it from the little light I could get from above me. My fingers rolled over the end of it to get a feel of the condition.

I gasped as I explored the small object. The end was flat, misshapen and not sharp. Its texture was rough, rusted and old. The swirls on the screw were almost flat as if it had been trapped in here for years, unused. I gulped as realisation hit me. I put the screw in my jean pocket, my hands shaking as I blinked in the darkness… The only way that screw could have gotten blunt was from being scraped and abused against another solid texture. My hands trembled as I felt along the coffin walls for any sign of a scratch mark. When the tips of my fingers, on both sides of the coffin walls felt lines, I cried out loud. I felt how big the scratch marks were and knew at this moment that they weren't used by the screw, there was too many of them, too evenly spread. These were caused by someone who had dragged fingernails along the sides. I cried louder.

Had James kept someone in here before me? Was I just one person in a line of long victims? I realised now that I knew nothing about James, he was a hundred times viler than I ever thought he was. I continued to explode the small space as far as I could, more finger nail scratches were dragged up in various places along both sides. My body convulsed and I fort not to be sick. I would choke to death if I threw up, I fort very hard against my natural instincts. I was shaking harder as I moved onto the lid, praying I wouldn't find more. There wasn't many as many on the lid, it was easy to see how I'd missed them before… But what I was met with was sicker than on the sides.

James had painted over the scratch marks, I could feel the dents were the marks used to be, he couldn't remove the scratches completely, but he could paint over them to divert your eyes away from the frayed wood. I cried louder. No one was here to hear me or see me so I let myself break down. I cried for whomever these scratch marks belong to. This person had struggled and fort against being in here. There were so many along the sides, I was actually surprised James hadn't replaced the thing. Whoever was in here before me had lived in here for a much longer time than the two times I had been in here. I continued to explore the random workings of the poor soul; I hoped they lived after this cruel torture.

I spent the next ten minutes crying my heart out. I tried to stop touching the markings, but I just couldn't. I kept trailing my fingers back to the sides where the worst of it was and then I'd move back to the top, each marking brought on another tear. The odd thought slipped into my mind, where was the screw used? Why had it gotten so blunt if it wasn't used to make these markings? I was about to give up when I felt something different on the lid, something misshapen than dragged marks, it stunned me for the second time. I stopped my moans and held my breath, my pulse thudding in my ears, I almost told it to shut the fuck up as I wanted to concentrate on this new finding. I moved one of my right fingers along the first part, it spelt something out but my head couldn't make out what it was, it wasn't deep enough for me to know or thick enough as the nail markings are… _because this wasn't caused by nails; it was caused by the screw._

I kept a finger on the markings so I wouldn't loose it as I frantically but carefully got the screw out of my jean pocket and brought it back up. I used both of my hands to re-carve the markings and for the first time since being trapped in here I prayed James wouldn't come home and let me out. I used one of my left fingers to trail each letter while my right hand re-scraped the marking, making it deeper and readable.

My hands were shaking and it took me what felt like another hour, but was about half an hour of stopping and restarting in different places along the spelt word, I finally felt that I was done. I gulped, unable to pluck up the courage and actually feel what I'd spelled out. I put the screw back in my pocket, delaying the time. My ears felt like they were pinned against the side of my hand as I strained to hear any sound from James outside. It was time to find out what I'd found… It was time to find out who the person was previously in here.

I nervously began on the first letter. I traced a line and another line; it didn't make any sense to me. I moved onto the next part, it was another line but a flick at the bottom dragging to the right. It was the letter L. I felt my body shake with fresh tears… "No… I can't be." I whispered. I moved onto the second, another straight line, I shook my head again, refusing to believe what I was feeling. I moved onto the third and there was no mistaking, even though it was larger than the other letters and slightly crooked, that this was indeed the letter C. My cries increased as I repeated the word "No" over and over again in my head, still refusing to believe what I was feeling. I traced the straight line and three misshapen marks coming off of the right of it, meaning it was the letter E.

I fort back more vomit as it moved up my body. My head was feeling faint as I tried to take in this proof. I traced the letters over and over again; I'd managed to find the line joining the first two together making the letter A, I hadn't re-scraped that part so it's why I'd missed it. My finger tips were started to chafe and bleed as I ran them over and over the frayed and splintered wood, my head was going dizzy… My breath was coming out sharp and fast… I was hyperventilating… I was either going to faint or throw up…

_I was stood in what appeared to be a forest. I stared down at the dirty floor. Tree roots spread in the ground, hidden in parts by moss and dead leaves. I looked up to the front of me and saw nothing but trees; it wasn't as dark as I expected it to be so I could see quite far, which led me to believe that behind me was an opening. I spun on the spot and looked between two large tree trunks; two children were laying on the ground giggling. I smiled as I walked forwards in between the trees, I felt light as a feather and my steps were like gliding instead of walking._

_I went towards the pair but kept my distance, I didn't want them to see that I was looking at them. I turned to face the playground and tried to look behind me secretly. _"_What do you want to play?" The boy asked._

"_HIDE AND SEEK." The girl squealed out in delight. I chuckled to myself, the boy was trapped under the happy girl and she moved off of him revealing his face to me. He got up and pulled her up with him. I gasped and spun on the spot, no longer caring if he saw me looking. It was the boy from my dreams…it was a young Jasper; there was no mistaking that this was him. His shaggy blonde hair was still hung the same, his blue eyes the same but they seemed alive here in the present, whereas the older Jasper's eyes seemed broken and empty. It was shocking to see the difference._

_Her back was facing me so I couldn't see who she was, I took a hesitant step forwards, my eyes wide with curiosity and shock. I was suddenly aware that I had no memory of how I got here…I looked over my shoulder, paranoid that someone was going to come over and shout at me for observing and approaching these children like some paedophile. It was nothing like that, even when I dream of Jasper at the age he is now in front of me, it's not in a perverted way; the dreams are almost like a memory… there was nothing at all sexual about it. _

"_You first, I'm going to count to-" Jasper started to say but the girl interrupted him. _

"_100!" I've never seen someone as hyper as her before. The way he looked at her with those blue, blue eyes, he was young but completely in love with her, age didn't matter to him, his eyes told that story clearly. Her happiness infected him, which was also clear to see. _

"_100 it is." He winked at her and I knew if I was that girl it would have melted me on the spot. Even at his age, which must be about ten, he had a charm that girls couldn't resist. He let go of her hands and ran off towards the open park, running somewhere to count. I wanted to follow him, I wanted to look at young Jasper for hours and rememorize his face, he was a handsome boy… but when the girl ran towards the forest my heart sped up and I knew I had to follow her. I felt a pull like we were connected as one, it was strong and I couldn't disobey it even if I wanted to. _

_Without a second glance back I followed her back into the forest. I trailed behind her and I was careful not walk on broken twigs to startle her and bring her to my presence. I still didn't know who she was or what she looked like, it intrigued me. She held a hand over her mouth as if worried if she made a sound it would disrupt the environment. It was spooky in here and I had a bad feeling about what was happening. I felt my gut tighten with suspense. She had walked a little too far for my liking, I still didn't look back though; I didn't want to let her out of my sight._

_She stopped and stepped behind a very large tree trunk, big enough for her to crouch behind and be completely covered from view if someone walked behind her like myself. I walked around a few more trees and hid, watching her sit on the ground, her eyes wide and I copied her expression. She looked so familiar; her back hair was cut neatly, spiked behind her. She had the most beautiful dark brown eyes that I'd ever seen; they looked almost black from here. She had a light blush on her cheeks, I didn't know if it was natural or blusher, but it looked wonderful on her pale skin. She looked almost like a small china doll. I didn't know if she was scared to be in here or excited, but her eyes widened._

"_Hello." A familiar voice called out and I froze, my face scrunching up in anger instantly. I stepped around from the tree and saw my worst nightmare walking towards the young girl. My hands tightened into fists and I was aware that if the young girl looked past James she could see me clearly, as could he if he turned around._

"_Hi." She spoke back, a hint of fear in her voice. I felt myself growl with anger as I stepped forwards._

"_What are you doing in here? It's very dangerous." He replied in a very parental tone, I stepped closer and I knew now that if he even took one more step towards her I'd blow my cover and tear him away from her._

"_Oh, I'm ok. I'm playing hide and seek with my boyfriend, Jasper." She smiled as she spoke, a twinkle of love glistening behind her gaze. _

"_You're a little young to have a boyfriend aren't you?" He stepped closer and I began my walk towards them, anger seeping into every step. His dog, which I hadn't noticed until now moved towards her and licked her face, I froze as I watched it happening._

"_No." She replied straight away. "We love each other." _

"_That's nice." He sounded almost bored, making my blood boil. It was even worse that the girl didn't detect the tone. I wouldn't let him touch her; I wouldn't let him do anything to her… He may have gotten away with abusing me, but I won't sit back and watch him touch a young girl, it made my skin crawl as I thought about it. I felt I didn't know James anymore, I didn't know what he was capable of anymore, how far he was willing to push his inner beast. "This is Sam by the way; he seems to really like you." He bent down and I stormed over to them, no longer able to stand back and watch._

"James."_ I called out the same time the girl replied. _"_I really like him too."_

"James."_ I called again, so close to them now I could kick him if I wanted to. Why wasn't he acknowledging me? _"Hello… James?"_ I called again. I went to tap him on the back but my hand went through him, I brought it back straight away._

"_Is that your mummy back there? Does she know you're in here?" My hands started to shake. _"No… Don't answer him!"_ I told the girl over his shoulder._

"_She knows." She nodded in reply and I wanted to scream and pick her up. I bent down next to James, careful not to touch him. I waved my hand in front of her face, her eyes only for him. "Jasper will have told her." She replied happily. "It's my mummy's birthday in a few days." She added and I groaned. _"James, please." _I begged him, I knew where this was going; I could feel it in my bones._

"_Oh really? And what are you getting her?" He looked at her, his face and voice put on the show that he was sincerely interested in this news… but I could almost see his brain ticking behind his skull, planning and plotting away. I could feel tears fall down my face. _"Don't tell him!" _I begged her, I went to put my hands on her shoulders but I sank through her, I pulled back and shook my head, crying desperately._

"_Hmmm. I don't know yet." She laughed and he joined in, but the laughter didn't reach his eyes, I could see his evil plan coming together. _"James don't do this… she's just a little girl!" _I smacked him hard against the head, over and over, but each blow pierced through his body and I cried louder. "What's your name?" She asked him._

"_My name is James." He held out his hand. _"Don't touch him!" _I warned her, but it was useless… I still felt I had to try. Her tiny hand grasped his and the look behind his beady eyes made me want to throw up. _

"_Hello, I'm Alice." She introduced herself and I froze. My whole world came crashing down on my shoulders. _"What…"_ I muttered. I shook my head and stood up, taking a step away from them. I heard myself repeating the word "no" over and over. _

"_It's nice to meet you." He dropped her hand and I kicked him in the back, crying for him to back away from her, all my attempts where useless. _

"_What are you thinking?" She asked and I stepped around, looking at his face. I have never felt so much hatred for a human being before. _

"_Well… it's really about your mummy and that present." He looked at her. _"James, no!" _I shouted at him. "I can help you get a present for her if you want? I can see you love her very much." I sank back to my knees and cried for her to not listen to him, I begged her over and over again but each cry, every touch was simply useless._

"_I would really like that." I shook my head, my eyes only for him and I wanted him dead._

"_OK, well… We best do it when your mummy isn't around, we don't want her to know that you're getting her something, do we?" He spoke in a whisper. _"You sick son of a bitch!" _I screamed at him. _"You fucking animal!"

"_No… I know!" She squealed out in delight. "How about on a night?! Shops are still open aren't they? She will never know!" She was jumping up and down on the spot, excited to be going on a trip with this monster. I spat at him, kicked him, punched him… _

"_That's perfect!" He replied, his body remaining intact as I tried to beat him to a bloody pulp. "I know just the store that will still be open too." I sank on the ground for the third time, my voice was rough. _"James, stop… Please don't fucking do this…" _I whispered in defeat. "Ok, how about… we meet back here at 1:00am tonight. We can go buy your mummy that present and I can have you back in a few hours and your mummy will never ever know you left and when it comes to her birthday she will really love you and your present to her." She nodded her head while I shook mine. _"I hope you fucking burn in hell… And I'll make sure you do." _I whispered directly into his ear. "I think your boyfriend is coming, I better go. Remember, 1:00am tonight. Meet here at the park. And don't spend long in here, it's not safe." He reminded her as he got up from his spot on the floor. I remained sitting in front of Alice. "And don't tell anyone!" He called at the back of me._

_I stared into her eyes, I willed her to see me… _"_FOUND YOU!" Jasper shouted from behind the tree she was sitting at, it made her jump but I just sat there staring at her. She got up from her spot and ran off in excitement. I sagged and put my head into my hands crying helplessly._

_I pulled my head from my hands and saw that I was in a room now. It was defiantly a girls room, the walls a luscious baby pink. Alice alerted me to her presence as she climbed out of her bed in her PJ's. She crept along the floor on her tiptoes, walking straight past me, oblivious to the fact I was crying in the middle of her floor. I stood up and followed her to her closer. _"Alice can you hear me?" _I asked her. _"Alice don't go… please don't do this… he's a monster!" _She pulled clothes from her closest ignoring me, putting them on over her PJ's. _

_This was beyond fucked up… Looking at her in her pink PJ's, her little face alight with excitement. Watching her sneak around as she gathered her things together… it was way past sick knowing where she was about to go and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I've never in my whole life felt this useless. I felt sick to my stomach. _

_I watched her get her little piggy bank, tipping its contents on her bed. She gathered it up and put it in her little bag. I watched numbly, my face a picture of someone who had given up. I felt like I was watching a car crash in slow motion, there was nothing I could do about it but just watch it happen before my eyes and pray everything would be okay. When she picked up her blanket, such an innocent thing to do, I felt the lump in my throat tighten as hot tears fell down my face. _

_I walked up behind her and ran a hand over her hair without touching it. She turned around and walked through me; I spun on the spot and followed her. I knew she couldn't see me, hell I knew she couldn't hear me… but I had to see what would happen to her, I had to know that she was going to be safe. I felt like a guardian angel watching over her, I was a crappy one not being able to communicate and truly keep her safe from the monsters… but nonetheless I would be there for her, praying every step that she would be safe._

_I followed her into another bedroom, a man and woman lay asleep in their beds. When she whispered, "Night daddy, night Mummy, I love you both" I let out a loud cry. How could I let this happen? How could I stop this from happening? She was just a child, a young girl of ten years and she was about to walk into a trap she will most likely never return from. Fresh anger filled my body and I was shaking violently. I looked once more at the sleeping figures; it was too dark for me to see if I knew these people and when she left the room I followed immediately, the same pull from the forest keeping me behind her._

_She walked into a second bedroom. "Night Eddie, night Em. I love you both too." I looked at the sleeping boys; again it was too dark for me to see if I knew them, so I followed her back out…_

_We'd been walking a while now towards the park, I trailed behind her helplessly. I was like a lost puppy just looking for a new home… I watched her every step and as we got closer towards the park I felt angrier. My body reacted to his presence even though I couldn't see him but I could feel him near. My blood instantly started to boil, my body began shaking and my need and want for him to be dead was stronger than ever. "Relax Alice… The park is just at the end of the street. Remember… your doing this for mummy." She told herself and my heart broke that little bit more._

"_Alice. You came!" He called out and I growled with anger. "I'm glad you brought a coat, it's so cold tonight. We best make this trip quick." I walked up to him. _"You lay one fucking finger on her and you'll wish you'd never been born." _Again, I knew he couldn't hear me but it made me feel better. "What's wrong?" He frowned at her. I looked at her too, I hoped she had second thoughts; my heart sped up at the possibility._

"_My mummy never lets me sit in the front." She whispered, blushing and I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding along with a groan. _"I fucking hate you." _I spat at James again. _

"_Well, what mummy doesn't know can't hurt her." His words made my stomach turn, I knew what he'd just said had many other meanings, but this girl was too innocent to catch on. I walked up to her and tried to grab her, I tried pushing her, dragging her… but each attempt failed. "Plus, I don't see no baby here, I see a big girl who's going to shop for her mummy a birthday present." I lashed at him as she stepped into the car, his hand on hers leading her there. I walked through the car and sat on the back seat. _"Alice, please try to hear me… Alice, please don't do this." _I tried again, this was her last chance._

_He climbed into the car shutting it. _"_You ready to go?" He asked her. "I wish you would have brought gloves." He turned on the heating, her little hands leaning forwards to warm them up. My face was wet, thick with tears, they wouldn't stop coming as I watch the car crash come to a climax… she wasn't going to get out of the car and there was nothing, not a damn fucking thing I could do to stop this from happening. _

"_It's ok James. I'm not a baby." She giggled._

"_That's right. You're not." My stomach turned again. He turned to the back of me and I cringed away from him, his hand came back with a flask, I watched him hand it to her. _"What's in that?" _I asked without thinking about it. "Coffee. To keep you awake." I highly doubted that. _"Alice, please don't drink that." _I leant forwards in-between the gaps of the two chairs and tried to grab the flask, but my attempt did nothing. I sank back into my chair and curled up into myself._

"_Thank you." She took her first sip of the coffee and I watched her carefully. She was fine, but five minutes later her head started to fall against her side, her eye lids falling open and closed in a battle to stay away._

"_Don't worry, if you fall asleep, I'll be sure to wake you up when we get to the shops." His voice sounded distant even to me. _"You sick fuck."_ I slurred. I felt drunk… I looked down at my hands and saw myself fading. _"Don't worry Alice, I'm here…I'm…"

_I woke up to a girl screaming… but everything was dark. I didn't know where I was. "Let me out, please let me out." I sat up straight away and ran towards the sound of her voice… ran into more blackness. I turned around and ran in the other direction but I saw nothing, it was pitch black. _"Alice… Alice…" _I shouted frantically, I knew it was her, I wanted to grab her and I wanted to hold her to me. "Please, let me out." She continued to cry and I panicked even more. She was banging her tiny fists onto something hard. I made myself stand still, I made myself stop breathing, I made myself listen to the noise and finally I recognized it. She was in the coffin. _"Alice!" _I ran and ran but it was no use, I saw nothing._

"Alice I'm here, I won't leave you. I won't ever leave you." _I cried into the darkness, praying she could sense me or even hear me._ _Her bangs were getting louder, her cries even more desperate, but then she suddenly stopped. I stood still as a statue and listened for the noise that made her stop. Someone unlocked a door in the darkness, no light flooded into the dark room, it was still black. I heard his foots boom along the floor as if he was walking over me, I cowered away from the noise but it didn't lessen, it got louder. _"You fucking let her out and let her leave." _I demanded of him. _"Let her go! She's just a child, you fucking sick bastard." _I carried on shouting abuse at him until he bent down and unlocked the door._

_Light pierced my vision; I had to shield my eyes from the sudden light. It burned after being trapped in darkness for this long. "Shh Mary, it's going to be okay." He hushed and I froze. _"What the fuck did you just say?" _I asked again without thinking. I spun on the spot and saw him crouched over the coffin, Alice cowered from him, pushing herself as far from him as she could get in the small space. She brought her hands out in front of her and her fingernails were a gory mess. Blood trailed down her hands and I backed away. My heart wanted me to go over and comfort her and embrace her, but my head told me to back up and I followed that advice. "Here Mary, drink this, it will make you feel better." He handed her a drink and she grabbed it off of him, gulping it down desperately, I wondered how long she had been in there, how long he had starved her._

"Why are you calling her Mary?" _I shouted at him. _"Answer me you sick fuck!" _I remained where I was, pinned to the wall. "That's it, drink it all up and you will feel better." He hushed her soothingly and she whimpered. He touched her and she cringed from him, her eyes already starting to flutter closed in a battle. His hand fell towards the coffin lid propped up on the wall. His large figures trailed the name Alice which had been freshly scratched into the lid. _"No…" _I looked at the girl; I looked at the younger me. "Well this just isn't good now is it?" He asked her, anger seeping into his words. "I'm going to have to sort that out." I stepped forwards, just one step and hoped he wouldn't hit her for what she'd done… and thankfully he didn't._

_The battle to keep her eyes open was coming to an end as the minutes ticked by. When it came to five minutes her eyes could barley keep open. He laid her back down straight and flat in the coffin. "Shh, it's okay. Go to sleep." He brushed her hair from her face and she tried to brush him away. "Your name is Mary Brandon. You live with me… and I love you, Mary." She whimpered for him to stop. I watched in horror as he repeated what he'd said over and over again. I was getting tired as she was. My eyelids were closing as hers were. I was loosing consciousness. I fell to the ground on my knees, it didn't make a sound. My arms felt weak as I tried to push myself back up but it was no use. I looked up for one last look at her. _"Al-Alice… I'll be here… I prom- promise…"_ Her eyes closed and the darkness washed over me once again._

"_James, please let me out." Alice rapped on the lid of the coffin again, but it didn't sound like banging this time, more like knocking. I stood on the spot; the darkness was still around me like last time, but as soon as James unlocked the door the light blinded my vision and I blinked myself right. He must have been near. I didn't bother expressing my opinion to him, he was a vile sick fuck and I'd said it enough today. So instead I decided to opt for being silent and just watch the car crash continue to happen… they couldn't see me… they couldn't even hear me… I was all alone watching this disaster happen._

"_Morning, Mary." He greeted her and it sent a shiver down my spine as I watched them. "How are you today?" He asked her holding out his hand, which she took. She stood in the coffin and dropped her hand from his as soon as she was set right. His eyes tightened and flushed black for the briefest of seconds, but then he put back on_

_the show of playing the good carer, nice guardian, great daddy kidnapper. I walked to the end of the coffin hole, my back pressed against the wall. I looked at her carefully._

_Her hair was slightly longer than it was the last time I'd seen her. Her spiky hair had grown out so it hung lifeless around her. He hadn't been letting her wash regularly, that was clear to see. Her clothes however were different and I felt my stomach tighten. I wanted to shout a million things at him but I held them back. I just hoped he hadn't changed her, I hoped he hadn't washed her body. The thought alone was enough to make me want to be sick. I looked at her fingers, they were healed and whole again, no blood and healthy minus the muck underneath them and the slightly overgrown ends. "Can I go to the bathroom?" She asked him, she was avoiding his eye contact and I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding. She still thought she was Alice. _

_I knew this was me but I couldn't think of it as me or I'd run screaming. I had to be here for her like I'd promised; it was the only way to remain sane in this situation… if that was even possible. But it seemed to be working, when I looked at her I didn't see me, she was too clean even standing there now, with dirt under her nails and greasy hair. She was too healthy to be me. I held up my hand to my face, my skin was pale, almost ghostly and white, her skin still had a glow and that flush of pink to it. It was easy to think of her as a separate person. _

"_Sure honey, but don't be long, were going to eat and watch a film together before your next nap." She whimpered away from him when he ended it on the nap, he grabbed her hand and held onto it a little too tightly. "You know you need your sleep." He almost growled the words and her eyes widened. I realised another thing, she hadn't yet seen the monster within him. If I remember correctly, I first see that side of him when I'm twelve years old and he first beats me. She was still so innocent and it made it that bit harder to watch._

"_Okay." She whispered. He let go of her and she stepped around him, hesitant and wary that he was going to grab her or something. When she was past him she sped up towards the door._

"_Mary." He called after her and she forced herself to stop before she turned the knob on the door to get out. _

"_Yes James?" She said almost mechanically. _

"_Remember… you try to run again and I won't let you out for longer next time." He warned her and it sent a shiver down my spine. My eyes were glued to her and she had she same reaction as she shivered at his words. _

"_I won't." She opened the door and stepped out, I followed her automatically. I didn't want to say in this room with James, I wanted as far away from him as possible. She left the door open, not like it mattered either way. But when I stepped into the familiar living room she was nowhere to be seen. I felt the pull again and my feet knew where she was. I walked past the couch next to the door to the second bedroom, walked past the coffee table, then the open kitchen facing the couch, the living room area. I walked down the narrow hallway… mine and James's bedroom right at the end, the bathroom to the left. I walked through this door and saw her crying in front of the mirror. _

"_Mary?" She asked herself. Tears pouring down her face and my heart clenched tight. I bowed my head and closed my eyes, letting my own tears fall. Did she really believe she was Mary? This soon? I opened my eyes and walked up behind her. I could have rested my chin on her head, I was that small. I looked at her, I looked at me and the resemblance scared me. How could I possibly have doubted at first that this wasn't me? How could I have not seen that this was me in the park? I was so slow… or maybe I was just in denial. I knew it deep down; my head chose not to believe it._

"_Alice?" She asked herself and I smiled a sad smile. A fresh tear fell down her face and she stepped back into me. I didn't like the feeling of joining, for a split second I was seeing everything from her perspective, I stepped out of her and caught my breath. She lifted her top up revealing her naked stomach, I gasped at what I saw. I bent down so I was at head level with her markings. She'd scratched the name Alice into her stomach, but it was scabs now, barley readable. I knew from looking at it that she'd been re-scraping this into her skin in hopes of never forgetting who she was. But the process had started… she was already starting to forget who she was._

_I stood up and followed her over to the cabinet; she pulled out a sharp blade from one of James's shaving razors. She walked back to the mirror and looked at her self, her hand shaking. I wanted to grab her hand; I wanted to stop her from doing what she was thinking of doing. She put the blade at the bottom of the letter A, her hand shaking profusely… and just when I thought she was going to do it she stopped herself. "Alice or Mary?" She asked herself in a quite whisper, quiet enough that I had to lean in and listen._

_I knew what she was thinking… should she re-scrape this name; go on pretending that she's Mary in hopes that one day he would release her or she could escape. She didn't want to forget her family and friends, she had a good life and it was already slowly slipping away. Or should she go for the easiest option, the more realistic option, erase Alice Cullen and everything that's important to her forever. "Mary or Alice?" She asked herself more forcefully, her hand shaking with the blade in her hand, it was close to her skin and if she didn't control herself she was going to start cutting into her skin. _

"_Damn it, decide… Who do you want to be?" She cried to herself, she dropped the blade and cried into her hands. "You can't be Alice anymore." She whispered. She looked at herself again and she was angry, she put her hands on the side of the mirror and leaned in. "You can't be Alice anymore…" She told herself again. "Your name is Mary Brandon." She whispered and the pain of calling herself that was clear, he wasn't around, she thought she was all alone… she was free to look pained and tortured. "Your name is Mary Brandon." She told herself again and again and again. I was beginning to repeat the same thing to her without realising it and I stopped myself. It was a trance she was used to hearing, it made me feel sick. _

_She sunk to the ground and brought her legs up to her chest, her arms securely around them. She cried harder, her body shaking but it was like a mute button had been pressed, she'd perfected silent crying. I watched her for five minutes; I was sat next to her on the ground in the same balled up position, my head resting on my arms facing her. I watched her silently, my own tears falling down my face and into my hair. She finally brought her head back up. "I'm going to miss you Edward, Emmett… mum, dad." She stared ahead of her blankly, seeing something that I wasn't… I remembered the sensation before when she stepped into me. I slid into her and I stopped breathing as I looked at what she was staring at. _

_Two young boys around her age sat in front of her, crossed legged and smiling sadly at her. Her parents sat next to the boys in the same position, same expression. "I'm scared Mummy." She looked at the beautiful woman. "I don't want to be alone anymore." She told her and then she looked at them all. "I'm sorry I have to do this… I don't want to forget you; I love you all so much." She cried and I felt her sadness, she was saying her goodbyes, I could feel that she had accepted this already… she was the bravest girl I know. "I have to do this because I know I'm not going to see you again and I don't want to hurt anymore… I don't want to miss you anymore, it hurts too much." She forced herself still as she muttered the last word. "Goodbye." They disappeared as she closed her eyes and I could feel her heart breaking, literally cracking into two as she had to face one more person. I knew who this person was before she opened her eyes._

"_You're the hardest person I have to say goodbye too." She opened her eyes and her chest stung with the pain of what she was doing, I sobbed inside of her and almost slid out of her, I couldn't watch this, it was just too painful… She wanted to lean forwards and touch the small Jasper in front of her, I could feel her desire to kiss this imaginary Jasper one last time, but the pain was too much for her to bare, this was just an illusion, it wasn't real, she didn't want to kiss anyone expect the real Jasper Hale. "You're the one person I don't ever, ever want to forget." She told him, though her voice broke with each word. "I've never loved anyone like I love you. I only wish I'd have told you in person just how much. I wish I'd have kissed you one last time because I don't think I'd ever have stopped holding onto you if I thought it was the la- last time… You're my knight in shining armour." She was crying harder now. "I want you to forget me Jasper. I don't want you to remember me; I don't want you to feel how I'm feeling right now. It's not fair that I ask you to remember me when I'm choosing to forget you." She looked away from him, the truth of her words stabbing at her already bleeding heart. "You're the love of my life, but I have to go-" She closed her eyes and forced herself to stop talking before she took back her words. She forced herself to forget him, to make him disappear, but not before she remembered his voice one last time._

"_I love you Alice." He whispered in her ear and she broke then. _

_I slid out of her and pushed myself away and ran for the door but I was unable to reach beyond the room. I tried to walk through it, tried to escape, I felt cheated at James as I watched the miniature version of me sitting there; convincing herself that this was the life she had to live. He'd fucked with my life; he'd taken everything away from me and for what? Why has he done this to me? Why has he chosen me? All this time I thought I'd been a rotten bitch, that my parents were dead and I'd been dealt this life… but it was all fucking _lies._ I banged my fists against the door and I made a sound. I spun on the spot but she didn't acknowledge that she heard me. I banged again and it was louder this time, I banged and banged…_

I banged against the coffin lid. "Please, someone help me!" I opened my eyes and continued to bang against the coffin lid. "Help!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs but no one was coming, I was all alone. My face was drenched with tears, I'd cried throughout each memory; my voice was rough because of my screams. I sagged back into the coffin floor and cried "He fucking brainwashed me… I'm Alice Cullen." I told myself. "Jasper was right."

_When you wake up from a nightmare, your heart pounds against your chest and you cry for help to have your parents come and comfort you. Try dreaming that same nightmare for eight years to finally wake up and no one be there to help you… I'm all alone. _

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_So there you have it. James brainwashed Alice and the saddest part was that she caved in and allowed him to get rid of her memories, she allowed him to do it. It broke my heart writing this chapter. I've actually edited this bad boy three times now, each time I just kept writing more and changing it and eventually I've ended up with this and it just feels right that she did this. The goodbyes at the end actually brought a lump to my throat writing this. I'm such a sucker for a sad storyline; I'll actually cry unlike my bestie Carrie-Ann._

_Now to speak about the chapter a little bit…_

_I know some of you are probably thinking. If James painted over the coffin lid hiding the markings then why didn't he paint the sides and remove the screw? Well it's quite simple if you really think about it, he had brainwashed Alice into believing she was Mary and once that was complete, she felt very attached to him, she believed she was this girl. He made her dependent on him, he made her want him for everything, so he wouldn't have had time to paint over the whole thing, it would have been a rush job… plus, I don't think he really planned to put Alice back in there, it just sort of happened when he was having one of his 'beast fits' over Jeff and Alice. _

_About the dream/flashbacks, especially the first one, I mentioned a pull towards Alice. The reason she didn't follow Jasper and followed Alice was again simple enough, she didn't follow Jasper because she has no memory of what he did, all she remembers is what she did, so if she HAD have tried to follow Jasper, she would be walking into nothing but blackness. You all most likely figured that out because it became pretty obvious with the coffin scenes and the blackness, but it couldn't hurt to explain a little._

_I hope you all liked the idea of a ghost Alice watching over the truth of what happened to her. I thought it was more effective than her just dreaming what you already know all over again… this seemed a better way of slowly revealing that she was watching over Alice and then finding out that Alice is really her. I'm actually really pleased with this chapter; it came out better than I thought it would!_

_Enough from me. Thanks for reading, I know it's hard to read but were approaching the end of her nightmare. Until next time, READ AND REVIEW! We'll try our very best to update soon, fingers crossed no more loss of internet._


	22. 7:00pm

**_A/N: _**_Here's two more chapters, were slowly coming to an end now. We thought you all deserved a chapter inside James's head. I know we said this would strictly be an Alice and Jasper story with jus their POV's from chapter two onwards, but i think you will enjoy this chapter as it leads onto a very exciting one next. I know were late again on the updates and we can't apologize enough for that. But it just happens =/ Forgive us!__  
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_Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter and added us to your favourites and story alerts. I'd also like to say a special thank you to the attention Boy or Girl? recieved. If you haven't read it, give it a read!_

_WARNING, DISTURBING SCENES.  
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_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **James_

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August 3rd 2009

**7:00pm**

**James POV**

"Come on… come on… Pick up the fucking phone already!" I growled to myself.

Stupid bastard never picked up the phone when you wanted him too and standing at this payphone wasn't making things any easier. There was nothing to throw or break which I usually did when I was this angry and frustrated. I wouldn't be this way if it wasn't for _Mike Newton. _What kind of a fucked up name is Newton? Whoever this fucking guy was he was going to pay. If this guy thought he could mess around with my girl and get away with it he's severely fucking wrong. Nobody messes with me like that and gets away with it.

_Fucking douche._ I'll fuck with him and then we'll see who's fucking laughing. He fucks with my girl, so I'm going to fuck with his. _Well I would if someone would just answer the fucking phone!_

And then someone picked up. "About fucking time! How long does it take to answer a fucking phone?" I shouted.

"Well, well, well. Hello there, James." I instantly froze. _It couldn't be._

"This isn't Laurent is it?" I asked in barely over a whisper, even though I knew the answer to my own question.

This guy was bad news. I'm not usually scared of anything, but this guy… the guy he works for, I was scared of. And I wouldn't be the only mother fucker to say it out loud either. If you didn't fear these guys you probably hadn't heard of them or you were too fucking stupid and had a death wish. This gang were what people like me wish to never get mixed in, it means nothing but bad news. They were ruthless. Without a care for anybody or anything and they simply don't give a shit about the goddamn consequences.

"I'm sure you already know the answer to that question, James." Daniel said. Just the sound of his voice down the phone spiked fear in me. "We were expecting your call James." He said in a smooth voice with a deadly undertone. "I have to say though. The weather in Forks really sucks." I felt like I was going into shock. He laughed at my stunned silence and my heavy breathing. He knew what kind of effect he had on people and he fed off of it. "So James…" He said with excitement in his voice. "I have two of your friends here with me who would just _love_ to say hello."

_I bet they fucking would..._ I heard a muffled scream and some shouting in the background and I knew for a fact they had Laurent and his girl, Victoria. "No! Don't touch them, they didn't do anything!" I shouted down the phone. His girl stayed out of this shit as much as possible. Laurent didn't want anyone hurting her. I'm pretty sure the stupid arse loved her.

"I don't care if they did do something or not. Their here and you're not. And that's just how shit goes. Got it?" He was using the tone he used right before he did something crazy and wrench worthy.

"Daniel. I'm… I-" Shit! I couldn't get the words out. It was too damn hard because of my pride. I needed to say to it. To save Laurent's life and his girl's I guess. Most importantly I needed him. With this guy dead I wouldn't get the revenge I wanted.

"Too hard for you to say isn't it?" He teased. "Go on. Say it." I kept quiet; my nerves were getting the better of me. "SAY IT!"

"I'M BEGGING YOU, OKAY! THERE. I SAID IT!" I screamed in disgust. He better not say a word to anyone about what I just said. I swear to God I might not exactly be a mighty threat to him but some way I will find a way to bring him down if he so much as mentions this to his grandma. It was bad enough saying it to him. I hated begging for stuff. It made you look weak. And that's exactly why he had me do it. He knew I wouldn't be able to do it on my own so he forced it out of me with fear.

"Good." Was the only word he said. After a short pause… "But it's too little too late."

"B-But you said." I stuttered trying to find the right words.

"I know what I said." He snapped. "And I also know you should have done what you were told the first time round." He said, referring to the moment that my life truly took the darkest turn.

"But you can't do that! You can't just change your mind like that." I fumed.

"Who says I can't? You? What are you going to do about it?" He said just as furious but he still managed to laugh the words out.

Then all of a sudden I heard shouting in the background and the screams and cries coming from Laurent and his girl. "No! Please don't hurt her. She hasn't done anything wrong!" I heard him plead with them.

I heard a scuffle, like someone trying to get away and then a really high pitched scream. I cringed at the volume and pulled the phone away from my ear instinctively. Laurent was still screaming for them to stop and Victoria's cries were getting more and more frantic. From what I could hear I was pretty fucking sure they went at her with a knife. They probably cut her up good too.

"Blood… there's so much blood." Laurent whispered. "Her face… what have you done to her face?" He yelled.

"Shit!" I growled frustrated down the phone.

"You're still beautiful to me. No matter what, still beautiful." Laurent mumbled over and over again.

"One down… one to go." Daniel said menacingly.

Laurent let out a loud groan as one of Daniel's men kicked him in the chest and even over this damn shitty payphone, I heard a rib snap. There was coughing from Laurent, trying to get his breathing back to normal, and laughs and sniggers from the guys trying to stop it.

"All right guys." One of them said. "It's party time."

The room erupted into cheers of excitement and before I knew it the guys were pounding into him, getting in as many hits, kicks and punches as they could. All the while I could hear Daniel cheering them on, giving out pointers on how to inflict more pain upon him. I was holding my stomach feeling a little sick from the noises I was hearing. The breaks and snaps… his skull cracking as his head bounces off the floor…

I tried to put the phone down. I didn't want the memory of Laurent's shouts and pleads of mercy embedded in my brain. I wouldn't get a moments rest… they would be forever haunting my dreams.

There was a moment of silence and I didn't dare speak a word. I could hear movement going on in the background and a few more mumbling noises before Daniel cleared his throat. "I've got a little question for you James, from my favourite game." It felt like my heart had dropped into my stomach and I felt like I was going to be sick. "Did you know that after the heart stops beating, the brain keeps working for well over seven minutes?" I started choking on thin air, unable to answer him, not like he cared. "The best part is… we still have six more minutes left to play."

I couldn't take it anymore. His crazy laugh was driving me insane and only fuelled the petrified feeling I had right now. Before I slammed the phone down on him he managed to whisper. "We're coming for you James, you and the girl." I slammed the phone down and stood there, staring at it in shock.

A shiver ran down my spine and I realised I had to get the hell out of here and go some place. Anywhere that wasn't near here. That guy was seriously fucked up in the head and I couldn't believe what he had just done. No. I could believe it. It was just harder knowing I heard every single whimper, scream and cry.

Passing through familiar streets I realised I had unconsciously made the decision to go home. Home was where I needed to be right now. Not that I could even really call it that.

I sometimes wondered what it would like to have home. I've never had one before and sometimes I get a little curious. Me growing up in that rat infested shit hole probably had everything to do with how I am now. Especially because of _him_. He was the reason I hated so much. The reason I never treated anyone with respect. _Especially women._ And I fucking hated him so much for it. Hated him so much for not letting me have a normal life with a normal home, with happy memories of a family being together like it's suppose to be.

No. The only childhood memories I have are of my mum screaming and begging for mercy while trying to protect her only son.

"_Please don't." The woman cried. "I haven't done anything wrong! I don't unde__rstand why you keep doing this."_

"_I do this because I fucking want to, you useless bitch!" The man roared, right before my mum started wailing again for him to stop and leave her alone._

_I was currently sat in my bedroom with my knees pulled to my chest and my hands over my ears to help block out the noise. It didn't help much considering I could still hear what was going on. Her screaming and his shouting and beating never seemed to end. It was a vicious cycle that I was always caught in the middle of. I always wondered what it would be like for the shouting and hitting to stop, to not be scared of every little sound or movement that happened around me._

_I jumped at the sound of a loud crazy laugh and tightened my grip around my knees. I wanted to be safe. I didn't want to be here anymore. _

Thump, thump, thump.

_The footsteps were getting closer and my breathing sped up. I knew what was coming and I closed my eyes tight shut. _

"_Please, please, please stay away," I whispered, starting to rock backwards and forwards, whipering each word._

Thump, thump, thump.

_I picked up the pace with my__ rocking to the sound of the footsteps getting closer. This couldn't be good. He never wanted to find me unless he wanted to do something mean. I didn't like it when he did mean things. It never ended well for her. _

"_Shh… gotta be quiet as a mouse. She always said to be quiet like a mouse," I reminded myself. I didn't want to make anything worst for her. _She was all I had.

"_No! You can't hurt him he's just a baby! Leave him alone!" She shouted. "You promised me you wouldn't touch him anymore!"_

"_Gotta be quiet as a mouse… quiet as a mouse." My lips moved, but no sound came out._

"_I didn't promise you anything." H__e snarled. "You and that kid deserve everything that's coming to you."_

"_No…__ no." She sobbed. "He's only ten, you can't do this to him. It's not fair!" The footsteps suddenly stop and a deadly silence filled the house. I stopped my rocking and listened to what the monster has to say. _

"_Who said life was fair?" H__e said in a deadly undertone. "'Cause it sure as hell wasn't me. I got stuck with a useless bitch who doesn't know her left from her right."_

Thump, thump, thump.

_The footsteps continued coming at me again and I began rocking again without thinking about it. I needed to hide before he found me. I couldn't be sat out in the open where he could easily find me. I looked around the almost bare bedroom and decided to hide under the bed. It might be the most obvious place but it was the hardest place for him to get me. _

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP.

_The footsteps were right outside the door and I dove under the bed. I heard someone grab the door nob and I made sure that my arms and legs were tucked in as far as I could get them so I didn't give anything away. The door swung open and I held my breath, fearing what was coming. _

_He stopped right in front of the bed and I put my hand over my mouth to stop him from hearing my breathing. He walked around the bed towards the end where my feet were and my fear grew. I couldn't see him or what he was doing and I didn't like it. "Come out, come out, whereever you are…" He said in a menacing tone. _

"_Quiet as a mouse… quiet as a-" My lips moved frantically but his hand around my ankle cut my chant off. _

"_Gotcha!" He shouted in victory._

_He grabbed a tighter hold of my ankle and dragged me out, giving me carpet burns on my arms. "No! Please no!" I screamed in panic. _

"_Leave him alone!" I heard her screech. _

_I spun myself around so I lay on my back and I could see what was going on. I saw him march towards her and grab her by the hair. He pulled and bent down a little until they were eye level and spat in her face. He then slapped her across the face and she fell to the floor. He looked down at her in disgust before he left her there and walked over to me. I scrambled to get up and away from him but I wasn't fast enough. He grabbed a hold of my wrist so tight it felt like he was giving me a chinese burn. He pulled me up and dragged me over to where she was lying on the floor. I looked at her in horror._

"_Mummy?" I asked not recognising the woman I was seeing in front of my eyes. _

_Her head snapped up and her eyes met mine. She gave me a weak smile, even now trying to reassure me that everything was alright. I knew it wasn't but it didn't stop her from trying. She wanted me to go. To leave her here and never come back but I couldn't. There was no way I could leave this place and forget about her. She was my mum and even though I didn't have the best life I knew she tried everything within her power to give me the best. And that made her the best mum in the world in my eyes. _

_She wasn't in anything but her underwear and she was covered in blood. Dry and new. Cuts and bruises covered her body and her face was wet with tears. I hated seeing her like this. It wasn't fair. She deserved so much better. I wanted to go over there and fall into her arms. The one place I felt safest. But I knew I couldn't. It would make my dad mad and I didn't want to be the cause of her pain anymore._

"_James. James. James!" My dad shouted. I looked up at him and his face was furious. "I don't like having to repeat myself, boy." I could smell the beer on his breath and knew he had been drinking. When he was drunk he was usually more violent and I really didn't want that. So I nodded my head and forced myself not to look at my mum. I knew if I did and didn't give my dad the full attention he asked for he would get mad. And neither my mum or me wanted that. Things weren't looking so good as it was. _

"_Well boy I'm going to teach you a lesson for being such a mamma's boy." I didn't like the sound of that one bit. And from the look on my mum's face neither did she. _

"_No... You said you wouldn't. You said you wouldn't!" She screamed. She tried pulling herself up but collapsed back onto the floor from the pain she was feeling. _

"_Shut up, whore!" My dad roared as he released me and kicked her in her ribs. I screamed out in terror and made a move towards her, tears streaming down my face. My dad held his hand out in front of himself to stop me from coming to her. He suddenly smiled an evil grin and my panic grew because I knew those kind of smiles were never good news. _

"This…_" He stressed on the word. "Is how you treat a woman." _

_He kicked my mum again and she screamed out in agony, a fresh round of tears making there way down her face. He then gave her a backhand across the face and she lay dazed for a moment while I called out her name, praying she would answer me. I needed her. She couldn't leave me in this place with him. I couldn't stop myself from crying as she coughed up blood and spat it out. She caught me looking and her swollen eyes met mine._

"_Ssh. It'll be alright baby." S__he soothed. "Mamma's here."_

_Before I could say anything back the monster did another round of hitting before she finally fell into unconsciousness. The monster just looked at me and laughed. He walked out of the room muttering something about finding a beer and leaving me alone wth my mum. The moment he left the room I ran over to her and dropped to the floor beside her looking over her injuries. The tears were still falling as I looked her over and I gently placed my hands on each cheek and rubbed away the tears with my thumbs. I placed a soft kiss on her forhead and pulled some tissue out of my pocket. I gently wiped it over her face, trying to get rid of the blood, dirt and tears._

"_It's alright mummy.__" I whispered to her. "James is here."_

They were coming. They were coming and there wasn't one fucking thing I could do about it. Somehow I had to get us out of this fucked up mess that I had gotten us into but I had no idea how. After what happened to Jim I was shit scared of what they were going to do to me. This was only the beginning and neither side would stop till the other was dead.

The only way I could try and make sense of any of this would be to tell Mary the truth. She deserved to know the truth before our inevitable deaths. That she was really Alice Cullen… That I had lied to her since the day I met her… That after eight years thinking she didn't have a family it turns out she had one all along. I took her away from everything she had ever loved and I knew after I had told her the truth there was no way she was going to forgive me.

It wasn't going to be easy but it had to be done. I might have been the biggest bastard to her, this planet has ever seen but it just felt like something I had to do. I didn't usually listen to the feeling I had inside because it made me feel weak. I usually thought with my head because it was logical. To say that I wasn't a nice person was a major understatement. I can't change who I am and I wasn't going to try to. I didn't see the point.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair and over my face. I felt so fucking tired with all this shit going on. I thought about how I reacted to finding out about Mike and groaned in frustration. I did overreact but it was too late to take that shit back now. What was done was done and no matter what, she was always going to remember what I did to her.

I felt a sharp stab of pain in my heart and I knew why. That pain was there for a reason and it wasn't a reason I really liked to think about. I'd turned into the one person I hated the most. _My father._

_Sometimes doing the right thing means finally listening to your heart… even a monster like myself has a heart, I just don't use it. Times change…_

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_Well there you have it. The part mentioned in this chapter, as the darkest moment of James's life... well that goes into more detail next chapter. James finally, FINALLY, tells Alice the truth!_

_Read and review! Onto the next...  
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	23. 8:00pm

**_A/N: _**_ I won't say much here. Pretty shocking things go down... exciting chapter. READ AND REVIEW!  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

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August 3rd 2009

**8:00pm**

**APOV**

I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe what I had done. I had allowed myself to fall into the arms of my living nightmare. I had allowed those lies to be whispered in my ear night after night after night, like a lullaby on repeat for the worst possible thing to happen… _I believed him_. I knew it was the right thing to do back then. He would never have let me go, he would have tormented me until I finally caved into his arms, or worse, he could have killed me. But that doesn't distract me from the fact that for eight years I have been fucking lied to. Was anything true? Was anything real? All I knew was that he was a sick fuck who kidnapped a girl who knew no better. I was a good kid, a kid who was loved so much and he took that away from me. I have been cheated out of a life.

I was shaking with anger; my hands were balled into fists and gripped at the roots of my hair. I pulled and welcomed the almost distracting pain. I wanted to scream the house down. I wanted to punch the living daylights out of that _monster_. I wanted to wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze until that last bit of life left his lungs. I wanted to see his face turn every possible shade until that end came… oh how I would love ending his pathetic life and hear his pleas for me to stop. I hadn't realised I was squeezing too hard until two chunks of hair pulled free from my head. I was screaming loudly without even realising it, the fresh pain started to attack like tiny pins sticking into my scalp. It was a sharp and sore pain. I closed my mouth shunning the small space to into silence, my breathing haggard from the visions.

I wanted answers before that end came. I wanted to know why he picked me and I _will_ find out why. For eight years he's grown a girl who has been shit scared of him, well he's seen nothing yet, if he thinks he's going to come home to a girl who's going to grovel at his feet and apologize again, he has another thing coming. This anger has bubbled up for eight long years and he's about to feel that for the first time.

I heard a loud bang above me and knew it was the door. I gasped as I jumped in the tight space. My mind was miles away, I was losing track of time… My heart was thudding hard as it matched the running feet along the floor. I knew it was James immediately and I chose to stay quiet. Everything was happening too fast for me to fully process it. I was furious but fear joined that hatred… minutes ago I was riled up and waiting to get my revenge and answers, but this is my reality, I couldn't let myself forget what that thing was and what he was capable of. He was a living, breathing monster. A real psychopath and I had to play this out right or I'm going to end up dead. I had no time to form a plan, I could hear him running about above me, it was only a matter of time before he banged that door down and I got to look into his eyes once again.

I'd stayed quiet, waiting and counting his footsteps along the floor. Each time he came closer towards the second bedroom a prickle of fear and hatred spread through my body, it filled every muscle and vein with adrenaline which would subside with relief the further away his feet ran. He didn't come in the room I was locked in; he just ran around the living room, his breathing was loud even from where I was. What was he panicking about? Was something happening out there? Was someone else out there? I put a hand over my mouth as I realised my breathing was matching his, getting louder with my rising panic.

I heard another loud bang. "For fuck sake." He growled above and my breathing picked up, I pressed the palm of my hand down hard against my mouth trapping the sound as I strained to hear what he was doing. I heard another loud bang and many more that rapidly picked up with its beats. He was nailing something… but what? Why? What the fuck was happening? He ran again and I heard a saw being used as it tore through wood and finally snapped away. He ran again and more bangs from a hammer sounded as he banged nails into the wood. I was a room away but I could clearly hear the wood protesting with each bang as if he were nailing that wood into the coffin lid. It was clear now that he was trapping us in this house. But why? My anger was growing as the anticipation built. I had too many things to concentrate on.

The nagging in my head for that sweet drug was still just as powerful as it had been hours ago. It was begging me for another dose but even I wasn't that stupid, every time I took that drug I went out for two hours and I couldn't afford that time. Not like that beast of a man would give me any. I was growing frustrated with the need but I silenced the nagging with difficulty, the fear of what was happening above me helped a lot.

The nightmares were still replaying like a broken record at the back of my mind. Nothing, not even my sudden intense fear could hold the truth back now. I was Alice Cullen and he had lied to me for eight long years, forced me to marry him… I brought my left hand from my mouth and held it up in front of the light seeping in through the tiny hole. I tried to pry the golden band from my wedding finger. I spat on it but another snap from some wood stopped me from tugging at it again. My mind was frantically trying to concentrate on everything at once, I felt the begging's of a headache start to form at the front of my head. I tried to pull at the ring wrapped tightly around my finger again but my arms couldn't move in the tight space.

Yet more bangs and growls came from James, stopping me from trying a third time. I wanted to know what was happening. Why was he running around like a maniac? What was he hiding us from? I lowered my hand as I froze with a sudden thought. Was it Jasper? Had he found us? Had he brought people to the house? Oh my god, he wouldn't be that stupid, would he? He was going to get me killed if he had, James would be furious if this was the case and the only person he could take it out on was me. I was crying again without realising it, just the thought of Jasper being at the other end of that door made me a little happier, even if the thought of being killed was at the back of my mind. It was one of the worst situations imaginable but I couldn't help the way I felt about him.

"James." I shouted without a second thought and that one word brought everything I was feeling and thinking to a stand still. My head was clear now, being trapped in this small space was painful and I couldn't stand being kept in the dark any longer. I banged on the coffin lid and his hammering stopped as he listened out for me. "James, I know you can hear me. Let me out." I yelled at the top of my lungs and I heard the hammer drop to the floor.

I didn't know what I was planning; I didn't know what I was going to do when he opened the coffin up. As he unlocked the door I remembered the screw and I found it from where I had dropped it when I'd passed out. I clutched it in my hands and waited for him to release me. "Mary." James shouted above me in a panicked tone and he unlocked the bolts keeping the lid together. His tone made me drop the screw, I knew I couldn't just launch myself at him at the first chance I had. I needed answers first. I couldn't let my anger for him get the better of me or I was going to end up getting myself killed or I would manage to kill him before I got my answers… and I couldn't bare the thought of living another day and not knowing why he did this to me.

"Mary." He said again in that same panicked tone as he lifted the lid. I couldn't see him at first; the light from the room was harsh and too bright. I shielded myself away from it. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I felt a hand wrap its way around my upper right arm and I pulled away as if he had just burnt me, my sight instantly better as my anger rose when I took my first look at him. I was allowed to be pissed off, he had locked me in the coffin for god knows how long and I would let him believe I was angry at that. I knew my expression showed my rage. "Mar-" I slapped him hard across the face, it felt good, really fucking good. I balled my hand into a fist to stop myself from doing it again because I would never stop.

I stood up straight in the coffin but didn't step out. My bones creaked with the sudden movement and my muscles ached as I bent and stretched to loosen them up. "Don't you dare apologize." I said; disgust and anger laced every word. I moaned because of the pain, the muscles in my back and legs had locked up tight, I couldn't bend over without a whimper escaping my lips. I looked down at him on his knees like he was nothing to me.

"I know I shouldn't have reacted the way I did." I wanted to laugh at his words.

"Don't tell me that you actually grew feelings and a conscience while you were away." I knew I hit below the belt and the first spark of _something_ flared behind his eyes. He looked away from me as if regaining his control and I observed the way he collected himself… and for the first time I started to really _see_ what I had always been saying about James all these years. Maybe there was a true beast inside of him and he was fighting to keep it down. I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I knew he was an angry person, I knew he had a bad temper, but observing him now as a person that I don't really know at all, it was clearer now. I would describe him as almost being schizophrenic with his personality; he was acting nice now, almost calm. But the James that locked me away in this coffin was far from the man he is now. I gulped again, swallowing my fear and pressed my back to the wall.

"Like I said, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have reacted the way I did." A hint of a growl but when he looked at me, his eyes held truth to his words. I nodded and decided to quickly change the subject.

"What were you banging at out there?" My voice was shaky and my legs were starting to feel weak with trying to stand up straight, every time my posture sagged the pain would strike in my muscles.

"I… Shit, Mary. I'm sorry." Just hearing him use that name brought back my intentions. He bowed his head when he apologized again and I had the sudden memory of when he let me out of the coffin years ago. It was the night he killed Jeffery. He apologized and tried to explain himself while covered in fresh blood, dripping towards the floor. I launched myself at him and ended up soaked in the sticky mess myself. I shook the image away, fighting to keep control of my anger. _I wouldn't be sick. I wouldn't hit him. Keep control of yourself!_

"You keep saying that." I said through gritted teeth.

He reached out for me again and I pressed as much of me as I could against the wall, I must have looked like I was trying to mould myself to it. He certainly got the image that I didn't want to touch him. "Their coming." And with that cryptic message he sprang to his feet and fled the room.

I stared dumbfounded at the open door as if expecting him to come back into the room and explain himself or tell me all this mysterious behaviour was a cruel prank. I bent my legs and took a step forwards, the movement hurt like a bitch but I could move without whimpering out loud. I heard more sawing through wood and hesitantly made my way to the open doorway. "Who's coming?" I asked him, still keeping my distance from him; he had a dangerous tool in his hand after all. He carried on sawing and it pissed me off further. "Who is coming, James?" I asked louder but he continued to be ignorant.

The floorboard finally gave way to him and he moved with quick speed towards the door where I could now see that he had managed to nail at least four planks of wood to the doorframe. "I should never have got involved." He mumbled to himself, he was scared and he wasn't hiding it from me. "Jim didn't give me a choice though!" He shouted at himself, as if answering himself, it freaked me out that little bit more. When he turned to me, tears were pouring down his face.

It sparked panic within me. I've never seen him in such a mess before. "James, who is coming? What have you done?" He dropped the plank to the floor along with the saw and stalked a little towards me. He picked up his hammer and that was my queue to back the fuck up. "James you're scaring me." My voice shook with fear.

"You just don't get it do you?" He shouted, and banged a hole into the nearest wall. I jumped with fright.

"No, because you're not telling me anything!" I matched his tone.

"We're going to die." He said simply.

"James you're not making any sense." I kept my gaze on the hammer, the closer he got the tighter my chest got with my rising panic.

"Their coming and their going to kill us." He said that again like it explained everything.

"What the fuck is going on James." I was surprised with how confident my tone was; I didn't feel so confident right now. His hammer caught a bit of light and it gleamed in a mocking way, screaming, 'yeah, look at me!'

"The people who killed Jim are now coming for us." He turned on his heel and ran for the door, picking up the wood he had cut free from the floor and began nailing it to the frame, crisscrossing it over another plank. The room was beginning to spin; I sank to the floor and put my head between my legs.

"Why are they coming for us? We don't owe them any money." I finally said after he finished nailing the plank to the door.

He laughed and it was a laugh that ran down my spine, it was a laugh that told me I knew nothing. "No, I don't owe them _money_." The way he said the last word showed me a peek at his monster and I got the impression he was hiding something from me. His mood was getting darker by the second.

"Then what do we owe them?" He looked at me and I saw yet more fear. He looked away almost immediately, hiding himself away from me. "James I can't fucking guess this shit. You have to tell me." My voice held every inch of fear I was feeling.

He ran to the spot where he had made a hole in the floorboards and began sawing off another piece. His dirty blonde hair broke loose from its band and it fell in his face as his arms worked frantically on the next piece of wood. His breathing was haggard as he choked back on tears. "Help me." His voice held desperation but I didn't want to go near him. I shook my head and began to cry with him. He stopped his sawing and sagged back, holding himself together. "Please Mary. Help me." He was crying with fear and I wanted so much to correct him on the name but I couldn't bring myself to say it, the words stuck in my throat and I swallowed them down.

I knew refusing him would only bring his beast out into the open… did I want to see it so quick? No. Would I get answers if I saw that part of him? No. His most evil side was the most practical part of his personality and not in a good way; he would do more damage than good. I wiped the tears away in defeat and crawled my way over to him. I was more scared at the moment than I was angry at him. I couldn't shake the image of Jim lying in James's arms, his body a bloody gore of flesh, blood and bone. I shuddered but carried on crawling towards him. I couldn't even begin to understand how much that must have hurt. I was no good with pain. I was weak when I was in pain. I just caved in and took it, not because I enjoyed it, but because I wasn't strong enough to stop it. The years of abuse from James hadn't changed my pain tolerance one bit.

I realised with a jolt of shock that I was scared for the both of us. I looked into his eyes and his eyes looked haunted like he had seen too much, that he knew what was going to happen to him. He feared for us both too, there was no denying that. "What do you want me to do?" I asked.

We had spent about half an hour cutting planks of wood from the floorboard and boarding up every window in the house and the main door. There was no light peaking through the gaps in the wood, outside was dark and a great cover for the men coming for us. There were no lights on in the house but the small candles that I had managed to dig up from one of the kitchen cabinets. I scattered the odd small one here and there but they did nothing. I found two large red ones, one for James and one for myself; they seemed to help a little. I've had to use these a few times because of James refusing or forgetting to pay the electric bill for periods of time. I hadn't realised what time it was until I had lit my own candle. It was now 8:30pm…

I let myself wonder for a brief minute about Jasper. Did he turn up at the park? Was he still waiting for me now to show up if he had? Or had he convinced himself I wasn't the real Alice. I really hoped he still believed. Once James came back into the room, with a candle lit in his own hand I shook those thoughts from my head. He came up to me and I moved around him, sitting on the couch. His face scrunched up, the shadows from the light casting upwards on his face were frightening. I didn't know if he was pissed off that I moved away from him or hurt. I looked down and watched my own candle flickered softly.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on now?" I looked up at him and he lowered the candle so I couldn't see his face, just the clothes that clung to his body, sweat keeping them in place. "James?" I asked and he blew his candle out. My breathing caused my own candle to flicker widely as it threatened to blow out and I put a hand over my mouth. I couldn't see him anywhere or hear him… but I felt him as the couch sunk next to me. He reached his own candle towards mine and relit it. I moved to the right but he moved with me.

"Why won't you let me touch you?" He kept everything he was feeling deep inside, that wasn't a good sign. I hated not knowing how he was feeling. He tried to put his hand on my left arm but I moved away quickly causing hot wax to fall down the candle and onto my right hand, like blood leaking from a wound. I winced with the sudden pain but carried on pushing myself away from him until I was at the very end of the couch and practically sat on the arm. "Mary?" He said my name in a patronizing way, mimicking me.

"Don't call me that." I snapped without thinking and I instantly regretted it.

"What did you just say?" He asked, anger creeping in.

"Nothing." I whispered, more aware now that I was literally trapped in this house with him. Was this all a lie? Was there people really coming after us? Or was this a trap for him to finally end me?

"Why wouldn't I call you Mary?" He knew I knew… and I let the silence continue, my heart was beating far too fast. I could feel the blood running through my body as all time stood still. "Answer me." He shouted causing me to jump, more wax splashing onto my arm this time.

"I know okay? I know!" I shouted back and stood up. I walked around the coffee table, putting something in between us in case he launched himself at me. I wasn't ready for this yet.

"So you lied to me earlier?" He spoke through his teeth, trying to hold back his anger I hoped. It also shocked me that he wasn't denying all of this.

"I…I didn't know then… honestly." I stuttered. "When… he told me who I was, I didn't believe a word of it. Not until you put me in that coffin."

"So why do you suddenly believe him?" He'd lowered the candle so that the only hint to how he was feeling was being well hidden, besides a hint of anger as he growled his words.

"I found some markings-" I muttered.

"Speak up _Mary_ because I can't hear you!" He yelled and he was defiantly not hiding his anger.

"I found some markings in the coffin. There's scratch marks on the walls and on the lid is my… my name." I was so scared of his reaction. I couldn't keep control of my shaking, more blood red wax dripped onto the dried wax on my hand causing it to heat up freshly and burn hot and immediate.

He suddenly stood up and launched his candle at the nearest wall and flipped on the light to the room. He stayed quiet; we both did. I was scared and he was outraged, our breathing matched perfectly, heavy and fast as we both waited for the other to break the silence first. The longer I stood, my muscles began to slowly tighten up again, moving around before had helped with quieting the pain to a dull ache, but now it was striking again. I was in pain with a burning need which was now resurfacing with a sudden thought, my head screamed for the realise it burned for but I couldn't give my body was it craved the most. My forehead was sweating and I felt weaker as the silence went on.

I watched his chest rise and fall as I was too scared to look into his eyes. I didn't want to see the look on his face. I knew I was crying, I felt them run down my face in hot streaks softly. I kept swallowing a sob and a scream. I felt like my body was burning alive, the need for Heroin at the front of my mind now. But I couldn't close my eyes to concentrate on the nagging feeling, to shut it up. James's beast was at the surface and any minute I could be introduced to that dark side of him… _I didn't want that_. Not when I was trapped in a house with him.

The living room clock sounded louder all of a sudden and I hadn't realised I was whispering the seconds as they ticked by. My body was shaking so bad, my knees were threatening to give way any minute but I stood my ground and stared daggers into his chest. "Mary…" James suddenly said and that's when I passed out.

"Shh Mary, its okay." I felt something brush through my hair as I fought to drag myself back to reality. I grabbed the nearest thing to me, a solid wall of fabric and I gripped it tightly and held myself too it like a lifeline. "Everything's fine." I heard him whisper and that's when I realised I was holding onto his chest for dear life. I was locked in his arms.

"Let go of me." I moaned.

"Mary, you need-"

"My names Alice; let go of me." My voice wasn't getting any stronger and my head was still throbbing. I could finally open my eyes but the room span like I was on a merry-go-round. "Let go. LET GO." I yelled and rolled from his arms.

"Mar-" He started to say.

"My name is Alice. I'm not Mary, stop calling me that." I was on all fours as my stomach threatened to hurl up its contents. "What have you done to me?" I whispered weakly.

"You needed a dose, so I gave you one."

"What?" I looked up at him, but I was seeing two of everything. I closed my eyes tightly and willed the feeling of motion sickness to go away.

"I gave you Heroin but not your usual dose. I gave you enough to satisfy the need but not to knock you out for two hours like normal." He explained.

"Why do I feel like… like I've been drugged with something… different? I don't feel good at all, I feel dizzy… and sick." I slurred.

"I didn't know you were going to react like this." He moved forwards and I went back on my heels; the sudden movement didn't help at all.

"Please, don't come near me." I tried to hold up my arms to stop him but it felt like I was trying to lift a concrete block, they couldn't really move. I fell to my side, smacking my head on the floor but I hardly felt it as my eyes fluttered shut. "Please, don't touch me." I mumbled, willing myself to stay awake and alert.

"At least let me put you on the couch; you must be hurting on the floor." I felt his hands worm under me and I sagged into him as he lifted me effortlessly. I was too weak to fight him off. He walked slowly as if afraid any sudden movement would hurt me or he was afraid he would drop me. He put me on the couch and I let my eyes flutter open but everything was getting worse.

"It's not getting better James." I slurred again.

"I know." He said in an apologetic tone. "I'm ready to tell you now." He said in a small voice. He wasn't touching me now but he was sat with his back to the couch, his head inches from mine. I knew because the couch was sagged near my left shoulder and his breath was hot against my skin.

"Tell me what?" My body was slowly going numb; I could hardly move my legs. I felt like someone had replaced all my blood with a heavier liquid.

"Why I did this to you." He sounded disgusted in himself. I couldn't see his expression, but I heard his feelings plain and clear. "Me and Jim have… _had,_ been best friends ever since we were fourteen. My dad was a drunk; he beat my mother to her death. She didn't die at his hands, but she killed herself on my fourteenth birthday because of _him._ I met Jim and he introduced me to the best release I could ask for. I wanted out of this shitty world and reality. I wanted to forget what he had done to her. I held so much hatred for him and the fact that I never did anything about it, well, that is my biggest regret. He died an alcoholic _and none of it was my doing._

"Ten years ago, Jim started dealing for this gang. There was this leader, his name was Harley and he had a daughter, Sarah, who was seventeen years old at the time. Me and Jim weren't so innocent to the world of drugs and sex, we were both twenty three, young and had no care in the world besides when we got that next hit. We did what we could to get what we wanted. It was tough getting by though, no jobs and a one room home which was filled by junkies. But when he met that gang everything changed for us. We got free drug supplies if we agreed to sell on Harleys stash; he paid us along with the free hits and for the first time we could afford a decent flat with a shower and beds to sleep on.

"Our life was going great until he started to date Sarah. Harley wasn't so happy when he found out the news, he beat the shit out of Jim until he got the picture that if he ever did anything to hurt Sarah, he would break both of his legs and chop his dick off and feed it to him before he ended his life. He wouldn't stop there either, according to Harley, me and Jim was a package deal, so anything that happened to Jim happened to me." He huffed in a pissed off tone as if what he had just said was ridiculous. "I kept a close eye on them, made sure he didn't fuck her around because I sure as hell didn't want to get on the wrong side of these people…

"Six months later our job didn't get any better. Harley didn't like us very much since Jim started dating Sarah. He decided that he could use us for more so he sent us out to collect late payments. If they didn't cough up the cash we were to break both their legs and beat them to with an inch of their life. If they still didn't cough up a few months later, Harley sent his gang to finish off our job and kill them. Me and Jim weren't into all that, I couldn't… _I just couldn't kill someone._" He turned around, I felt him shift and I opened my eyes, the world still spun, I still saw two of him but at least I saw something to keep him in my vision.

"What are you doing James?" I groaned as he lifted my head in his hands, he leaned in as if to kiss me and I closed my eyes, pressing my lips tight together.

"I didn't mean to kill him Mary, I swear it." He said and I opened my eyes, not like it did any good. "I just… I got carried away; I couldn't stop… I've never killed anyone before. Please believe that that wasn't my intention." He willed me to understand him and I nodded weakly in his hands, knowing exactly who he was talking about. I would forever blame him for Jeffery's death, but I was more interested in his story than getting into a pointless argument that would lead to no good. We both sagged back into our previous positions and he continued.

"Sarah was getting curious in the work that me and Jim did for her dad. Jim tried to keep her out of all that. Even when he did a hit he made sure she was nowhere around him during that time and that she couldn't contact him. He was good at keeping that part of his life away from her… but she loved him. That was their biggest mistake; that they loved each other so much… _because in the end love destroyed them both._" He whispered softly. "Jim's speciality was dealing Heroin, I dealt Cocaine. Sarah was most interested in Jim's world, therefore Jim's drug. She begged him to let her try but he said she couldn't, not until she turned eighteen at least.

"He confided in me on her eighteenth. He told me he was scared of how she was going to react to the drug. He was worried for her but that didn't distract Jim from his number one rule: Put yourself first. He was most scared for himself and what Harley would do if he ever found out what he'd done. As much as he loved her, he didn't want to die for her… but she was persistent. That night I think he forget his rule, just for the one night, because when he was with me he was most insistent that he was going to talk her out of it but when he came home with her in his arms I knew he caved into her.

"Sarah was hooked within a month. She hid the needle marks well from Harley; he never pulled Jim up on what was going on, not once. He was oblivious to what his precious angel was getting up to. She was fucked out of her head during the day, but sober by the time she had to return home. But I saw the change, in just that one month she had changed, but Jim was just as blind as Harley. You see, when I got into drugs, it was to get away from everything. I didn't do it because I wanted too; I didn't it because I needed too. Jim was a similar case, only he secretly enjoyed what he was doing and maybe a part of me did, which is probably why I still do it to this day.

"But Sarah was different. She did it because she loved it and that was more dangerous. She had a different need and a stronger addiction to the rest of us. I suppose when I got the phone call that changed our lives forever I wasn't so surprised. I expected it all along…" He paused as if collecting himself again, or maybe he was choosing his words carefully, I didn't know. I was trying to concentrate on remaining conscious for this confession. It was getting harder and the effects were getting worse rather than disappearing, which scared me.

"Jim phoned me one night, I remember it clearly as if it was yesterday. He was frantic and I couldn't make a word out of what he was saying, the only part I caught was that she had overdosed. I knew who he meant straight away and I knew right then that we were as good as dead. Harley's words rung in my ears the whole way towards Jim." His voice was an almost whisper, I had to move my head to the left to hear what he was saying.

"She lay there with the needle still in her arm. Her skin was as white as paper, her eyes stared straight ahead seeing nothing and dead to the world. Her lips were chapped and sore, her eyes had purple shadows under them and her veins stood very blue and proud under her skin. She looked like she had been dead for about three days; the stench told me as much. We didn't have time to come up with a plan, Harleys men happened to walk through the door just moments after I got there. Jim was a wreck and incoherent. He was useless and he was guilty. It wasn't until we were in the back of their van that Jim told me he called them. If my hands weren't tied behind my back I would have killed him there and then, because what was about to happen to us was nothing compared to what I wanted to do to him.

"That journey was one of the longest rides of my life. Every time the car stopped at a stop light, it felt as if my heart was about to burst from my chest, then the car would go again and that moment of relief, _I relished in it. _I hung onto every second of my life in that car, knowing that when that final stop came that would be it for the two of us. I refused to let myself think of what was about to happen to us, it would have done me no good… although now I think about it, a heart attack would have been a better way to go out than what Harleys men probably had in store for us." He sounded relieved when he was speaking now, as if he had truly been given a second chance at life. I just couldn't understand how he was alive now after what they did and the way he's been speaking about Harley. I stayed quiet in my battle to stay conscious as he continued.

"They dragged us from the car, gagged, tied and blindfolded. When they ripped the blindfold from us I saw we were in an open, empty warehouse; just like you would imagine in a gangster movie. I think that's when I started to cry, we both did because we knew that any minute the torture was about to begin…

"Harley paced in front of us and his face… I'll never forget the look on his face. He looked like a broken man and he wasn't even trying to hold himself together. Not even the presence of his men could have kept that look from his eyes. "Why?" He whispered to Jim and then dished out the first punch on me. "WHY?" He screamed at Jim and punched me in the gut.

"Jim couldn't talk, his mouth was gagged and he sobbed for them to cut him loose. Harley brought out a knife and cut his mouth free, not one drop of blood was poured from him. "I didn't mean too…" He cried. "She was… she was everything… to me… I… I loved her… with everything in me." He sagged forwards and Harleys face shifted from broken to outraged.

""She was my baby. She was my daughter and YOU TOOK HER FROM ME." He cut his cheek with the small blade and Jim didn't even flinch, he accepted what was happening to him and welcomed it. I think that's when Harley changed his mind. "No… NO!" He yelled. "You _do not_ deserve to live in a world where she doesn't exist anymore. You deserve to die for what you have done to her." His voice echoed in the room, everyone silent as he let all his anger out on the two tied men. "But I will not grant you the release you so crave right now. I see the way you look, I see the look in your eyes, you want to die, you want to join her and I will not allow that. No…" He said again, his eyes were crazed and it was the scariest look I've ever seen in a mans eyes before.

""Please…" Jim begged and I almost ended his life for them. I didn't want to die for a mistake he made.

"Harley knelt down in front of us and motioned for his men to back up a few steps. Their bodies were like a heated wall behind our backs, so close to us we were almost touching. When they moved back it didn't make me feel better at all, I didn't know what was behind us and I didn't know what was waiting for us. "You will pay for what you have done." Harley whispered. "You will feel how I feel right now." He motioned at his heart with the blade and I swallowed what felt like my own heart down my throat. "This is what you are going to do… I give you one month, one month to do as I say or I come for you and I will make sure that what has happened tonight will be avenged if you do not. I will personally skin you both alive and hang it on my wall like a trophy." I nodded and swallowed that lump again; I couldn't believe what was happening to us. We were being given a chance to walk from here alive.

""Anything." I spoke through my gag.

"Harley never looked at me once, he didn't even hear me. His eyes were for Jim and Jim alone. "You will take a girl. I don't care how old she is, just as long as she is younger than thirteen years old." He finally looked at me and back at Jim, making sure we both understood what he was saying. "You will take care of this girl, love her with everything in you and bring her up as your own… but when she turns eighteen; your time will be up with her. I won't tell you when I'll be coming for you, but you will know and I'll make sure you know that we are." His eyes had turned darker as he stared at Jim, waiting for a reaction from him.

""What will you do to this girl?" Jim finally asked.

""Exactly what you have done to my little girl. I will take her from you and you will finally feel how I feel today." He stood up and looked behind us, giving one sharp nod and then bags were placed over our heads. I remember screaming, I remember being the only one screaming and then everything went blank." I couldn't believe what he had just told me. I tried to push myself up into a sitting position, but my blood felt even heavier than before. I was practically paralyzed from head to toe I was that weak.

"You… you did this to me because of him?" I slurred out and tried my best to put emotions into how I was feeling.

"Yes." He was crying but I felt nothing but anger for him.

"Don't cry… don't you dare cry." I slurred and tried to sound angry but I sounded as weak as I felt. "What have you done to me?" I asked again, the room spinning still when I risked opening my eyes, the effects now worse than they were before his tale.

"Mar- Alice." He finally spoke my real name and I turned my head to him, the quick movement made the world twist and turn, I closed my eyes and it felt slightly better. "I'm sorry we chose you. I was selfish and scared; Jim didn't even want to do it. He was a wreck during that month, he just stayed in bed and wished for them to come and take him. I had to force feed him; drug him whenever I was out so that he didn't kill himself when I wasn't around. I knew that if they found him dead they would come for me. After all, this was all _his_ doing… this was_ his_ mistake; if he was dead I was nothing to them, _easily disposable._ I warned him not to fall for her; I told him this would happen." His monster inside peeked but he swallowed it down and whispered softly through coming tears. "I… I couldn't… I just couldn't die. Not for something that I didn't do, it wasn't fair." He was crying into his hands, his body shaking against the couch.

"Wasn't fair? _Wasn't fair?_" My anger managed to seep through my slurred speech this time. "How was it unfair on you…? What about me…? You kidnapped me James… and brainwashed me… into believe I was some other girl. You took me from a loving family and my friends… _You've ruined my life._" My head hurt with every word, it was a constant stain to remain conscious; the effort seemed to make me more tired and more resistant to my efforts. I was impressed I'd managed to stay alert this long.

"I know…" He bowed his head and I closed my eyes again.

"No you don't know." I groaned; my voice rough. "You don't know anything… You don't know…_ how_… you have made me feel these past eight years…" I couldn't talk anymore, my stomach tightened in one big knot and I had to fight the sickness down. I felt like my insides were on fire as the vomit wormed its way up my body.

"Alice!" James said and he picked me up from the couch and sprinted to the bathroom, he set me down just in time for me to throw up in the toilet. He supported my body and rubbed my back as it all came out. I didn't object to the contact, I was in too much pain to bitch at him. When I finally finished he flushed the toilet for me and he took me back into the living room setting me on the couch again.

"How come you turned all the lights on?" I croaked.

"They're still coming for us. What's a bit of light peeking through the wood gunna do? It won't stop them from trying to get into this house." He sounded like he had accepted what was going to happen to him already and I hoped he got what he expected. He deserved to be tortured to death. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Like you care." I slurred, my head throbbing like one big pulse.

"Of course I care-" I interrupted him.

"No you don't. You don't give a shit about me and you never have or you wouldn't have done this to me." I didn't look at him; I didn't have the effort anymore to even lift my eyelids.

"_I care now._ I love you. Back then I was scared and selfish and a monster-" I cut in.

"You still are." But he continued like I hadn't interrupted him.

"I was still young and naive-" I cut in again.

"And I wasn't?" But again he continued like I hadn't interrupted him.

"I have no excuse for what I've done to you, I know that." His voice shifted a tone darker and it sent small goose bumps up my arms. "But you heard what he was going to do to us. He was going to skin us both alive and I never doubted for a second he was bluffing. I've… I've never see that look in a mans eyes before, he was crushed, broken, yet determined to get revenge for his daughter." I felt his breath hot on my skin as he turned to me. "I couldn't let them do that to me. I had to do something, anything to stop that from happening."

"Why didn't you just leave?" I slurred; my voice soft and I hated it.

"You don't think they would have known?" He laughed but there was no amusement to it. "He had men outside our house every night. When me and Jim went to Forks to stay at our friends house to house sit, they followed us there. Everywhere we went they lurked and oversaw all our attempts-" My heart was beating so fast.

"Wait… I wasn't your first attempt?" I felt the blood drain from my face.

"No." His voice sounded like it had been completely taken over by his dark side. I wished I could open my eyes to see him; I hated being this vulnerable and weak.

"What happened to the other girls?" My voice was almost inaudible.

"They didn't take the bait." He said matter-of-factly. His tone was dead of all emotion.

"How many?" I asked.

"There were nine girls, you were the tenth." Again, that same dead tone.

I didn't know what to say. If I hadn't have vomited moments ago I would have emptied my stomach at this news, I was eternally grateful for that. I knew I was shaking badly; my fingertips tingled with the sensation. My breathing was coming fast as I tried to think of something to say, anything to break the silence. I was immobile, just lying on the couch, practically paralyzed and too weak to even open my eyes. I don't know what he had given me but I wasn't in a good position right now. We were locked tight in this house, he had just confessed his darkest secret and there was people currently coming for us, to kill me and hopefully him.

I was saved from having to continue this talk as someone banged on the door. "Jaa_aames_." A man taunted from the other side of the door. "We know you're in there… Come out, come out." He laughed and I heard others laugh with him.

"Their here." James breathed out and he dashed from his spot on the floor.

"Ja-" I began to say but he put a hand over my mouth.

"Don't say a word; don't let them know you're in here. Whatever they say while I'm gone, do not answer them. Understand me?" I tried to nod in his hand but I was too weak to do that.

He moved his hand and I whispered back. "Where are you going?" But he was already gone. I felt ridiculous lying here with my eyes shut and unable to move.

"You can't hide forever James." Another man laughed and another bang followed. "Make sure this door comes down, you know the orders." He told them all. The banging picked up and I heard the door start to cave slowly away with their weight. "Your pathetic attempt at keeping us out won't last forever James. I hope you and the broad know that." The banging stopped and I heard muttering but I couldn't make out what they were saying to each other.

A new voice. "I'm going to enjoy fucking your little prostitute James." He laughed and I felt tears begin to fall from my closed eyes. "I heard she's awesome in the sack." I heard more men talk all at once "Can't wait to hit that." "She better be ready for me." "I'm gunna make you watch me fuck her before I kill you." "I enjoy them young." How many were out there? I swallowed what felt like my heart down my throat and waited silently as they continued to taunt me and James.

"Alice it's me." James put a hand over my mouth to stop me from screaming. "Any minute now their gunna break down that door." He sounded panicked as he whispered to me, but there was a different tension to him, like he was hiding something from me.

He moved his hand from my mouth and I whispered back. "What are they going to do to us?" I was petrified at the thought of them getting to me.

"Nothing… at least not to you." I wanted to say something to that but he put his hand back over my mouth and continued quickly. "I have enough Heroin for one overdose." I tried to shake my head. "Listen to me Alice. Their going to get in here and what they're going to do…" He couldn't finish his sentence, it caught in this throat. "I can't… _I just can't_ let them do that to you. I've seen what they do to people Alice… I know these people and I can't let that happen to you. You may not believe me but I do love you and I care too much about you to see that happen." More banging stopped him for a second and more taunting. He leaned in closer so I could hear him more clearly. "Please. Take this way out."

He moved his hand from my mouth and I was nearly hyperventilating, because this was it… I either take the easy way out or I get beaten to death. I knew he was serious; his voice shook with his words because of his fear of these men. "I'm scared James." I cried.

"I know. I am too." He cried back and rested his forehead on mine. "I'm so sorry for doing this to you. I really, truly am." He brushed a hand down my face and his thumb brushed my bottom lip. "Please take this. I don't want to see you hurt." He was crying harder now.

"Will it hurt?" I cried back, I knew the answer already but I needed the reassurance. It was such a childish thing to say and so innocent, but that's how I felt right now.

"No. I promise it won't." I felt him move off of me and his hands trailed down my left arm. He tied a tie around my upper arm, tight enough that my fingers went numb. He was crying as quietly as he could and I was too. He kept saying, "I love you, I love you, I love you so much." over and over again. When the needle pricked my skin he began to say. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." over and over again. I just waited, waited for that rush of happiness that Heroin gives me when it washes over me for that final time. I knew my last dream would be of Jasper and I couldn't imagine a better way to go out. Before he pumped it into my arm he leaned into me and gave me one last kiss, it was soft and full of tears and I kissed him back. I don't know why, maybe it was just that I wanted to be close to someone that one last time before I died. Just to feel another persons love before I finally closed my eyes forever. Even if I didn't really believe they loved me. Even if it was James… "I'm going to miss you." He chuckled and I actually chuckled back through my tears.

"I don't love you James… but in my own twisted sick way… I'm going to miss you too." That made us both cry harder as he slowly pumped the Heroin into my arm. When he was done, he laid his head on my chest and I enjoyed the feeling as it swam through my body… lifting me impossibly higher… higher until I felt I was sitting on a cloud where no one could hurt me. Just before it took me fully under, I heard a distant bang and my last thought was, that they were finally in.

_Jasper took my hand and brought me into his arms. He breathed my scent in and whispered sweet words into my ear. Dying isn't so bad after all…_

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_SHOCKED? ALICE DEAD? All shall be revealed next chapter. This was our intention from the start that Alice has a heroin overdose. Sorry if this upset some of you! Next chapter will continue from this point onwards but from Jasper's POV. Hoping hes going to be the knight in shining armour again? _

_Read and Review. We shall TRY to not be so long next time. Thank you!  
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	24. 9:00pm

**_A/N: _**_A few things to say before this chapter. One, we apologize for the long wait, if you want to follow us both on Twitter we will keep you up to date and you can all bug and annoy Carrie-Ann into writing her next one lol She takes aaaages. Follow me at _charlottexbx_ and Carrie-Ann at _spaziwan

_Secondly, i forgot to mention an important part of the last chapter. Alice started to lose control of her body, she was finding it hard to keep concious, there is a reason for this. James did drug her and your about to find out what he drugged her with._

_Thirdly, there will only be one chapter this update. We have four more chapters to go, including the Epilogue and then this story is over :( I do have the next chapter written and if Carrie-Ann takes ages again I'll update with that so your not waiting like a month and a half again. Hopefully we will be updating with two chapters next. So keep an eye out and follow us on twitter for updates!_

_Finally, thanks to all those who reviewed and added us to your favourites and story alerts! We really love you guys for sticking with us! ENJOY.  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Jasper and Alice_

_

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_

August 3rd 2009

**9:00pm**

**JPOV**

A guy honked his horn in my direction as I drove recklessly through the streets. I should have known this was going to happen. Why didn't I see it? I honestly thought she would have shown up. But I waited and waited… and still there was no sign of her. I got less impatient as the seconds ticked by and I couldn't stop fiddling with the sleeves off my jacket. In the end I gave up waiting, my impatience getting the better of me and ran to the car stepping on the brakes and making my way over to the house she lived in, only slowing down if I had too.

I was shaking with fear from what I might find when I finally reach her. Why didn't she turn up? Would she be alright when I found her? Would she still be breathing for that matter? A shudder ripped through me with that thought. I couldn't keep thinking like this. I had to stick with positive thoughts.

Maybe she never showed up because she had forgotten… Or had something more important to do than show up to meet me. _Maybe she just didn't believe me and the worst had happened…_

It was so hard to keep a positive outlook on things when all I felt was like the worse was about to happen. Images and flashes of her cut up and blooded, bruised and stabbed passed through my mind one by one. She was broken and helpless and I never made it in time to save her and all I could do was hope these images wouldn't turn out to be true. I would always protect her. I had told her that countless times growing up. I had failed her once but I wasn't going to let it happen again.

I was fighting to keep the tears at bay. It was a hard battle but I wasn't going to let myself break down… at least not yet. I didn't have a reason too. But I couldn't shake this horrible feeling that was growing in my gut. I didn't want to believe something terrible had happened but my gut instinct told me otherwise.

I felt like shouting out all of my frustrations at the top of my voice. I gripped the steering wheel tighter and turned onto Alice's street, stopping a few houses away on the opposite side of the road so I wouldn't get noticed. There was a black van parked outside the house and that feeling in my stomach got a whole lot worse. There was something about that van that screamed trouble and I didn't like it one bit.

I switched the engine off and calmed my nerves before getting out of the car. My hands were shaking at the thought of what I was about to do. This could go wrong in so many ways and people could and most likely would get hurt. A person I care about, someone I love; I couldn't let them touch her.

I shut the engine off and climbed out, slithering off to the side of the road I needed to be. I moved to the shadows where I could stay easily hidden. I slowly made my way towards the house, making sure I didn't step into light from the street lamps. I paused before continuing; just taking in everything that was happening. It almost felt surreal. Like this wasn't my life and it was all a dream. Things like this weren't suppose to happen in real life… _only in movies._

I soon got over what was suppose to be reality and what wasn't and continued towards my destination. It was almost pitch black tonight and it was getting harder and harder to be careful of where I was stepping. I couldn't risk making a loud noise and someone seeing me.

Soon enough I was close enough to the house to see figures moving around the black van and speaking to each other in almost whispers. I was too far away to be able to tell what it was they were talking about. All I knew was that there were three of them. And three against one didn't seem like very good odds to me at this point in time. I was already feeling sick to my stomach. I was good in a fight but I knew for a fact I wouldn't be able to take on three guys by myself. Especially not these types of guys, they were fucking huge.

I dipped closer into the shadows as the men started to move around more. One of them walked up to the side of the van and swung the door open revealing an assortment of weapons and my heart sped up. I closed my eyes and willed for this to not be happening. I felt like throwing up but knew I couldn't. It would make me noticeable and I definitely didn't want that. Well not until later when it called for me to be.

I opened my eyes at the sound of voices being raised. The guys were taunting each other and getting each other worked up. They were getting excited over something that was about to happen. And if they were getting excited about it I knew it couldn't be good.

"Jaa_aames_." I heard one say. "We know you're in there… Come out, come out." They began laughing as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

One guy was shouting orders to the next to get the door down and before I knew it they were crowded around the front door and hitting it with all their might.

"You can't hide forever James." Another taunted and laughed. The main guy perked up and reminded them again what the task was. "Make sure this door comes down, you know the orders." They picked up their pace and was really throwing their weight into the door now. "Your pathetic attempt at keeping us out won't last forever James. I hope you and the broad know that." Oh God. They couldn't be talking about who I thought they were talking about. They just couldn't be. But she was the only girl I had ever seen go in or come out of that place. Of course they were talking about Alice.

_Fuck, this wasn't happening. Fucking please tell me this was so not happening._

And the next words made my blood run cold. "I'm going to enjoy fucking your little prostitute James." The hairs on the back of my neck and arms stood on end despite me wearing a coat to keep me warm. They carried on with their crude and sickening comments. "I heard she's awesome in the sack." "Can't wait to hit that." "She better be ready for me." "I'm gunna make you watch me fuck her before I kill you." "I enjoy them young." My hands balled into fists as I bit down on my knuckles to stop me screaming out.

They couldn't. They couldn't touch her like that! Nobody touches her like that! I couldn't believe she had to go through something like that. Whether she was willing to or not. It was just way to hard to think about. The thought of her sharing herself like that with someone other then me gave me the worst feeling inside.

I brought my fists down to my sides and watched on in horror. There was nothing I could do now, as much as I hated to admit it but sit around and wait. I just prayed that wherever Alice was in that house she was safely hidden away from prying eyes. There was no doubt in my mind that if I heard her scream or being hurt in anyway I wouldn't think twice about my life and dive in there without a second thought.

I also knew that me going in there screaming and shouting like a crazy person looking for Alice wasn't going to do any of us any bit of good. If I died before I even got to Alice she was as good as dead herself. And everything I had worked for to get her back would have been for nothing.

So I waited… and waited. For what felt like forever, when in reality it was probably no more than ten minutes when the men had finally broken down the door and started making their way back to the van for weapons. I got a short glimpse of each weapon being held firm in each hand. There was the usual like baseball bats and lead pipes. Maybe a few knives and something that looked a lot like a knuckle duster.

_Fuck. My. Life._

I wished this could be so much different. I wished a lot of things hadn't have happened. But I guess there was no point on wishing when what was happening in the _now _was so much more important.

A low scream brought me out of my thinking state and I concentrated more on that. "Noooo! Fuck, no, please don't!" It sounded like a man in a world of pain. Then I heard gasps loud enough to hear from where I was stood. It sounded like the guy was trying very hard to breathe and it gave him a lot of pain to do so. "Please!" The man gasped. "Please don't hurt me… I beg you. DON'T HURT ME!"

I could hear the tone in his voice and this guy was seriously scared about what was about to come. He was sobbing and pleading with these guys and he probably knew himself that it was a lost cause. These guys didn't feel regret or pain or sympathy for another living being. They didn't know what it felt like to love a person and to be loved back by that person. All they new were hate and pain. And just by looking at them you could tell they enjoyed inflicting it on other people.

And then something clicked. I could hear the guy screaming but shouldn't there be girl's voice in there as well. Unless she had somehow gotten away I should be able to hear the voice of a scared and lonely girl. Or maybe there was a chance she wasn't able to make any noise if she was gagged.

The sound of metal hitting flesh and the guy screaming out in pain once again brought me back down to earth. I couldn't even imagine what kind of pain he was going through. The thought of having to endure that much pain and having no way to stop it made me feel ill. "Fuck. He's falling in and out of consciousness already. I didn't expect it to happen so soon." I heard the others grunt in agreement with him.

I then decided that whatever reason it was that my girl was silent was a good thing. Because if I would have had to hear her go through that amount of pain, I know it would have broken my heart. She was safe. I had to believe that.

I heard footsteps getting closer and realised the men were now coming out of the house with huge grins stretched across their faces. I noticed small specks of blood on their shirts, hands and even some on their faces. A small shudder went through me and I hid myself further into the shadows of the bushes, not daring to move.

They were laughing and joking as if the murder they just committed was nothing. Which to them, it probably was. They didn't bother cleaning the weapons they held, throwing them into the truck with a loud thud and jumping in after, slamming the sliding door shut. After a few minutes of making sure they hadn't forgotten anything the engine started and they set off down the street never once looking back.

Once the van turned the corner and vanished from view, I waited a few more minutes making sure they wouldn't turn back just in case. There was an excruciating two minutes wait and as soon as I thought I was in the clear I whipped out from behind the bushes and ran as fast as I could up to the house, shocking even myself with the speed I had. I flew up the front steps and into the house, pausing when I reached the bloody and battered man lying still on the floor.

His face was… oh god his face. It was concaved and covered in blood. There was no doubt about it that his nose had been severely broken. It wasn't even a shape anymore it was nothing. His left arm was bent at an awkward angle and I was pretty sure his Radius was poking out of his skin. He had purple and green bruises covering his body from head to toe and his clothing was torn, showing me the broken ribs and multiple stab wounds he had received. You could see the marks left behind from the knuckle dusters. They definitely had their fun with this guy and didn't hold back on anything.

I suddenly felt bile rise in my throat and ran to the corner of the room spitting it out. I wiped my mouth with the end of my sleeve and stood up right, taking deep breathes. I could smell the blood. It was as if it filled the house. It was splattered on the walls, the furniture and carpet. I couldn't escape no matter how hard I tried.

My eyes swept the room and it was then that I noticed Alice on the couch. My heart skipped a beat at her state and before I knew it I was making my way towards her, stepping over the body on the floor and falling to my knees beside her head. My hands ghosted over her skin, not daring to touch just in case I hurt her. She seemed so breakable. Before I knew it, tears sprang to my eyes and I gently pushed the hair out of her face. Her face should never be hidden. It was too beautiful.

"Alice." I whispered, tears pouring down my face. There was no way this was happening. Not when I was so close to having her back.

"Alice you have to wake up. You have to come back to me love." I begged.

I let out a strangled cry and it seemed like my hands had a mind of their own as they made there way down to her wrists, seeking out a pulse. There wasn't one. I noticed a letter tucked in her jeans and I quickly pocketed it, not caring what it said on it.

"Say something, God damn it!" I demanded. I ran my hands over her arms, her face, any part of her that I could reach and it wasn't enough. I carefully pressed my lips to hers in a soft kiss and even though her lips were cold and chapped it was just how I remembered it to be all those years ago.

It wasn't until my hand touched something that felt out of place that I removed my lips from hers. I found my hand touching a needle and I was shocked when I realised it was still stuck in her arm. As gently as I could I pulled it from her arm and placed it on the floor. I rubbed the pad of my thumb over the little hole it left behind, hoping to sooth the pain away. I didn't know whether she could still feel it or not but a little part of me wanted to believe that she could.

I slid my hands beneath her and gently lifted her into my arms, pulling her against my chest protectively. I made my way towards the door and walked out, ignoring the body on the floor. I ran as fast as I could back to my car, trying my hardest not to jostle her in my arms too much. I finally got to the car and unlocked it, opening the door and laying her on the back seat. I placed a kiss on her forehead before shutting the door and running around the driver's side.

I jumped in and switched the engine on starting up the car. I turned in my seat looking at her one more time before speeding off.

**APOV**

_Jasper._ He was the centre of my universe. I was lying in the comfort of his arms and I had never felt so protected, well, from what I remember. He was so soft and smelled so unbelievably good and I didn't want it to ever end. He ran his long fingers through my hair and it felt so good I sighed in content. We were tangled up with each other in crisp white sheets and everything seemed shiny and new. It was so fresh and vibrant and everything here was good, the atmosphere perfect.

I buried my face into his chest and inhaled his scent, loving what it did to me. I rolled over onto my back and the sheet slipped from my body leaving me naked. I gasped at what I found and my hand came to cover my mouth in surprise.

My skin was clear of bruises and cuts. It was smooth, so soft and full. I was thin and toned in all the right places and my ribs that were so prominent before were nowhere to be seen. I couldn't remember ever looking like this. I was healthy and it was new and strange but wonderful and exciting at the same time. This was how I was supposed to look. This was what a normal person should look like and I loved it. My hand slowly reached up and touched my hair and I was surprised at how soft it felt between my fingers. It didn't feel greasy or matted. It felt natural.

I closed my eyes in satisfaction and a smile crept onto my face as I felt Jasper's fingers trace invisible lines on my body. His finger stopped when they reached my heart and he circled it repeatedly and I didn't ever want him to stop.

I felt a sudden shock as a bolt of electricity passed its way through my body and my heart stuttered a little. I turned towards Jasper in shock and wondered what the hell that was. I was about to voice my thought before it happened again and my body bucked off of the bed. Before I knew it my heart started to beat furiously in my chest and my eyes closed against their will.

_I can hear voices._ So many different voices using big words that I had never heard before and they sounded frantic, like they were in a rush. I wasn't sure but it sounded like medical terms. Everything was so rushed and happening at once. I could hear a faint beeping noise as if it was far away but close at the same time. I then saw that familiar blonde hair and striking blue eyes. The picture was blurry but I knew it was him without a doubt. I reached out my hand towards him and he faded a little. I didn't want him to fade I wanted him here next to me. I reached out to him again and the white started to turn into black and Jasper began fading faster than before and I slowly succumbed to the darkness.

_The darkness fades again and I can feel that someone is with me._

I can hear a woman crying and I don't recognise who she is or why she would be here with me. I feel a water drop carefully onto my arm as she cried over me whispering sweet words to me.

"My baby." She cried. "My sweet baby." Her voice was so soft and I just want to get up and wrap my arms tightly around her and promise her everything was going to be alright.

"You're safe now." She promised. "Nothing will ever hurt you again. I missed you so much, my sweet baby."

I have never wanted to hug someone so much in my life before. This woman, whoever she was, made me feel so loved. I wanted to put her sweet words to her undoubtedly beautiful face. I wanted to let her comfort me like a mother does to her child. But it was so hard believing these sweet words for me. I decided for once that it didn't matter and let the darkness take over me again.

_I can her someone talking and I recognise the tone immediately._

It was that of a doctor and I started to wonder where it is that I am. If he's a doctor does that mean I'm in a hospital? If I am, then who the hell is he talking too? I didn't have anybody that would want to be here for me… no one that I could think of anyway. He was still talking to this mystery person so I decided I might get a clue if I listened in.

"She's in a coma at the moment." I heard the doctor say. "It happens when the body has received a lot of trauma and it uses this as a defensive mechanism so it can heal itself."

Wait… what? I was in a coma. But wouldn't I know if I was? This can't be real. It wasn't true it just couldn't be. I didn't want to be in a coma. I wanted live.

"Do you know when she'll wake up?" I heard a woman ask.

"Unfortunately, no." The doctor responded tiredly. "Only in time will we be able to tell."

I had to wake up from this, I just had too. He said only time will tell. Does that mean I could be lying here for months? Years even? I didn't want to think about this anymore. It was to depressing. Couldn't I have a moment of happiness, just this once?

"What happened? I mean… what happened that was so bad she ended up in a coma?" Her sweet voice asked again.

I heard a quiet sigh and then he began to explain. "Her blood tests show that she had been drugged with the date rape drug, Rohypnol and then overdosed on heroin."

Hearing this began to panic me. I could hear the beeping of the machine showing the people in the room just how much I was panicking. When they realised what was happening and that there wasn't a chance of my heart slowing down anytime soon they began to panic themselves.

"Alice! Alice!" I heard her shout before I fell into the darkness once more.

_"Alice." I hear a familiar voice say._

"Alice. Please wake up. I need you so much."

I knew that voice. That voice made me feel lighter. Like I could do anything if I put my mind to it because that voice believes I can. I lived for that voice and every moment around it brought me so much happiness at times I felt like it couldn't be true.

"Alice, please wake up." Jasper begged. "I love you so much, please don't die on me, I don't want to live without you anymore, please wake up."

I couldn't believe it. Jasper actually loved me. Like, _love me, _love me. I was actually wanted by someone else. He wanted me to be his other half and I had never felt so happy in all my life than I did at that moment and I suddenly felt a great urge to cry with happiness. And before I knew it I felt the softest lips being pressed up against mine and it was like everything I had imagined it to be.

It was magical and I could feel my heart fluttering around in my chest and my stomachs tighten in excitement. His lips were so soft and I wanted so badly to kiss him back. And then I suddenly knew how to, without having to think too hard about doing it… I was.

I was actually kissing my dream guy back. Jasper was kissing me and I was kissing him and we were happy. He then realised himself that he was kissing me and I had responded and he froze. This in return made me freeze. Had I done something wrong to make him freeze like that? Did he not want me and I was reading too much into things? Maybe I should apologize and we could talk about it.

"Help! She's awake! We need a doctor in here!" He shouted.

What was he shouting for? Did I do something wrong? And what did he need help for? There were so many questions going through my head and I was slowly but surely starting to get a headache. I opened my eyes and noticed he had a wild expression on his face. He looked like he was panicking and I couldn't understand why.

Was he lying when he said he loved me? He kisses me then panics about it. Not exactly the best sign or a good way to give a girl confidence. I heard footsteps coming closer and then a nurse walked into the room. I was right. I was in a hospital. She hurried over to my bedside and saw that I was awake. She checked everything out making sure I was okay and asked me question after question and all the while Jasper stood in the corner looking highly concerned.

Only did he smile when the nurse said. "Welcome back, Alice." I gave her a small smile and she smiled back at me in return before leaving the room.

Jasper strode up to the bed and leaned over kissing me again. I slowly brought my arms up and wrapped them around his neck bringing him closer as he laid his hands on my waist. I wouldn't ever get tired of his lips on mine and the feeling it brought with it. I opened my mouth to his as he deepened the kiss and he groaned into my mouth making me giggle a little. He pulled back but stayed close, our noses almost touching and he smiled back at me. I placed my hand on his cheek and he leaned into me with the smile still in place. He closed his eyes and I placed a kiss to the tip of his nose.

As he opened his eyes I noticed two people rushing into the room. It was a man and a woman who were vaguely familiar. Their faces were so recognisable but I just couldn't place where I had seen them before. It was there, right at the front of my mind and I waited for something to click. It was frustrating me that I couldn't remember because I knew they had been important to me at one time or another.

They came rushing to the bed and Jasper got out of the way just in time before they threw their arms around me in a tight hug that took my breath away. They began crying hysterically. The woman more than the man and she brushed the hair away from my face as the man kept my hand firmly in his. They gave me big smiles and I responded just as enthusiastically. We just sat and stared at one another, none of us saying a word and enjoying each others company.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from their beautiful faces. There was something there that drew me and in and I didn't want to blink just in case they suddenly disappeared. The feeling I have deep in my gut tells me that I have missed them so much. These people whose names I had no idea, meant a great deal to me and I was so thankful that they were here. They were something special to me and I had a feeling I knew why.

"I've missed you so much." I whispered. "I love you mum and dad."

The words came easy from my lips and I knew instantly that I was right. Their grins became even wider and the hugs became tighter. We were crying happy tears and I was so unbelievably happy because I had finally found my family. These were the people that would love me no matter what and would always be there for me. I had momentarily forgotten about Jasper but he stood there watching us with tears in his eyes and an expression on his face I would never forget. He looked like he had just won the lottery and that's just how I felt.

Through out the day I had people visiting me which meant I was never alone. I didn't complain once because I wasn't use to so many people wanting to be around me. It was a weird but good feeling. I liked being wanted by these people. I'd be crazy if I didn't. They were loving and caring and understood my situation. They were just about everything you could ask for in a family.

The first couple to come and visit me was Edward and Bella. I became so excited when they walked through the door recognising them both immediately. I had gotten a few fuzzy memories back, some quicker then others by talking with Esme and Carlisle. They helped me remember by going through memories of when I was a kid and the things the six of us would get up too. I had so much fun listening to what I used to be like and it felt good to laugh again. To feel the happiness deep inside me and know it was there.

Edward and Bella had come in looking so nervous but when they saw my face and how excited I was to finally meet them, they forgot about it and excitement took over them too. They each gave me a hug and then the tears came back again. We talked about everything and anything and I found out that my brother and old best fiend were engaged and soon to be married. Bella told me I was to be maid of honour and even though I was happy I didn't know what Rose would think. I mean I had been gone for so long and she and Bella would be that much closer. Bella waved away my fears telling me Rose wouldn't mind and that she would be happy for me.

When Rose and Emmett came in I was momentarily shocked by how big my brother was. But then he ran up to my bed and gave me the biggest hug and then I remembered that even though Emmett was absolutely huge and could probably snap me like a twig, the guy wouldn't hurt a fly. He and Rose have moved in together and were recent newlyweds. I was sad that I couldn't have been there for them, but they couldn't have waited forever for me. My eyes kept wondering back to Jasper and I couldn't help but think that if Jasper hadn't have found me, I wouldn't be surrounded by my family like I am today.

_My family, _I thought_. _I would never get bored saying that.

I then learned that Rose was pregnant and expecting her first child. I let out a loud squeal at this because it just seemed like a me thing to do and everyone laughed. I soon joined in when I realised how it must have sounded to other people.

After a while it was getting late and they decided to leave to so I could get my rest. I didn't want them too because I was having so much fun but I was feeling pretty exhausted. They left, not one of them mentioning my ordeal and what I went through and for that I was thankful. I didn't want to remember that part of my past today. It was about the future now and what it held for me.

After the goodbyes and lots and lots of hugs I was left alone with Jasper. He came over to my bed and pulled the covers back while I scooted over to give him some room. He climbed in next to me, shuffling himself down lower on the bed and rested his head directly over my heart. I kissed the top of his head softly and began playing with his hair.

"Your heart is beating so fast." He says with a hint of smile in his voice. Of course my heart was beating so fast. I had the love my life in my arms and I felt like the happiest woman in the world.

"It's because of you." He looked up at me and brought his face closer to mine, kissing my cheek. His smile then turned to a frown and I wondered why the sudden change of mood.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I'm sorry." He apologised. And I was confused as to why he was apologising. He hadn't done anything wrong. He had just saved my life. If anything it was I that owed him.

"For what? You haven't done anything wrong."

"For not saying I love you more. You deserve to hear it every second of every day." He told me. I beamed at him and held him tighter to my body.

"Jasper," I say softly. "There's no reason for you to apologise for that. I know that you love me. I can see it in every little thing you do for me. I see it your eyes and the way you look at me. I have no doubt in my mind that you love me."

"Good. Because I do. I love you so much and I'm never going to let you go again. You hear me?"

"Yeah I hear you." I replied. "And I love you too Jasper. Nothing will ever keep us apart again."

He sighed in contentment and buried his face into my chest I lowered myself into the bed more and got comfy and cuddled up to Jasper as much as I could. The nurse came in and gave me something to help me sleep. It quickly kicked in and I fell into a deep sleep with the love of my life and for once I didn't need Heroin to dream of my Jasper, I dreamt happily and longer than ever before of the two of us together.

_Dreams really do come true if you wish and hope with all you have… Don't ever give up because you could spend the rest of your life thinking what might have been._

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_It seems all happy happy happy but I'm afraid this wont last for Alice. She will start craving that deadly drug again and something horrible happens to her memory which destroys her a little inside. I really hope you liked this chapter, i think Caz did a really good job! We will try to be quicker next time!_

_For now, please leave a review!  
_


	25. Found

**_A/N: _**_Only one chapter this time and only three more to go including Epilogue! :( Caz is going to start writing the next one which will be a Jasper POV chapter. So getting bugging her on twitter to hurry up haha _

_Thanks for the reviews! WE'VE REACHED 150! Can't believe it! So happy with the love for this story. Enjoy this chapter._

_Finally, thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far you are totally awesome! Ohh and thanks to those adding us to your favourites and alerts list, make sure to tell your friends about this story!  
_

_**Disclaimer:** Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **Alice_

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August 10th 2009

**Found**

**Forks, Washington. WA News**

**BREAKING NEWS**

Eight years ago we reported the devastating news of a local resident, Alice Cullen, who had gone missing at the young age of just ten years old. Today we can confirm that she has been found.

She had disappeared without a trace of a sign as to where she went missing or why. The only puzzle the police managed to piece together was that she had left on her own accord as no one broke into the house of the Cullen's that fearful night, 3rd August 2001.

_"There are no signs that a kidnapper actually entered the house, we can only assume for now that she let herself out. Which is why it is important that we interview everyone who is close to the Cullen family and the other local town members for any information on the early hours of this morning." Chief Swan further reported. "We do ask if anyone has any information to please come forwards, this news is a struggle to her entire family who are missing her dearly, so please come forwards." August 3rd 2001, Friday. _

Sadly no one came forwards with news on Alice, the investigation soon died down and the family had to face the conclusion that their little girl was lost forever. To say it shocked the town is an understatement. The entire town of Forks was in a state of numbness and fear as it loomed over the town with many questions. Will our children be next? Was she the first? Have others gone missing from other towns nearby? Who and what could have done this to her? Many possibilities and rumours surrounded the town from someone kidnapping the young girl, to numerous animal attacks, from wolves to other ghastly creatures lurking in those woods. It certainly put fear in parents as they locked their children up in hopes that this didn't happen to their own.

However, the investigation did heat up for a brief couple of weeks after Alice disappeared. Reports worked there way from Seattle to Port Angeles and finally Forks with Alice. The final count was nine girls who happened to stumble across a mysterious stranger (all fitting the same profile) who tried to lure them by promising them what they wanted the most if they met him at night. As soon as the news on Alice came forwards, girls around her age were finally coming forwards and admitting what had happened to them. But just like the news on Alice, it soon died down as the man was unfound.

Today however, we are happy to report Alice Cullen was found in Texas on the anniversary of her disappearance, 3rd August 2009. A source told us. "Alice was found in a shabby house by a Forks friend, Jasper Hale. He saw Alice that same day and knew it was her immediately, bravely he came in aid of her rescue that same night." When pressured for more information, the news flowed. "I think I'm safe to report this, Alice was taken from the house unconscious, I cannot comment yet on what she suffered from but we can report a body of a male was found in the house battered severely and dead." When asked for more he had to decline.

However, we did catch up the police of Texas, yesterday. Officer Royce reported, "There was a male body found a few miles away from the house Alice was found, along with another male body. Coincidently, the male who we can now name as Jim Smith was found dead the same day Alice was found. Even more suspicious, the body of the male found with Alice, who we can now reveal to be James Witherdale, was the one who reported Jim Smith dead." When asked what happened he could only guess at this stage. "From the severity of the injuries on both males, so far were assuming these victims are of the same line of killers. The brutality is beyond words, these men were beaten to death with many weapons. We have a hunch were not only hunting one killer, but a gang of them."

We managed to catch up with the Chief of Police in Forks, Chief Charlie Swan. "We had reports the same day Alice was found that a male and a female, Pete Gills and his wife Sarah were found murdered in a house near Forks High School. We found the phone off the hook and when the call was traced back we found the call came from Texas about an hour before the estimated time James Witherdale was murdered and found with Alice. The investigation is getting larger and we are working hard on this case with the Texas police in order of solving this. Alice Cullen may have been found, but there are killers on the loose. This nightmare is far from over I'm afraid."

Since Alice disappeared eight years ago, no other child was taken before or after and Forks was deemed safe once more. With Alice safely returning home in the next few days, we can only hope Forks remains that way. We will update you all soon on future news.

**APOV**

Carlisle turned the radio off as we drove back to Forks. The car was silent as me and Edward sat at either side of Jasper, a gap was between us as I squeezed myself up against the side of the door. Esme kept stealing nervous glances back at me but I had no energy to smile at her, I had no energy to even glance up at her. I just felt every eye in the car focus on me from time to time_… especially Jasper, his eyes never left me._ Carlisle had kept playing with the radio as each station kept reporting news of my reappearance. In the end I just told him to stop and let me listen. He settled on the Forks news station and I listened in horror at the details the press had managed to gather.

We all sat in awkward silence as we were filled in with what was happening on the outside world. Jasper's hand had twitched when something particularly bad hit a nerve and I winced, but he didn't touch me, I was thankful for that. I'd been cooped up in hospital for a week after my Heroin overdose… It has been the worst week of my life craving that drug. It was strange, I was finally away from James, he was dead, I had my family back, I had Jasper for real, I had everything I ever wanted but I still craved that drug above all of them. I hated myself for that and it was the reason I didn't want him to touch me, I felt ashamed. The first three days of going cold turkey had burned every inch of my body on the inside and I literally thought that would be the end of… I didn't even know what to call myself anymore. Mary Witherdale? Alice Cullen?

I focused my thoughts back onto the news I had just heard. Thinking of Heroin was only bringing back my burning need. It filled me with nothing but fear knowing that James's killers were still on the loose. I didn't know who they were or why they did this to him or Jim. And most importantly, I still don't know why James had done this to me in the first place. The one answer I seek the most, one of the main reasons that really kept me with James was wanting to know why he did this to me. Why did he choose me? What was his purpose? Why was he now dead? What had he been hiding from me? It filled me with depression which I welcomed as it numbed me from all feelings.

The police had been to visit me at my hospital bed to question me on what had happened to me over the eight years. They wanted to know what happened to James and Jim, who had murdered them. I couldn't answer any of their questions. They came at the wrong time, the worst time, Heroin shot to the front of my mind again. It was only day two of going cold turkey as I writhed on the bed and tried to keep my emotions under control. I felt the shakes being to happen and I closed my eyes. I clenched my hands into fists in an act of control and breathed in the air gushing through the open window. Remembering being in the hospital was painful but I couldn't stop the hateful time replaying in my head…

"_I know this is a difficult time for you Alice, but we really need as much information as you can give us. Do you have any idea who did this to James and Jim? Any information, no matter how small it is will help us." That patronizing voice rang out again at the side of me. He'd asked me the same fucking question six times. Oh he may have worded it differently, but it was all the same and my answer was the exact same._

"_Like I said before, I don't know what happened to James. I don't know who fucking killed him. I don't know who fucking killed Jim. I don't know why the FUCK James did this to me and most importantly." I stared into his eyes, he was slightly blurred; I didn't know if that was through rage or the fact my body was burning alive. "_I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck!_" I spat through my teeth and closed my eyes._

_God I was in so much pain. It was like someone had thrown me on a fire and I was tied to a cross unable to move as the fire surrounded me and burned my flesh away. My skin was on fire and every time I moved, the pain would only increase. The worse part was; I felt like I was clinging onto that cross, like I deserved to be in this pain. Ever since I heard James had slipped me the date rate drug, I'd felt empty inside and I simply just didn't give a damn anymore. _

_What was the point in caring? I didn't know why he had done this to me… I didn't know why he had abused me over the years, made up these lies and forced me to do things that I could never be clean of… I knew nothing of James; he was a dark stranger to me. I didn't even know if he had told me the truth before he slipped me a heroin overdose, obviously in an attempt to end my life. Only _he_ would want to end my life, he wouldn't give the pleasure to anyone else. No. _His_ hands had to do it. _His_ drugs had to do it. _Hisfinal act.

"_Okay Alice. We can come back to that later." I sighed in frustration at his statement; we wouldn't come back to it later because I knew fuck all. "What I'd like to know, is anything you could tell me about the eight years of living with Mr. James Witherdale." That froze me. It's the first time anyone had asked me what had happened. I felt all eyes on me and for the first time I was very aware that it wasn't just me and the annoying fucking detective in the room, but Esme and Carlisle. I kept my eyes tightly closed; I couldn't look at them as they all waited for my answer._

"_Please leave." I said as calmly as I could without screaming. I didn't like to swear in front of Esme and Carlisle, something about them made me feel guilty every time a curse would escape my lips._

"_Miss. Cullen. I really should insist-" I cut him off; he had grated on my last nerve._

"_And I insist you leave. _Now._" I said forcefully, finally opening my eyes to him. _

"_I can leave you for now Miss. Cullen. But we _will _have to have this discussion." He said a little harshly and I completely snapped then. I'd been waiting for him to give me an annoyed tone, anything that would give me a reason to really lose my rag._

"_What's your name?" I said, catching him off guard. _

"_Umm… John, why?" He seemed flustered; maybe it was the raged look I was giving him. Maybe it was the fact my body was shaking violently. Maybe it was the many eyes staring at me, tensed as if about to spring at me if anything bad were to happen. Or maybe that was just his annoying fucking way…_

"_Do you have a family? Kids and a wife? Family pet? Picket fence? Lush home?" I asked him, still holding in the bubbling rage._

"_I think you're being a little personal with your questions." He was clearly annoyed, I could see he was eyeing the exit every now and then, or maybe he was looking at the faces of the people in the room, wandering where I was getting at._

"I'm_ being personal?" I laughed loudly, it made him jump and step back a little. "Have you ever taken a drug before? Cocaine… Heroin…" I asked him outright, still keeping my tone as level as I could. _

"_Miss. Cullen, I am a police officer, I don't take such illegal substances." His tone rose then to anger. Defiantly anger. Perfect. _

"_I'm sorry. Did I pry were my nose wasn't wanted? Did I touch on a subject that offends you in any way?" My tone rose and I continued before he could answer. "Well since you're such a goody two shoes, I'll tell you exactly what it's like to take Heroin." He tried to cut in along with Carlisle but I raised my voice higher. "It feels fucking fantastic." I growled. "The best fucking feeling in the world."_

"_Miss. Cullen-" I cut him off, nearly shouting. _

"_When that drug travels through your veins it sends you higher than the clouds, it's like having the best orgasm of your life. Sex is shit compared to Heroin, that's were it gets real sweet. It touches places no man can ever reach; it makes you feel better than any man could make you feel." The need for Heroin was very strong right now; it was easy explaining the feeling._

"_Alice, that's enough." Carlisle butted in but I continued, ignoring him._

"_You like sex? Like any other male out there, right?" I kept my eyes on John._

"_Alice." Carlisle shouted but I ignored him._

"_Imagine never having that again. Imagine how that would feel to have that taken away from you. Never again will you blow a load; never again will you touch another female." John backed away now outraged and offended but I wasn't through with him. Carlisle was shouting again, calling my name and basically telling me to shut the fuck up but I shouted louder. "Now picture yourself strapped to a fucking bed, desperate for some sweet tart to suck on your dick, just so you could get that release you have been craving for."_

"_I apologize for her words John, she's having a difficult-"I spoke over Carlisle once more._

"_Then in comes some prick asking you questions about the nightmare that is your life, prying when you're in desperate need for a release." Everyone was silent now; I was crying loudly, it had shocked me and them. "You wouldn't want to answer them, am I correct?" He didn't answer, I didn't expect him to. He just left. _

_I closed my eyes and concentrated on getting my breathing back to normal. I couldn't believe I had just said half of that stuff, especially in front of Carlisle and Esme. I allowed myself to be embarrassed for a short while. I didn't open my eyes to them, I could feel my face had flushed a violent shade of red and I was fighting back fresh tears, but the battle was useless. They let me cry in peace and eventually I said I was sorry, they gave me sympathetic looks that only increased my guilt. Where was that feeling of numbness when you wanted it?_

"Alice?" Jasper called from the side of me and I finally focused back on reality.

"Huh?" I replied, dazed.

"Uh, you're home." His tone was unsure as if he didn't know whether that was the right thing to say or not. I faked a smile and climbed out first, shortly followed by the rest of my… _family._

I was thankful there were no cameras pointed at my face; Carlisle had been kind enough to warn me on the way here that there might be press outside the house waiting to get a photo of me. If I was being honest, there could have been press outside the gates; I wasn't paying attention at all. He'd managed to drive up the driveway and safely park in the garage. I walked out and felt the chilly cold air, I looked up and saw nothing but grey clouds, I mused; it would rain in a matter of minutes. These clouds were the darkest I've ever seen them before. It hardly rained that much in Texas.

I hadn't noticed that everyone had walked past me and were in the house, it was Esme who waited for me patiently. I breathed in a fresh breath of air and held back a painful moan as the rush of need came back to me. _Why do I want you in my system now? You have everything you ever wanted! Why now? _I turned towards Esme and gulped as I faced the big white house that was now my new home.

It's strange; I thought that once I came here I would remember things. Looking at this huge house brought nothing back, I felt empty and lost and defiantly intimidated. I hesitantly moved my steps on and walked into the house. As soon as I was in I just stood there, looking around at the clean white walls with pieces of strange artwork and photos on the walls. I wanted to ask who painted what and what some of the photos were of but somehow it felt like none of my business.

I saw photos of London, back when well known landmarks were being built, to newer photos of a beautiful built city. It was clear that they loved the country, I wondered why they wouldn't want to live there seeing all these photos. Some were of people's faces I didn't recognize; I assumed they were family members and by the aged look they were deceased members. The paintings were bizarre to say the least; they made no sense as I looked at the random abstract patterns. I shrugged; to each their own.

As soon as you walk into the house, you're faced with a gorgeous wooden staircase; the texture on them is unique. It's like the wood had smudged is natural patterns into different oak shades, all near the same. Finally it was finished with a gloss, I mentally noted not to walk down these in socks or I would go flying down them. The longer I stared at one step, the more it reminded me of the abstract paintings.

"Alice?" Esme said sweetly behind me, as patient as ever.

"Yeah?" I tore my eyes away from the step and looked back at her. She had a sad smile on her face which changed quickly into a mask, a fake cheerful smile but she hadn't fooled me. What she saw now was a different person. They all treated me like another person. That first day when I came round in the hospital, they were talking to me like I'd been gone five minutes. But once I started craving that damn drug, they didn't see their Alice anymore. No, _I'm Mary._

"Would you like to see your rooms?" I frowned at the word 'rooms.' She must have seen the question on my face. She laughed lightly. "We didn't redecorate your old room, we kept it the same, didn't move a thing…" She trailed off and started a new sentence, it obviously struck a nerve. "So we did up the guest room, it's got a double bed, an on-suite bathroom and a nice balcony."

I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded. I didn't feel I deserved this attention and generosity. Growing up with James I'd pretty much gotten used to having no money, no luxuries and a hard bed that was rarely changed and smelt of sex.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jasper linger and fidget on the spot. I could tell he wanted to follow me so I looked at him and told him with my eyes, 'not yet'. He seemed to understand as he walked up to me and brushed my shoulder with his hand. He whispered in my ear. "Whenever you need me…" He didn't need to finish the sentence.

A lump formed in my throat and I whispered back. "Thank you." Those two words thanked him for more than one thing. He understood and stepped back, his hand leaving my body.

I followed Esme up the stairs. She took me first into my old bedroom; I hesitated in the doorway like I had downstairs. I was afraid to enter, I was afraid to remember something painful, like the night I packed my things and left this house. I didn't want to remember that… should I tell Esme why I left? Would it make her feel worse if she knew I left for her? Or would she feel better finally knowing why I did leave? I chose the latter.

I didn't know when I would tell her or how, but I _would_ one day and I would make sure she was guilt free… and that day will be when I can call myself Alice again. While I crave this drug and I'm haunted by the memories of my other life, I am Mary Brandon, the name James had given me before I married him.

Every time I thought of James and that fact I was his wife I looked at my left hand were the golden ring still sat on my third finger. I hadn't had the strength to take it off, not yet, I wasn't ready. "Do you want me to leave you in peace?" She asked, as she perched herself on the bed, also staring at my left hand. Jasper had asked me questions about it during the time I was drugged up and wasn't craving that sweet drug, I didn't answer him though; I just hid my hand from his view and changed the subject.

"No." I whispered and stepped into the room. I held my breath because I didn't know what to expect. I looked around and my heart started to speed up, I remembered nothing. I was sad by this fact but also grateful. The old Alice shouldn't mix with Mary. When I'm ready to be the girl they want me to be, I'm sure I will start to remember things. _I hope._

I looked around at the light pink walls. It was so girly, I felt like I was stepping into Barbie's bedroom. As I scanned the room I found I used to like Barbie a lot, I had loads of them on shelves along the back wall. Every piece of wooden furniture was glazed with the same shade of light pink. The draws had white knobs on them and as I looked closely at the wallpaper, I saw tiny little white flowers every now and again, pattern loosely. I turned to Esme finally and that same look of sadness was on her face, but this time she didn't try to hide it from me. I was thankful for that.

"Ready to see your new room? You can always come back here if you want some alone time. Or if you feel more comfortable, you can always sleep in here." She said quietly.

"Umm… thanks. I'd rather not sleep in here though." I felt awkward to say the least. I didn't want to taint this clean room with myself right now, it wouldn't feel right.

She nodded and walked out of the room first. I didn't look back at the room, if I was being honest, I wanted out of there as soon as possible. As we walked down the hallway I noticed we passed Esme and Carlisle's room. I looked back and found a study where Edward and Emmett used to sleep, the door wide open and inviting. "Were does Edward sleep now?" I asked, knowing Emmett had moved out.

"What do you mean?" She looked back, shocked.

"I… They used to sleep near my bedroom right? They shared a bedroom…" I said warily and then it clicked. I'd just let her know I remembered something. They all thought I didn't know anything. I opened my mouth matching her shocked expression and she quickly turned on me and grabbed my arms.

"Alice?" She asked her voice soft but scared. "You remember…" She sighed.

I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't form any words. She was now crying silently as she looked into my eyes, searching for her little girl. "I only remember that night." I answered her honestly, I couldn't lie to her.

"What do you remember?" She spoke desperately and I was surprised she wasn't trying to shake the answer out of me.

I shook my head; I felt tears coming to my own eyes now. I couldn't tell her… not like this… not here… it's all wrong. It shouldn't be this way… I started to panic.

"Please." She cried. "I have to know why you left."

"I can't tell you here." I said what I was thinking.

"Then we can talk in your room, in private." She nodded eagerly and turned around, speed walking up the next set of stairs. What was I going to say to her? How would I tell her this? _Shit_… its going to break her heart knowing why I left. I couldn't lie to her though, how could I? She's waited eight years for me return; she's lived eight years thinking I might be dead. She deserved the truth, but the truth was painful, again I thought, how would she take it?

I wanted more time but we had reached my room, she walked in and I followed her silently, lost in my thoughts. She shut the door behind her and stood there, blocking any escape I had. I turned around to face her and sat on the floor, bringing my legs up into a foetus position that I used to do when James was going to hurt me. I felt safe like this, like I was holding myself together. She pushed away from the door and sat in front of me; she brought her legs behind her and leaned her body on one arm, waiting for me to tell her what she so desperately needed to hear.

"What do you want to know?" I was going to be brave.

"What happened… why… why did you leave? Who took you? What has happened to you? I need to know Alice, you're my little girl. I have to know, no matter how painful it will be to hear. You… you're different now." I looked at her and started to cry silently with her again. "I see the look in your eyes, your reactions towards us. Were not your family anymore, you don't recognize us. I think… that if you _tell me_, it will not only help me to understand but it will help you by sharing."

I shook my head. "I can tell you why I left but I won't tell you what I've been through."

"I'm your mother Alice." She reached a hand out and I instinctively back away from it. I felt bad as soon as I did and I could tell I had hurt her feelings. "I have to know." She said matter-of-factly.

"You want the truth why I left?" She nodded. "You won't like it if I tell you."

I could see the pain in her eyes. "Please."

"Promise me one thing; promise me you won't feel guilty."

"I promise." I didn't think she meant it but I had to tell her.

"I first met him in the woods that same day. I was playing hide and seek with Jasper and I went to hide in the woods. He found me there, his name was James." I looked away from her; I didn't want to see how this story affected her. It was selfish, but it was the only way I'd get through this. "He started to talk to me, asked me my name, why I was in there alone, where you were. He seemed kind and concerned; I saw no threat in him whatsoever. Conversationally I added that it was…" I stopped and looked at her.

"Go on." She whispered.

"That it was your birthday." I cried; my voice betraying me and laying out every emotion I was feeling right there for her on a silver platter. Hurt, guilt, anger, shame, disgust… "He asked me what I was getting you, I said I didn't know yet. Then he offered to take me to buy you something."

"Stop." She cried and stood up. "Please stop for a minute." She paced in front of me and cried. It wasn't loud or throaty; it was soft and full of emotion. They were real and raw tears; her heart was breaking right in front of me at this news. It was painful to watch so I stood up and lay on the bed, facing away from her. I hadn't even looked at my new room; I didn't even know what colour my bed sheets were. I just closed my eyes and cried silently into the pillow.

It was quiet for so long, she could have slipped out of the room and I wouldn't have known. I dare not look though, I just tried to quiet my cries and listen carefully. I heard an intake of breath and a sniffle; she was still here, gathering herself up. I felt the bed move a few minutes after and she rested at the side of me. "Go on…" She said.

I turned around and faced her. She was staring up at the ceiling so I did the same. "I wanted to get you something great, something wonderful, something you would be proud to say your daughter bought you. I was young, naive and I didn't know what I was getting myself into." I turned my head. "Please don't feel like this was your fault. You knew what I was like, I remember that day clearly, I was happy, joyful and full of spirit and love. I would have done anything for you or Carlisle, Emmett, Edward… _Jasper._"

"You were the kindest, most sincere child I'd ever met. You're right, you loved everyone beyond words. You were so full of life; you loved every second and made sure you lived every second of it to the fullest. You were fond of Jasper; it was nice to see you in love with him, you were mature for your age and sensible… even if you were just ten. You'd already planned your future out, college, marriage, children and grandchildren." She sounded sad as if that memory were never going to come true, as if it were an impossible dream. _And it was true._

"I'm not that same girl anymore." I said sadly.

"To me you are. You always will be." She looked at me and brought her hand out; I flinched but didn't back away. She brushed my cheek and wiped the tears away. "This is why I need to know. I see the look in your eyes, the fear and pain trapped inside of you. I want to take some of that away; I want to make you feel better."

"By telling you my life with James won't help at all." I moved away from her hand, I couldn't bare the affection anymore.

She was silent for a while but when I felt her hand on my left I tensed up and looked at her. She had my left hand in front of her face, fondling with the ring. My heart was going into overdrive, for some bizarre reason I was scared of her taking it off. I wasn't ready for that yet… I clenched my hand into a fist. "You were married?" I didn't think it was a question, more of a statement.

"Yes." I whispered.

"Did you love him?" She whispered back.

"No."

"So why did you marry him?" I knew what she was doing; she was being tactical about it. Maybe telling her this one thing wasn't so bad; it wasn't the worst thing I'd lived through with James.

I sighed, resigned to telling her. "He loved me. I knew he did, I may not know the reason why he took me, but I knew deep down that he did love me. Inside of him lived a monster though, when he changed into that beast, there was no stopping him, he was a different man. I feared what he would do to me…" I stopped and changed my sentence. "I was eighteen when he woke me with a passport, told me to get ready and that he had a surprise for me. I didn't know that the trip he had planned was to go to Las Vegas to marry me."

"Did he force you?" There was a hint of anger but she kept her voice level hoping for more answers.

I sighed. "No, he blackmailed me."

"How?"

"I was seventeen when I started to take Heroin. At first it was just once a day, then it was twice, then it was three times in order for me to sleep. I got so dependent on the drug that I couldn't sleep without it in my system." I felt ashamed and I would have hidden this part of my life if it wasn't for the overdose James had given me and the fact I was acting like a crazy lunatic in the hospital, practically if not verbally begging everyone who visited me for a dose. "Every time I took that drug I would dream of a young girl and a young boy. I didn't know at the time that I was dreaming of my life with Jasper." I spoke sadly. "You saw what I was like in the hospital, when I crave that drug it burns and the need is so overpowering I just can't think straight. So he didn't give me a dose that day, I went hours craving it but he said no, not until we get to out destination and I marry him."

Her hand tightened on mine as I was telling the story and when I finished she loosened it up. "How come you forgot us?"

I didn't see the point in holding back anymore. "He brainwashed me. Built a coffin in the floorboards of our spare bedroom; locked me in there and gave me sleeping tablets and then he lulled me to sleep with lies."

"How…" Her voice cracked. "How long until you forgot us?" She swallowed back a sob; I could hear it in her voice.

I blushed as she looked at me. "I scratched Alice into my skin." Unconsciously I started stroking the spot on my stomach where I had done it. "I'd been with him for so long that I knew I couldn't escape him, I knew he wouldn't let me go and it was just too…_ painful_ to remember you. I felt myself forgetting and the only way I truly knew that that life was real, was the markings in my skin. I chose to stop it, I chose to be Mary."

"Don't feel guilty." She whispered.

"But how is it fair that I chose to forget you, yet you lived eight years of remembering that little girl? I don't _feel _like Alice, Esme. I feel like Mary. That's who I've grown to be, I've developed a different personality to the little girl you used to know. I had too to survive with him. If I'd have been that same caring and loving child I wouldn't have lasted two minutes…" I shook my head. "The things I've done to survive. The things I let him do to me; blackmail me and talk me into."

She brought me into her arms and I hugged her as I cried. She stroked my hair, my back, my face; it was as if she was trying to feel as much of me as she could to make sure I was real. "You are so brave. You're home now. You're where you belong." She cried into my hair. "You did what you had too to survive; you choosing to forget us helped you to live. I don't blame you for a second for doing that, if you hadn't I might not have had the chance to hold you in my arms again."

"I hate that I've forgotten everything." She shh'd me and rocked me.

"Don't." She whispered. "You're safe and you're away from him now. The nightmare is over. You have a chance to be whoever you want to be now. I will get you through this Alice, I'm here for you, I love you and I'm your mother."

We cried for a while before I finally revealed more of my time with him. It was like I couldn't stop myself, I have to admit that I felt a little better after getting things off of my chest. I thought I would feel worse letting her in on my worst nightmares. She never cried out loud when I told her something hard she just hugged me as if trying to squeeze the horror out of me.

Only once were we interrupted and that was by Carlisle who brought us something to drink and sandwiches to eat. We both sat up and took what he offered us; I couldn't help but notice something move on the other side of the open door. I thought it was a shadow of a person but ignored it. Carlisle kissed me softly on the forehead before he left, whispering that he was glad I was home again. Then he left us in peace.

Before I knew it, it was dark outside. The sky was pitch black, the night was silent and there was only one sound and that was me whispering my tales. I felt myself getting sleepy and I clung onto Esme, I didn't want her to leave me now. She felt the same as she continued to stroke my hair and tell me everything was going to be alright.

I knew these stories were hard for her to hear. She didn't react in the way I expected her to. Any normal person would have screamed at the horror of my life with James, would have told me to shut up and that they didn't want to listen to anymore… I certainly expected it from my old family. But she was like my rock, she was being brave and she stuck by me when I told her everything. She didn't once back away from me, she just held me tighter to her body letting me know she won't be going anywhere.

She started to whisper sweet things in my ear. She told me stories of what I'd missed over the years, happy stories especially. There weren't many and that made me feel guilty seen as I caused their unhappiness. She told me every now and then that she loved me, that she always will. Before I closed my eyes I said I loved her too, I felt her smile above me as she kissed me softly and we both fell asleep I each other arms, enjoying the feeling of being back together again. I may not remember Esme that well, or Carlisle, but she was my mother and when I hugged her it felt right. I felt comforted and safe. It's been a long time since I felt that way…

_You don't get to choose your family. They are god's gift to you… I'm starting to believe in the big guy again. Maybe James wasn't my punishment if I'm back in their arms again._

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_Sad chapter :( But at least Esme knows the truth. No dragging that part out, just straight in and telling the truth. Hopefully it will give Esme peace and they can start working on a new mother and daughter relationship._

_Next chapter as i said above will be Jasper based. Its going to be a sweet and sad chapter. But eventually it will equal something you will have all been waiting for. AHHH I'm dying to tell you! haha_

_Next chapter will probably take a while seen as Carrie-Ann likes to take her time with her chapters lol _

_Until next time, thanks for reading! LEAVE US A REVIEW.  
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	26. Wish Upon A Star

_**A/N:**__ Ok peeps Carrie-Ann here! The second to last chapter has finally arrived so you can put your pitch forks down now. I'm sorry for taking my sweet arse time with this chapter but if it makes you feel any better it's REALLY long! ;D And I say second to last because I decided against the idea of an epilogue. After I read the end of __Charlotte__'s chapter I just thought it was the perfect ending for Jasper and especially Alice. Here's the next part. You'll soon see what I mean and I hope you'll love it just as much as I did_

_And also a little warning for you: I wrote my first __LEMON__ in this chapter so I would love your guys feedback to see what you thought of it and stuff, whether you thought it was good or crap I'd love to know your opinion. _

_Quick note thanks for the previous reviews, thank you for all the adds to your favourites and story alerts!_

Enough from us, enjoy!

_**Disclaimer:**__ Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs: **__Jasper,__ Alice_

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August 28th 2009

**Wish Upon A Star**

**JPOV**

"How are you today, Alice?" Jillian asked. She was Alice's therapist whom she had been seeing since she came back home. It took a few sessions for her to actually stay in the room for the whole hour she was supposed to, but now she's finally toughing it out every few days seen as she severely needs this as her doctor says.

She glanced quickly at me then focused back on the woman in question. "Umm, good I suppose." She said it like a question, I watched Jillian's eyes shift for the smallest of seconds picking this up and then the mask came back and she was all smiley. I hoped to God Alice didn't see.

"What would you like to talk about in today's session Alice? I've noticed you brought Jasper along again." She didn't look once at me, her eyes were latched on Alice watching her every expression and movement as she fidgeted. I hated every time I came here, she watched her like a bug in the desert, fascinated as it stayed still and just waiting for it to run away.

"I don't know." Alice gave the same answer every time and I didn't blame her. She was the damn therapist, shouldn't she be the one asking the questions and knowing what she wanted out of her?

"That's fine Alice." She smiled at her sweetly but behind that look was a very intelligent woman, her brain plotting for ways to help this girl in front of her spill her darkest secrets out on the table. "Well we will do the usual, I'll write down an agenda." She rummaged around for a pen and paper and focused back to Alice. "I'll check your mood on a scale of one to ten, then we can have feedback on what you did yesterday and we can talk more about your time with James." Alice flinched at the last part and gripped onto my hand unconsciously.

"What kind of things?" Alice asked in a small voice.

"Whatever you feel comfortable with right now, you can take as long as you want. You don't have to tell me everything in one session; it could be a sentence of your time with him, a few words, anything." Alice's hand loosened around mine. "We need to know what happened though Alice, eventually, so we can determine where to go from there, how we can help you. You will get better Alice, I promise." My hand tightened around Alice's at the last part. Better? She's not sick, she's fucking strong and brave and the most wonderful girl I have ever met. There was nothing to fix about her, she was perfect. How dare she think that something needs bettering about her! I bit my tongue and stopped those words from leaving my mouth.

"Okay." Alice replied, her voice still small.

"Were going to check your mood now. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your mood? Ten being depressed and one being great." She had her pen poised ready to write down immediately.

"Umm… about seven and a half, not quite eight." I looked at her when she said that and waited for her explanation. Two days ago she was at five, now she was seven… what made things change?

"What's changed Alice, you've gone up on the scale." This clearly worried Jillian too, it made me think better of her.

"It's the nightmares, some nights I don't have them, but other nights I can't stop them from happening. I try to think of other things, even wake myself up but they keep on coming." Her hand was trembling in mine and I hated it. I wanted to scoop her up and take her away from all this. I brought her hand up to my mouth and kissed it softly, which seemed to ease a tension out of her shoulders.

Jillian wrote furiously on her pad. "And what are these dreams of Alice? What is happening in them?"

"James and sometimes Jim." The names burned to the core of my being with such hatred, for the first time I noticed that Jillian was watching my reaction and went back to her pad writing away. I ignored her and focused on Alice again. "With James it's always… the beating, the rape and what he did to Jeffrey." Her voice cracked on the last word and I furrowed my eyebrows at the new name. Jillian looked up too, surprised.

"Who's Jeffrey, Alice?" She asked softly, coaxing the answer from her.

Alice hesitated and stayed quiet. I wasn't taking that as an answer though. I'd been told numerous times that I shouldn't really speak in here, but I couldn't hold back on this, this was a new name. "Who is he?" I asked, squeezing her hand letting her know its okay.

"He was just some guy." She blushed and I felt myself go stiff. Some guy? Why blush if he's just some guy?

"Was he bad to you Alice?" Jillian asked.

"No." She smiled shyly to herself.

"Was he a friend of yours?" Again Jillian pried for those answers.

"You could say that." That blush again.

"He was a boyfriend of yours?" I heard the scratching of the pen against paper as my senses went into overdrive.

"Kind of." She let go of my hand and ran them along the jeans she was wearing.

"You said he occurs in your nightmares and that James did something to him…" She trailed off, hoping that that would lead to Alice explaining her story and to my amazement it worked.

"He… he found out about the two of us." I could see her fighting back tears and to my amazement again I found myself wanting to comfort her instead of being jealous that there was another man in her life, someone she cared for other than me. "Jeff was a good guy, he was amazing. We were together for months before we moved our relationship onto the physical side." She blushed tomato red at this and my inner jealousy reared is ugly head. "I loved him, he loved me. I told him everything about James, the beatings, the abuse, verbally as well as physically. It was only a matter of time before Jeff had to suggest us running away together." She let the first tears fall and I fought not to wipe them away. I was shocked at this revelation; she was in love with someone else? "I couldn't leave with him though." She put her head in her hands and I thought I heard her whispering; _all my fault, all my stupid fault._

"How did James find out about the two of you?" Jillian's voice was full of sympathy, the story was affecting her and there was no hiding that.

"We got into a stupid _fight_." Alice almost shouted with anger as she cried. "I told him I loved him but I couldn't leave, I couldn't just run away. He didn't understand and when he asked, I couldn't answer him!" She turned into me then, crying into my shoulder. "I was upset and cried the whole way home without realising I was returning home to _him. _He saw the tears and did his usual routine of beating the answer out of me." She shivered in my arms with fear and I wanted to ask badly what he did to her.

As if reading my mind Jillian asked and received an answer. "He tied me up, dragged me into the coffin under the floorboards." This wasn't the first time I'd heard about the coffin, but each time horror spread through my body hot and scolding. How any creature, no matter how evil could do that to another human being was beyond me. I hugged her tight and she popped her head over my shoulder so her next words wouldn't be muffled by my chest. "He got his answer and tracked him down. I told him everything! I told him his name!" She fisted my shirt and cried harder into my shoulder, this time ranting the words, _all my fault_ over and over again loudly.

"What did James do to Jeffrey, Alice?" Jillian was serious now.

She whispered. "He came back crying. He released me from my coffin but he was covered in _blood_." Her voice squeaked at the last word and she pulled free from my arms. She looked me right in the eyes, ignoring the woman in the room. "He killed him Jasper." She whispered, shaking visibly. "He beat him to death. He kept saying he didn't mean to do it, he just got carried away…"

"Have you told the police this Alice?" Jillian asked over Alice's shoulder.

"I couldn't Jasper, I couldn't tell on him. I saw what he did to him; I helped him bury the body." Those were the last words she was getting out of her today. I was horrified at the story. Alice had told me many things James had done, but nothing like this, murder was another thing entirely. I pulled her to me and I wouldn't… _couldn't_ let her go. I was just thankful he never got carried away with her; I couldn't bare the thought of never holding her in my arms again.

The days passed and little by little Alice began feeling more comfortable around each of us. She never strayed too far from me and I was by her side at every given opportunity. I had just gotten her back and I think I was still in shock. I just couldn't believe that she was really here with us again. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and pinch myself because it felt too much like a dream. I think the same could be said for the rest of her family as well. She had been gone for such a long time it was obviously going to take everyone time to adjust to her being here twenty-four-seven.

I could tell sometimes by the expressions on her face that at times it got too much. She wasn't use to having so many people around her that craved for her attention. She was too used to being ignored and only paid attention too if that person wanted something from her – not because they actually wanted to spend time with her. Sometimes she would do her best to hide her feelings because she didn't want to offend anyone and most often than not it worked. But I was getting better and better at being able to tell when she needed her space.

Alice hadn't left the house yet besides the one time. If she needed anything that we didn't already have in the house, someone would usually jump at the chance to get it for her, eager to please and make her happy. And she was more than willing to let them. It was all new and strange for her but she knew it made them all happy to help her in whatever way they could so she let them. Even if it was the smallest thing like making her a drink or helping her pick out certain clothes to wear that day.

Even though she seemed content to never leave the comfort of her home ever again I was desperate to take her out on our first date. I had been thinking about it constantly and every idea I came up with seemed just as bad and over the top as the last. I couldn't help it though. She deserved everything good in the world, no matter the cost. I hated that she hadn't been treated the way she should have been all these years and I just wanted to make up for that. I knew that most of my ideas would have made her uncomfortable and I wanted her to enjoy the first date we should have had many years ago.

So instead of throwing my money around and planning what would have probably turned out as the most expensive first date in history, I had decided to keep it simple. We would take a small picnic to the park and sit in our favourite spot we had as kids. It was simple yet romantic. And I knew without a doubt she would love it.

She was almost as eager as I was to get out of this house. I could tell she wanted to but there was always that small spike of fear behind her eyes of what might happen if she did. She hadn't had the need to leave the house yet because the doctors decided on her having lots of rest because of what she's been through. And since she was always more relaxed at home surrounded by her family they let her go grudgingly. Though Rose can be persuasive when she wants to be and had convinced Alice to go shopping with her and Bella once. From what Alice told me they did the girly thing and she even ended up enjoying herself more then she thought she would. Which I was extremely happy about.

Sometimes having a doctor in the family works out in your favour. The doctor would come everyday at first because of her withdrawal symptoms from the amount of drugs she had in her blood stream. It was so hard watching her got through something like that. It was almost like she wasn't there with all the sweating and writhing on the bed. The screaming and crying for the pain to stop was the worse though. Sometimes it was just too much and I had to leave the room for a few minutes so I could pull myself together. I would always make sure she wasn't left alone though… she hated being left alone.

It was so hard for everyone to watch her go through that and no way to help her. All we could do was be there for her and hope for the best. And if it wasn't the doctor's visits it was the police coming by to question her on every little detail she could remember. Those would always drain her of her energy because of how much she would have to remember. By the end of it she would be crying in frustration at what had happened and sometimes it would take hours for her to finally calm down.

Watching her live through the memories of what happened to her was just as bad as watching her go through withdrawal. It seemed like the questioning went on forever even though it couldn't have been more than twenty-five minutes. Everyone could tell how hard it was for Alice but she answered every question as best she could and didn't forget to leave out any minor details that may be important. I hugged her close to me through out it all and when things got too difficult for her to say she would snuggle into me so she wouldn't have to make eye contact with anybody.

After a week of going back and forth making sure Alice didn't forget anything or that they hadn't missed any major details they finally left us alone and wished us their best for the future. They kept us up to date on a regular basis even though not much had changed, they didn't want us to feel like they weren't trying their best at finding who was responsible for this whole mess.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair as I sat on Alice's bed, waiting for her to finish changing so I could talk to her about the date I had in mind. I think she might be a little hesitant at first but I think with a bit of persuasion I could get her to agree. The door opened and out stepped my angel. She gave me a sweet smile and I instantly returned it.

I swear she got more beautiful every day.

"Hey," she said softly, making her way to the bed.

"Hey," I responded wrapping my arm around her waist, bringing her closer. She snuggled into my side and I ran my hands up and down her smooth arms. "So I was thinking maybe we could go out today." I felt her breathing hitch at the idea and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. She instantly calmed down and tightened her arms around me.

"Err… I don't know Jasper. I mean I want to but I-I don't know… you know if I-" I placed my hand over her mouth to stop her from going on. She was rambling and while it was quite amusing I could tell she was uncomfortable with the conversation.

I removed my hand from her mouth and placed my hand under her chin, lifting it a little so I could look her in the eyes. "Alice, I know you believe you can't do this but you can. I know you can." I said sincerely. She sighed and tears began to fill her eyes but she didn't look away.

"But what if… what if something-" She broke off again. I nodded my head at her in encouragement and she took a deep breath before continuing. "What if something goes wrong… what if it something happens and I lose my family again?" I wrapped my arms around her, tighter then ever before and pulled her onto my lap knowing she always felt safest in this position.

"Alice, you know I wouldn't ever let anybody take you away from me again… away from this family. This is where you belong. Nowhere else, but here. Okay?" She nodded her head against my chest and I decided to tell her about my idea for our date. "The whole reason I asked if you wanted to go out with me in the first place was because I wanted to take you out on our first date."

She gasped and looked up at me, excitement plastered all over face. "Really?"

"Really." I said smiling down at her. I could feel her vibrating on me in excitement.

"Well what did you have in mind?" She asked completely forgetting her worries from before.

"Well I was thinking we could maybe take a picnic down to the park and sit in our favourite spot from when we were kids. It was under that beautiful willow tree by the lake… we use to skip rocks there and see who could go the farthest." I remembered with a fond smile on my face. I peered up at Alice to find she had this look of concentration on her face. She suddenly looked up at me with the biggest grin on her face.

"Yes, I remember!" She squealed.

I threw my head back and laughed at her only to be silenced with her lips upon mine. The kiss was soft at first as she brought her arms up and wrapped them around my neck and began playing with the soft hair at the base of my neck. I deepened the kiss opening her mouth with mine and the moment our tongues met we groaned simultaneously. I chuckled a little while she giggled and we kissed a little while longer until our need for air couldn't be ignored. We were breathing heavily trying to catch our breath back and I noticed the love and adoration she had shining in her eyes while I looked back at her.

"I love you too, Alice." I whispered. She grinned back and gave me a quick peck on the lips before moving herself out of my arms and making her way across her room to grab a jacket.

She put her jacket on and made her way to the bedroom door only stopping when she realised I hadn't moved from my spot. "Well are you coming or not?"

I laughed again and quickly made my over to her, opening the bedroom door and grabbing her hand in mine leading her downstairs. I lead her to the kitchen to prepare some food for the picnic only to find a picnic basket on the kitchen counter with a small note on top.

_Dear Jasper and Alice,_

_There's more than enough food for the both of you in here that I made. Don't worry too much about eating it all (I'm sure Emmett wouldn't mind eating the left overs) I hope you have fun and enjoy your date._

_Love Bella_

I chuckled a little at the Emmett joke knowing without a doubt it was true. I had informed Bella of my plans for mine and Alice's date the night before and she offered to help with the food. I accepted right away knowing how good of cook she was. Just thinking about the different foods she has made for us waiting in the basket had my mouth watering.

Alice nudged me wondering what had me day dreaming and I handed her the note. I watched her face as she read, smiling when she did at the Emmett joke. Her smile turned soft and she looked up at me with her eyes sparkling with tears. She was pretty emotional when it came to people doing things for her just because they loved her. But I never grew tired of her reaction every time. A lot of people take the love that others give them for granted and don't appreciate what they have. But Alice knows what its like to live a life without love and so cherishes every moment.

I gently wiped the few the tears that had fallen onto her cheeks gave her a hug. She buried her face into my chest and we stood there a moment just revelling in each others closeness. After we had our moment we pulled away from each and I caught her hand in mine again as I grabbed the picnic basket with other.

I led her outside and opened the car. When Alice was finally settled into the passenger seat I placed the picnic basket carefully on her knee and started the car. We drove to the park in comfortable silence, neither one of us feeling the need to fill the silence. I was more then happy to quietly sit there, feeling her delicate hand in mine. She gently played with my fingers as the radio played softly in the background and it felt like no time at all had passed when we finally reached the park.

When we got out of the car I grabbed a hold of Alice's hand and led her across the grass and over to the edge of the lake we loved so much as kids. I spotted the tree almost immediately and pulled Alice along quicker in my excitement. When we finally reached the tree I heard a gasp from behind me and turned to see Alice stood there with a shocked expression on her face. She slowly stepped from behind me and walked towards the tree in a daze. My eyes followed her arm to where they reached out and realised she was running her fingers over a carving on the tree.

It was an 'A + J' with a heart surrounding it. I felt my smile stretch across my face as I remembered that day as if it had happened yesterday.

"_I think this is__ the best idea I've ever had!" Squealed a nine year old Alice._

_She was jumping up and down giddier then ever. She handed me the pen knife I had taken without my parents seeing and came to stand beside me so she could watch. If they found out I had taken the knife I would probably be grounded until I graduate college. I tried not to think about how much trouble I could get in and focused on the moment. This was supposed to be a special moment for me and Alice and I didn't want my fear of getting caught getting in the way of that._

"_Okay. Where do you think I should do it? We need the perfect spot." She beamed at me and pointed to where I should start. I smiled back and placed my hand on the tree to steady myself as I carved._

_As I carved into the wood Alice would jump in now again giving me pointers on how I could make it look prettier._

_Her words, not mine._

_I did as she said anyway because I knew it would make her happy and Alice should always be happy._

"_Like that?" I asked._

"_Perfect." S__he beamed at me._

_I stopped now and again to blow away the loose parts and to see which bits needed more work doing on them and all the time Alice would just stand there with her eyes glued to the tree._

_Once I was nearly done I stood in front of my almost masterpiece and told Alice to close her eyes. I knew she had already seen most of it but I wanted to put the finishing touches to it so it would look perfect and I didn't want her to see. I wanted it to be a surprise for her. She covered her face with her hands and when I made sure she wasn't trying to peak I turned back to the tree to finish off what I had started._

_When I was sure I had finished I stepped back to admire my work and deemed it perfect. I turned around and took hold of Alice by her wrists and slowly pulled her hands away from her face. Her eyes were staring right back at mine and the smiled still hadn't left her face._

"_Don't move your eyes away from mine till I tell you too, okay?" She nodded back at me and I took a deep breath._

"_1… 2… 3. Now look.__" I stepped from in front of her and the moment her eyes attached onto the tree. I chuckled a bit at her reaction and waved my hand in front of her face and she didn't blink once._

"_Jasper." S__he whispered my name. "It's so beautiful. Thank you."_

_She finally turned to me and her eyes were full of tears waiting to fall. She threw herself at me and gave me a tight hug and I whispered "Anything for you" into her ear. I squeezed her back and we finally released each other and stood side by side facing the tree. Alice reached out and carefully glided her hand over the letter J._

_She took my hand into her delicate one and turned to me before saying, "This way we can always be together."_

Alice was oddly quiet as she studied the tree and I took a step towards her, lightly placing my hand on her shoulder for comfort.

"I remember." She whispered in a shaky voice.

I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist and placed my chin on the top of her head. I hugged her tightly to my body and she let out a deep sigh to calm herself down. I bent my head down and kissed her softly on her neck before whispering in her ear.

"Everything is okay now. You found your way back to me."

She turned in my arms and reached up wrapping her arms around my neck and pulled me closer to her. She stood on her tiptoes and brushed her lips over mine before pressing them firmly against mine. I deepened the kiss and opened her mouth with mine, moaning in contentment. She grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled slightly eliciting another moan from me as my hands found underneath her shirt where I lightly stroked her soft skin.

A cough from somewhere in the distance had us jumping apart and straightening out our clothes. I looked up to see Alice staring at the ground near her feet like it was the most interesting thing in the world while the old woman shook her head at us and walked away with a mumbled "Kids today…"

When she was a safe distance away Alice lifted her head and looked at me in embarrassment, her cheeks tinged pink.

"Well that was… interesting." She laughed awkwardly. I chuckled and reached out for her hand, pulling her back to me.

"Hungry?" I asked. She nodded her head and I opened the picnic basket and pulled out the blanket that was folded on top and laid it on the grass for us to sit on. I pulled out the assortment of foods placed them on the blanket between us. There were sandwiches, fruits, chocolate and yogurts and even something to drink.

Everything looked so delicious. We ate in a comfortable silence only stopping now and again to make small talk or to voice random thoughts we might have. Everything was going so well and I couldn't believe this moment was actually happening for me. That Alice, the person I thought I would never see again, would never be able to touch or kiss or simply just be around was sat in front of me holding my hand in her small ones while smiling in contentment. She was happy because of me and it simply amazed me that I could make her feel this way.

After we had finished the food we lay back on the grass and looked up at the clouds just like we use to when we were kids. I would point out silly things to make her laugh and giggle because I enjoyed the sounds so much. And before I knew it I was on top of her kissing her breathless with my hand under her top, running my hands over the softness of her stomach. Her breathing hitched and I heard my name release itself from her lips.

"Alice." I responded just as breathless. Without even thinking about it my hand started making its way towards her bra and just as I brushed the underside of her breast she froze under me. I removed my hand from underneath her top hoping she wasn't mad with me or anything. I thought this was what we both wanted.

"Alice I'm so sorry I didn't think- I mean I don't know…" I trailed off not really knowing what to say. I felt her shift under me and realised she was trying to get up so I sat back onto the heels of my feet to let her up.

"Its okay Jasper, its not your fault. Its just… I'm-I'm not the same person as I was before." She finished in a whisper, looking everywhere but me. She was wringing her hands together which probably meant she was nervous.

"Hey." I said taking her chin into my hand so I could get her to look at me. "Listen to me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you okay. I know you've been through so much but that doesn't change the fact you deserve happiness, love, family and everything else worth living for in this world."

She still wouldn't look at me and when I leaned forward to give her a reassuring kiss on the lips she backed away from me and I'm sure the hurt I felt inside showed just as much on my face. She took her hand out of mine and stood up, taking a step back. I could tell she felt bad for backing away from me like that, it showed all over her face.

"I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean it, it just kind of happened." She cried. "I'm such a horrible person I can't believe I backed away from you like that. Your this amazing and caring guy and any girl would be lucky to have you and for some fucked up reason you want to be with me. The crazy, messed up girl who's an ex-junkie and for some stupid reason can't even accept a kiss from her own boyfriend who's done nothing but love me and been so damn patient with everything!"

I sat there a little shocked at her out burst and realised she must have been hiding a few things from me and the rest of the family. I was a little hurt at the fact that she didn't come to me if there was something wrong but then I remembered she probably wasn't use to having people around to talk too. She was used to hiding her feelings and pushing them down, pretending they didn't exist.

"Alice please calm down there's-" She stopped me from finishing my sentence by holding her hand up at me. Now she was a little pissed.

"Don't you dare say there's nothing wrong with me Jasper Hale. Of course there's something wrong with me or I wouldn't be acting like this!" She screeched. "I'm not the same person you fell in love with. You'll just have to accept that I am no longer Alice. I'm Mary and probably will be till the day I die."

I felt physically sick inside after that last line. How could she even think those things? I didn't understand. All I knew was that I loved her and to me she would always be perfect. Of course she had a few problems to overcome but who didn't? Nobody had a perfect life and it would take time for her to heal and to feel at home and have any kind of normalcy. It would be hard but with all the people she had around her that loved her so much it would make everyday that tad bit easier.

As I was about to tell her this to give her some form of comfort in knowing that it wouldn't always be this way, she turned on her heel and ran away.

**APOV**

There was no way I could stand for him to say 'there's nothing wrong with you' one more time. It was highly frustrating and I knew he meant well its just that I also knew it was a lie. There was no point in pretending that there wasn't anything wrong with me when there clearly was. I hate that I ran away from him like that but I didn't know what else to do. When things get tough I run. Its what I do better then anyone else I know. So I kept on running not realising where it was I was actually going till I noticed my surroundings. I was running back to the place I felt safest with the people I love.

_Home._

Never in a million years did I think I would get to say that word. A lot of people take it for granted but I know what its like to feel alone and have nobody care about you, so I try and cherish every moment I have with my family.

I pushed myself harder wanting to get home to the safeness of my room so I could break down and cry in peace without anybody watching. I rushed up to the empty house, unlocking the door and slamming it behind me once I was inside. I quickly made my way upstairs feeling ready to breakdown at any moment and ran in the direction of my room. Once inside my room I locked the door and heaved a sigh of relief knowing I no longer had to hold in everything I was feeling. Slowly but surely the tears collected in the corner of my eyes and streamed down streaks, falling onto my jacket. I took it off and threw on it the floor, not caring where it landed and threw myself onto my bed, lying on my stomach and buring my face into my arms.

Before I knew all my doubts and fears were bursting out of me and I was wailing louder than a dog. I was just thankful that the house was empty which meant no one could hear me. I didn't think it would feel this good to finally let it all out. I knew there was a good chance I would feel lighter afterwards, I guess I was just to scared to finally let it all go. I lifted my head up off of my arms and reached over to my bedside table to grab a tissue for my nose. I blew it lightly then threw it towards the bin where it just missed and fell lightly to the side. I grumbled to myself and put my head back down onto my arms not bothering with the tissue. It could wait.

I finally calmed down but decided to just stay where I was. I was comfy and I felt safe so I decided that maybe I should take a little nap to relax myself. I snuggled myself furthing into my bed quilt, not bothering to get under because I was warm enough as it was and I don't think I would be as comfy since I was wearing jeans. I was slowly slipping into unconciousness when I heard a faint tapping at my window. I decided to ignore it, thinking it was nothing and allowed myself to drift off again.

Before I got far the tapping continued and I sighed while lifting myself off of the bed so I could check it out. The first thing I noticed when I lifted my head was the person crouched on my window ledge, glancing down at the ground in apprehension every now and again hoping they wouldn't fall.

Some how Jasper had climbed up the tree that stood outside my window and made it onto the ledge, gripping the sides of the window as hard as he could.

I pushed myself off the bed and slowly walked over to the window, pausing in front of it, not sure what to do next. Should I let him in or not? Would he be mad or upset with me for running away? I decided the only way to get the answers to my questions would be to do the thing I didn't want to most. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the scolding I thought I was sure to get. I pushed the window up then backed away and flung myself back onto my bed so I didn't have to see his face. I didn't want to see the disappointment in his eyes. It would have been too much and I really didn't want to cry again. I had done that too much lately and it was beginning to get tiring.

I heard him jump through the window then close it softly. His feet shuffled across my bedroom carpet towards my bed and I felt it dip as he sat beside me. I felt his hand rubbing my back up and down to sooth me.

"Alice?" He began. "Won't you please look at me? I promise I'm not angry or upset with you."

I could tell he was telling the truth, I could hear it in his voice. Plus, I don't think Jasper would ever lie to me. Even though I knew that my stupid insecurites were still holding me back. If I knew he was telling the truth why couldn't I look at him? It didn't make any sense and I hated feeling this way.

"Alice." He repeated drawing out my name while he lightly tickled my back. I couldn't help the giggle that escaped me and before I knew it I was full out laughing with him on top of me pinning my legs to the bed whilst sitting on them.

Before he went crazy with another round of tickling I keld my hands up in surrender. He grinned down at me and instead of going for my sides he placed both hands on the sides of my face and kissed me sweetly. What began innocent soon turned into a frenzy of kisses. I was getting so caught up in my feelings that I almost forgot I didn't want our first time together to be rushed and over before it even started. I wanted it to be something special that we'd remember forever.

"Jasper." I gasped. He groaned in response but continued to softly nip at the skin on my neck sending shivers up and down my spine.

"Jasper." I tried again this time pushing a little on his chest so he got the point. He stopped what he was doing and layed his head on my chest while he gained control of his breathing before talking to me.

"Sorry." He apologized sheepishly.

"Don't be." I assured him. "I was just as eager as you were. I just want our first time together to be special, you know?" He nodded his head as I continued. "I don't want it to be rushed. I want it to be us, together... Feeling everything and setting our own pace so we never forget. Just like how I always imagined my first time being."

Jasper decided to ignore the last part of that sentence and leaned in softly kissing me on the lips again.

"I know exactly what you mean." He whispered. "I want it to be special because _you_ are special. You deserve everything good in life and more."

He smiled down at me and his eyes shone with the love and adoration he had for me and I decided right there and then that this was the perfect moment. I was with the man I loved more then anything else in the world with an empty house. It couldn't be more perfect. I reached up and ran my fingers through his soft blonde hair and whispered "I'm ready." That's all it took for him to know I was ready. He knew I wouldn't push myself into something this big unless I was ready… Especially after everything I had been through.

His eyes immediately darkened with lust now he realised I was serious about this. He placed his lips softly on mine and I brought my arms up and around his neck, pullling him closer to me. His body was flush against mine and I could feel his growing erection pressing into my thighs. I groaned into his mouth and he groaned back just as enthusiastically. Suddenly his hands were everywhere all over my body and all thought went out the window. My mind was a cloudy haze and I couldn't remember ever feeling this good.

My fingers slowly worked the buttons of his shirt and unfastened them one by one. He shrugged it off and threw it to the floor. He lips immediately found my collarbone. He sucked and nipped on it lightly leaving me breathless and yearning for more. He traveled lower down my body placing kisses to my flushed skin. He brought his hand over my left breast and hesitated. It hovered there a few seconds before I gave him an encouraging smile and he gave my breast a soft squeeze. I moaned my appreciation and I was suddenly thankful that Rosalie had thought to buy me some decent bras. Though I had been almost as embarrassed as Bella was looking through all that lace. I'd never seen that shade of red on a person before…

Jasper nipping and sucking on my collarbone brought me back to the present. He tugged on the end of my tank top and I lifted myself of the bed a little so he could pull it over my head. He sucked in a deep breath when he saw my red lace bra. It was one of my favourites and lifted up my cleavage making it look like I had more then I actually did. He licked his lips and I giggled at the excited look on his face. He brought his face down and placed soft kisses just above my bra on my right breast. He worked the other with his hand, surprising me when he pulled my cup down and moaned at the feel of me in his hands.

He removed his hand from my breast and replaced it with his mouth, sucking hard on my nipple.

"Oh God." I whimpered. Jasper chuckled at my reaction, sending vibrations through my chest.

"You feel so damn good." He whispered. He reached around me and unhooked my bra, pulling the straps down my arms and flinging it across the room. He then moved to my jeans, hurriedly trying to get the button undone.

"I really need to get your jeans _off._" He panted, finally undoing the button and pulling down the zip. I lifted myself off the bed and he pulled down my pants and panties at the same time.

"I could say the same about you." I laughed a little breathlessly. I made quick work of his pants and found I was strangley nervous about seeing Jasper naked for the first time. I knew that even though I was nervous I was definitely more excited. I don't ever remember feeling this good before, it was almost like a drug.

When his jeans were off I fingered the top of his boxers before slowly slipping them down his hips and gasping when his erection sprung free. All I could think was how I was such a lucky woman and no other woman would be able to enjoy him except for me. Seeing him ready and waiting for me had that fire inside me burning like a furnace. I wanted him so bad and before I knew it I pounced on him, both of us falling back onto the bed, me on top with Jasper laughing hard at my reaction.

My mouth flew to his and I kissed deep and hard, putting everything into it. I opened his mouth with mine and our tongues danced together fighting for dominance.

"I need you Jasper, I need you so bad." I pleaded. I was rubbing my thighs together hoping for some friction but it wasn't nowhere near what I wanted the most.

"Soon, I promise. Right now, I want to do this." He flipped us over so he was on top off me and ran his long fingers over my skin and spread my legs far apart. I gave him a curious look and he winked at me before putting his fingers on my thigh and slowly making his way up to where I wanted him the most. My breathing sped up and I was close to screaming when he finally…

"Holy shit." I whispered. "Don't ever stop."

"I don't plan too." He said gazing at me lovingly. He bent forward giving me a kiss before slowly pumping his fingers in and out of me.

"God you feel so good." He said in a husky voice while reaching over to play with my breast.

He added another finger and started rubbing at me with his thumb. I could feel the fire inside me getting hotter and hotter and I knew without a doubt he was going to push me over the edge soon.

"Faster Jasper. I need you to go faster." I commanded trying to breathe.

"Anything for you." He promised pumping faster just like I had wanted.

I gripped the sheets beneath my hands in a tight grip needing something to hold onto. I felt kisses on my stomach getting lower and lower and before I knew it I could feel his hair brushing against my thighs tickling me. He removed his fingers from inside me and I almost cried from the loss of contact. His eyes filled with so much lust bore into mine as he licked his fingers clean and I had never been so turned on in all my life.

"Mmm you taste so good. I wouldn't mind eating you all day." Did I mention how much I loved his dirty talk. I hadn't seen Jasper like this before and I had to say… I fucking loved it.

"Jasper, please." I begged. I didn't even know what I was begging for I just knew I needed him to do something.

He chuckled at my begging and spread my legs even further apart right before his lips found me and I cried out in pleasure.

"Yes, yes, yes!" I chanted as he sucked and licked and did all kinds of crazy things to me. His hair brushing against my thighs just added to that euphoric feeling that was building up. His teeth grazed me as he dared to suck harder and I cried out again.

"Uhh… feels so fucking good." I panted.

"Come for me…" Jasper whispered, now rubbing at me with his thumb while attacking me with his talented lips. And just like that I came fast and hard, seeing stars behind me eyes and calling out his name while gripping the bed sheets so tight that my knuckles had turned white.

I took deep breaths to try and calm my breathing while Jasper crawled up my body to kiss me. I licked his lips and tasted myself on him.

"I do taste good." I whispered seductively and he growled in my ear and started sucking on my neck. I'm pretty sure he gave me a hickey but at that very moment in time I couldn't careless.

"I need you so bad right now." He growled into my neck, sending shivers through my body.

"Take me then." I replied just as eager. I ran my hands down over his chest and toned stomach and until I brushed against him and I felt him twitch against my thigh. I took him in my hand and began pumping him.

"Feels so fucking good." He growled into my ear and I smiled satisfied that only I could make him feel this good. Before I could get him to finish he grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked hesitantly.

"No of course not!" He tried to reassure me.

"Then why did you make me stop?" I asked confused.

"Because the first time I come, I want it to be inside you and not in your hand." I blushed a little from his words and found myself trying look anywhere but him. He laughed and covered my face with kisses that made me giggle because they tickled.

He grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist. He positioned himself at my entrance and watched my face for any signs that I wanted to stop. I smiled at him and placed a hand on cheek, rubbing it affectionately. He must have seen what he needed to on my face because I could feel him slowly pushing into me trying to be careful.

When he was fully inside we were both breathing hard, brimming with excitement that it was finally happening. I could tell it was taking everything in him to not pound into me with everything he had. He waited a few more seconds before pulling out and push back in again. He started a steady rhythm and it wasn't long before we were both panting breathlessly and giving each other drunken kisses.

"Faster. I want you to go faster." I panted. He picked up his pace and I brought my arms up and wrapped them around his neck to bring him closer to me. His lips soon found my breast and he placed open mouth kisses that sent shivers up and down my spine. He rolled my nipple between his fingers making it perk up and then started sucking on it. He grazed it lightly with his teeth and I moaned out loud at the sensation it gave it to me.

"Urgh… I'm coming Alice, I can feel it. I want you to come with me." He said into my chest.

He brought a hand down between us and fingered my clit while he pumped in and out of me faster then I thought possible. I was feeling a million things at once and I could feel the burning inside spreading through my body and Jasper's thrusts started to get erractic. My hands tightened in his hair as I felt myself get pushed over the edge and he kissed me with everything he had, both of us moaning into each others mouths.

Jasper lay slack on top of me placing kisses on my sweat covered skin. I loved the feel of his skin against mine and I had never felt so connected with someone in my whole life. He pushed himself off me and rolled onto his side, bringing me with him. I cuddled into him lying my head on his arm for a pillow.

"Shit!" I heard Jasper gasp. I looked up at him and started getting nervous with the panic I saw in his eyes. "We didn't use a condom."

I sighed in relief knowing that wasn't anything to worry about and laughed a little at the expression on his face. I laughed even harder when he looked down at me with a look on his face that said 'have you completely lost you mind!'

"Its okay Jasper. I'm on the pill." I saw him visably relax and that tid bit of information and I giggled again. "Sorry I didn't tell you. I err… got a little caught up in the moment."

"Its okay." He laughed a little. "When did you go on the pill?"

"It was right after they found me. They thought it would be a good idea and I agreed. Which I'm most definitely happy about doing right now." I grinned up at him.

He chuckled and cuddle me closer. He released me a little so he could pull my cover back so we could get underneath. After we were settled he pulled me against him again immediately not liking the distance between us anymore then I did.

"I love you so much." He whispered to me before nibbling lightly on my ear.

"I love you too." I replied happily. I sighed in contentment and wondered how my life had turned out into my very own fairytale. I was unbelievably happy right now I just wanted to run screaming through the streets and sing cheesy songs from the rooftops.

Me and Jasper spent the rest of the day in my room, neither one of us being disturbed by our family. They could probably sense that we needed this time together and I was so thankful that I was apart of a family that knew and understood each other so well. It was everything I remembered dreaming of.

I knew that this was what it was all about. You always hear about it in the movies and most people think its just cheesy but that's how it can feel like to a person in real life if you found the right person. When you find that special someone you just know it in heart. They know you inside out, what you're feeling, whether you need your space or just to be surrounded by the ones you love most. They're there for you no matter what until the very end and you know without a doubt that you wouldn't survive without that person.

I finally realised that I didn't need the drugs to make my life seem like it was better then it actually was. All Heroin did was make me feel better but it didn't solve anything. I needed something or someone in my life that would keep me grounded and show me the world wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Sure, it had its downsides and not everyone living in it was leading a happy life because they didn't have that special someone to show them the light through the darkness. I had Jasper for that and with him I could see everything a lot more clearly. Jasper was my light and I didn't plan on ever letting him go.

_We made our connection, a full on chemical reaction, brought by dark divine intervention , yeah, you are a shining light… _

* * *

_So that was Carrie-Anns final chapter and Sunday you will be getting mine! Its finished, we just want you to appreciate this chapter on its own and get some reviews before the final chapter! _

_I can't believe this journey is over! Its taken its sweet time but its finally arrived, I'm so sad! :( I would love this story to go on forever but things have to end sadly... anyway, i don't wanna get soppy right now, its not the final chapter yet! haha_

_I hope you enjoyed Carrie-Ann's lemony goodness. It was awesome wasn't it? Admit it! haha _

_For now, drop us a review and i shall see you on Sunday with the finale! :( _

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	27. The Funeral

_**A/N:**__ My final chapter and the final chapter of this story! Its been amazing writing this story and sharing it with you guys, we can't thank you enough for sticking with this story! Make sure to leave us a review and spread the word that this story is complete and needs to be read! :) I won't go on, enjoy this chapter!_

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_**Disclaimer:**__ Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer. _

_**POVs:**__ Alice_

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**The Funeral**

**APOV**

August 31st 2009

_James Witherdale. 17__th__ November 1975 – 3rd August 2009 _

I stared down at the little piece of paper not knowing what else to write. My scrawl was scruffy due to my shaking and frustration because words failed me. I couldn't think of a few words to write on his headstone… he deserved a few words didn't he? Jasper didn't think so. He sat facing me staring down at the paper with such hatred I was surprised he hadn't snatched the paper away from me.

Traditionally one would put loving husband. But he wasn't a loving husband… so what else was there to write?

"Alice, you don't have to write anything else." Jasper whispered from across the table.

"But I do." I replied back in the same whisper.

"Why? The man kidnapped you, put you through eight years of hell and blackmailed you into marrying him; tell me why he deserves words on his headstone? Hell, he doesn't even deserve a _funeral_." Anger seeped into every word.

My therapist, Jillian, told me that this was a good idea. In fact she had advised me on every move. She'd told me what I needed to do next, when I needed to do it, how and why. She had been brilliant and my rock throughout it all. She was the only person who knew deep down why I was doing this, even if I didn't totally get why I was doing this myself, but apparently I needed the _closure._

"I don't expect you to understand." I knew this was difficult for him, so I didn't rise to the anger.

"Then help me to." I looked up into his pleading eyes and looked away quickly.

"He has no one else. His family is gone and I'm all he had left." I knew it was a poor excuse as soon as the words left my lips and I'd already predicted his next words.

"He didn't deserve anyone, especially you. You don't have to take responsibility for this." He reached his hand forwards as if to snatch the paper away and I pulled it closer to me.

"But I do!" I growled in frustration, my hand tightening around the pen.

"Anything you write would be forced words, words that you don't really mean. You didn't love him or care for him, you loathed the man. I can see it in your eyes." His anger wasn't going away.

I tried to ignore his presence but it wasn't easy. How could I explain this to him when I didn't even know myself? Eight years I've been telling myself I couldn't leave him. I had an opportunity to run away and leave him for good with a caring and loving guy, but I chose to stay with him, which ended with Jeffrey's murder.

"The truth is I don't know why I need to do this. For eight years I've been asking myself that exact same question. Why would you bother staying with him? Why have you resigned to the fact that you will be spending the rest of your life with him, even though you hated your life with him?" I could feel the tears coming and I tried to fight them. I'd shed enough tears over this man. "I don't expect you to understand because even I don't. I chose to be with him, which was my decision when I was ten years old. I chose to live, I chose my own destiny."

I suddenly knew what to write. _James Witherdale. 17__th__ November 1975 – 3rd August 2009. You create your own destiny. _

In the end I knew one of us would die. In truth I always thought it would be me and I was close to that happening. _The fact was_ that this wasn't a happy love story; it was tragic and had only one ending… _death._ He chose his own destiny leading to his own death. The course he put himself on, no matter what he did led to his inevitable death. _Evil never wins, good always triumphs._ I had to fight not to write those words down too.

I exhaled and felt a little lighter. All morning I had been delaying this task, knowing that this was my final day and that it had to be written so that they could engrave this on his headstone. Carlisle had been generous enough to help with the rest of the arrangements, hell; he was even paying for most of it. James didn't have much money but what little he had, had been given to me. It was enough to buy the coffin but the rest Carlisle had to pay for. I'd promised him I would pay him back, but he said there was no need. I will pay him back though; he shouldn't be paying for any of this. This was my mess, my past, not his, it just wasn't right that he should pay.

Jillian may think she knows why I need to do this but I still don't fully understand. Especially the burning question, why did I stay with him all those years? She says I'm a survivor and that my natural instincts, no matter the environment, no matter how much I wished for death, deep down everyone wants to survive and they kicked into gear quickly. "The human body tries to stay alive as long as it can." She told me. "You were brave and you fought to be where you are today. Even if it doesn't feel like you did at times, its still down to you why you're breathing today, why you're back with your family… and why you have Jasper for real again."

I knew it pained everyone in this family that I had chosen to do this for James. I had stuttered and blushed when I tried to form a good enough explanation but in truth, there wasn't a good enough reason for them. I eventually told everyone, "This is just something I have to do. I'm sorry." After a lot of daily sessions with Jill, it now felt natural on a certain level that I should do this… He was my husband. I had lived with him for eight years. I lost my virginity to the man. He was at the time my first ever love, that was before I remembered Jasper. I didn't love him in the end, but he meant _something_ to me. How could he not after that length of time?

The funeral was in a week's time. They had kept the body for this long for investigation purposes. Jim would have a standard cremation, he had no one to bury him or pay for his funeral and I certainly wasn't going to do it. I didn't care what happened to him, they could have thrown his body in the ocean for all I care. He meant nothing to me… so it brings me back to my previous statement, James must have meant something to me. What that feeling is? I don't think there is even a word in the dictionary to describe it.

It has been stressful organizing this funeral. I had made sure I was involved in every decision because again, this was my mess and I was going to clean it up and bury it. My family and Jasper just came along for moral support. I hadn't shed one tear during all of this; it was only now writing down what would be engraved on his headstone that had gotten to me. Picking out his coffin hadn't even affected me and of all the things, I thought that would have after he locked me in one countless times. I didn't even flinch when I first saw them. I remained calm and brave.

It wasn't anything fancy, it was basic and brown. It looked pretty tacky but that was all James could afford and I wasn't going to ask Carlisle for more money towards this. The headstone was simple, nothing fancy to it, the writing I chose was bland and boring; whatever was the cheapest suited me just fine. The plot had been what cost the most, I'd decided to bury him in the Forks cemetery… _yes_, Jasper had said I was completely crazy for this decision, burying him so close to my home. It didn't bother me though, he was dead and gone, his body meant nothing to me now, it was just the man he was that I wanted to put to rest.

So the funeral was arranged, all that was left to do was actually attend it. We had a priest, my family and a few close friends would attend and that was about it. They were going for moral support, in their eyes this man was a true demon and the devil himself for what he did. But they didn't know him like I did. I suppose I now understand that I really was doing this for closure. In my heart I'm still Mary; they may call me Alice and see the face of Alice, but inside I'm different now. This was my last pathetic attempt at putting Mary to rest with James. If this didn't work, then I don't know what I'm going to do. Would I ever be rid of my life with him? Forever haunted with the memories and feelings of what he did to me? I didn't want that. _I _wanted_ to be Alice Cullen… _butsadly wanting wasn't enough.

September 10th 2009

I hadn't slept. All night my brain just wouldn't shut down. Thoughts of James, the little good and the bad circulated constantly. It wasn't all that bad with James, my memories of him when I was younger were good. He was caring, he was my protector, back then in my eyes he was my world. No one could have protected me like James could have. Of course that soon changed and the many years of bad haunted me in the night, I was too scared to close my eyes, I didn't want nightmares.

Jasper wanted to spend the night with me, but I didn't want him to hug me and kiss me and tell me everything was going to be alright. I knew it hurt him when I rejected him last night; it was the first night since we first made love that he hadn't slept in my bed with me. But I just couldn't, it didn't feel right. I was burying my dead husband tomorrow, the man who kidnapped me, how could I cuddle up to Jasper when I knew these memories would haunt me tonight? It would just feel wrong somehow.

There was a knock at the door and I told them to come in. "Hey." It was Jasper.

"Hey." I whispered back.

"How did you sleep last night?" There was a hint of sadness and I knew he was still feeling the effects of my rejecting him.

"I didn't." I smiled a sad smile. "I guess I'm used to you being here, I just couldn't sleep without you." I chuckled lazily and he smiled wide for me.

"I couldn't sleep either. I missed you." He shut the door and climbed onto the bed next me, dragging me into his arms. I breathed in his scent and melted instantly into his embrace.

"I missed you too." I whispered back, kissing him on the chest over his beating heart. He held me tighter and I clung to him just as tight, it was as if we were trying to fuse ourselves together.

"I'm so happy you're back in my arms." I knew those words meant more than one night away from each other; those words spoke for eight years of nights not being together.

I pulled back and put my right hand on his face. "I'm never leaving you again. I promise."

"I know." He smiled and his blue eyes sparkled with joy and such love it sent goose bumps up my arms. _How can this man love me so much?_ I kissed him softly and he moaned into the kiss, his left hand weaved into the back of my hair and he deepened the kiss, his tongue brushing along my bottom and I opened my mouth greedily. Our tongues danced, the kiss was perfect; it was as if I'd been kissing this mouth my entire life. We just fit together like a jigsaw; every move of our lips was as if someone had choreographed it for us. Every brush of our tongues was soft and not at all soppy and messy, it was as if every stroke said I love you.

He pulled away first and laughed, giving me one soft kiss before he spoke. "We need to get ready." He kissed me again and I suddenly couldn't move. I froze. "Alice?" And just like that he went into panic mode.

I pulled away quickly and gathered myself up. Those five words reminded me of what we were supposed to be doing today. How could I have let myself forget even for a split second? This was not a happy day. Today I was burying someone, someone who was once close to me. I sighed and turned to face his worried one. "I'm sorry." I pleaded with my eyes for him to understand and not question me. Not today. He seemed to understand and nodded his head giving me a cheeky smile as well.

"I almost forgot! Rose picked out a dress for you, one minute." He jumped from the bed and left the room, coming back seconds later with a box. I furrowed my eyebrows and suddenly got a pang of excitement. Rose had been more than happy to tell me how I used to be, how I loved fashion, how I made sure my hair was perfect everyday and how I used to dress her and Bella up like human Barbie's. Bella was also more than happy to tell me how she does _not_ miss that part of the past. From then on I made a mental note to do it to her again some time in the future.

"You mean she_ bought_ me a dress, not picked it out." I suddenly felt lighter and happy. I made my way to Jasper and noticed how my movements around him were dance-like. He told me I used to walk like that all the time, that I was his very own ballerina. I blushed furiously when he noticed me do it, he chuckled and looked down at the dress, bringing it out carefully and holding it up for me.

It was stunning. It was a black dress, fitting for a slim figure. I knew it would cling to me like a second skin. I felt the material and it was almost silky, yet it didn't shine like silk. I sighed and took the dress off of him, laying it on the bed. He pulled out some simple black shoes with tiny heels on, and finally he pulled out a small black hat, with netting coming down to go over just your eyes. It had a flower on it attached to the netting, holding it in place on the hat. It was stunning, but again brought me back to what I was doing today.

"Could you wait downstairs for me?" I whispered, not taking my eyes away from the hat.

"Are you okay?" He dropped the hat and held my face in his hands but I closed my eyes so I couldn't see him.

"No." I backed out of his hands and went to my en-suite bathroom locking myself in it. I cried. I knew it was going to come. All night I hadn't allowed myself one tear for the man. Was he really, truly gone? I sobbed into my hands as I sunk to the ground. If Jasper was still out there, he didn't make a sound to let me know. I was grateful for that.

Today I bury his body. Today I finally say goodbye. What if it didn't work? What if all this time and effort was for nothing? I want to say that I am Alice Cullen again. I want to look into the eyes of my old family and say I am the girl they once knew, the girl they still love but no longer exists. I have her body, her looks and some of her traits are starting to come out of me. Like the dancing when I walk and my love for fashion. But I don't _feel_ like her. Its like I'm pretending just for them and if this doesn't work it means living a lie for the rest of my life, pretending, forever pretending to be someone I'm not. I cried for myself, I cried for Alice.

10:00am

I was finally ready. Rose came swooping in and fixed my face up. She didn't ask why I was upset or if I was okay; she just did her best to cover up my red face so I looked at least the slightest bit presentable. Again, everyone was being so nice to me. They weren't asking how I was feeling every five minutes; they weren't coming up to me and giving me a hug. They just left me to be myself, to deal with this situation on my own. Jasper however didn't leave my side and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

We sat in the car in silence, it wasn't awkward on my end, but I could feel the tension coming off of everyone else. I was too numb to really care; I was just focusing on getting this day over and done with. Jasper held my hand, brushing his thumb soothingly over the back, letting me know in his own way that he will be here for me, however I want him. I gave him the odd squeeze every now and then, showing him my appreciation.

As we got closer to Forks Cemetery my anxiety increased. My heart started to beat furiously, threatening to burst through my skin. My hands were shaking and I began to squeeze Jaspers hand permanently, he whispered a few words into my ear trying to calm me down but for the life of me I couldn't repeat a word he said. I was sweating profusely and I was thankful for the wind breezing through the open window next to me, I closed my eyes to calm myself down, taking in deep breaths.

When I next opened them we were here. The first tear fell down my cheek, it was due to fear of what I was about to do, not sadness; but everyone thought it was sadness when they stepped out of the car. Carlisle patted my arm and Esme gave me a one armed hug, everyone else walked on giving me sympathetic smiles until I was left alone with Jasper. "I'm here for you Alice." He whispered against my forehead before giving me one long kiss.

I hugged him close to me and kissed him softly before pulling away and gathering myself together. I nodded my head unable to speak at the moment and followed the crowd to the open grave where James's coffin was. Rose, Emmett, Bella, Edward, Esme, Carlisle and finally Charlie all turned up for support. The few friends who I had invited, Mike, Jessica and Angela said that they couldn't make it. I knew their real reasons and I didn't hold it against them. If I was in their position, I don't think I could have come if they were burying a man who kidnapped one of them. How can you expect to feel sympathy for someone like that? You can't. But these being my family came along for me, they understood better than anyone else and I was happy with the turn out.

I slowly made my way to my family. There were seats placed at one side of the coffin, I didn't look at it, not even the headstone, not yet. I just concentrated on my family and sitting down for now. I walked to the front of the seating area, two seats set out for me and Jasper. Everyone else was behind us, close and comforting.

The priest stood to the left of us, he was as still as a statue as we all got as comfortable as possible. Everyone was silent as we waited patiently for the priest to begin. He looked at me, gave me a tight nod and I gave one back letting him know I was ready. He was clear on why and who we were burying. If he didn't agree with this burial and what I was doing for James, he didn't let on. He knew this was all for me, he didn't look at the rest of my family as they couldn't care less for the man; the first words he spoke were for my ears only.

"Let us commend James Witherdale to the mercy of God." He looked down at the coffin as he clutched the Holy Bible to his chest and I knew I couldn't not look any longer. I held tightly onto Jasper's hand as I finally rested my eyes on the wooden coffin, hovering above the hole he was later to be lowered into. I heard myself gasp, whether it was shock, fear, anticipation, glee or sadness, I didn't know. But it left my lungs with a gush of air as slow tears fell down my cheeks.

"Heavenly Father,  
you have not made us for darkness and death,  
but for life with you forever.  
Without you we have nothing to hope for;  
with you we have nothing to fear.  
Speak to us now your words of eternal life.  
Lift us from anxiety and guilt  
to the light and peace of your presence,  
and set the glory of your love before us;  
through Jesus Christ our Lord.  
Amen."

"Amen." I whispered the word so quiet I wasn't sure anyone else heard me. I specifically asked for that prayer. I didn't believe James deserved a more traditional prayer, he wasn't a do gooder, he was an evil man and he was lucky he was even getting the simplest of funerals. If it were anyone else but me, he would have been cremated and dumped somewhere just like Jim had been. This funeral was for Mary.

The priest looked at me and I knew with a pang of anxiety that my time had come to say a few words. I nodded to him and stood quickly, not giving myself time to back down and flee. I wanted this over with; I _needed_ this to be done. I craved the touch of Jasper and as soon as out palms stopped touching but I couldn't allow myself that, not this moment, I couldn't run.

I kept my eyes on the suspended coffin as I walked around it to my spot at the other side. I was stood facing my family but I didn't look at them, I just spoke what came to my mind first.

"I didn't prepare a speech so I'm just going to go with it." I traced the pattern of the wood on the coffin then looked up at the headstone and read the words in which I had chosen. "I know you don't understand why I chose to do this for him. If the roles were reversed, I would have felt the exact same way, but the roles aren't reversed and this was a decision I alone had to make. I could stand here and tell you all that I was all he had left, that no one else was alive to bury him so I felt it my duty to do this for him… but that would be a lie." I took in a deep breath and willed myself not to cry.

I finally looked at my family and friends. "You all see a girl called Alice Cullen. You see her face, you see memories of her as a child and now you feel you finally have her back in your arms, your life." I felt a lone, fresh tear fall as I stared into Jaspers eyes. He was being brave but I could tell he wanted to let go and cry with me. "I'm doing this today to bring that girl back. James created a new identity for me. He wiped my memory clean of any trace of the girl you all knew and loved and replaced it with someone else. Someone _he_ could love; someone who was _his_." My voice shook with the words as I saw Esme silently break down in front of my eyes.

"I am Mary Witherdale. I'm eighteen years old. I don't remember anything of my life before James… All I can tell you; is that in my eight years of living with this man, I have experienced a life of hell. I used to ask myself, will I ever escape? But that was the wrong question. _Could_ I ever escape? I had an answer prepared for that and it was no. I felt lost. I hated my husband. I hated my drug addiction and I hated my life." Carlisle had wrapped Esme tightly in his arms and I looked away, back down at the coffin. "Every morning I would wake and repeat those same words to myself, reminding myself that what had happened to me wasn't a dream. It was real, they were real nightmares, real memories and each morning I would cry as he wrapped me in his arms."

Jasper finally couldn't hold them back. I stared into his eyes and cried with him. "I was addicted to a particular drug that goes by the name of Heroin. I used to call it my sweet powder, my only love in life because it took me away from the hell that was my living life day in and day out." I took in a few deep breaths, still staring into the eyes of the man I loved with all my heart. These words were for him. "I craved that drug for one reason and that was Jasper." I cried loud and sobbed into my hands, ashamed to be admitting this out loud but the relief I felt overshadowed it by a mile. I gathered myself together quickly so no one would interrupt my flow. "I used to tell myself I was in love with that drug but I know now I was in love with the boy in my dreams. Heroin was my friend; it kept the spirit of Jasper alive inside of me. I dreamt I was a child, and he was the same age as me. We would play games, hold hands; he would be my prince charming by saving me from getting run over by bikes on the road." We both laughed through our tears. "We would make funny shapes out of clouds and colour pictures in our tree house." He left his seat and walked around the grave and up to me.

"We shared our first kiss together." He kissed me sweetly after he whispered the words. "We told each other we loved one another and that we would never be apart." He cupped my face in his right hand as he silently cried the words and I brushed them away as they fell. "We said we would go to college together, get married, have children, have grandchildren and grow old together." He kissed my hand that was on his face and whispered the next words just for me. "I never stopped dreaming for that Alice. I never stopped wishing I could hold you in my arms again. I never for one second that we were apart stopped loving you… I know you believe you aren't Alice anymore, but I know it's you. I know the girl I love and I'm holding onto her right now and I'm never letting go. _Never._" He kissed me one last time before returning to his seat.

It took me a while to gather myself and ignore the crying audience. "I am here as a last effort to let go of the girl he created. I am here to bury the memory of James and the man he was… Eight years ago he took me from you but today here I stand. I survived his torture and embrace. He loved me, I knew he did and at one point I loved him back. He was my protector; my guardian and the one person who would never let harm come to me." I wiped my face and looked back at his headstone. "James was a man who was broken from such a young age. Death was the only way of saving him… from saving us both."

"I still to this day can't answer the question… Why couldn't I leave him? But all I know is that it's led me back into your arms. I survived and I hope now that James can be put to rest." I walked over to his headstone and touched it on my back to my seat next to Jasper.

I stared on as they began to lower the coffin down in silence. The priest said his final words. "We therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life." I knew everyone behind me was starting to leave; I didn't want to make them stay longer than was comfortable for them. They'd stayed for moral support throughout my speech, but this man was nothing to them, they didn't need to see this part.

When the coffin was no longer visible from where I sat, I stood and walked to the edge of the grave where the coffin continued to be lowered until it hit that six feet mark and wouldn't go any deeper. A part of me wanted it to keep on going down until I couldn't see it anymore and it was a distant dot, but the other part of me was happy that I could still see it, knowing he wasn't going anywhere and that our journey together was over.

I dropped a single white rose down the hole and stared down as it hit the name plate on top and couldn't move. I felt Jasper stand behind me and then felt his breath on the back of my neck. I shivered and leaned back into him. "He's gone now Alice." I didn't need him to say that, I could see he was gone but my emotions were telling me otherwise. They didn't believe he was truly gone; my head was all over the place. "He can't touch you now." I knew this, yet I still felt an echo of his old touch; a soft touch in bed and a hard touch as he landed his fist against me, too hard, too rough.

"I know." I whispered.

"Everyone's gone now." I looked up and realised the priest had also left. It was just the two of us. "There's something I need to tell you." His voice went deadly serious; it made me turn around to stare into his eyes.

"What is it?" My own voice held a tint of panic.

"When I found you that night, there was something that James had left you." He didn't sound pleased and my panic increased.

"What was it?"

"He left you a letter-"

"What?" I interrupted him.

"He left you a letter; you don't have to read it though-"

Again I interrupted him. "Give it to me." I held out my hand, impatiently.

"Alice."

"Give me the letter Jasper." I didn't raise my voice, but he got the hint that if I had to ask twice, I would. He sighed heavily and looked at me deeply as if searching for an answer. He didn't look happy, not one bit, but eventually he gave in and reached into an inner pocket of his suit jacket and gave me the wrinkled letter. It said one word on the front, Alice. My hands were shaking as I began to open it up and read his final words.

_Alice._

_I'm sorry for what I've done to you, truly sorry. There are no words that I can scribble down on here that can say it enough. I have to hurry as they're on their way and it's only a matter of time before you wake up. I had to do it Alice; I had to protect you from the truth. I know you hate me, even more for not knowing the truth, but believe me it's worth it. The date rape drug is supposed to make your memory fuzzy from the time you take it, I don't know if it will do its job and this letter is pointless, but I can't have you know the truth, it would only hurt you more if you knew the true reason… _

_Please, I beg you to not try and remember if it does work. Believe me when I say your better off not knowing. I have already caused you eight years of pain… don't let me ruin the rest of your life, that's if you survive what's about to happen, like I plan. I have to hurry, your waking up now. One last thing, I plan on slipping you a heroin overdose, I'm hoping that they do not harm you while the drug takes affect and that the boy who told you the truth comes to find you. I hope you are alive and well and reading this letter. _

_I will love you always Alice, and when you read this I will be dead. I never wanted you to suffer the life you have. It was my own selfish need to stay alive that inflicted you with pain and a miserable life with me. Marry someone great, have children and do everything you planned on doing before I came into your life. I want you to be happy Alice, forever and always. _

_I have…_

His writing ended and I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding. Jasper had remained quiet the whole time I read this letter. Three times I read it and each time I shed more tears. I handed the letter to Jasper and sunk to my knees next to the grave James now lay in. I stared at the headstone and my mind went blank. I stared at the coffin deep down and a vision came sharp and painful. I screamed long and throaty as I fisted the ground. I ran my fingers through the grass and it felt like glass as I tore handfuls away and kept screaming with fury and pain.

I didn't know what was happening to me, but the pain was so overwhelming all coherent thoughts left me in seconds. I felt like my skin was bursting open, every muscle and bone in my body was protesting and stiffening with the pain. What the fuck was happening to me? I put my forehead to the ground and kept screaming and punching the ground below me. "Alice? Alice!" Jasper was screaming at me over and over again but I had to ignore him, I couldn't concentrate on both things at the same time.

If anyone was watching they would either think I was completely crazy or they would think I was really missing the man I had just buried and having a total break down. On the inside however I was breaking away. I could feel myself separating from the world. I looked at Jasper and he paled so quickly in front of my eyes, he saw something he didn't like and went instantly silent. I couldn't form a word, I tried to say something but all that left my lungs was screams of pain and terror.

I closed my eyes and the worst happened… I was suddenly trapped inside the coffin with James, the image so real I could almost feel my lungs protesting with the lack of oxygen. I kept banging my fists, screaming, screaming to get out of this coffin. James didn't hold onto me, he was dead to the world, but something kept me down here, something weighed me down. I couldn't form a word, only a strangled cry left my throat as I desperately tried to dig myself free from the coffin.

I felt my nails scrape along the wood; I could describe the feel of the texture, exactly how many splitters I gained from doing this. It felt so real, _so real…_ why couldn't I fucking escape? I opened my eyes and Jasper was above me, straddling my front. He had pried my dirty fingers from the ground and was shaking me roughly by the shoulders. "Help me." Two words, that was all I was allowed and he seemed to know what to say. He defiantly saw something in me that I didn't understand because he was suddenly rambling at me, fast and furious.

"Alice, Alice, I know you're in there." He didn't stop shaking me. "Alice, please, fight for me. I love you." He slowed down his shaking and smashed his lips towards mine. I closed my eyes but was transported back inside that coffin…

_Things stilled… The pain numbed… My screams shut off like a switch…_

_I was too scared to move for a moment because I wasn't being weighed down anymore… _

I lifted my right hand up slowly and touched the coffin lid. "Alice, don't leave me. Please Alice, I love you so much, don't leave me. Not again. Please Alice, please." I knew the voice and I wanted so much to reach out and grab it and I felt that part of me that was weighing me down understand. _It was letting me go now. _It knew now that it couldn't hold me anymore; it had to let me go. There wasn't room inside this one body for two people; that other part of me had now chosen to leave.

I knew who it was instantly because I felt such relief when she finally left me… I'd finally put Mary to rest. She had finally released the real me from a cage deep inside. I was Alice again; I felt so sure when I said the name inside my head. I am Alice Cullen. I was her. I was the girl Jasper loved. I opened my eyes and kissed him back, kissed him like I had never kissed him before. When I needed to breathe again I pulled away and whispered in a shaky voice over and over. "I'm here. It's me. I'm here Jasper. I love you so much." My throat was rough.

"Oh god… I thought I was going to lose you again." He brushed the hair from my face and looked at me, really looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. "Alice." He whispered. "When I looked at you before, you looked so different… so scared, so pained when you looked back at me. It was like you were battling with yourself and I knew you was right, I knew you were trying to find Alice deep inside. I was so scared you were going to go forever." He cried his relief into my chest and looked at me again to double make sure I was really here. "I really have you back don't I?"

Was I really back? "Yes." It was the most bizarre feeling in the world, to be someone for so long then in a matter of seconds feel like a completely different person. He rolled off of me and I hugged him tight. I felt free and happy. It has been such a long time since I felt these emotions running through me. I loved Jasper and I knew Mary did, but her love for him was a shadow compared to mine. I think that was why she finally understood she couldn't have him to herself; she felt my true love for him. James created a new identity for me, but that new person had feelings too. Sure it sounds crazy but it all makes sense to me now. _I was back._

_My name is Alice Cullen and I'm 18 years old. My life so far hasn't been perfect; in fact, it's been a life that will haunt me until the day I die._

_I was married once to a man who changed me completely. He created a girl that became the new me in every way. I used to ask myself everyday, could I ever escape? I thought the answer to that was no, but now I know the answer was yes all along._

_My name is Alice and I've finally found myself._

_I love my boyfriend Jasper._

_I love my family and friends._

_I love my life._

* * *

_And its over :( I have loved this story so much and I'm sure Carrie-Ann feels the same way. It took ages but its finally ended, hopefully in a way that you all love and appreciate. There won't be an Epilogue, Caz was meant to write one but she said she loved this ending so much and Epilogue wasn't needed! This story has to end sometime and this is it!_

_Please review and look out for our future stories and if you haven't already, make sure to read UnForgiven our first story (which I'll admit has many grammers and isn't all that well written to say it was our first ever story... i am however thinking of neating each chapter up!) and finally Boy Or Girl written by me (charlotte). _

_Bye everyone! Leave us a review, its been a pleasure writing for you all! ;)  
_


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